A Little Insanity Never Hurt
Summary: Sometimes, a little insanity is more than welcome in one's life. Future Fic. Weir-Sheppard.
Spoilers: None really. This is probably AU.
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis and its characters do not belong to me.
Author's Note: Fairly short fic. Just because the mood struck me.
Major John Sheppard walks out on the balcony with a sigh. He needs a little fresh air to escape the weight of command. He walks over to the edge of the balcony and strikes his normal pose – leaning forward with his arms resting against the railing. And, as usual, it doesn't take long for Elizabeth to appear beside him. She doesn't speak, but waits for him to start.
"This is harder than I thought it was going to be," John says.
"I did warn you that command wasn't going to be easy," responds Elizabeth with a shrug.
"You never said it would this hard, either," accuses John.
"Didn't want to give you nightmares."
Sheppard drops his head with a forlorn little chuckle. It has been a nightmare. His taking command of Atlantis has been one drawn out, month-long nightmare.
"I just want things to go back to the way they were." John's voice is raw with emotion. If he wasn't so tired, he might have attempted to hide it.
"I know you do," says Elizabeth soothingly.
"I miss it all so much. I miss going on missions, flying jumpers. I miss it all. I miss…I miss you. I miss coming through the Stargate to see you up in front of the command center – you glaring at me for whatever it was I just screwed up. I miss you arguing with me about not making the right decisions and how I'm a horrible negotiator. I don't think I'm cut out to be in command of Atlantis."
"Yes, you are," Elizabeth responds with emphasis. "Earth wanted a military commander and the scientists would not have accepted anyone else. You are meant to command Atlantis, you just need to believe in yourself."
"But I never thought –"
"Major Sheppard?" John is interrupted by the voice of Dr. McKay behind him.
Sheppard turns his head to look over his shoulder at Rodney. The scientist looks extremely uncomfortable at disturbing him.
"Yes, McKay?" John asks - a little too curt and probably letting a little too much of his fatigue to be heard in his voice.
"Uh…Zelenka's all set. We're ready for the briefing."
"Right." Sheppard fights back another sigh and forces himself to smile reassuringly at McKay. "Get Earth on the line and I'll be right there."
Rodney nods and walks out of the balcony. John turns back to face the ocean, this time, unable to stop another sigh from leaving him. McKay looks back over his shoulder in concern as he walks back inside.
John reaches out to grip Elizabeth's hand. "Tell me it's going to get better," he asks.
"It will," Elizabeth says with confidence. "I promise."
Just inside the balcony doors, Rodney is joined by Teyla and Lt. Ford. Their new commander is standing alone against the railing, gazing out at the water. They watch as he reaches for a hand that isn't there.
"He's not getting any better, is he?" asks McKay.
"He will," responds Ford with what he hopes isn't false confidence.
"But he hasn't been the same since…since…" McKay chokes up and can't finish his sentence. Teyla lays a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"It has only been a month since we lost Dr. Sheppard," Teyla says sadly. "It was a terrible tragedy that was bound to affect us all, especially her husband. It will take time for him to heal."
"What if he doesn't?" asks Ford, betraying his insecurity for the first time.
"Then we'll just have to help him through that too," says Rodney with a sniff.
Out on the balcony, John knows he's being watched.
"They think I'm going insane. Am I?" he asks Elizabeth.
"Weren't you the one who told me once that a little insanity never hurt?" she responds.
John doesn't turn away from the ocean. His next question is filled with the grief that's eating him up inside.
"Are you real?"
Elizabeth turns toward him and reaches around to cup the side of his face with her hand. John closes his eyes in anguish.
"I am as real as you need me to be. For as long as you need me to be."
John lets out a strangled sob as Elizabeth continues.
"But there will come a time when you won't need me to be real to you anymore. When that happens, I want you to know that I will always love you."
John leans into her hand, wanting the sensation of her touch to last. But he knows that, when he opens his eyes, she won't be there on the balcony with him. John knows in his heart that he'll have to straighten up and walk back into Atlantis to face the rest of his life, alone.
The End.
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I think I needed to write this because so many of you were expecting my last one to end sadly and it didn't...or maybe I was just in a sad mood tonight. Thanks again to everyone for all the wonderful reviews of my fan fiction.