i. absence makes the heart grow fonder

Sometimes Shizuo could see him.

It had started off rare, but as days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years, he came to the realization that this was his enemy's way of haunting him beyond the grave. What used to just take a person being similar in appearance turned into almost any sighting of a vending machine, a mention of Shinjuku, or a walk in front of Russia Sushi, and sure enough, there he was.

Orihara Izaya.

It had been a little over two years since their farewell, and Shizuo, along with just about everyone else in Ikebukuro, had grown used to Izaya's absence. Ikebukuro was the same as ever, with its uncanny ability to spark disaster seemingly on its own thanks to its twisted inhabitants. In a way, however, it was calmer. Things almost seemed quieter without Izaya pulling the strings, and Shizuo had begun to find solace in this new life. People were still ignorant enough to pick fights with him on the job and he still ran into trouble here and there, though he knew those were things beyond his control. It wasn't as much as a bother as it had been. He was surrounded by good friends that he wouldn't trade for the world, that gave way to his dream of a peaceful life.

Yet something felt missing. There was an absence of something he couldn't quite figure out, and lingering thoughts of guilt that disrupted his life. He wasn't constantly plagued with these thoughts, but it wasn't uncommon for him to think back to that night. Four words in particular still haunted him.

Just do it, monster.

He had caved in. At least, he would have, had Varona not been there to stop him. Time had stopped in that moment. He was seconds away from dealing the blow that would rid Izaya of his life forever. The cracking of bones still reverberated in his mind, haunting him even in the moment, but he couldn't stop. The adrenaline surging through him was unlike anything he had felt before. He was going to kill Orihara Izaya, and nothing would stop him. The glowing eyes of Saika's children mocked him as they swarmed the scene, no longer charmed by his power and even more lifeless, purposeless than before. The silence was deafening. The shouts of gang members, the blaring horns of the bosozokus' bikes, a single gunshot, and the scream that followed. All of it was absent, save for one word.

Kill.

Kill.

Kill.

For years, Izaya's focus had been solely on Shizuo. While he actively sought out new playthings for whatever twisted game he was masterminding, he had never attacked those Shizuo was close with; at least, not with the goal of getting Shizuo's attention. That had been before Akane and Varona had come into his life. His blood already boiled at the thought of Izaya messing with Celty, but something different had ignited in him when Varona was crushed right before his eyes; when his eyes met Izaya's as his nemesis stood atop the closest building, watching contently as everything came crashing down.

He didn't care if Izaya continued to torment him. He had grown numb to it after so long. What he wasn't going to stand for was a deliberate attack on someone precious to him, just to garner a reaction out of him, just so he could lose himself in blind rage. Shizuo had so many people he wanted to protect, or at least stand by. He knew that Varona was perfectly capable of protecting herself; he admired that about her, how she had devoted herself to martial arts and became skilled through training, much unlike him. Even still, he wasn't going to let anyone hurt any of his precious friends, even if it meant resorting to murder.

So he had thought.

Time began flowing once more. Out of nowhere came a knife, now lodged into Izaya's abdomen, and when he turned around, he was met face to face with a gun, the same gun that earlier that night Varona had instead pointed at Shizuo.

It was then, as he saw Varona's finger resting over the trigger, that he realized his mistake.

Shizuo-senpai, you're human.

The need for you to become a beast is nil.

What good will it do for you to become a killer?

None, he realized. He didn't have to do this. He didn't want to. The idea of having someone's blood on his hands had haunted him for years, and he wondered how he could even attempt to resort to such a thing.

He didn't have to fight Izaya any longer. His enemy could make his exit without death, without Varona becoming a murderer for his sake. Sure enough, that was what happened.

Supposedly. No one knew Izaya's fate. He had up and vanished without a trace, and life in Ikebukuro continued. Varona had returned to Russia with purpose, and Shizuo returned to his daily life with a weight lifted off his shoulders. Despite having changed his mind upon realizing his mistake, Shizuo was still at unrest after all this time. The burden still festered within him, plaguing him with wonder. Where was Izaya? Would he ever return? Was he even alive?

Somewhere in his heart, Shizuo hoped the answer was yes.

He didn't have to see Izaya again. He just wanted to know that he was still alive, that someone hadn't died because of him.

Even still, he couldn't help but wonder.

If I could get along with Izaya about as well as Shinra...what would have happened?

. . .

The streets of Ikebukuro were illuminated by the lights of the bustling nightlife. Rain sprinkled the streets, the sound drowned out by the noisy crowds that filled the area. Busy shoppers, late workers, and intrigued, irresponsible students walked as far as the eye could see. Together, these people formed a colorful crowd, though some were more gray in comparison to the eccentricities the city had to offer.

Anyone could easily find Heiwajima Shizuo and Tanaka Tom within this crowd. Even without the infamy attached to their names, they stood out like sore thumbs. Shizuo still donned his signature bartender look, sunglasses and all, despite them being clipped to his breastpocket. His workday with Tom had ended some time earlier, though the two remained side by side on their almost aimless stroll through the city. Tom was grumbling about one of the day's clients and Shizuo had mostly zoned out, his focus instead on the people that made up the crowd. He was exhausted - mentally, at least - for reasons he couldn't quite figure out. The day hadn't been any more stressful than usual, despite how Tom's ranting might have made it seem. Shizuo's mind couldn't help but wander, though at some point he found Tom's words comprehensible once again and he placed all of his focus on his senior.

"The nerve of the bastard," Tom spat, concluding his rant just in time to notice Shizuo tuning back in. His frown faded away in favor of furrowed brows and mild concern as he asked, "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Shizuo quickly dismissed him, prying his eyes away to focus on the crowd in front of him. "Just tired, s'all." He moved to adjust his glasses only to realize they weren't there, which Tom raised an eyebrow at before smiling in understanding. Tom took a quick peek at his watch before addressing Shizuo once more.

"I won't hold you up then. It is getting a little late. Go home and get some sleep."

Shizuo briefly stopped, taken aback at first, though he was quick to dip his head in proper response. "Thank you, Tom-san."

Tom met him with a warm smile as they began to drift apart. He raised his voice slightly, calling out, "I can count on you for lunch at Lottalia tomorrow, right?"

With a hint of smile, Shizuo nodded. Tom waved in return before parting into the late night crowd. Shizuo sighed involuntarily, not out of distress, or anything, really; just to get it out of his system. He stopped, staring up at the sky as the rain fell far less gracefully than it had before. A few stars poked out from the patches the clouds didn't quite cover, and something about them only added to his somber mood. Pushing all of his thoughts away, Shizuo merged back into the crowd, dead set on reaching his apartment and getting some sleep as soon as possible. Despite it being the night before his day off, he had no interest in anything else. He just needed the day to end.

Unfortunately, the universe wasn't so kind.

He could have just kept walking. His life would have continued on in its now more mundane fashion, with the peace he had gained from the company of his friends pushing him forward.

But this wasn't another mirage.

Fluffy black hair. A black cape with white fur trim. A silver ring glistening on each hand.

There was no denying it. He was back. He was alive.

And Heiwajima Shizuo wasn't angry.

At first, he didn't feel anything. No anger, no surprise. It was almost as if Izaya had never left, yet felt just as if he had been gone for all this time. It was contradictory, it made no sense, yet the absence of feeling made this paradox seem real, concrete.

Shizuo kept walking. He had no business with Izaya now. He had only wanted to know if Izaya had survived, and he had gotten his answer. He could go home, go to sleep, and wake up the next morning the same man who had lived a mostly happy life within those two years. He didn't have to know what Izaya was up to, what had happened, if he was still the same person he had known before. He'd forget the pain, the shame, the desperation. He'd forget that Orihara Izaya ever existed.

Yet,

he stopped.

"It's been a while."

Everything stopped. Shizuo looked in the direction the voice had come from, and there, hiding under the shelter of an umbrella, was Izaya. His voice, his face, his horrid fashion sense; everything was the same, immediately recognizable. What was different, however, was the soft smile on his mortal enemy's face.

Izaya never smiled. Even if it was faint, it couldn't be right. Izaya wasn't himself without his perpetual smirk.

"You're alive," was all Shizuo could say.

"Miraculously, yes."

Everything was calm, though Shizuo should have expected it was only the calm before the storm as the Izaya he remembered returned. "What, do you want to finish me off?"

Shizuo's answer was immediate.

"No."

A firm, without a doubt honest response.

He had no reason to want to.

Izaya furrowed his brows, curious. "Oh?" He was already in a close enough proximity to make Shizuo tense, so naturally he had to take a few steps closer. That was just how Izaya operated. His eyes seemed to change as they seemed to scan him, searching for an answer that couldn't come from Shizuo's mouth. "Is it really possible that you've had a change of heart?"

He hadn't changed.

Of course he hadn't.

Shizuo slowly inhaled and exhaled to calm himself out of habit, firmly holding his ground. "What are you doing here?"

"Just passing through." Izaya was completely nonchalant as he spoke, gazing out into the crowd as if he were trying to avoid making eye contact. "Have I missed anything?"

Shizuo couldn't even begin to formulate an answer. It was a horribly stupid question, and he knew that Izaya knew that. What hadn't he missed? The return of the Slasher, mysterious disappearances, eccentric Raira first years, Snake Hands…

Well, he supposed Izaya had already experienced most of the things on that list.

He didn't even get a chance to reply as Izaya proposed another question. "Have you found a new rival to entertain you?"

Shizuo scoffed in response.

There was the smirk. "I'm flattered, Shizu-chan."

"That's not-"

"Well, I'd love to stay and catch up, but I have some business to take care of."

Dumbfounded, Shizuo stood still. Everything stood still except Izaya as he turned his back to Shizuo, ready to disappear into the crowd. A hand went to Shizuo's head and he let out a sigh, his scrambled mind making it impossible to think. While he wasn't looking, something cold slipped into his hand, causing him to flinch and open his eyes, searching for an answer.

"I don't exactly need it." Izaya still had his back to him as he began walking away, pulling his hood up to block the rain. "Besides, you wouldn't want to ruin the clothes your precious brother gave you, now would you?"

There was no malice.

For the first time in his life, Shizuo could say that Izaya had done something relatively decent, even if it was simple as lending him an umbrella when he had long since been drenched by the rain.

Izaya was gone, and Shizuo could no longer make him out within the sea of people. He just stood there, umbrella in hand as the rain poured down on him. He could only groan after everything that had happened.

"I need a smoke."

. . .

[Wait, let me get this straight. Izaya's back, you didn't fight, and he was decent to you?]

Though she had no face, it was easy for Celty Sturluson to express her emotions. Her mix of panic of disbelief was obvious even to Shizuo as her hand quivered as she held out her PDA, and as the shadows that flowed from her empty neck manifested into something far more chaotic. Shizuo should have guessed that she would react like this; Izaya was a sore subject for just about everyone in Ikebukuro, but especially for Celty. If there was anyone in the town who could say they hated Izaya as much as Shizuo, Celty was the closest candidate. In the past, Shizuo had been rather thankful for that. If there was anyone he could talk to about this recent development, it had to be Celty and Shinra.

"I know, it's a lot to take in," Shizuo replied, resting his hands on the arms of the chair he was seated in. Across from him, Celty visibly inhaled and exhaled (how, no one knew) before typing her reply.

[Are you sure you weren't dreaming?]

"Now, now, Celty." Shinra appeared from the kitchen with two cups of coffee in hand, setting one down in front of Shizuo before setting his own mug down in the empty space next to Celty as he took a seat beside her.

Shizuo had known the two of them long enough to be used to their antics, but he still, for the life of him, couldn't figure out how Shinra knew exactly what Celty was saying without looking at her PDA.

Creepy.

Shinra took a sip of coffee before continuing. "Believe or not, Orihara-kun has the capacity to be a decent human being."

Shizuo couldn't help but chuckle. "Don't lie to me, Shinra."

"I'm being serious," Shinra pouted, puffing his lips to demonstrate just how offended he was, to which Shizuo rolled his eyes at in return. "Back in middle school, we - well, Orihara-kun - got in some trouble. I ended up getting stabbed-"

"Wait, what?"

Shizuo wasn't one to expect Shinra to tell him every painstaking detail of every little thing in his life, as he tended to do from time to time, but this news was certainly something he should have known earlier. Shinra was so casual about it, too, and that's what bugged him.

Shinra held a hand up to silence him. "Let me finish. I ended up getting stabbed because of him, but he took the blame for it and has supposedly made my attacker's life a living hell ever since."

[Supposedly.]

"He wasn't really that bad," Shinra concluded with a shrug. "Sure, he's a bastard, but his heart's just as fragile as anyone's. I like to think he cares."

Silence.

"I think you two could have been friends, had the circumstances been different."

Concerned, Shizuo raised his brows. "How?"

"Well…" Shinra hesitated, eyes falling to his coffee. "You have a bit in common."

"What do I have in common with that fleabag?" Shizuo demanded, raising his voice as his fists met the table. They didn't quite slam, but Shinra protectively reached out for his mug as it jumped closer to Celty. Shinra and Celty exchanged "glances" and Shizuo stiffened, instinctively moving to scratch the back of his neck in embarrassment.

"It's hard to explain," Shinra began, breaking the awkward silence. "I've known both of you long enough to understand it, but explaining is a little complicated."

Shizuo frowned. "Just tell me, Shinra. It doesn't have to be complicated."

"Well, it's not like things will change at this rate," Shinra sighed. "Did Orihara-kun say anything about why he was back?"

"Said he had some business to take care of," Shizuo grumbled, crossing his arms. "It was late at night, so it must've been some shady shit."

[He's been gone for two years and all of a sudden he comes back with business.] Celty added. [I wouldn't really put it past him.]

Shinra thoughtfully tapped his fingers on the table. "Still, what would he have to gain by being decent to Shizuo-kun if he hadn't changed?"

[Entertainment.]

Shizuo nodded in agreement.

Shinra let out a dramatic sigh as he leaned against the back of his chair. "This is making me anxious," he murmured.

"How do you think I feel?"

Shinra grinned. "Fair enough."

Silence fell between the trio once more. Shizuo and Shinra sipped their coffee, Celty moved her hand to touch Shinra's free one, and all that could be heard was the faint sound of the late morning news playing in the background.

Not meeting his friends' eyes (and shadows), Shizuo spoke up. "I think about it sometimes."

Celty typed with her free hand. [About what?]

"About what things could've been like. If I could've gotten along with Izaya, like Shinra said."

"And what do you think?"

Shizuo shrugged. "I don't know. It's hard to think about when I've only ever hated his guts. But," Finally, he looked up. "If a miracle is happening and he really has changed, I kinda want to give him a chance." He fumbled a bit with the last words, and Shinra couldn't help but smile. "But that's only if he's actually changed!" He hurriedly added. "I won't give him the time of day ever again if he's still a conniving son of a bitch."

Shinra chuckled softly. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

Celty's shoulders shook from what Shizuo assumed was laughter as she held her PDA out to him. [Can you imagine him apologizing? I'd like to see that.]

"Now I actually want to see him again," Shizuo said with a mischievous grin. "That'd be priceless."

"Heartless, the both of you."

Shizuo turned to Celty, Celty turned to Shizuo, and Shinra was met with pure laughter.

All was well in the Kishitani-Sturluson household.

What lied within the Orihara household, however, was a completely different story.

author's note

Guess you could say it took a lot of trial and error to get here.

...Two people will get this joke, and I'm one of them. Granted, it has been a few years.

Hello everyone! I'm Umi, and I'm something of a fandom veteran. This fic has been in the making for what feels like forever and I finally get to share it with you all! After writing the chaotic messes that are Trial and Error and Our Little Secret I wanted nothing more to "redeem" myself and give my readers the story they deserve, and write the story I've wanted to write for so long. I think I can safely say that this is it. It's definitely not perfect, but I had a lot of fun writing it and I'm content with it. I can only hope that some of my old readers will find this and enjoy it, and that new readers will enjoy it as well.

If you haven't read my other fics, please save yourself and stick to this one. Please.

Also, don't worry! The story has already been finished. I knew better than to jump in without knowing what I was doing. Third time's the charm. Updates will be out every Friday! There might be some delays for edits once we get closer to the end, but we'll just have to wait and see.

As this is a divergent from drrr's sequel, SH, there won't be any major spoilers for it. There will be major spoilers for A Sunset with Orihara Izaya, however. The plot is very, very briefly mentioned; the majority of the spoilers deal with Izaya's character arc and his physical and mental condition following the deathmatch, which plays a huge part in developing his character in this fic. I imagine that very few people have managed to avoid spoilers at this point, but I thought I'd warn you just in case.

Anyway, sorry for the long AN. Old habits die hard. The other ones will be a lot shorter. Thank you so much for reading, and I'll see you next week!