An awkward silence filled the air backstage after Sara had dropped the 'M-word' on stage multiple times that night. The boys seemed to struggle with making eye contact with Sara.

Masturbating wasn't something you really talked about on a tour bus. Clearly, it was something everyone needed to do more of and felt like they couldn't. Even if you were brave enough to try while others were asleep, the slightest noise could freeze you in your tracks. And privacy on the bus was a joke. At any moment, someone was likely to rip the curtain of your bunk back and reveal anything and everything you might have felt comfortable attempting a few seconds before. It seemed everyone was struggling with this unspoken problem.

Sara sighs loudly, clearly annoyed as she sat down at the table once on the bus. Tegan boarded to find her sister arms crossed and staring out the window into the dark. Tegan paused at the table and gave Sara a long look.

"Why did you have to say that? On stage? More than once?" she asked, feeling her cheeks redden as the words came out. "That was really embarrassing, Sara."

"Sorry to embarrass you," she said not turning her gaze from the darkness outside, "not everyone feels comfortable getting them self off on a bus with other people." Tegan narrowed her eyes. "Clearly, it doesn't bother you, though." Tegan's cheeks grew hot again.

"What are you implying, Sara?" Sara smirked, still gazing out the window.

"From the color of your face, you know exactly what I'm implying." Sara whipped her head around quickly to match her twins hateful glare. How did she know? Lately, getting off had become a regular nightly habit whether on the bus or in a hotel room. She didn't even really know why but she'd been completely insatiable.

Sara's eyes drilled holes right through her skull and Tegan felt overexposed immediately. Of course Sara knew. They were twins. She knew everything without saying a word. She felt herself become angry.

"Oh yeah," Tegan snapped, "And how do you know what I do?"

"First," Sara spoke in an eerily calm voice, "We're twins and I feel what you feel, in case you forgot. Furthermore, I can tell by the change in your breathing. You never make a sound but I can hear your breath quicken and then you get really quiet. Your breath hitches just as you're about to cum and I can tell your teeth are clenched. I can hear the sheets as you grabbed them up in your hands." Sara paused, "Should I continue?"

"No...just...no," Tegan said flatly, cheeks really flushed now. She walked away quickly and laid in her bunk. Her heart was racing and she felt hot. And sick. She suddenly felt like she needed to throw up. She rolled onto her side and curled up against the wall of the bunk. Damn it, if she wasn't wet again already. This was becoming too much. Maybe it was loneliness. Maybe it was boredom. She wasn't sure, but she felt irritated by the fact that she hadn't been more prudent. She wondered if she just breathed loudly or if Sara was purposefully listening to her all those late nights.

Sara didn't leave her post at the table until they reached the hotel a few minutes later. She grabbed her bag and her water and headed to her room. Once inside, she tossed her stuff on the floor and laid out across the bed. Normally, she'd read to unwind after the show but not tonight. She didn't have the patience for reading tonight. She felt hot. She felt needy. She felt lonely.

Laying there, she kicked off her shoes and let her mind run over the days events. Things had been fairly uneventful until mid-afternoon. They had boarded the bus to head to sound check and afterwards grabbed a late lunch/early dinner before everyone caught a pre-show nap on the bus. Well, almost everyone. She herself had still been awake. She had wanted to nap too but decided that taking a sleeping pill that close to show time would have been a disaster, so she had settled for laying in her bunk with her eyes closed and attempted to will herself to sleep.

She had been fairly close to achieving her goal when she'd heard a rustle from the bunk across from her. She had listened, ears straining. The air had been silent except for the sounds of soft breathing-in and out, in and out. Tegan had been awake too it seemed. More rustling. Was that the sound of a zipper? Was Tegan seriously...? Sara couldn't have been sure at first. Usually, late at night when she suspected Tegan was doing, well, that - she would roll over and put her head phones on and block it out.

Today, however she hadn't moved. She'd laid still, listening to Tegan's breathing quickening. She'd heard the sheets crinkle and imagined Tegan's fingers wrapped in them, gripping them tightly as she got closer to finishing. Sara had flushed hard immediately at the thought and questioned why she had been listening in.

She had felt an all too familiar ache inside of herself, a need she hadn't had met in quite some time. She heard Tegan suck in a breath and Sara jumped, as if she had been caught in her fantasy world. The air was tense for a moment and she had envisioned her sister, her twin, flushed with drops of sweat forming along her brow. Sara was positive her skin was on fire at that point. Tegan had finally exhaled, slowly, and a few seconds later Sara heard the zipper again, going back up this time she presumed.

An hour before show time the bus was rustling with activity again. Sara had slid out of her bunk thankful for the few minutes of sleep she did manage to get. Tegan was on the couch, putting her shoes on when Sara caught her eye. Tegan smiled. Sara felt her cheeks go red again.

"Hi," she said as casually as possible.

"Hey," Tegan responded, not seeming to notice the flush that had crept into Sara's cheeks. Tegan stood up after her shoes were on and started to walk away, but quickly glanced back at Sara.

"Are you ok?" she'd asked cautiously, raising an eyebrow. Okay, maybe she did notice the flush, "Do you have a fever? Are you sick?" Sick? Yes, she felt like she could say yes to that one. Fever? Possibly, her skin did prickle like she'd been outside too long.

"I'm fine," she lied with a halfhearted smile. At that moment, Tegan had stepped towards her and wrapped her arms around Sara unexpectedly. Sara was startled a bit. She was still getting used Tegan's new found physical affection. Sara hugged back loosely mind wondering what was going on and why she was feeling so weird today.

They had played the show uneventfully, but Sara felt off and awkward. Then came her famous 'm- word' statement. How had she got on that topic when all she was trying to do was explain what it was like listening to their old demos? She loved Tegan's voice and would often listen to "Tegan's Songs". She embarrassed herself and her sister with her comments. She felt guilty for it. And she felt angered that she couldn't seem to express how she felt these days without it coming out all wrong. But what was it she felt, exactly? She didn't know. And she didn't want to find out tonight.

Sara reached for her bag and grabbed her bottle of sleeping pills and took two before shutting off the light.

Tegan was the last off the bus and was in no hurry to get to her room down the hall from Sara's. She walked slowly, letting her mind wander to the comments Sara made on stage tonight. She wasn't sure what brought it on, or why, but she felt like it had something to do with her.