This is a reflection of series 1, from the POV of Marian and Robin. It more or less follows the episodes in order, but not always and for the majority of the story it is their thoughts on the night before the wedding. I wrote it back in January but thought I would share it with you.
After All by Rosa17
After all, I love her, I truly love her, as a man loves a woman, not as a boy thinks he loves a girl. And I have realised too late. I sigh, but sighing does not ease the ache within my heart. Nothing will ease the pain of heartbreak. Perhaps one day I will come to love another, but for now….all I have is memories of her, memories that have to be enough to last a lifetime. My lifetime.
I should have known…I should have known a lot of things, which I thought I did, I thought I knew it all but in the end perhaps I know nothing. No…that is not true I do know things…I know that to me she is everything and I didn't tell her. I ask myself one question I ask myself why? Why didn't I say the three simple words. I love you. When she still could hear me say it.
To be fair to me, when I first returned from the Holy land she would not have believed me and I myself was not quite prepared to admit that I did love her even then, still. I often dreamed of her, when fever wracked my mind or when I had nights were sleep eluded me. When I was on guard duty, she was there in my thoughts, of carefree days of days when I thought that Locksley would be mine forever, Marian too.
If I shut my eyes I can shut out the world of Locksley below me, the world that Gisborne has taken from my family, my heritage, everything bar my name, even it seems my woman. If I close my eyes I can see her, Marian. I'm trying not to think of her as I last saw her, at cross words with one another and I simply walked away. Did what Much suggested let her go, go to Gisborne, after all she told me herself she had set her mind on marrying the man, and I know if not better than most how stubborn she can be when her mind is set. Perhaps it is for the best, what can I offer her? A life in the forest? She is a lady….is it fair for me to expect her to live a life like that? Not that she will ever leave her father…..so no, it is better perhaps Gisborne has her. Despite everything perhaps she has a fondness for him, or perhaps it is that she can see good in everyone?
It makes me laugh now to think that day I returned there she was with a bow and arrow in her hands ready to shoot me if she thought fit. Marian was the last person I expected to see at Knighton hall when I returned, I guessed she would have gotten over me easily and snapped up by any fine fellow that happened to cross her path, but no, that wasn't so and looking back now I see why? I broke her heart, selfishly seeking glory and honour when I should have stayed for that is where the true battle is it seems.
Meeting her in the stone corridor of the castle was another surprise, I used my charms which on most women work surprisingly well, on Marian however I was sorely mistaken and not only that deep down it hurt, just a little that she could reject me that way, I did not feel then that I deserved it, now things are clearer now I am filled with remorse of wasting so much time, time……when we could have been together…..we are supposed to be together…….