Disclaimer: I do not own The Slayers… but I would like to own a mace-sama! (nn)
Something sweet-ish for the Xelfi fans. Pure comedy, don't even try to take it seriously, you'll just give yourself a headache...
Hee! Enjoy!
- Nicci
Fancy Tickling!
In retrospect, he should have known something was up when he knelt before her and she blew a little smoke ring at him.
Not the smoke ring so much mind you, but rather, the shape.
Afterall, it's not everyday that Lord Beastmaster summons you to her throne and blows Heart-Shaped smoke rings at you.
Yes, he really should have considered that.
"Rise Xelloss." She purred throatily and he did so, rubbing the back of his head nervously.
"Hai Mistress!" He replied easily, ignoring the odd behavior. "How may I serve?"
Zelas grinned wolfishly, sitting back and tapping off her cigarette.
"You have a... oh let's call it an interest... in that Golden Dragon Girl..." Zelas trailed off perplexed, tapping her chin gently with a well manicured nail. "Oh, what was her name?"
"Filia, Mistress." He replied quickly, giving a little shrug. "And more like an addiction really. Can't kill her, and I seem to get bored without her. So I pay her a visit from time to time to remind myself why I stay away."
"Right, that's the one." Zelas replied easily, ignoring his explanation. "Well you see, Xelloss. Luna was here earlier..."
That wasn't good. He could safely say he didn't like where this was going, what his Mistress and The Knight of Ceiphied considered fun was cruel even by his standards.
"Oh?" He asked lightly, grinning wide to cover his despair. "How... nice!"
"Yes." Zelas replied absently, flicking her cigarette once more before meeting his gaze coolly. "Apparently today is the date some sort of global ritual."
"Really?" Xelloss asked, his scholar's interest peaked despite himself. "All over the world? Even beyond the barrier?"
"Yes." She nodded, smiling wolfishly. "See today's the day that guys show their appreciation for girls. And then later, the girls have an equally important day where they show their appreciation for the boys."
"How very odd." Xelloss stated, obviously intrigued. "Humans do have such odd rituals."
"Indeed." Zelas replied with bemusement, summoning up a glass and taking a sip. Luna always brought her the best wine; Xelloss suspected that and their love for cruel humor was the entire basis of their friendship.
"How do they show their appreciation?" He asked curiously and she put her cigarette out with a little shrug, happy enough with the wine.
"With hearts and flowers, apparently." She replied as though the whole thing bored her. Which he was certain it probably did, but his Mistress knew how much such things mattered to him and thought to share no doubt. He loved that about her, it made life in servitude far more interesting.
"Hearts and flowers, eh?" He replied thoughtfully, his expression brightening. "Alright..."
"May I go see Filia today, Mistress?" He asked pleasantly, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Just for research purposes of course, I'd really like to see this in action!"
Zelas grinned wolfishly. "Certainly Xelloss, but Xelloss... by doing this, you're saying you like her..."
Xelloss grinned amiably. "Why Mistress, I'm saying nothing of the sort! Those words will never leave my lips I assure you, but who else would I show my appreciation too? Lina would just fireball me, and really, there's no one else..."
Zelas arched a brow coldly and he grinned sheepishly.
"Except you, of course Mistress!" He back-tracked quickly. "Er... would you like a heart?"
Zelas grinned again, put at ease.
"No thanks."
"Are you sure?" He asked pleasantly. "Your choice!"
Zelas grinned, waving him away with a shooing gesture. "I'm good. Enjoy your day off."
"Hai!" Xelloss declared, with a flourishing bow. "See you this evening Mistress!"
After he had phased away Luna, Knight of Ceiphied and best friend to the Lord Beastmaster stepped out from behind her throne.
"I can't believe he's going." Zelas stated in bemusement, shaking her head softly and summoning up a secondary throne for her companion.
"This is going to be good." Luna agreed coolly, matching her smirk and taking a seat as Zelas summoned up her servants image on the floor before them.
There would wine and laughs a plenty in the lair of the Greater Beast today!
./3/3 ./3
Filia sighed, turning towards the shimmer of evil aura as its owner phased into her kitchen, rolling-pin raised threateningly.
"You can't just keep showing up whenever you feel like it, Xelloss!" She declared in irritation, rolling-pin pointed menacingly at his nose. "Last time I was in the shower, and this time I'm covered in flour!"
"But those are the perfect times to come visit you, Fi-chan!" He replied easily, holding his hands behind his back to keep her from seeing her gifts. "Besides, today's the day when mortal men show their appreciation for mortal women, and I thought that we could tag along!"
"I told you to stop calling me that..." She ground out, blinking rapidly as the second half of what he said sunk in.
"Wait." She sputtered, a small blush creeping over her features. "What was that?"
He grinned smugly, holding out his right hand and opening it for her to behold. "That's right Filia! Here's your first gift!"
At the sight of the obviously "human" and well, quite fresh heart, Filia did what any female of her caliber would do in that sorta situation.
She promptly ran past him, down the hall, and slammed the bathroom door behind her.
Xelloss blinked, mildly perturbed and approached the door, arching a brow at the retching noises on the other side.
Slowly, he pulled the lilies he had been holding behind his back out and glanced down at them, a smile lighting up his face.
"I get it!" He replied knowingly, stepping back and puffing up proudly. "These must be to revive her after she recovers! Why, this certainly is an odd ritual!"
He grinned merrily, leaning back against the hall wall as he heard the sound of the toilet flushing and the water running on the other side.
"I love humans!" He quipped happily. "They always have the cleverest ways of amusing themselves!"
Unbeknownst to him, Luna and Zelas were in agreement on that.
The door opened and a very pale Filia stepped out into the hallway. "Xelloss..."
"And here's present number two!" He cut in, feeling he knew where this was going and she blinked, the blush returning to her now pale cheeks as she took the lilies from him.
"Um... thank you, Xelloss..." She whispered, smelling them softly and glancing away shyly. "They're beautiful."
He grinned proudly. "What can I say? They look like your entire wardrobe, except for that little pink dress but apparently they were out of pink flowers today, go figure! But hey, if you like them!"
Filia blinked, decided to ignore all but the complementary half of that statement.
"Right, well thanks... er..." She looked away nervously, that blush returning to her features. "Um... how bout some tea?"
"I like tea!" Xelloss replied easily, following her into the kitchen.
./3/3 ./3
"Aw." Luna stated cold, grinning at her friend. "Well wasn't that cute?"
"Only Xelloss could make a girl vomit and then get invited to tea..." Zelas replied wanly, lighting up another cigarette. "That's my boy."
Luna grinned wolfishly. "Hey, you wanna see what my sister is up to?"
Zelas grinned evilly.
"I love the way your mind works, Luna darling..."
./3/3 ./3
White Day, the day when mortal women show their appreciation of mortal men.
Xelloss had no idea of its existence, and really, why would he?
He was neither mortal, nor a man... well not really...
Still, Filia Ul Copt knew and on that day she awoke to find a rather odd note carved into her closet door.
Today's White Day, open the door and bring Xelloss a present or I'll give him the door instead.
Sincerely,
Lord Beastmaster
Filia blinked, all at once realizing where Xelloss must have got his since of humor from.
But what did she mean by open the door?
Against her better judgment Filia turned the knob and the door swung open to reveal a jungle, a few snakes and some loud roars.
She quickly shut it.
Right, well, she'd go get him a present alright.
Contrary to what some may think, jungle ambiance was not the most soothing of nighttime noises.
Especially that jungle...
./3/3 ./3
The wolf whined up at him sadly and Xelloss gave a weary shrug, genki smile in place.
"I know, but what can I say?" He replied gently, scratching it behind the ears. "Orders are orders."
"Are you sure she said 'shave' the wolves?" His lieutenant spoke up hastily, unable to help himself. "I mean, perhaps she said 'save' the wolves!"
"From what, pray tell?" Xelloss asked deadpan, annoyed at being second-guessed. Besides, he had already clarified, and Lord Beastmaster had indeed ordered him to shave the wolves, all of them...
The lieutenant blinked and fell silent.
"Right, well Coco." Xelloss stated easily, meeting the chocolate gaze of his Mistress' largest wolf. "We'll start with you, that way you can maintain some form of dignity."
The wolf nodded sadly, pulling itself together and standing tall.
He looked around, beach to one side, jungle to the other.
"Although why she wanted it done at the edge of the jungle is beyond me." He declared dryly, picking up the shears.
The wolf let out a low whimper, but steeled himself and Xelloss gave him a proud grin.
"Good Boy, Coco." He commended, opening the shears and meeting the wolf's gaze. "Now..."
"Xelloss?" A confused voice asked hesitantly. "What are you doing?"
It was Filia's voice and Xelloss whirled around to face its owner quickly.
"This isn't what it looks like!" He declared loudly, shrugging to himself. "Alright, it is. But I'm not doing it for fun. These are orders!"
He waved the shears in explanation. "I mean it's not like I get my kicks going around and shaving wolves or something... Oh whatever..."
He tossed the shears aside and nodded to Coco. "Go tell Lord Beastmaster I have a visitor and I'll take care of this later."
Xelloss arched a brow at the wolf pointedly. "But make it sound like you're disappointed because you were really looking forward to it."
Coco gave a little grin and let out a howl, leading away his minions.
"And what should I do, sir?" His lieutenant asked and Xelloss gave him a dry glare.
"Go catch me a snake." He stated calmly, crossing his arms and arching a brow. "A big one, the biggest and most poisonous you can find. Then, release it, and find me a bigger and deadlier one."
The mazoku paled considerably but nodded. "Yes, sir."
Xelloss grinned and waited till he was beyond the tree-line before turning back to Filia.
"So." Xelloss spoke up happily, frowning slightly. "How did you get here, anyway?"
"Lord Beastmaster." She replied quickly, not really wanting to go into detail and instead offered him her left hand. "So I could give you these!"
In it was a small bushel of wild flowers.
Xelloss grinned, taking them from her and smelling them politely, only to turn bright green.
"What are they?" He asked, trying to keep his smile and tone light as long beads of sweat dripped down his face.
"Wolfsbane." She replied easily and he twitched violently.
"Oh! How thoughtful!" He stated casually, smile in place as he chucked them over his shoulder.
Filia grinned and gave a light shrug. "Well, they made me think of you."
Xelloss' smile twitched lightly. "Aw... well... that's... nice!"
Filia giggled cheerfully, one hand still tucked behind her back. "Yes well, you know. There are actually three different ways to show your affection for someone on these two days."
"Three?" Xelloss echoed, intrigued. "I was only informed of two, what's the third?"
Filia smiled sweetly. "Well, there are the first two; you know hearts and flowers..."
She couldn't help the little wince she let off when she said "hearts" and Xelloss couldn't help but wonder if he had been missing something there.
"And the last is chocolate!" She stated merrily, pulling a small glass vial from behind her back as Xelloss stared in confusion.
"Now..." She went on calmly, her smile alight in her eyes. "I know you have no real desire to eat chocolate... so I went for something different..."
She held up the vial, an even brighter smile on her face as her blue orbs danced mischievously.
"And so that why I got you this!" She stated sweetly, pressing it into his gloved hand.
"Oh?" He replied in amusement, holding it up to get a good look at it. "And what is it, exactly?"
"A bottle of chocolate syrup."
./3/3 ./3
...THE END...