This just hit me and I had to write it. The lyrics at the beginning are from Innocent Child by Arcana. Beautifully sad song. It just seemed to fit.
Hopefully the timeline isn't confusing.
Yaoi. ItaNaru. Implied sex. All from Itachi's point of view.
It's a one-shot that could end up with a sequel or another chapter if that's what you want. It's kinda just up to you. I just hope you like and thanks for reading.
I do not own Naruto.
(On another note, for those of you reading my first and only other fic, Behold the Darkness, I apologize for not having updated in so long. I am working on it, but I'm not happy with anything I crank out. But I will update it as soon as I can.)
Innocent
Sweet innocent child
How can I explain
Hear the nature's cry for mercy
How the greed and the power sets the rules for you and me
Why we destroy and torture out of greed
I wish I could give you something else
I wish I could give you something else
The first time I saw him, I mistook the young boy for an angel. I had just returned home from a particularly harsh mission, and the sun was setting over Konoha. He was alone, I would always see him alone in the future. He was running through the streets, a look of sadness on his whiskered face. Bright hair waved, blue eyes wide and empty. How could an angel be so sad? But I knew I was deluded then. Angels were creatures of comfort and mercy. I would never know either. I am a prodigy; a tool used to destroy and maim in another's judgment. But above all, I am an Uchiha. There is no mercy for that curse.
0-0
Hate. So complex an emotion, yet so easy to feel. We hate what we fear, and we fear what we do not understand. These villagers do not understand many things. They do not understand this blond angel. And so, they fear him. They hate him. He must have been out too late one night. Ignorant insults are thrown his way and he runs. But they chase him. And I chase them.
They fell, one by one, in the dark alley. The heavy thud as their bodies hit the ground is a sound I've come to know like a best friend. My enemies have fallen, and the target is secure. He sat there crying in the dirt, the silent tears staining his tan face. He was the same age as my little brother, but they were different in every other way. Sasuke is just like me, dark and troubled. But this boy before me lit up the world like the sun. He was warm and radiant. A splash of color in the darkness. He looked to the fallen drunkards, all still breathing. I did not wish to harm the child any more than he already was. He is innocent. He doesn't deserve to be surrounded by death.
I was still crouched near the ground, at the center of the ring of unconscious men, when his tears stopped and he looked directly at me. I was frozen, afraid that my appearance would frighten him more. Had he ever seen an ANBU before? Would he know that I was just a boy in a mask? Seconds turned to minutes as we both sat unmoving, until he looked down to regain his feet. I knew I shouldn't have stayed. I should have been gone from his sight the moment he looked back up. But my body would not move, and my heart refused to make it.
The small angel approached me, cautiously. Still, I didn't move. My very soul cried out for this; for some kind of interaction with a being like him. Pure innocence. My own had been lost the moment I was born.
The boy said nothing, but only reached out with his tiny hand. As it neared my mask, I lost all ability to breathe. I was sinking fast, drowning in those eyes as deep and as blue as the seas. No, not even the oceans could match the depth of those eyes. I barely felt the gentle touch when his fingers met the hard, cold surface. Though his hand did not shake, he seemed fearful of breaking the mask. I was fearful of the same. I knew in that moment, this child had that power. I believed he alone could shatter my perfect façade.
I should have left.
0-0
So much blood had been spilt this night. So much pain. I did what I had to do. I killed my own mother and father. Uncles, aunts, cousins… all of them dead by my hand. I did it all for my little brother, whom I love more than my own life. But I tortured him. I left him broken so that we may both see justice one day. I am now leaving the village, my home. But my own grief, my weakness took me to the one place I should never have set foot.
I stand by his bedside now, silent and still. I have brought the blood of the Uchiha clan to his door, and for that, I hate myself all the more. But he just sleeps on, peacefully oblivious to the massacre. I wish I could speak to him, just once. I wouldn't say goodbye, because I know I'll see him again. Even if I have to hunt him down, just to watch him from afar, wishing that he could see me, yet knowing I can never let him. I am selfish. So very selfish. But at least I have enough control to prevent myself from taking what I can never have. Or so I thought.
I carefully cup the small face in my hand. My thumb brushes the skin under his eye to feel the soft skin. He moves into the touch and his breathing deepens. I wonder; does the Kyuubi know what I'm doing? Does the fox see me here now, dirtying his host's face with my unworthy hand? Will the demon rat me out? I feel so filthy now, even more so than before I came here.
I wish I'd never been born.
Disgusted by my own immaturity, I finally find the strength to leave the sleeping angel's side. How I wish I didn't have to. But that is not a choice I was ever free to make. My life is not my own. I belong to the Uchiha clan. How I wish I could belong to you, Angel.
As I prepare to leave, I hear the boy tossing in his bed. He seems to have noticed the absence of my caress. He grumbles something I can't make out before falling into restless silence. My words break the silence as I turn away.
"Goodnight… Naruto."
0-0
So long it has been since I last saw Konoha. Less than ten years, but I'm not quiet sure. Sigh. That is a lie. I know exactly how many years, months, weeks, and days that have passed between this place and myself. Though, it feels more like a hundred years instead of six.
I am suspicious of Madara's reasoning to allow me to enter Konoha with Kisame. He is not prepared for the collection of the jinchuuriki yet, so he must know that I plan to remind Danzo of his 'agreement.' He doesn't hurt Sasuke, and I keep his secrets to myself. And I don't kill him. Simple as that.
But that isn't the only reason I am taking such a large risk. For I am still so selfish.
The trouble started when my foolish partner wanted to stop for tea. We were followed and precious time was wasted. Naruto wasn't in Konoha, and I longed to see him with a fire as fierce as Amaterasu burning within my black soul.
When the blond boy finally opened the door in that hotel, I saw fear. That same fear I had seen marring his beautiful face so many times before. I hated that fear, that was now directed at me. But I could not force myself to look away. Those blue eyes stared into my sharingan. So fearful, yet so brave. So emotional, yet so guarded. I wanted nothing more than to chase that fear away, just as I had all those years ago. I felt my face soften, trying to will him to understand. An unforeseen feeling washed over me then, as I saw his fear slowly fade away. I felt, for the first time, hope. Naruto regarded me with a blank face, but his eyes said it all. There was recognition there. But how? How could he remember someone who was never really there?
I wanted this silent moment to last forever. I was getting lost in those eyes once more. The same eyes that have haunted my dreams. Torturous dreams that brought me both pleasure and pain. A pleasure so intense that I could not breathe. I could think of nothing else. A pain so strong I felt as though my entire being was broken. My resolve was breaking under Naruto's steady gaze, and my dear little brother saved me just in time. I hadn't even noticed my own hand move to touch the angel when I felt Sasuke's presence.
That day's events would plague my mind with guilt and longing for years to come. I was forced once again to destroy a piece of my own brother's life, and a part of my own with it. And Naruto was farther away from me than ever before. If only…
I should have left.
0-0
The pain the wracks my body is the worst I have felt yet. The medications have little affect in relieving me of my suffering, but they do their job nonetheless. I am breaking down, slowly being eaten away by this sickness. Many would think that being Itachi Uchiha, I could overcome any adversity. But that is so very wrong. Even the sharingan has it's faults. It is not infallible. My blurry vision can attest to that.
We have started collecting the demons from their hosts now. I'm afraid that Madara will see his plans come to fruition. I do not want that. The safety of my brother fills my mind now. He has been with Orochimaru for too long now. When I think of Sasuke, I remember him from so long ago, at a time when he was blissfully ignorant, so happy. But these thoughts only fill me with the same guilt that I have lived with for so long. Sometimes I'm amazed that I have not gone completely insane. But I know why. The darkness that is me is not pitch black. There is a light. A bright face with blue eyes that will forever be etched inside my mind. At times his memory is so bright that I feel I may go blind if I stare too long. But that is absurd. My blindness is caused by overusing the Mangekyo sharingan. I hope I will have enough time. I must stay alive just long enough for Sasuke. It shouldn't be long now.
But first, I must make one last trip home. It's time to say goodbye.
0-0
Coming back to Konoha alone in the middle of the night may not have been my best idea, but I had no other choice. My time is waning, and there is too much left undone, too much unsaid. I have planned from the beginning to atone for my sins against Sasuke, now I must act for Naruto's benefit. By hurting Sasuke, I've hurt my angel, and for that, I will never forgive myself. It is no secret how strongly Naruto feels for my brother. I must do what I can for them both.
Or, at least, that's what I've told myself tonight to justify my own self-indulgent behavior.
He is sleeping again. I'm standing over him, watching as he thrashes about the bed, witness to some horrific nightmare. I can no longer stand to see him this way, and I gain what little courage is left and wake him. He is unaware at first, his face scrunched into confusion. And then he realizes who I am, and suddenly vaults upright in shock. I am calm, but inside I just want to scream, to lose myself. Naruto stumbles out my name, but there is no fear there. Just shock with an underlying defiance. So much courage in the face of an enemy, even though I have the advantage. But he's so much stronger than I am, so much stronger than Sasuke. No Uchiha can face this young man and come out the victor. And if it comes to that, then I wouldn't be able to stop Naruto from killing Sasuke, even if I were still alive. I wouldn't want to. Sometimes, your killer is your savior.
I make no move, but tell him I have not come to harm or kidnap him. He is immediately suspicious, and asks me what I want. Oh, Angel, if you only knew. I offer to trade him information on the Akatsuki. His reaction amuses me. He is angry and yelling some very crude and colorful statements at me by then, and I can't help but to smile. A rare, genuine smile that reached my cold eyes, to which he stops his rant and just stares at. I slowly walk over to sit on the edge of his bed, and he moves away. He is giving me that same look of distrust again, so I delve into my story, telling him everything I know.
When I finish, Naruto's demeanor has taken yet another turn. He looks so very sad now, staring at a spot on his sheet. Silence hangs in the air for many moments as I watch him sort through all the facts and feelings. Finally, he breaks the silence and his voice conveys so much emotion. He asks me why I told him all of that, and what was it I had wanted in return. I ask him simply to hear me out. He shows me his confusion once again, and I reach out. He recoils, afraid of me once again, but I do not stop my hand from touching his face. Blue eyes widen as I cup his cheek in my hand, just as I did all those nights ago. My thumb finds it's way to soft skin and gently rub just below his eye. Naruto stays still, shocked once more. I keep my touch gentle, and he slowly relaxes into the caress, to my surprise. He remembers.
Blue finds black as we lock our eyes together. I still my hand when I see his coming up. I wonder if I'm in a dream then, just wishing for this to be real. But when I feel the feather light graze of his fingers upon my face, I know it's real. All the pain, all the guilt and regret, all washed away in an instant. I close my eyes; I want to just feel. Even his hands are soft. He must be an angel. No human is this perfect, this pure. This blond was sent to us from Heaven. But we are not deserving. I do not deserve such wonderful comfort. But I never want it to end. If one touch is so powerful, then what would become of me if I had all of him? Just this one caress is too much, and yet, not enough. I believe I would die, right here in his bed.
"It was you, wasn't? You were that ANBU who saved me back then."
His hand left then, so I kept my eyes closed tightly as I nodded once. I took my hand from his face and rose suddenly. I felt if I didn't leave immediately, I would finally break and all my plans would crumble. But with only one step toward his door, Naruto bolted off the bed and ran to stand in front of me. I was taken off guard and he took advantage of the fact. Before I knew it, two hands had come up to grip either side of my face and I was being pulled down. The kiss was staggering. It was no more than my lips meeting his lightly, but it made me dizzy. I felt myself start to shake, so I moved to hold on to his hips. This must have emboldened the young man, as he had now wrapped both arms around my neck and stood taller, deepening the kiss. I had no problem keeping up, though I felt as if I were engulfed in a towering flame. I hugged him closer, pulling his body flush against mine. Never had I felt more alive. Never had I felt so real.
My angel wanted me to stay. He begged me to stay with him as long as possible. How could I deny him of anything? We laid in his bed caressing, comforting, kissing. I could have stayed like that forever, until the very end of time. But it soon became apparent he wanted more. I obliged. Though it was the first time for him, I knew it would be my last. I could never have anyone as perfect and pure as Naruto. No one like that existed. I would never want anyone else, even if I had the time.
I was amazed. How I could have him and he still stay so innocent was beyond me. Me, Itachi Uchiha, the cause of so much death and pain and hatred, could not taint this little piece of Heaven.
He lay in my arms, so warm. But with the birth of a new day just on the horizon, my time with him died. I left silently, the echo of my last word floating on the wind.
"Goodbye."
0-0
My death was fast approaching. The fight had been all I hoped for. My dear brother, on his last leg, victorious in the face of his enemy. I was finally free. Free of the guilt, the pain, the hatred and the death. But as the darkness grew around me, I thought of my angel. What would become of him?
I succumbed to the black, as one final thought freed itself from my dying mind:
I should have….stayed.