Total Drama: Action Stars Island Tour
This is a work based off the Total Drama franchise. All characters, set pieces, etc. are the property of fresh T.V.
Prologue
The incredibly handsome, talented and well-groomed host, Chris McLean is sitting in his apartment, leaning over his computer. "Yeah, Chef, turns out the reviews for Don's show are coming out today. Talk about a train wreck. Uh, hold on a second." Chris sets down his phone next to his beloved cappuccino.
Ridonculous Race is a Roaring Success, reads one of the headlines on the critique site.
"No freaking way." Chris reads three more positive reviews and then closes the window. "Sheesh, did these people even watch the show? It was pathetic. Oh well, it's no surprise. Critics can be bought, after all," said Chris, starring at his framed review of All Stars: 5 stars out of 5, Chris Has Raised the Stakes Yet Again."
"Chris, are you still there? Hello? Hello?" asked Chef through the host's phone.
The Host with the Most picked up the phone. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here. Chef, what do you think is the least best season of total drama?"
"All Stars."
"Why, cause you were barely in it?"
"I was barely in Pahkitew either, but at least that season had some decent challenges."
"Hey, I was on a budget. I had to do two shows in one season. The all stars were supposed to bring the drama. They failed me."
"So, how are the Ridonculous Race reviews?"
"Oh, well, you know how critics are."
"Thought so. It wasn't half bad."
"You're right, Chef. It was all bad. No worries, even the greatest critical success can be ruined by some insightful, dedicated…" Chris picks up his coffee as his other hand enters the Total Drama fan site, . He looks at the screen and spits the coffee out just above the screen.
"Everything alright?"
"No, everything is not alright. A worthy spinoff to a beloved series. Better than Total Drama Island. Second only to World Tour. This one says it's better than any season of Total Drama! What are these people, blind!?"
"Calm down, Chris. There were some decent contestants. The Haters were a total riot."
"Yeah, they were. Well at least no-one's saying anything nice about …" Chris drops his piping hot coffee onto his lap. "Don is a breath of fresh air after Chris' un-appealing sadism. A host who knows how to just be a host and shines for it. Best teeth of a reality T.V. host. Oh no! Better hair than Chris McLean! What the hell is going on! Ahhhh!" Chris, just realizing the heat of the coffee, jumps out of the chair.
"Who cares if he got good reviews? You're still number one in my book."
"Who cares what you think? Your opinion isn't valued by millions of fans, my fans! I have got to do something about it."
"Don's throwing a success party next week. Do you want to crash it? I'll get my cannon."
"No. We must be civil, Chef. I'm going to completely destroy his image. Once I'm done the Ridonculous Race will be more passé than Blainley!"
Episode 1: Taken 36
A pasty skinned girl with short teal hair and black highlights popped out of a body bag, holding her head. "Ugh, what happened?" She sits up, finding herself in a bathroom. "Why does my head hurt?" She leans on the wall and slowly stands up. "And why was I in a body bag."
A wooden table, clearly out of place, has a tape-recorder on it just below a sign that says "play me."
"Okay. This is getting kind of weird."
The door to one of the bathroom stalls creaked open. A man rushed out and tackles her.
The girl struggled in his grip before recognizing his face. "Duncan?" she asks, her voice cracking.
"Gwen? What are you doing here?" asked the punk with the green Mohawk, helping her back up. "Oooh, what's the occasion?" he asked, eyeing her black panties.
"I'm just as clueless as you are," she said, just now noticing the two of them were only in their underwear.
"No worries. We'll just…the door's locked." Duncan takes a piercing out from his sleeve and gets to work on the lock.
"I'll go check the vents."
"Hey Gwen, you ever seen SeeSaw?"
"You mean the movie with the cancer patient slash rehab worker gone homicidal vigilante? Of course I have. Gratuitous gore and great twists too! Great movies, all of them," she said, struggling to pull the grates off the vents.
"Yeah, I think whoever put us here is a big fan." Duncan picked up the tape recorder and pushed play.
"Why did you do that? That's exactly what they want you to do."
"Hello, I want to play a game," said a deep voice from the tape. "Hehhee. Congratulations on being selected again," said a goofy, sadistic voice.
"Ugh, Chris. Why couldn't it have just been a serial killer," said Gwen looking at Duncan with a half-smile.
"You have been selected for the most death-defying, intense, disgusting, entertaining and insane season of Total Drama…ever. And guess what, you've already begun the first challenge."
"Oh no. I am sick of playing his games," said Duncan, about to smash the tape recorder.
Gwen grabbed his muscular arm. "Wait. It's different this time. I think we're a team."
"Your first challenge is to find your two teammates. Then you must figure out what you have in common. Only when you answer correctly will the doors open."
"See. It's just us. Till the end," said Gwen with a smile.
"No its not. There's still someone else," said Duncan, opening the stalls one by one.
"Do you think it's Courtney?"
"Chris better hope not. She will sue him for all he's worth. I mean he basically kidnapped us. Almost makes me worry what he's got in store for us."
Gwen opened the third stall to left and found another body bag. "Please don't be Heather." She unzipped the bag. Once she caught herself smiling she shook herself to her senses.
"Haven't seen him for a while. Didn't you two date?"
"Yeah, kind of." Gwen leaned over the sleeping guitarist with the combed over black hair. "Hey Trent, get up."
"Allow me." Duncan walked past her, picked Trent up and held him upside-down. "Rise and shine, Casanova."
"Ahhhh" yelled Trent before he was dropped on the wet bathroom floor. "What did I ever do to…Gwen?" he asked, turning away with light blush.
"Yeah, it's me. Apparently we're in Chris' latest death game," said Gwen, helping him to his feet.
"Too bad for Chris then, because I'm not playing," said Trent.
"Umm you better be, we're on the same team."
"We are?" Trent smiled at Gwen. "What team is that?"
"That's exactly what we need to find out."
The speakers screeched before Chris' amplified voice burst out from them. "The first team has already begun the second half of the challenge. Someone will be going home today."
"We need to find out what we all have in common," said Gwen.
"We've both kissed you, right?" asked Duncan.
Trent turned away.
"Yeah, but he said all three of us," said Gwen.
"We all like rock and roll?" asked Trent.
"That's correct! But it's not what I was thinking, so that makes it wrong. Guess again," said Chris from the tape recorder.
"Gwen, do you love yourself?" asked Duncan.
"You mean recently or…what?" asked Gwen.
"We all love Gwen!" exclaimed Trent.
Gwen twiddled her thumbs and looked at the ground. "Awkward," she said softly.
"Correct! The door is now open! Figure out a good team name to win points for the next challenge."
In a different stall, another contestant wakes up. Oh and this is like near the same time that Gwen woke up. I know, editing can transcend time itself.
Ennui wakes up in a bathroom. He stands up and looks in the mirror. "Aaaah," he exclaims with less feeling than that worthless host Don. The perky nosed blond boy gripped his face in terror.
"Ennui, is that you?" asked a low voice from a nearby stall.
"Don't come out."
"Stop being dramatic," said Crimson, knocking the door open.
Ennui ducked and covered his face.
"You're acting strange," said Crimson, before noticing the mirror. "Oh." Upon noticing her light blue eyes and flesh-colored skin, she covered her face.
"What's the last thing you remember?" asked Ennui, hiding behind his un-gothed hands.
"I can't remember. It's like a dark void."
"Where's Loki?" asked Ennui, peeking out.
"Relax." Crimson picked up the tape recorder.
"Hello, contestants! You have been chosen to participate in the latest and greatest reality T.V. competition…ever!"
"Another game, whatever," said Crimson.
"Find your third ally and then figure out what you all have in common to gain access to the second part of the challenge."
"We don't work well with others," said Ennui.
"I'll search the stalls," said Crimson.
"I'll see if this will cover our faces," said Ennui, applying the bubbly white stuff to his face.
"Ennui, look." Crimson pointed to the ground.
Loki, without any face paint, was sitting upright and beaming at his dark companions.
"Loki. You're okay." Ennui crouched down and picked up the googily-eyed gray bunny.
Crimson picked up the tape-recorder. "We're all Goths."
The door clicked, allowing them to proceed to the next stage of the challenge.
In another stall, a girl squirmed around until she found a zipper and escaped her prison. The girl with purple hair down past her shoulders rose out of the body bag and cautiously surveyed the bathroom. "Okay…I am already in Law School, so whoever you are—I am going to sue you as soon as I graduate. I'm not sure what you're trying to pull by kidnapping me, but if you hurt my little sister, oh, I'm going to make you regret it."
A dark-skinned girl with gold earrings and an angry look came out from a nearby stall. "Emma, so you were the one who did this?" she asked, shaping her hands into fists as she approached.
"No. I'm the victim here. I don't think you're responsible for this, but who is?" asked Emma, washing her face.
"Hey, if you're listening, let me out!" yelled Stephanie, slamming against the door.
Emma picked up the tape recorder she found just under the sink. "Good morning contestants! You have been hand-picked from the comfort of your own homes to participate in a three-way team competition for two-million dollars!"
"That doesn't sound like Don," said Stephanie, peeking over the lawyer in training's shoulder.
"It's Chris McLean. He's like Don, only meaner, crazier, more sadistic and he has better hair," said Emma.
"Saying it like it is, I like that. You're alright… for a proto-Courtney," said Chris from the hidden speaker.
"And he expects me to team up with you? The only one I am teaming up with is my hunky bear Ryan. I'm going to find him and then we are going to destroy the competition. This time we won't let you or your little photo puppy steal our victory," said Stephanie.
"I doubt Kitty is here. If we're on a team, than that likely means only the best of the best are invited to participate. Oh, I hope Noah's here. He can make anything fun," said Emma with a blissful smile.
"Three-way means we have one other person. Where are you hiding? Come out before I bust down every door in this bathroom!" yelled Stephanie.
"Okay. But look, I'm just as much a victim here as the rest of you are. Trust me, Chris is going to hear from my lawyer," said a tan-skinned freckled girl with brown hair before joining them from a nearby stall.
Emma's face lit up. "Are you…Courtney?"
"So you've heard of me. I didn't come out because of Mrs. Temper Tantrum over here," said Courtney, covering her bra by crossing her arms.
"You expect me to take that insult lying down?" asked Stephanie, grabbing the pompous princess' wrist.
Courtney smiled and slammed her knee into Stephanie's side. She grabbed her arms and held them behind the girl's back. "I dated a real criminal. Don't think I don't know how to defend myself. Now, can we all agree that I will be team leader?"
"No objections here. It's really great to meet you!" exclaimed Emma, hopping in excitement.
"Well I object!" yelled Stephanie, struggling in the sweet-talker's grip.
"Oh really? Shame. I was going to make you my co-captain. I promise I'll take any advice into consideration, though this isn't a democracy—my word is final," said Courtney with a glare.
"Stephanie, come on. Courtney made it all the way to the top in one competition and has had experience in several. If we want to win this, we'll need her as a leader," said Emma.
"Fine, but if she lets us down—even once, then you will listen to me!" exclaimed Stephanie, before breaking out of the hold.
"I won't fail. Now let's get thinking people. What is it we all have in common?" asked Courtney.
"We're all girls, duh," said Stephanie.
"We're all previous competitors," said Emma.
"Oh, of course! We're all competitive! In it to win it!" cheered Courtney.
The door clicked.
Emma high-fived Courtney. "Nice one!"
"Come on, that was easy," said Courtney with a smile.
"Stop flirting and let's get moving," said Stephanie, busting down the door.
"I wasn't flirting," said Emma with a light blush.
"I wonder if Alejandro is competing," said Courtney wispily saying his name before leaving the grimy bathroom.
A young man, tan skinned, fit and handsome, though a bit on the short side, had already escaped his body bag and listened to the tape. "I wonder who Chris has teamed me up with. Anyone will do, as long as it isn't Heather," he said with a grimace.
A high-pitched scream erupted from a nearby stall.
"There's no need to worry, fair maiden," he said, opening the stall. "Oh, my apologies…" He looked at the blond haired, Canadian man "My name is Alejandro. And you must be Jacques."
"What I am is disgusted. My feet are wet because this bag was partially in the toilet! Ugh! And I am in my underwear. What is going on here?"
"We've been kidnapped to participate in a reality T.V. competition," said Alejandro.
"Kidnapped! Who does the host think he is?"
"It's Chris McLean."
"Oh, that would explain the kidnapping. I heard he went to prison before."
"Yes, but he's back to his old tricks. Come with me, compadre, we must find our third ally."
"We are in a team together?"
"Is that a problem?"
"Not at all! I am a team player! I…"
The final member of their team had just finished washing his face. After a flip of his black hair, his chiseled face and seductive smile greeted his teammates. "Hey."
"Ooooh," said Jacques, entranced.
"Ah, Justin. So you're the last of the group." Alejandro looked over his allies and smiled. "With a team this strong, I fear the other contestants won't even have a chance."
"Psyched to be on the same team." Justin picked up the tape recorder. "We're all incredibly handsome," he said, never dropping his smile.
The door opened.
"Yes! Victory! Let us hurry and get the gold. We will crush anyone who gets in our way!" cheered Jacques.
Alejandro put his hand on the ice dancer's shoulder. "I'm sorry, my friend, but we are gentlemen. We should win this competition with integrity and virtue."
"Integrity, I like the sound of that!" exclaimed Jacques.
"No complaints here. I lost Total Drama Island because I didn't make alliances. Those with friends often make it farther," said Justin, opening the door.
"This time, we will all get the victory we deserve and we will do so by being kind, courteous and giving," said Alejandro with a smooth smile.
"Yep, with us as a team, this competition is about to get more gorgeous," said Justin.
The body bag was already tearing by the time the blond and chubby man-child broke out of it.
"Oh wow, a bathroom! Woohoo!" he cheered, taking off some gum that had been abandoned on the door.
"Eww! This is not where a pageant queen belongs!" exclaimed a western hick girl from the stall next door.
"Oh wow, is this a mixed bathroom. It's nice to meet you, my name is Owen."
"Aaaah! There's a boy in the bathroom!" the girl busted out the stall and then busted down the door before running outside.
"Wait! I didn't get your name!" hollered Owen before opening the stall.
A chubby guy with wavy hair and a mellow look was holding a tape recorder. "Dude, these tunes are horrible."
"Wait a minute, I know that voice. Hahaaaha! It's Chris!" cheered Owen.
"You must find your third teammate and realize why I bunched all of you in the same bathroom," said the tape recorder.
"Alright, buddy. Brainstorming time. What do all of us have in common?"
After eight seconds. "Nice to meet you. I'm Spud," said the mellow guy.
"Yeah, not very helpful. I know, we're all like big-boned or something?"
"Eh, close enough. You're all morbidly obese!" cheered Chris before unlocking the already broken door.
"Hey, come on little buddy. Let's get going!" exclaimed Owen.
After about six seconds of silence, Owen picked up Spud and ran out the bathroom. "We can win this thing! Woohoo!"
"Woohoo! Why are we cheering?" asked Spud.
A red haired heavy set teen had already found the tape. "Okay, so is anyone else there?" he asked, knocking on the door to one of the stalls.
The stall opened and an Asian girl with pigtails came out, wearing only her underwear.
"Sam?" she asked, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.
"You know me?" he asked with a nervous smile.
"You were on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island. My name is Kitty. Do you know what's going on here?" she asked, raising her phone before taking a selfie with the T.V. star.
"Chris has placed us here to compete. Can he really take us from our homes?"
"I can. According to the contracts of Total Drama contestants, you must participate in any further competitions that I choose to put you in," said Chris from the loudspeaker.
"Well I never signed up. Why am I here?"
"Well, I…I was just so moved by you and your sister. It was so unfair that you lost after coming so far. Pphhpt! I wanted to give you another chance to win. And it wouldn't be fair to give the Total Drama contestants a non-consensual lift to the island but not do the same for Ridonculous Race contestants."
"Well, my sister does still need the money. Alright, I'm in."
"We still have one more ally to find. Then we need to figure out our similarities to un-lock the door," said Sam.
"Then let's get searching," said Kitty.
"Is it safe to come out?" asked a frightened voice from one of the stalls.
"Junior. It's me, Kitty. We're on the same team this time."
The door opened. A young blond boy with a backwards facing hat exited.
"Hi, Junior," said Kitty, waving at him.
Junior stared at Kitty in a daze. "Whoa."
"Hey buddy, everything alright?" asked Sam.
"Yeah. Yeah, it's all good. Call me Dwayne," said Junior, purposefully deepening his voice.
"Okay Dwayne. Oh, of course! Hey Chris, we're all gamers!" cheered Kaity.
"Correctemundo! Cute and smart. Not too shabby," said Chris, unlocking the door.
"Hey if there are other teams, maybe my friends are here," said Sam.
"Oh and maybe Emma is here. And Carrie," said Kitty, nudging Dwayne.
"Carrie. Oh yeah, her. I'm over her. She has a boyfriend anyways," said Dwayne with a shrug.
"Wow, you seem more mature now. We're going to win this for sure!" cheered Kitty, taking her team's first group selfie.
A short brown haired ladies man awoke after his body bag slipped into the toilet. He squirmed around until he finally broke free. He came out, in his underwear. "Sierra?" he asked, slowly opening the door.
"Oh, hello Cody," said a dark-skinned boy with glasses and a fade.
"Cameron? Oh no, did Sierra kidnap you too?" asked Cody.
"Sierra did this?" asked Cameron, shielding his face with his flimsy arms.
"I hope so. Cause if she didn't, then some other crazy fan did. Eww, my hair is wet," said Cody, using the paper towels to expunge the toilet water from his do.
"Maybe this will clear up some confusion," said Cameron, pressing play on the tape recorder.
"Good morning, contestants. Chris McLean here. You wimps have been selected to suffer, cry, scream and whine for your mommies in the most exciting season of Total Drama ever! There are three people per team, so find everyone, figure out what you losers have in common, speak it into the mike and get going. Someone will be going home today. Most likely you three, but at least try to win, okay?"
"Who is that guy?" asked a poofy red-haired meek pale boy.
"That's Chris. Aw man. I'm sick of Total Drama. I'll never get as far as I got in world tour," said Cody.
"My name is Cameron and this is Cody. What is your name, friend?"
"I'm Mickey. Wait, where's my twin? He looks out for all my life-threatening allergies. We should search for him."
"Sorry Mickey, it's just us three wimps," said Cody with a sigh.
The door clicked open.
"Weaklings would have also been acceptable," said Chris over the loudspeaker.
"I hope Sierra is here. Oh and Gwen!" exclaimed Cody with a smile.
"I don't want to see Sierra or Izzy. Those girls are crazy," said Cameron.
A spiky haired, tall and lanky boy with a gap in his teeth slowly opened his stall door. He was in his underwear but also had a shirt. "Hello, is anyone there?"
Silence.
The boy approached the suspicious tape recorder. "Oh no, this can't be good."
Suddenly he is tackled from behind. The wild beast bit at his arm.
The boy breathed in deep and his eyes became prideful and wise. He wrapped his arms around the beast's neck. "You see, when they bite on to you just hold them like this till they let go."
The orange haired animal clawed at the boy's shirt, tearing it off.
The boy slicked back his hair and smiled at the gorgeous dame clawing at his chest. "Hey, babe. My name is Vito. Nice panties. Green really suits you," he said, patting her butt.
The girl jumped back, shook her head and smiled. "Oh, sorry. You see I was kidnapped so I just assumed that you were my kidnapper, yeah, and when I'm in like a bad situation my instincts go into overdrive and I become all rawrr and bitey and grrr! Haha. Oh, did I make you bleed. I totally did. Sorry." The girl hopped on top of him and stared at the red stuff coming from the boys arm. "Are you going to drink that or…"
"Go right ahead, babe," said Vito.
"Sweet! Oooh and tasty. My name is Izzy by the way, and you're Mike, right?"
"Nah babe, name's Vito. Mike's sleeping right now."
"Cool! So, what you got in your hand?" asked Izzy, snatching the tape-recorder.
"Chris McLean here. You three are part of a team that will have the chance to win two million dollars! It was going to be three million, but yeah, we'll talk about that later. If you haven't already found your final ally, then what are you waiting for—go find them. Oh, and once you have, report back to me what you all have in common. It should be pretty obvious though, heheeh."
"Oooh, another chew toy!" Izzy ran on all fours, barking before opening the stalls. She leaped inside the last one.
"Yo Iz, you found someone?" asked Vito, making sure his hair was wet.
"Shh. She's sleeping. We better be quiet or else we'll wake her up!" shouted Izzy.
"Cody!" screamed the tall, purple-haired girl with big eyes.
"Eeengh! Wrong. It's me, Izzy. Oh and Mike's here too, but he thinks he's someone else—I know, crazy right."
The door unlocked.
"Alright. Wakey, wakey. We have to figure out what we have in common."
"We're all Total Drama players, am I right?" asked Vito with a grin.
"Yeah!" Izzy turned to the door, waiting for it to open.
"I know, we're all Zoke shippers, aren't we? I mean you'd have to be stupid not to be. They are so kawaii together," said Sierra, holding her cheeks.
"Oh, oh! We're all trapped in a bathroom and we're like in our underwear! Are those Cody's briefs? Haha, they totally are, oh my god," said Izzy, pulling the briefs before releasing them with a snap.
"Hey ladies. I got the door open," said Vito, beckoning them with his eyes.
"Woohoo! Time to have some fun!" cheered Izzy, running out on all fours.
In another bathroom. Three stalls opened simultaneously.
The dark-skinned, white-haired athlete ran out and grabbed the tape before the others could. "Sha-win!"
"Is this some kind of initiation?" asked a stoic soldier, nervously looking at the other guys.
"I don't have a clue what's going on," said the large muscular man, scratching his head.
"Lightning just got the prize. Now get out of my way," he said, slamming against the door.
"Greetings, citizen. My name is Cadet Brick. Have you ever participated in the reality T.V. competition Total Drama?"
"My name is Ryan. Never been in Total Drama, but I did compete in the Ridonculous Race with my one true love."
"What's a Ridonculous Race?" asked Brick.
"What indeed?" chimed in Chris from the loud speaker.
"Buddha, is that you? You better get out of Lightning's head before he kicks your butt!" yelled the jock, looking around the room.
"Someone is watching us? This is pretty freaky," said Ryan.
"Looks like Chris finally accepted my All-Stars application. I won't fail this time," said Brick.
"Sha-hell you won't. Lightning's winning this thing!" he yelled before slamming into the door again.
"Hey, Lightning. Mind if I see that tape recorder?" asked Ryan.
"Find your own!" yelled Lightning, throwing it at the muscle man.
Ryan caught it. "Thanks." He pressed play.
"Greetings meat. You have been selected for the ultimate test of strength, perseverance, and intelligence—yeah, tough break on that last one. Anyways, find your team of three then figure out what you all share. Hurry it up. You may just be the first one's out," said Chris.
"Wait, I'm in a team with Lightning?"
"You got a problem with that?" asked Lightning, grabbing the whiny boy's neck.
"Not at all. You almost won Revenge of the Island. I just hope Jo isn't here. Not that she's a bad person. It's just, well she kind of scares me," said Brick.
"No way she's as scary as my Stephanie. I think it's pretty obvious what we have in common," said Ryan.
"Yeah, we're all men!" exclaimed Lightning.
"We're all strong and we've got muscle," said Ryan.
The door opened.
"Ding, ding, ding! You're the first team to get out. Follow the arrows and retrieve your clothes to win the prize!" exclaimed Chris.
"What's the prize?" asked Lightning.
"It's a sur-prize. Get it? Haha."
"I don't get it," said Brick, scratching his head.
"No worries. Come on, team, let's head out," said Ryan with a calm voice.
"You do not order Lightning around. Who do you think you are?" he asked, poking Ryan with his finger.
"I'm a team manager. But you're right; you don't have to listen to me. What do you think we should do?" asked Ryan.
"We should get moving, sha-duh!" exclaimed Lightning, running out.
"Glad to have you on our side, sir," said Brick with a salute.
"We're going to win this! We're the strongest team there is!" cheered Ryan as he left the bathroom.
A chubby woman with a polka dot bikini and a ponytail busted out from her body bag. "Nine-one-one, call the police!" She put her hand to her ear, miming a phone. "Yes, this is Chief McArthur, how can I help?" "I just woke up in a bathroom, in my underwear." "Roger, permission to use excessive force granted." "Booyah!" The police chief slammed into the door and tackled the suspicious man by the mirrors. "You are under arrest! I repeat, you are under arrest!"
"Get off me!" yelled the blond-haired muscular woman, shoving off the cop.
"Resisting arrest, eh? I love it when they resist," said McArthur, reaching in her underwear for her Tazer.
"Are you insane? I'm in my underwear too. My name is Jo and I did not do this," she said, gesturing to her sunlight yellow bra.
"Heheh. Jo, that's a guy's name. So, Jo, are you part of some nudist cult or something?" asked McArthur.
"No. But we are part of Chris McLean's newest get famous quick scheme. And we're a team, apparently. There's still one other member somewhere in this room. You check the stalls."
"You're not my mom and you're not police chief. You listen to me. I'm the boss here," said McArthur, patting her belly.
"Look, if you want to win this thing, then you're going to listen to me. I won't let some by-the-book cop command my team," said Jo.
"Oh, missy, you do not know who you are messing with. I once broke someone's arm for disobeying my orders. Well, actually she did obey my orders. The point is I broke her arm. I learned that I wasn't the true leader of my team."
"There you have it. I'm leading," said Jo.
"Whoa, did you just pull some kind of mind game on me. Well played, Jo. Well played," said McArthur with slanted eyes.
"Um, can I come out?" asked a timid voice from the stall.
"Yeah, hurry it up! We have to find out what we all have in common," said Jo, pulling the stall door open.
A girl with black hair and a slim body came out, covering her bra. "My name is Sky. What a relief. When you two were arguing, I thought you were guys," she said with a shaken up smile.
"Sky, haha! What a girly name," said McArthur, slugging the new girl.
"Ow," said Sky, massaging her arm.
"Ah great. We have a prison warden and a pretty girl. This team sucks!" yelled Jo.
"It's true, I am smoking," said McAthur, squeezing her glutes.
"You think I'm pretty?" asked Sky with a blush.
"That wasn't a complement. You had better not drag this team down, string bean," said Jo.
"I won't! So, what are your names?" asked Sky.
"This here is Jo. I know, it's a dude's name."
"I will break your arm!" yelled Jo, grabbing the cop.
"I'm McArthur. Pleasure to meet such a hot babe," she said, raising her eyebrows at Sky.
"Uh-huh. Thanks," said Sky, stepping back.
"MacArthur. That sounds familiar," said Jo.
"Chief McArthur of the great city of New York. I'm a police chief. Recent promotion. More time, more donuts and it's my job to boss people around. I've got it made. So let me guess, you're an ex-convict and you're a stripper, right? I know what we have in common—we've all been to prison," said McArthur, smiling and rubbing her hands together.
"Okaay. Seriously team, let's hustle. I do track and field. Do either of you do any sports?" asked Jo.
"I make a mean spitball," said McArthur, before spitting at the mirror. "Oh yeah!"
"I love sports!" exclaimed Sky.
"Great. So cop, have you or haven't you been in sports, a club maybe way back when you went to school," said Jo.
"School is for losers. I lived on the streets, like a wild animal. Woowoo. Did that sound like a wolf? It did right. Booyah! Nailed it!"
Jo grabbed McArthur's arm. "We are in a competition! I am not getting voted out early, again!"
"Okay. Okay. I got it! We're all chick magnets," said McArthur, putting her arm around Sky.
"What?" asked Sky, slipping out from the cop's grip.
"Maybe it's something we eat. Do you eat protein shakes?" asked Jo.
"Pshahaha! That's not food. I eat hotdogs, donuts and coffee. Ooh burritos are good too. It if moves I eat it. If it doesn't move. I eat it. My subordinates call me Mt. Hunger!" cheered McArthur.
"Okay, you, just shut up. Sky, any ideas?" asked Jo.
"You want me to figure it out?" asked Sky nervously.
"Cross-dressing that's it. Sky, you a cross-dresser? I like wearing boxers sometimes. And I bet Jo here likes to put em on too. Wait is that cross-dressing? I guess for her, putting on a skirt would be cross-dressing. Booyah!"
Jo socked McArthur's gut.
"Oooh. Didn't feel a thing. Nice punch, manly girl," said McArthur with a pained smile.
The door unlocked.
"Booyah! Cross-dressing it is! Come on, ladies, let's get moving."
"I don't cross-dress," said Sky, embarrassed.
"Ignore the truck of lard. Let's get going. Hope you can keep up," said Jo.
Sky sped past her. "I won't let the team down!"
"Not bad. With me leading us, we'll crush the competition!" cheered Jo.
A blond girl with natural eye-shadow and a calm demeanor, wearing green underwear made from leaves, pressed play on a tape recorder she had found.
"Oh, hey. Sucks to be you right now. You and your two allies have just forcibly volunteered for the least eco-friendly Total Drama ever. The good news is the prize is two-million dollars. The bad news is there are eleven, carefully crafted, and moderately balanced teams who want the same thing. To find out just how environmentally hazardous this season will be, you'll have to find what you and your team share and leave the bathroom. Chiao."
"Chris!" exclaimed the girl, sticking out her bottom lip.
"Did you just say Chris?" asked a blond girl, poking her head out from one of the stalls.
"Oh, hello there, friend. My name is—"
"Dawn, from Revenge of the Island. I was rooting for you to win. I'm—"
"Bridgette, correct?" asked Dawn with a smile.
"Yeah, that's right."
"Thanks for your well wishes. I wanted you to win Total Drama Island, well either you or D.J.; Leshawna would have been fine too," said Dawn, placing her hand on the vegetarian's shoulder.
"It's great that we're a team now. This time you won't be unfairly voted off," said Bridgette with a lax smile.
"If Scott is competing, he will feel my wrath," said Dawn, shaking her fists.
"We should find our last teammate. Maybe we're all animal lovers," said Bridgette.
"Whoa, you sure figured out that one fast," said Chris, unlocking the door.
"Hello, fellow child of the Earth. You may come out. We mean you no harm," said Dawn, knocking on the stall.
The door opened. A dreary, black-haired, pale-skinned young lady in black underwear walked out.
"Ella, is that you?" asked Dawn, her face lighting up.
"No way. It does kind of look like her though," said Bridgette.
"What happened to your aura? All the musical notes are buried in a black fog of depression," said Dawn, taking a step back.
"Life is just a dream. A dream that will end. And then, we are left with a void. So why try; why seek to fly, when in the end we all will die?" asked Ella, her voice dark, broody but still elegant.
"Ella, what happened to you?" asked Bridgette.
The singer turned away.
Dawn stood up tall. "Oh, I know how to help. Up, up, up, up…"
"Down, down, down, down," said Ella with a frown.
"No, Ella, it's sing, sing, sing, sing," sang Bridgette nervously.
"We're dying, not living. Death is more forgiving," sang Ella.
"Well, that backfired," said Bridgette softly to the moon child.
"She has such a pretty voice," said Dawn with a smile.
"We should really get going. Ella, please follow along. We're in a competition," said Bridgette.
Ella nodded weakly and followed along.
"Brighten up. We are going to win this for Mother Earth!" exclaimed Dawn, leading the way out of the bathroom.
A red-haired girl with glasses was holding the tape recorder. "Strange. I thought Chris was fed up with me."
A wretched scream came out from the bathroom stall directly behind the ginger genius.
"Why am I in this filthy bathroom!?" yelled a woman.
Scarlet opened the door. "Jyoze, hi. We're on the same team."
"Team? What team? Did you do this?"
"No. It was Chris McLean. He's a reality T.V. host."
"Oh I know him. He was the host for that ice dancing T.V. competition. Amateurs, all of them."
"But you're not. You ranked rather high on the Ridonculous Race."
"High! You think third place is high! My therapist warned me. She said I mustn't strangle people who mention that race!" yelled Jyoze, her hands gripping the air.
"Well we've both been given a chance to redeem ourselves. As long as our teammate isn't completely incompetent, we'll win," said Scarlet with a smile.
"Winning! I like the sound of that! Where's Jacques?"
"Hopefully somewhere in this bathroom," said Scarlet with a shrug.
A high pitched scream came out from the stall next to Jyoze's.
"Nope. Not Jacques. It wasn't elegant enough for one of his screams," said Jyoze.
Scarlet opened the door. "You're kidding me."
"Oh, hey! Were you the one who kidnapped me and dropped me off in a bathroom?" asked the orange haired boy, pointing a knife at the sketchy girl.
"Scott. Chris did it. Big surprise. Get out of the stall."
"How do you know my name?"
"Why him? Why him?" asked Scarlet, massaging her temples.
"Egh! Is this sweaty thing on our team?" asked Jyoze.
"Stop reminding me." Scarlet raised the tape recorder. "We're all highly competitive contestants who have no qualms about sabotaging, injuring and maybe even killing our competitors."
"Yeah, in other words?" asked Chris from the loudspeaker.
"I won't say it," said Scarlet with a grimace.
"Tick tock. Tick tock," said Chris tauntingly.
"Okay! Okay. We're all…evil," said Scarlet with a sickly look.
"Correctumundo! The doors are open! That means you can move on to the second part of the challenge!"
Jump to confessional (from now on marked by a C)
"Okay. Sure we have Scott, an ignoramus who sabotages his own team, but we can still manage. We can win this!" exclaimed Scarlet.
"Victory! I will have my golden trophy this time! You hear me Don!?" yelled Jyoze, getting extremely close to the camera.
"Don isn't the host. Chris is. He kind of hates me so he'll probably try to sabotage us. But it's not a problem. I can sabotage his sabotage. I'll outsmart his smartness!" cheered Scott.
"Don't talk. I feel my brain cells dying," said Scarlet, holding her head.
C
"The animal lovers will surely prevail. After all, my tea leaves said signing up for Total Drama would win me a lot of money. The tea leaves are always right," said Dawn.
"We aren't going to make all our choices based on tea leaves, are we?" asked Bridgette.
"All choices are pointless. Death awaits at the end of every path," said Ella, looking down at the ground.
C
"Booyah! The cross dressers are going to own this competition!" cheered McArthur.
"We are not cross dressers! Hey, you, back at home. If you're betting on someone, you should bet on us. The only reason I ever lost was because of having worthless teammates. This is a different game. There are no vote offs. It's either win or lose and I'm going to win!" exclaimed Jo, punching the air.
"I'm not going to let my team down. If you're watching, Dave. This is for you," said Sky, sticking out her middle finger. "Wow. I feel so much better already. Sorry for everyone watching who is not Dave," she said nervously.
C
"Strength is what matters. As long as Buddha doesn't attack me with another lighting bolt." Lightning cringes, awaiting divine wrath.
"Relax. We're all guys. No drama needed. We just got stay focused. We're the strongest team there is. I'm going to make you proud Stephanie and then I'm going to propose," said Ryan, taking out a small box.
"Sir. I suggest you reconsider. Many marriages end up in divorce," said Brick.
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained, my friend. Man, Stephanie is going to be so happy when she sees me competing, taking first place," said Ryan.
C
"Hey, hey. I don't really care too much about the competition. I mean, I ain't gonna lose, but I've got my eyes on something more. Girl's crazy, that's for sure. But crazy means fun in the sack, if you know what I mean," said Vito, flexing his abs.
"Wow, Vito's fun, but I hope the others are there too. I mean my inner granny wants to hook up with old Mike and like Explosivo has a crush on Mal. I like all of them. I mean why wouldn't I, there all so much fun? Heehee," said Izzy.
"Hi, Cody. If you're watching at home. Don't worry. I'll be sure to win and then you'll realize that you want to be just a teensy weensy bit more than friends. Oooh, we're going to have so many babies," said Sierra with drool.
C
"Hi everyone. We may be called the Wimps but we're not to be underestimated. What we lack in strength, we make up for in brains," said Cameron.
"And in skills. I'm wicked at doge ball and we're all nice guys. Hey Mickey, are you going to say anything?" asked Cody, raising his eyebrow.
"Um brother. If I die, you can have all my stuff. I'm probably going to die. You're always taking care of me and…I don't wanna die!" sobbed Mickey.
C
"We're gamers. And what are competitions but games?" asked Sam.
"Yep. Not to mention all the skills we've been building up, like reflexes, focus, puzzle solving and let's not forget iron thumbs! We can totally win this and I've got a camera with a clear card!" cheered Kitty.
"Dad, Mom. You don't have to worry. I'm going to be just fine. Kitty and Sam are my friends. I'll come back home, safe, sound, with the prize money…" Dwayne leaned up to the camera. "And maybe a girlfriend," he said softly.
"What did you say?" asked Kitty.
"Nothing babe," said Dwayne, putting his arms behind his head.
C
"Hi everyone. Say hi, Spud," said Owen.
"This here beauty pageant has my name written all over it! There ain't no Sky or Shawn or Jasmine to get in my way this time. I am going to be the prom queen!"
"Hi, I'm Spud," said Spud.
"Heehee. Yeah, Sugar's kind of crazy. I mean she's nice but um, in a selfish kind of way. I think we're going to have a really fun time. Chef always makes great food, except those smoothies. Yeah, uh anyways. I hope all my friends are in the game too. This is gonna be awesome! Woohoo!" cheered Owen.
"Rock, if you're watching…I'm going to make you proud, man. I'm totally focused this time. Totally focused." Spud blankly stares at the camera.
C
"This time things will be different. We're going to be helpful, kind and virtuous. And I'm going to stay focused. No flirting this time around. Alejandro has his eyes on only one prize."
"We're going to get the gold! Oui! Jyoze is going to be so proud of me. Hello my fans, keep watching. You will see this swan soar!" exclaimed Jacques before leaping through the air.
"I'm not going to lose this time. I lost my job as a hand model because of Chris' games and I didn't even win. Once I win, they'll all be begging for Justin's return to hand modeling! My butt still has a job and so does my chest, but that's not a surprise. Nope not a surprise at all," said Justin, flexing his butt.
C
"Okay, so even though this is after the first challenge, we're supposed to pretend it isn't. It's stupid. But it doesn't really matter. My team is made up of winners and it's being led by me. We are going to the top. I'm tired of playing nice. No matter what, no matter who the other competitors are, we are winning! Okay, see. That's a dumb thing to say because we already who the other competitors are," said Courtney.
"Ryan, if you're watching I just want to show you that I am better without you! You were dragging me down in the Ridonculous Race. Hate is power and I'm going to savor crushing the other teams. Once you've lost and I've won, we're going to make love like rabbits," said Stephanie.
"Why aren't Kitty and I on the same team? What? Ok, fine, I'll pretend I don't know. Of course I'm not worried. Courtney is team leader. She is strong, smart, attractive and a born leader. She'll probably run for president someday," said Emma.
"Nah. I'd rather be the Secretary of Defense. Everyone knows the president is just a figure head," said Courtney.
C
"We have Loki with us. We'll win," said Ennui and Crimson in unison.
Loki nods in agreement.
C
"Chris' stupid game ended up breaking me up with Trent, kissing Duncan and upsetting Courtney and almost got me killed multiple times. No drama this time. We're all friends here. Nothing more, nothing less," said Gwen with a smile.
"Oh, we're going to win this. Gwen and I are veterans at this sort of thing. And Trent's okay, I guess. Chris thinks he's going to tear this team apart with romantic rivalry. Too bad, so sad. I'm going to help Trent get back with Gwen. Then Courtney will see just how much I love her," said Duncan.
"I'm thrilled to be on the same team as Gwen. Well, I mean yeah I'm over her. Well, mostly. Anyways. We make a good team. We can win this. I just hope Duncan doesn't mess things up," said Trent.
Jump to Chris in the observation room. "How long will it take Gwen to fall in love with another guy? Will Mickey be the first one to die? Can the Goths even compete without their precious make-up? Who will be going home after the challenge and what exactly is the challenge. Find out next time on Total Drama…Action Stars Island Tour!" exclaimed Chris, raising his hands for dramatic effect.