Peace

I've been tired for an eternity.

I want to sleep and sleep and sleep, until my hurt goes away. But no. If I fall asleep, my dream would surely become a nightmare. Unfortunately, my life is a nightmare already.

"Leah," my cousin says, turning to me.

It's a cool autumn day and we're gathered for a very important pack meeting in the bastard couple's house. Scarface and Bastard have just announced they're getting married and I'm trying my hardest to not give her matching scars on the other side of her face.

"Leah, will you be the maid of honor?" She's smiling sweetly, submissive and demure, Bastard's arm around her shoulders.

The room is dead silent, waiting for my response.

"No. How can you sit there and smile at me and ask me to be the maid of honor to your marriage to my ex?" I demand darkly, feeling my lips pull back to bare my teeth. I'm shaking so violently that the room itself is shaking, like I'm an earthquake, and then I focus until my vision starts to blur. "So no. Scratch that—fuck no! You are fucking dumber than he is! Good god, it's not bad enough that I caught you two fucking on my birthday; oh no, let's fuck with Leah some more and ask her to our wedding—her slut cousin and man-whore ex! Totally!"

Bastard snarls at me. "How dare you speak to her that way! She's done nothing but—"

"Fuck my ex and be a doormat? Then, yeah," I spit at him.

"You're just jealous!" Paul's quivering as he shoves passed Embry and Jared, Jared following him quickly while Embry tries to pull the two back. "You wish you were marrying Sam but he couldn't deal with your sorry ass!"

"That's why the spirits chose her, and not you," Jared tells me softly, his eyes flashing, "she's what he needs, not some hot-head bitch that can't even boil water." He crosses his arms over his chest.

"Oh, I'm so insulted. News flash, pencil dick, you can't boil water either! Fucking dipshits!" I grind my teeth as a tremor rolls down my spine, sending fire across my skin; it's nearly impossible to not give into the sweet agony of shifting but somehow, I manage. Sweat runs in rivulets down my back, my face.

Paul lunges at me but Embry has his arms around his waist, yanking him back.

"At least I didn't kill my dad," Jared points out coldly.

The world is covered in a red haze. My muscles are burning and I'm suffocating under all the words I ache to scream at them. To say, you deal with seeing your mom cringe away from you every time you walk in or having to see your father's panic-stricken face when you close your eyes or be reminded that you can't have kids, that you're a fucking freak of nature. I give into the shift, barely out the back door before I explode. I can't hear anything except the icy wind whipping past me and I feel the cold mud squeeze between my paw pads.

"Leah!" Baby Alpha screams but I push my body to run faster, to imagine I'm on the trail of that cock-sucking Bella Swan, ready to rip into her, until I'm at the cliff that she hopped off when her mind-reading freak dumped her clingy ass.

I'm panting, my lungs burning with every breath and I shift back, staring down at the cliff. I can jump and no one will stop me. Mom's got Charlie, Seth has the Pack, the Pack hates me, and I killed my dad. No one will miss me. Despite all the anger inside the pit of my stomach, hot tears fill my eyes and run down my face.

I realize I'm naked, and I pull a face. If I'm gonna die and meet God, I'd better look nice. I shift back and trot back to the house, sneaking peeks inside to make sure my mom isn't there, but who am I kidding? She's got her head up Charlie's ass, even though he's a nice, kind of awkward guy, so she's never really home anymore. Seth's busy worshiping all the guys in the Pack, and I'm left out.

I'm the freak of the wolves.

I head to my room naked and pick out my nicest dress. It sweeps across my knees and I pair it with a nice cardigan, the one Daddy said brought my eyes, and pull on some flats. The dress has an off-shoulder neckline and hugs my chest and flares out at the waist into a flared skirt. I pull my hair up halfway and tie it up. Since I don't want them worrying, I scrawl a note.

I'm so sorry, Mommy. Please don't hate me. Take care of Seth. Tell him I love him and I'll miss him.

I leave the note on the kitchen table and then I head back out the cliff. Once there, I kick off my shoes and hold them in hand. You can do this. I'm crying so hard; I can't see but my feet still touch the ragged edge of the cliff.

Memories blur.

Daddy laughing with me; me breaking my arm after Rebecca Black pushed me off the bridge near her house; the first time I saw Sam; the first date with him; losing my virginity to him on prom night; him getting down on one knee; finding him buried to the hilt inside my cousin on my fucking birthday party; Daddy brushing it off; my mom siding with fucking Emily; Daddy's heart attack and how much it hurt to break apart; seeing all the imprints at the bonfires; all the insults.

Whore. Bitch. Jealous. Freak. Murder. Harpy. Slut. Homewrecker.

There's nothing left for me to do but jump. I'm crying and shaking but I'm empty, like a carved out shell. I'm sorry, Daddy. The sun breaks through the clouds as I jump, wind hitting me, pulling at my hair, and I smack into the water.

The current pushes and pulls me and at first, I panic, clawing for the surface, but then I get tired, my lungs burning, nose aching, my muscles sore. I'm sinking like a stone. My vision is getting dark and spotty and eventually, I lose sight.

I'm shutting down.

Bye, Mommy and Seth. I'm sorry. At least I won't hurt anymore; I'll be at peace; I'll be able to sleep now.