Summary: In which Laura has a few commitment issues involving her relationship wth Ross. The end results? Are drastic. Based on the song Maybe You're Right by Miley Cyrus. Raura. Advanced.
A/N: I suggest listening to the song before reading this to get it. I don't even know why I suddenly wanted to write something based off it. But the song kind of just touched a spot where I was just thinking 'what if laura was ever to have doubts?' Then this song came on and the rest is history. Also this is another hard one. Yes, angsty.
Disclaimer: I only own the plot.
"Commitment is an act, not a word." -Jean-Paul Sartre
Chapter one we started happy.
The second that you said you loved me.
Started questioning us..
Are we really in love?
...
She sat on her bed. Her face covered in the coldness of her hands. Why the hell was she feeling this way? She couldn't even begin to understand. She hated even thinking this way. She just can't bring herself to that point yet, for some reason. It's too hard. Too risky.
This is for her own safety, right? But deep down she knew it was just an act of selfishness. Something just wasn't right. She didn't feel that same spark anymore. She felt empty. Not just around him. But all the time.
Everything he told her. It scared her. This was all her fault. They used to be so happy. Everyone knew how much they cared for each other. If you couldn't see it, it was obvious you were in complete denial. Lately, she had started to wonder herself. Where was this even going? Were they even worth the long run?
He held her sheltered in his arms. His lips running over the corner of her neck as he slowly breathed in and out. She felt content and safe. His breath tickled against her skin and she slightly squirmed. This resulted in a soft chuckle from the blonde. He gently planted a kiss onto the tip of her jawline.
"Sorry, Princess." He said almost inaudibly. Laura just smiled and tightened her hold around his waist.
They were currently in his dressing room. It was a little after midnight. They had stayed back after the live taping and just hung out. Listening to the songs that played on the radio that was set closely by them on the table. This is what they always did. When they just wanted to be alone.
Laura silently hummed the songs to herself as she laid her head back down on his chest. The brunette was happy. Truly. If you asked her how she felt? She wouldn't know how to respond. The two of the teenagers had completely rushed into everything but neither of them regretted it. They never would. They had been dating for a few months. Hadn't even gone public till less than a month ago. Laura knew she wanted to be with him. She just had trouble with knowing where this would take them. What the future held. She had the right to do that, right? She hated even thinking about it. She dreaded it. In this case, she didn't know if they would even last. But she stayed because she cared for him. That was a definite truth.
Ross sat up with the brunette still in his arms. She instinctively let her legs enfold his waist. She sighed as he soothingly murmured lyrics into her ear. ...Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter? The way the words hit her like home frightened her and she had no idea why. His voice was soft and comforting.
After a few more minutes of quiet mumbling. Silence brewed through the small room. But suddenly she heard Ross speak.
"I love you, Laura." He choked out as if it was hard for him to say. She could sense the genuineness in his voice. The realness. This was the first time she had ever heard him say such a thing to anyone in general.
She couldn't do anything other than let her mouth hang open. When he got no answer, Ross tilted his head back. The touch of his finger stroking her cheek is what shook her out of her shock.
He loved her? Why? What was so special about her? She couldn't seem to think of a single thing. She said the only thing she could think of to say. "I love you too."
She looked up to the blonde and saw the hugest grin spread across his face as he leaned up to kiss her lightly on the lips. The kiss felt the same. It made her weak in the knees. Yet she could still taste the bitterness of her words she had previously said. Was she really telling the truth? Was she even being honest with herself?
Was their love even real?
And that's why she was here now. In this exact position. She couldn't love him the same way. She had convinced herself she didn't. She knew she didn't deserve him. Laura felt like a cold-hearted bitch. So beyond the point of being heartless but she had to be true to herself and most importantly honest.
The love she had for him was nowhere as big as how much he loved her. It'd never be. She knew it wasn't right leading him on.
But she couldn't...break his heart. Could she?
Trying to figure out chapter three
But you're not giving me anything
"This is what we are"
Then I gotta move on..
...
This was it. The end of the road. She had to stop. Every time she looked into his eyes she could feel an emptiness in her heart. She felt so fragile. So hurt. He hadn't seem to notice how distance she had become. How whenever he tried to touch her, she'd jump a little. When he would try to kiss her, she'd move away.
He knew something was wrong. He just didn't know how to come out with it. She hated when people worried about her. Laura wanted him to know. She wanted him to see how she was slowly starting to become uncomfortable. She wanted him to see how scared she was of their relationship now. Yet apparently, he was too oblivious.
She hated how those three words could bring so much pressure and pain into their relationship. How much they were like venom to her. Commitment was too hard. It wasn't something that came easy to her. Now that she thought about it, they were two kids, for heavens' sake. Where would this even take them?
He was moving too fast. Too fast for her to even keep up. Should she move on?
You think this is everything.
But this is no book of love.
...
He was in way deeper than her. It had been a while since the last confession held between the two. Everything between them in her eyes was slipping apart. But to him, they were seemingly alright. When it came to love, she knew how much he was into it.
He'd do anything for her. Fight through everything just to see her smile even if it was just for a second. Laura was his absolute world and without her, there was no him. No reason in even smiling. She made everything in his life better. She gave him guidance.
Everything he felt she couldn't bare herself to. It was fading apart every second she pretended she wanted this. She was dragging him around on her finger. They were two completely different people now. They wanted two different things. He wanted to travel with her. She wanted to settle by herself, go to college, and focus on her life. She still hadn't even figured out who she was. She didn't know who the person standing in front of her was anymore.
He was like a stranger to her at times. Sometimes she didn't want to be around him. She felt so unsafe and so overly treated. She didn't want praise. That was never in her plans.
Even if they even could try fixing it all, would it ever work out again?
You might think I'm crazy.
That I'm lost and foolish, leaving you behind.
...
She did the impossible. She can't believe she actually did it. She walked away from probably the best thing to ever happen to her. He let her go too. Let her leave out the door without any hesitation. Why? It was her choice. If leaving was what made her happy then he'd stand by it.
He wish he could've did better for her. Made her happy. He feels like a fool. The one girl who gave him happiness was now gone. But he knew one thing and that was that sooner or later she'd regret it.
In his eyes, she wasn't the victim. He was. Sure, he wished there was something he could've done to change her mind but he knows he gave her all he had. He gave her more than enough and he got nothing in return.
She should've told him about her constant worries. How terrified she was of moving on to the next chapter of their relationship. He would've reassured her and told her that she shouldn't let it get to her and that everything would be alright in time. Truth was, he had his doubts at one point, too. That's what love is though. It's full of doubts, burdens, and barriers but in the end..it's worth it.
Ross knew one thing. He loved that girl and he'd love her with all of his heart. With all his being. With his last breath.
Laura indeed knew how foolish she looked for walking away because of some uneasy feelings. Why did she let this happen?
Maybe...you're right.
Here comes the part of you and me
Arguing about nothing...
You told me it's as good as it gets.
...
"I wish you'd let me say how I feel for once!" Laura exclaimed. Anger hindered the brunette's face and tears were threatening to slip but she held them back.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Laura?" Ross laughed sadistically. His voice trembling a little. "I've given you more than enough chances! It's you. You're the one that won't say it. Just let it the fuck out. I'm tired of feeling like shit, thinking I'm the one who causes this all! You continually pretend. Just be real with me!"
"I'm trying! Do you not get it?" She stood up from the couch to face him. He was pacing across the tiled floor. They were at his apartment. Neither of them were exactly sure how the argument started in the first place. "It's not that fucking easy, Ross! Everything doesn't come naturally the same way it does for you."
Ross scoffed. "Yeah, okay Miss innocent, right? Sorry for meeting you. Sorry for doing all I could do for you! Sorry for always being by your side. Sorry for being the best I could be for you. But I will not.." He stopped his pacing to stare directly into her—now puffy eyes. "...apologize for falling in love with you. For loving you so much...I-I can't even remember when I ever felt so strong for someone." He finished off.
Laura swallowed down a sudden lump in her throat. "Stop saying that! Please! It won't help. I can't feel the same. It's too hard. I want to be in love with you as much as you are with me...but I can't, Ross. And you've known this for so long now." Laura choked out.
"Laura this is as good as it's going to get. It's either this...or nothing. I'm not going to sit here and beg you to stay. You know me better than that. If this is what makes you happy. I hope you do find happiness...even if it's not with me. I just can't be in your life. I can't."
That hit her hard. She needed him. Badly. Just not the way he wanted her to need him.
Blame it on your mental jokes
How much did you think that I could take?
So much for taking this too far..
...
Their argument had been over hours ago. Laura sat there and deliberately cried her eyes out. Practically her heart. Ross sat right across from her. Her head laid solely on his chest and he held her closer. He didn't know what to think anymore. Where was this going? Was she going to leave? Or not?
He hated fighting with her. It was the one thing he despised the most. But it had been happening a lot lately and of course he was afraid of losing her but he couldn't be selfish and hold her back from being happy. So he was just going to let her go. Let her find herself but just not with him. It'd hurt him too much to even be around her.
He wanted to blame her. Oh, so badly. Blame her for being so fucked up. Not as much as him, though. He should've seen this coming. But he was being so fucking delusional that he never tried to. He felt so deluded but he had no reason to be. How they thought this would work? They couldn't answer you if they even tried.
They're both teenagers and they make mistakes.
You can blame me for who I am..
It's too late for us to try and be in love right now.
..
There's no going back. No second chances. No exchanges. No apologies. Nothing. They haven't spoken in days. Days turned into weeks. He had left for tour less than a week ago. She had kept count and knew exactly where he was going and how he got there. She longed for him for a while. That eventually stopped.
She lost contact with him too. They both wanted to see each other. Just say sorry and start over. But deep down, they knew rekindling all the broken pieces would never be that easy. They could be friends but both knew right now wasn't the right time to try again. Their views in life were still different.
When would they see each other again? They didn't know.
You might think I'm crazy
That I'm lost and foolish, leaving you behind.
Maybe you're right..
Fill the pages now.
This chapter's done.
...
Laura had gotten the call at one in the morning. Those two words were enough to send her into a full on rampage of tears. She dropped to her knees. A small exaggerated gasp escaping from her mouth. She was shaking slightly as the words dawned on her.
She realized in that one moment how it all really did slip away from her. She should've been there with him. She was so frustrated with herself.
How? It all happened so quickly. In the blink of an eye. She felt so cold. So alone. All in that one moment. She desperately wanted him by her side. Holding her safely again. She didn't want to believe this was true. It couldn't be. She wanted to run into his arms and hug him in a tight embrace. But that would never come.
She knew it wouldn't.
Moving on up and forward onto all that we'll become.
If you ever get to the place where the sun is shining everyday.
Then I'll be on your mind.
A few months had passed. She was getting better. At least more than she had before. He was always on her mind. There wasn't a day she didn't think about him. Everything they had. What they used to be. She wish she hadn't walked out on him. She regrets it all now.
She was really the fool in all of this. She could still hear his over-bearing words telling her; he loved her. Ross had always wanted to be with her. From the second he laid eyes on her. She remembers his sweet smile whenever he saw her and how much he'd light up when he was happy.
It was too late, but she finally understood what love really meant. He was her true definition of happiness. She was never the same way around everyone else the way she was around him. He could easily make her blush and feel so nervous. He made her weak. He made her feel wanted. She was going to miss their lazy days together where they'd stay up on the phone listening to Walk The Moon and talking about the stupidest things. She could never have that again and she had came to terms with that a while back.
Although, she wish she could've believed her own words when she had first told him.
She really did love him. She still does.
Maybe you're right.