A/N: Note about this being post-game and all were revived and living on Alternia (the trolls that is, the humans are on Earth).
Holier Than Thou
It was a rainy day and a number of trolls were gathered in the Serket hive. Kankri was perched on the edge of a sofa, not quite sure why he was still there. Aranea had invited him probably only because she had invited Porrim, but Porrim had decided not to turn up only hours earlier for a reason Kankri would pester her for later. He had spent most of the time talking with Cronus so far, but he was presently occupied with taunting Meenah…or perhaps she was taunting him. He couldn't quite tell.
"So, Equius, how's it going with Aradia?" Vriska asked.
Kankri rolled his eyes. He had hoped to join the conversation, but this was nothing interesting. A shame; there was so much to be discussed with the Alternian trolls.
"There is nothing to discuss," Equius said.
"What? I thought you wanted her in a quadrant?"
"I don't date down on the hemospectrum."
Vriska rolled her eyes. "Well I don't think Gamzee's available," she said as she nudged Tavros in the side. "So I'm guessing you'll be making a better Aradiabot to fill that hole in your life? One that won't reject your blue blood."
Most of the Beforan trolls had glanced at Kankri when they heard the word 'hemospectrum' and knew it was only a matter of time before he delivered a lecture. They were relieved when a single question came out of his mouth.
"So, you build robots too, Equius?"
Equius nodded and Vriska took it upon herself to elaborate in the hope of embarrassing him. "Yeah, he builds lots of the same one – our Megido – and he makes them blue bloods because he's ashamed of liking a rust blood. Then he tries so make them fall in love with him."
Aranea stood making a motion to tell Vriska to stop, but she never caught the message, preferring to watch as Equius reached for a towel.
Kankri sat with his mouth open, ready to recite, but unsure about what he should pick on first. In that moment Horuss excused himself and the other Beforan trolls quietly migrated to the other end of the room.
"Please mind your language, Vriska, such terms could be offensive to those in the room," he briefly looked at Tavros. "But you should refrain from using such derogatory terms anyway, regardless of who is present. Before I continue, do you have any triggers I should be aware of?"
Vriska looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "What?"
"Nothing?" Kankri said quickly, he was quite used to people having no triggers to list, and perhaps it was presumptuous of him, but Vriska didn't seem the type to have any she would willingly list publicly. "Excellent. I would like to take the time to say that Equius's robot building abilities are quite astounding, but the fact that he intentionally makes them blue blooded is horrific. It only furthers the oppression of the lower classes by promoting the idea that those with blue blood and higher castes are superior to those with green and lower. If one likes another then they should be proud of that partner, regardless of such trivial attributes. Having met the young Megido I have found her to be quite happy with herself, so someone such as yourself should not seek to change her. I would suggest that you speak with Horuss; he has changed since finding a moirail of lower blood. His views on the hemospectrum have truly changed for the better and I'm sure he can provide you with the same wisdom."
"So you're suggesting Equius target rustbloods instead of using his own blood? Wouldn't that make him worse in your eyes?"
Kankri looked rather horrified. "Firstly, language. Secondly, I would rather he used a different system altogether so that the robots didn't function on blood from other living beings."
"I do not know how to build them without using blood," Equius chipped in. "Besides I am fairly certain that using blood of a higher caste yields better results. It has proved to be of superior quality."
"The pair of you need to rethink the way you phrase things, this is all quite triggering to those lower down on the spectrum, wouldn't you agree, Tavros?"
Tavros looked a little shocked that he had been pulled into the conversation. He'd zoned out during Kankri's initial long speech. "Um…I don't really care. I'm used to it."
The shock was evident on Kankri's face. "Are slurs frequently used against you?"
"Yeah, but, um, Vriska's supposed to do that as a kismesis. But Gamzee just points out my blood colour in an, um, endearing way."
"And the others who are not in your quadrants?"
Why was this guy so interested? He barely even knew his name. "They sometimes say things, but nothing like the time I was in a four wheeled device."
"I am disgusted at the way your so called friends treat you. Have you learned nothing about equality from your dancestors? True, our society wasn't perfect, but it was a lot better than this."
"I can see why Karkat made you move out," Terezi said from where she lay on the sofa.
Vriska held up a hand for a high-five. "True. Why do you care so much? Seems like your friends abandoned you the moment you opened your mouth."
"I want to better the world and educate ignorant trolls such as yourself."
"Ignorant?" Vriska raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "That, I am not."
"Really? Then why do you insist on continuing to use slurs and promote such unhealthy practices among your friends?"
"Because that's who I am and that's how life goes. We can't all live in your bubble – this perfect world you live in."
"But the world I live in is far from perfect, but we can all work towards it." Kankri gave her a smile which made her think he was delusional.
"No. I like it how it is."
"Then you have yet to learn all that is wrong with the world. Perhaps I could suggest a few topics for discussion so that I can better explain why."
"Not today. Not ever."
Kankri ignored her. "We could start with class oppression, or perhaps culling culture? Lusus –"
Vriska stood up. "No."
"I would appreciate it if you would take the time to listen -"
"No, we've all had enough of your waffle today; some of us are just too polite to say so."
"I didn't think you understood the concept."
"Look, I've tried to end this nicely, the least you can do is do the same." She began to walk away, but Kankri stood up and she stopped. "I'm serious. Leave me alone."
"Please, just one lec- conversation. It will be beneficial, I promise." He took a step towards her and within a second a hand was at her temple, a threat she hoped he would recognise.
"Vriska," Aranea said warningly.
The younger Serket turned and smiled at her dancestor sweetly. Unfortunately for her Cronus walked over just in time to catch Tavros's hand that was on its way to collide with Kankri's head.
Vriska cursed under her breath and Tavros shot her an unimpressed look while Cronus ushered Kankri from the room.
"Cronus, let go of me," Kankri complained.
Once the door was closed behind them he complied. "Look, chief, she's not up to listening today, so there's no point wasting your breath. And, you know, it's not a good idea to get on Vriska's bad side. You do know that she's the one that paralysed Tavros during their game, right? And later was the one to kill him. But she even blinded her matesprit, so not one to mess with."
"I see. Well, perhaps you'd be so kind as to help me get through to her another time."
"Err…I'll think about it." He patted Kankri's shoulder and gave a strained smile before leaving him.
It was her loss. He had to accept that not everyone could be convinced of certain things. This just happened to be one of those he lost.
ooo
Everyone and their dancestor were invited to Porrim's wriggling day celebration. Social gatherings such as this were not Kankri's forte, but as a moirail he felt it his duty to attend. Had it been anyone else he most likely would have declined without a second thought.
He tried to enjoy himself, he really did, but there were certain wavelengths that he just wasn't on. That, and he had promised Porrim that he would refrain from lecturing anyone on any subject. So for the most part he sat there listening to conversations and holding his tongue, despite wanting to say so many things.
At one point he ended up with Damara sitting next to him and he mentally noted it as one of the most awkward situations of his life.
"You cute," she said. Her standard Alternian was much improved since they had last spoken. He did have a sneaking suspicion that she was actually very fluent, but he had to respect her and was not going to be the one that suggested she was lying to them all. "You suck my bulge." She moved closer. "I lick your nook."
Kankri could feel himself flush at how forward she was. "No, thank you. I would appreciate it if you would stop invading my personal space."
"It feel good. Trust." She placed a hand on his leg which he immediately slapped away. He made to get up, but she placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back into the sofa they sat on. A hand wrapped around his wrist which he tried to pull away from, but she had a strong grip that surprised him. Oh god, where was she leading his hand?
"Hey, doll, you mind budging up?"
Kankri had never been more pleased to see Cronus. Damara shot him a look and released Kankri, only to begin moving into his lap. Cronus took her shoulder and moved her so that he could fit between the two of them.
"So what's up?" He took a sip of his beer.
"You want get off?" Damara asked.
"Not now, doll. But, you know, it is Porrim's wriggling day."
Damara huffed and left the two.
"You okay, chief? She didn't do anything too 'triggering'?"
"You came just in time. Thank you."
"No problem, I know she's a little full on at times."
"Yes, I hope Porrim will be able to handle her. Do you mind moving over?"
Cronus moved from the squashed position they had been in. "I haven't heard you say much tonight."
"I promised Porrim I wouldn't."
Cronus smiled. "Doing a good job, but you can tell me. What's tempted you the most to speak out?"
"Well, I would like to say something to Damara about the sexual harassment, but there's not much use in talking to her seeing as she pretends not to understand. I would like to say something about the amount of sloppy make outs I've witnessed, but they're all in quadrants with one another, so who am I to stop them? That leaves me with the complaint about the amount of soporific substances being consumed."
"Haven't you had any?"
"No, I refuse to touch the stuff, another lesser known vow of mine."
"You should try it; the stuff Rose bought over is actually really nice."
"The fact that the adjective you chose to use is 'nice' tells me that it isn't worth anyone's time."
"Okay, then it's really tasty. Is that better?"
"Only slightly. I still refuse to touch the stuff. It turns people into think-panless idiots."
"That's harsh, chief."
"I won't hide my hate for the substance. Much better to pour all of my hatred into something like that rather than people. I honestly don't see the point of it."
"It helps you to relax and be a little more carefree, you know."
"A little meditation would do the same, I'm sure."
"Kanny, what are you up to?" Porrim waltzed over and settled herself on the arm of the sofa.
"Just talking."
"Good, good." She slipped into his lap. "Hug me."
He did as she asked. "Are you okay?"
"Do you see Damara?"
"She's looking this way. Oh god, she's bothering poor Karkat now."
"Sorry about that, Por," Cronus chimed in. "We kinda sent her your way to get her to leave Kan alone."
"I'm surprised no one's accepted her advances yet. I won't lie, I thought you might."
"Nah, had to be here to look after my buddy here." Cronus slid an arm around Kankri's shoulders.
"Don't touch him," Porrim said.
Cronus quickly retracted the arm. "Sorry. Triggers, I forgot."
Porrim removed herself from her moirail and smoothed her dress. "Be good and enjoy yourselves."
"Do you think we should rescue Karkat?" Kankri asked as they watched Damara close the gap between them, Karkat's back against the wall.
"Doesn't he have a Makara for a moirail? Shouldn't he sort it out?"
"I think I saw him disappear with Tavros not too long ago."
Cronus sighed. "Yeah, I guess we should. But she'll only go for someone else. Should I give her what she wants?"
Kankri shrugged, unsure of what was the best course of action. "I suppose you both have a free quadrant, so it wouldn't be cheating. I mean, I don't approve, but it probably would be for the good of us all – and hurry because Karkat is looking quite triggered now."
Cronus shrugged and downed his drink. "Wish me luck."
He watched as Cronus removed Damara from his dancestor and pointed him in his direction. It came as a surprise when Karkat did actually come and sit by him, grabbing a cushion to place over his lap, which Kankri pretended not to notice.
"How's life, fuckass?"
Kankri rolled his eyes. "Not bad. Enjoying life without me?" He hadn't been the only one to be kicked out by his dancestor, Mituna and Cronus had received the same treatment while Meenah had evicted herself.
"Fuck yes; this is the way trolls are supposed to live: alone."
"Most of the others manage it."
Karkat rolled his eyes. "Look, you're a stubborn nookstain that just won't be washed away. I don't even know how someone as awesome as Porrim puts up with you and your holier-than-thou attitude. Do you ever just take a step back to look at yourself and how others see you? Because if you did you'd probably stand there and say 'wow, what an asshole.' Yeah, you should do that and then you can stop being so fucking annoying and make all our lives more bearable."
"I am quite hurt, Karkat, but as I was saying to someone earlier, sopor changes people, so I'll assume that you didn't mean all of that."
"I know I had a little drinking challenge with Sollux, but that was like…hours ago. I'm serious about what I said. Take a step back and look at yourself sometime."
"You always talk about past you with derogatory terms; will I be expecting the same by tomorrow?"
"I can already tell that past me, which is to say current me, is absolutely wonderful because he is telling you exactly what I feel and have always wanted to say to you."
At that moment Kankri yelped and leapt from the sofa. A pair of hands had wrapped themselves around his horns moments ago and caused Karkat to burst into laughter while Gamzee stood up from where he'd been crawling behind the sofa.
"Oh, sorry bro that looks like Karbro." Gamzee climbed over the back of the sofa and fell unceremoniously into the seat Kankri had just vacated. "Hey, best friend. You two look motherfucking similar from behind."
"No shit, Gamzee. But that's the most hilarious thing I've seen for a while."
Kankri huffed and walked away. Clearly he wasn't wanted or welcome anymore.
The rest of the night didn't prove to be very interesting; he spent most of it watching the others play drinking games until the younger Captor couldn't hold it in anymore. He figured that was a good time to leave.
"Leaving so soon?" Kanaya asked as she descended the stairs.
"Yes, if that is okay?"
Kanaya nodded. "Take this." She held out an umbrella.
He thanked her and put on a pair of sunglasses before stepping out into the sunlight. "Goodbye, and tell Porrim I'll talk to her later."
ooo
"What's on your mind, chief?"
Kankri sat in Cronus's food block. They made time every now and then to get together and play music. Cronus would play the guitar and do most of the vocals while Kankri played the piano and occasionally sung along with Cronus, but never alone.
"Is it someone you like?"
"What? Why would I be thinking about that? I don't even like anyone, but that's beside the point, it's an inappropriate time to be thinking about such things."
"I don't know, you just had a dreamy look about you and I just thought I'd break the silence."
"I was quite enjoying the sound of the waves."
"Oh. I guess you don't get to hear them often." He brought the food he had prepared over to the table and sat down opposite Kankri. "But you really don't like anyone?"
"I thought you knew that I don't participate in the concupiscent quadrants." He took a slice of bread and began to build a sandwich.
"Yeah, everyone knows that, but it doesn't mean you can't like someone."
"Well, I don't allow myself to have such feelings."
"That's pretty harsh."
Kankri shrugged. "Not really. I don't ever feel the need for anything like that anyway."
"It's strange; I always thought you had a thing for Latula."
Cronus watched carefully, but he couldn't even detect the faintest blush on Kankri's face when he replied. "I remember there was a time when we were younger…maybe 5 sweeps, and Mituna asked me – no, he forced me to give him a name. He insisted that I must like someone more than the others. So I told him that I thought Latula was pretty. It's funny because he mocked me and said that Aranea was much more beautiful, but look who he's with now."
"Times change."
"They do. But anyway, I think he told people what I had said and everyone thought that I had a flush crush on her because of it."
"So it was all a lie?"
"Not at all. Calling it a lie would imply that I went along with it and agreed. It was just an untrue rumour. Sure, Latula is a fairly attractive person, but I feel nothing for her."
"Just 'fairly attractive'? Latula's got a hot bod, man. I think 'smoking' would be a better adjective."
Kankri set his sandwich down in a manner that implied he was about to berate Cronus. "I don't believe in seeing people as just how they appear physically. While I do find Porrim pleasant to look at, our relationship is built purely on an emotional level. I reject the use of the word 'hot' or any words with similar connotations, primarily because such words could be seen as offensive to those lower on the hemospectrum due to their higher internal temperatures. Certain highblooded individuals may also take offence as they may believe you are implying they are of lower status, not that -"
"Kan."
"Have I said something triggering? I do apologise."
"No, but I think we should eat and maybe we can talk about this another time, like maybe online later." Online where he could skim read while doing something much more interesting.
Kankri picked up his half-eaten sandwich. "Okay then." He didn't say another word about it that afternoon, but he didn't forget.
castelessGuardian [CG] began trolling casanovasAnchor [CA]
CG: Are y9u up f9r c9ntinuing 9ur dicussi9n fr9m earlier?
CA: ehhh...sure, chief.
CA: but before you begin I just vwanted to say that the reason I used those vwords vwas because i picked them up from the humans.
CG: I d9 rec9gnise that and it was g9ing t9 6e a p9int I menti9ned.
CG: Anyway, as I was saying earlier, the use 9f such w9rds may 6e deemed 9ffensive, 6ut may als9 6e unwanted 6y the pers9n 9r pe9ple they are descri6ing. I w9uld suggest that when discussing pe9ple y9u talk a69ut their pers9naility first and then their physical appearance.
CA: i only mentioned it because of vwhat you said before.
CG: Ah, 9f c9urse. I d9 ap9l9gise f9r assuming things a69ut y9u.
CA: can i ask you something?
CG: Alth9ugh the use 9f such w9rds is accepta6le t9 humans, we –
CG: 9f c9urse y9u may.
CA: i knowv you dont like my adjectivwes, but do you agree with me? do you think shes 'hot'?
CG: N9. I d9n't use such w9rds as they tend t9 suggest s9me f9rm 9f sexual attracti9n t9 the pers9n in questi9n.
CA: so youvwe nevwer felt sexually attracted to anyone?
CG: N9. Again, I th9ught that was clear.
CA: yeah, but i thought maybe you had vwhen you vwere younger or something. guess i find it a little odd.
CG: Did y9u have such attracti9ns when y9u were 3?
CA: no.
CG: Then just imagine 6eing like that.
CA: but thats vwhen vwe vwere 3. vwere 10 nowv, kan. things are different, vwevwe grovwn up.
CG: 6ut that's h9w I feel. I waited f9r this change t9 happen, 6ut it never did. I watched y9u all start t9 take an interest in each 9ther r9mantically, 6ut I never felt like that.
CA: thats a sad story, chief.
CG: I d9n't feel like I'm missing 9ut. It c9uld 6e w9rse. I c9uld have liked s9me9ne and had unrequited feelings.
CA: i guess. could havwe ended up like me.
CG: Y9u'll find s9me9ne s99n, I'm sure.
CA: maybe. so, like wha
CG: Hmm?
CA: i meant to press backspace.
CG: What were y9u g9ing t9 ask? I presume that was the start 9f a questi9n.
CA: nothing. youd probably say it vwas too triggering or something.
CG: Try me.
CA: no, i really dont vwant to.
CG: 9kay, 6ut d9n't say I didn't give y9u an 9pp9rtunity.
CA: fine.
CA: i vwas going to ask…fuck its too personal.
CA: okay, vwhatevwer, im just curious, dont judge.
CG: I pr9mise n9t t9.
CA: i vwanted to knowv vwhat you get off to if you dont find anyone attractivwe.
CG: I d9n't.
CA: vwhat?
CA: you dont get off evwer?
CG: N9. I d9n't feel the need t9.
CA: but you tried it?
CG: Every tr9ll has that awkward m9rning when they wake up with their 6ulge unsheathed f9r the first time and I, like m9st, tried manual stimulati9n that day. It was pleasant en9ugh as I remem6er it, 6ut n9t interesting en9ugh t9 make me repeat the experience.
CA: so you nevwer popped a boner randomly?
CG: I never let my th9ughts run that wild.
CA: god, kan, you really are a freak of nature.
CG: Cr9nus, y9u kn9w I d9n't appreciate y9u using such terms when talking a69ut me.
CA: sorry, chief. you just amuse me sometimes.
CG: I can't pretend that I'm n9t 9ffended 6y the fact that y9u find this all s9 funny. I c9nfided these pieces 9f pers9nal inf9rmati9n 6ecause I th9ught that y9u were a friend I c9uld trust.
CA: i vwont tell anyone.
CG: I als9 meant that I trusted y9u n9t t9 make fun 9f me and my differences.
castelessGuardian [CG] ceased trolling casanovasAnchor [CA]
CA: im sorry, kan. you knowv i dont mean to be mean.
"Am I – pardon the language – an asshole?" Kankri asked as he and Porrim lay in her fabric pile. It was probably his favourite place due to the immense comfort.
"Was someone calling you names again?" she asked as she ran a hand through his hair.
"It was something Karkat said. I wasn't going to take note, but I had a few more conversations with others and it got me thinking again."
"Well, not everyone gets along and someone who I think is a complete tool could be your best friend."
"He's not my best friend, you are."
"Outside of the quadrants you'd class him as your closest friend though?"
"I suppose." He was never really sure about Cronus. Some days he would pretend not to notice the Cancer like most of their group, but other times they'd be there playing music until the sun came up.
"Anyway, my point was that I don't think you're an ass, but I can understand why someone like Karkat would say that. Sometimes you need to learn when to keep things to yourself."
"But it's hard."
"I know it is, honey, but you'd go further if you did."
They lapsed into silence, but Kankri's mind was never quiet. He snuggled into Porrim and thought about his recent exchanges with Cronus. His love for Porrim was as platonic as could be; he had never even thought of her in any other way. She could squeeze him against her chest or stand there naked all day and he wouldn't even respond. Was that just the sign of a perfect moirail? But hadn't Aranea been pale for her and that ended up in quadrant vacillation? Oh god, now he was trying to think of her that way. Had Cronus managed to make him curious? He'd already missed the young experimental phase, it was too late. Besides, he had vows to keep.
ooo
"Aren't you going to sing?" Kankri asked.
Cronus laughed. "With this voice? I know it doesn't sound too bad right now, but if I tried to sing it would break and be out of tune and everything." The cough had left Cronus with a slightly raspier voice than usual. He sounded a little like a villain out of an action movie.
They began another song and Kankri decided to fill in for his partner. He knew most of the words and hummed along to the parts he wasn't sure on.
"Sorry about the last verse."
Cronus was still staring at him with a look of awe.
"What is it?" Kankri's hands flew to his face, wondering if there was something on it.
"Your voice is amazing."
"Oh. Thank you."
"You should sing solo more often."
Kankri blushed. "I…um…I don't really want to."
Cronus frowned. "Aw, but you sound beautiful. Why wouldn't you want to sing more often?"
Kankri shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't think I was very good."
"You are, Kan. Will you do the next one as well?"
"If it's one I know."
Cronus played a few notes and Kankri smiled and turned back to the piano. He couldn't pass up the chance to belt out his favourite song.
The performance left Cronus smiling and the Cancer deciding that he was tired of singing alone. He began to play a song of his choice and Cronus groaned.
"Really, Kan?"
"Oh yes, really."
"You're so evil to me sometimes." Cronus cleared his throat before launching into song. "I got chills. They're multiplyin'." It was one of the first human songs he's ever heard and Kankri knew that he couldn't resist singing along. God, he sounded awful and he knew he was butchering the song, but that wasn't going to stop him.
Kankri took the female part and it made Cronus chuckle. He never sang half-heartedly, so this was the only time Kankri sounded like he genuinely had any interest in romance.
Cronus rejoined the song for the chorus, but by the end of the first line he descended into a coughing fit. Kankri stopped playing and handed him the glass of water that sat on top of the piano. The Aquarius took it and drank the whole glass, pausing to clear his throat between sips.
"Thanks, chief. Where were we?"
"I don't think you should be singing if that's the kind of state you'll end up in."
"But it's my favourite song…"
"I know, we'll sing it next time when you're better."
Cronus huffed and put the guitar down and replacing it with a cushion pulled to his chest.
"Don't mope. I'm only thinking of your health."
"So I'll just lay here and listen to you play?" Cronus asked hopefully.
Kankri shook his head. "I think not. You should go and rest in your recuperacoon and I should come back when you're healthy again."
"But that's so boring," Cronus groaned. "Won't you stay and keep me company? Pleeeease?"
Kankri sighed. "Fine. I'll stay for a while. I should at least stay for the amount of time it takes me to get here."
"Hey, that's not what you're supposed to say. You're supposed to say that you want to be a good friend and be with me in my time of need."
"Perhaps. But I would rather not increase my chances of infection by hanging around longer."
Cronus got up and began to walk to his respiteblock. "So when Porrim's ill you don't do the good moirail thing and tend to her? I can imagine you sitting on the opposite side of the room and throwing tissues at her."
"Porrim has never complained about illness to me. I suppose she has a strong immune system."
"Sure. Or she knows you wouldn't help." Cronus pulled his shirt over his head and Kankri averted his eyes.
"I'll just wait outside."
Cronus called him in less than a minute later and Kankri was surprised when he looked around. The block didn't look like it belonged to Cronus, or rather not current Cronus. Most of the things in here were in boxes that were gathering dust, but there was still a desk with just a book and a wand on it.
"It's my old block," Cronus explained. "Not many people get to see it."
"I can understand that you would move all of your old belongings into one place, but why is the recuperacoon in here?"
"I have a human bed – it's so much better…when you're not ill. Anyway I'm sure you can see why I asked you to stay. Not much to do here except for watch the boxes get dustier."
Kankri pulled the chair from under the desk and swept it of dust before sitting down. "So, how would you like me to entertain you today?"
Cronus shrugged. "I thought we could just talk, unless you had something else in mind?"
Kankri smirked. "Talking is great, so now that I have you in a good position which of the following issues would you like to discuss…?" He listed a variety of his favourites which Cronus barely even processed, instead diving face first into the slime and regretting asking the Cancer to stay.
ooo
Kankri woke with an ache in his groin, ignoring it as he pulled himself out of his recuperacoon. He rubbed his eyes and began to remember what he had been dreaming about. Oh god…Cronus was in it. And they had been pailing. How embarrassing. And here he stood finding his body had responded to such a ridiculous idea. He fingered his bulge curiously and was slightly surprised when it wrapped itself around his hand, trying to find friction. It had been a long time since he'd felt like this…maybe his body would respond better this time. He sat down in his chair before giving his bulge the attention it desired, rubbing a hand up and down it slowly.
His mind began to wander and he had to remind himself what he was doing. He sighed. So this was the part where he thought about things that turned him on, right? Well, he had no idea where to start with that…surely thinking about the dream would help. He thought of the naked version of Cronus that had appeared in his dream and blushed furiously. Why couldn't it have been a random troll? Okay, maybe he shouldn't focus on the face and stick to what they were doing. Cronus had been there with a pail between his legs…actually, that was a good idea.
A short rummage through his cupboards later he was poised in the same position he had dreamt of, blushing furiously even though there was no one around to see him like this. He resumed stroking his bulge, feeling it begin to get slicker. Cronus had been bucking into his hand, so he began to move his hips in the same motion. He wasn't very good at it, losing the rhythm – well that would imply that he had a rhythm that lasted more than two thrusts of his hips. It didn't matter really, what he was managing seemed to be working. The need to go faster was finally here and he was more than happy to oblige. Honestly he just wanted this to be over. He felt so exposed and ridiculous the way he was being reduced to this panting mess. Oh god, he really was making a lot of noise. He grabbed the sweater he'd left on the back of the chair and bit down on it to stifle his moans. Cronus had been moaning his name in his dream…he replayed the sounds he had imagined and they were somewhat arousing. Wait, he'd finally found something – no, he couldn't think about that now, he was so close. Just focus on the sounds…
God, it felt so good right now. Maybe he should do this more often, maybe later on? He pumped as fast as his hand could go and let out a final moan as he released, stroking his rubbed-raw bulge until he had ridden out his orgasm. He slumped against the wall, waiting until he had caught his breath before trekking to the ablution block.
As the water washed over him he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. He'd spent all that time touching himself and the reward had been a few seconds of ecstasy. Maybe he wouldn't be doing that again any time soon. And didn't everyone always say that it was this really relaxing thing? He honestly couldn't see what they meant. His body just seemed to get more stressed during the whole ordeal and now he felt just as he would any other day. He sighed and picked up a sponge. At least he'd tried.
castelessGuardian [CG] began trolling casanovasAnchor [CA]
CG: Cr9nus, may I ask y9ur advice?
CA: shoot, chief.
CG: H9w d9es 9ne g9 a69ut meeting 9ther tr9lls and initiating a matespritship?
CA: gosh, thats one hell of a question. vwhat did porrim say?
CG: I haven't asked her yet. As a m9irail she w9uld pr96a6ly get t99 inv9lved, as well as 9ver excited.
CA: vwell, i guess youvwe just got to go out there and meet people. maybe hang out at a bar…or in your case join a book club?
CG: 9kay, 6ut h9w w9uld I c9nvey the fact that I have r9mantic intenti9ns?
CA: can i ask if you havvwe someone in mind?
CG: I d9 n9t.
CA: oh okay. vwell as you knowv, im not the best in that department, but my advwice vwould be to tell them howv you feel vwhen the time is right.
CG: Is that really all there is t9 it?
CA: i guess? im sorry, im really not the advwice guy for this area.
CG: I understand. Thank y9u anyway.
CA: vwhats this all about though? i thought you didnt do matesprits.
Kankri sat back for a moment. He hadn't really considered what he would say if Cronus asked. A part of him wanted to lie, to say that it was all research for something he was writing. But perhaps Cronus could be of use if he knew his true intentions.
CG: I w9uld like to seek a matesprit as an experiment.
CA: okay then. doesnt sound vwrong at all.
CG: I mean that I want t9 try having 9ne and see whether I like it. 6ut I'm very fussy a69ut wh9 I w9uld all9w t9 get cl9se t9 me, s9 I'm n9t sure it will w9rk 9ut, hence calling it an experiment.
CA: i see. vwhy dont you ask porrim to try it out?
CG: I am n9t g9ing t9 vi9late the sanctity 9f 9ur m9iraillegiance t9 try s9mething that I d9u6t will w9rk with her.
CA: fair enough. i can givwe you some places to check out if you vwant.
CG: I supp9se that w9uld 6e a start.
Cronus ended up escorting the Cancer to his favourite bar and trying to help him out.
"How about her? She's looks nice," Cronus said as they sat at a table, looking for potential people for Kankri to approach.
"I think I saw her walk in with someone."
"Yeah, but we walked in together. Doesn't mean she's with them."
"Yes it does." Kankri watched as a green blood kissed the girl in question on the cheek. "Anyway, it doesn't matter what they look like."
"So that dodgy guy in the corner's good for you?"
Kankri grimaced as he looked. "Well, he could be a really nice person…who just happens to look rather scary."
"Not being funny, Kan, but he looks like the type that would have you culled." He averted his eyes when he noticed the troll looking their way. "Say, you never said whether you were going to break your vows in this experiment of yours."
"I haven't planned that far ahead to be honest. I'm not really expecting things to progress that far – either I'll back out or they'll give up on me."
"Aw, why would they do that?"
"Because most people can't stand me talking to them for more than a few minutes."
Cronus gave him a friendly shoulder pat. "Just remember that you're not here to lecture people. Now, go and sit at the bar and talk to a few people." Kankri looked a little worried as he got up. "Oh, and order something while you're there or it'll look odd."
Cronus watched as his friend walked away. He looked so small as he sat at the bar and it wasn't helping that he was sitting with his shoulders hunched, all closed in on himself. When they caught each others eyes Cronus gestured for Kankri to make himself look more confident. The Cancer nodded and rested and arm on the bar, looking to see who he could possibly strike up a conversation with.
"Water you doing here?" Meenah slid into the seat Kankri had recently vacated.
"Not much," Cronus lied. "I could ask you the same thing. Didn't think you liked this place."
"Aranea thinks it's quaint. Oh shit – is that Vantas?! You and him on a date?"
"Nah, I'm trying to get him a date."
Meenah smirked. "You ain't gonna get anywhere with that."
"Meenah, don't be mean."
"What? I ain't doing anyfin, his mouth will do it all for me."
Cronus sighed. "I just want the best for him. I'm sure he can do this."
"Feeling a little pale there?"
"What? No. I'm just being a friend."
"Yeah, alright. Not just trying to loosen him up so you can jump into his pants at the right moment?"
Cronus raised his eyebrows. "Damn, Meen, you think I'm that bad?"
"Meenah, are you taunting poor Cronus again?" Aranea took a seat next to her matesprit.
"Nah, we're just messing like usual." She punched him in the arm lightly.
"I see Kankri's getting on quite well with that girl."
Cronus looked to see Kankri happily chatting away to a short haired troll, yellow blooded by the look of it with a set of small curved horns.
"So can we take bets? I reckon she'll move on in less than 5 minutes."
"Meenah," Aranea said, "we should be cheering him on, not hoping he will fail."
"That's no fun, babe."
"What about you, Cronus, are you looking to fill a quadrant?"
"Not today. Although I'll be your kismesis, Meenah, if you'll have me."
Meenah rolled her eyes. "Not a chance, sleazebag."
Aranea giggled. "You two are a perfect match." It was her turn to be punched by Meenah.
casanovasAnchor [CA] began trolling castelessGuardian [CG]
CA: hey, chief. hovwd it go?
CG: It started 9kay, 6ut I have learned fr9m the experience.
CA: awv, vwhat happened?
CG: Turns 9ut her matesprit was away and she was l99king f9r a 9ne 9ff.
CA: its called a one night stand.
CG: Yes, well, I t9ld her I wasn't interested and she g9t defensive and I wasn't sure if she was trying to r9pe me into a kismesissitude.
CA: youre okay though?
CG: She didn't get physical, n9. 6ut my did she have a v9ice 9n her. The wh9le 6ar knew what was g9ing 9n.
CA: vwell at least you got the chance to talk to someone.
CG: Yes, h9pefully I'll pick s9me9ne 6etter next time.
CA: im off to sleep then. vwas just vwaiting up for you to make sure you made it home alright.
CG: Thank y9u f9r y9ur c9ncern. G99dnight, Cr9nus.
CA: night.
casanovasAnchor [CA] ceased trolling castelessGuardian [CG]
"How's the red quest going?" Porrim asked as she measured across Kankri's shoulders.
"Nowhere," Kankri confessed. Although he hadn't really intended to tell Porrim, he couldn't hide the fact that he had actually been trying to follow through on his plan. "I just can't do it."
"Hmm?"
"This whole romance thing. I wasn't cut out for it." He lifted his arms so Porrim could pull the tape around his chest. "I still don't find anyone attractive and they always get offended when I don't call them pretty or handsome or whatever they like to be called. And then the few that have stuck around longer than a week don't understand me. They don't want to listen to me and tell me it's not working when I won't kiss them."
"Well, if they're looking for a serious matespritship then a kiss generally helps to tell people if they're in the right place."
"But I don't want to go that fast."
"Alternian trolls feel more of an urgency due to the idea of the drones they grew up with."
Kankri sighed. "But they don't even exist in the same manner anymore."
"Old habits die hard. Maybe you need to let some of your old ideas go for the moment."
"But I don't trust them. These Alternian trolls are so much more violent and impulsive. I haven't allowed one into my hive yet just in case…"
"What could they possibly do? I'm sure they mean no harm if they're looking for a matesprit."
Kankri shrugged. "I don't know. They might try to take advantage of me; I'm not exactly strong. Or they might cull me if they figure out my blood colour."
"I think you need to stop worrying so much. Although…if you have such issues with trust, then perhaps you should befriend these trolls instead of advertising yourself as a potential matesprit. Then maybe you can try love later."
"Maybe. It's just such a long wait for something that might not work out."
"But you'll at least have gained some new friends."
"I suppose."
Porrim handed him his sweater and he put it on before lounging in the fabric pile while he watched her work on her latest creation.
"You could always try dating one of our group."
"Somehow I don't think that will work. Let's see…who isn't taken? Damara."
Porrim snorted at the idea. "Maybe not her."
"And…Cronus is the only other one."
"I'm free."
"It wouldn't work. My love is purely platonic for you and nothing will change that."
"So what's wrong with taking Cronus for a spin?"
Kankri thought about it. "I don't know…"
"I bet if you asked him he'd be more than willing. And doesn't he know about all of this?"
"Yeah…"
"And he's a good friend."
"But what if this doesn't work out and I lose my best friend because of it?"
"I doubt he would ditch you. He'd be quite understanding I'm sure." She paused. "But of course, it's just an idea. You might want to use it as a last resort."
"Or I could just give up." He brought his hands to his face. "This is why I never bothered with quadrants before. Past me knew exactly what he was doing."
castelessGuardian [CG] began trolling casanovasAnchor [CA]
CG: Cr9nus, may I ask s9mething 9f y9u?
CA: sure thing.
CG: W9uld y9u 6e my experimental matesprit?
CA: huh? i thought you vwere trying it out vwith that melthu guy.
CG: N9, he and I have s9me very c9nflicting views a69ut the w9rld. It wasn't g9ing t9 w9rk.
CA: ah, i see. vwell i guess i could givwe it a shot if you vwant. you sure about this?
CG: Yes, I have c9me t9 the c9nclusi9n that y9u are a very g99d candidate. I trust y9u, Cr9nus, and I 6elieve y9u can play the part I want y9u t9.
CA: haha, that sounds like a bit of pressure. ill try my best, chief.
CA: you coming ovwer tomorrowv?
CG: Naturally. I'll see y9u then?
CA: yep.
castelessGuardian [CG] ceased trolling casanovasAnchor [CA]
He felt a little odd as he walked up to Cronus's front door. How were things going to go today? He was probably worrying over nothing. If things weren't going how he liked them he was more than happy to tell Cronus that. Maybe Porrim had been right to suggest this.
"Hey, Kan." Cronus smiled as he opened the door.
"Good evening."
"No hug?"
Kankri paused for a moment before quickly putting his arms around Cronus briefly.
"You didn't have to, but it's a good way to greet someone you're red for."
"But I'm not -"
Cronus hushed him. "I know, but I guess I'm looking at this as me being your guide to the red quadrant."
Kankri smiled. "I like that."
Everything went as it normally would. They played music, each doing a vocal solo and moving on to learning a new song. Once they were quite tired of playing Cronus set down his guitar and patted the seat next to him. Kankri was glad to sit in comfort once more, but kept a reasonable distance away. Cronus rolled his eyes and put an arm around Kankri's waist and pulled him closer.
"Cronus!"
"I thought we'd be able to skip the first part seeing as we already know each other." Kankri stopped fidgeting and leaned on his shoulder. "That's better, chief."
"I'm not comfortable with this level of contact, just so you know."
"If you wouldn't even let the others get this close then I can see why they left so soon."
"What's wrong with sitting further apart?"
"Makes people think you aren't interested in them as a partner. Now, I'm going to push you out of your comfort zone a little, so tell me if I ever go too far."
Kankri looked up at him. "This isn't what I had in mind."
"Yeah, but at your pace you'll never find out if it's right for you. Besides, I might want to think about a serious matespritship before this sweep's over." He leant over and placed a chaste kiss on Kankri's cheek.
There was a sharp intake of breath from the Cancer followed by "triggered."
"We've got a long way to go…"
ooo
"Well I hope you learned something." Cronus turned down the volume on the TV, just loud enough for him to enjoy the music.
He had decided that in order to better teach Kankri about the intricacies of matespritships without having to play it all out he'd show him what he considered to be the best film representation.
Kankri looked at him, not entirely impressed. "I hope it is more interesting to be in such a relationship rather than watching others be in one."
"Well, yeah, of course."
They had been 'dating' as such for a few weeks now and Cronus had only got as far as a kiss on the cheek when Kankri said goodbye. However, today was going to be the day. Oh yes, there was a reason for choosing this particular film.
"Come here." He patted his lap and pulled Kankri by the arm when he didn't respond.
"Cronus, this position is rather inappropriate." Kankri folded his arms as he was forced into straddling the Aquarius. "Is there a reason for it?"
"It puts you in the perfect position for sloppy make outs."
At that Kankri's eyes widened and he made to push himself away, but Cronus wrapped his arms around the Cancer's waist and held him in place.
"Kan, I'm trying to help you, like you asked, so help me out here."
"I'm not comfortable with the idea of exchanging oral fluids. It sounds like such a repulsive thing to do."
"Have you ever tried it?"
"No."
"Well, try it just once. And remember that scene in the film?" Kankri nodded reluctantly. "Try and imitate that." Cronus guided Kankri's face closer to his. "Oh, and don't pull away seconds after we begin."
The Cancer allowed the Aquarius to capture his lips in a kiss. The first was just a brush of the lips, but it quickly evolved into Cronus moving his lips against Kankri's, trying to push a tongue in. Kankri hesitated before deciding he might as well, allowing Cronus's tongue to explore the inside of his mouth. God this was wrong. He felt so violated and not just because he had someone's tongue in his mouth. No one ought to be this close to his face for this long with a hand running through his hair. His own hands were firmly on Cronus's shoulders, purely to help keep his balance. A cool hand that was on his hip moved up and slid under his sweater which caused him to break contact – a good idea too because they were both in need of air.
"C-Cronus," Kankri breathed in a way that sent blood straight to Cronus's bulge. "Can you remove your hands." He did so, holding them up in a way that asked 'did I do something wrong?' "Thank you." The Cancer removed himself from the other's lap and fixed his hair before sitting next to him once more.
"So?" Cronus asked. "How did you find it?"
"It was not a particularly enjoyable experience, but I will admit it wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be. Let's not repeat it in the future."
"But how do you feel?" Kankri gave him a questioning look, so he expanded. "Well, I thought that was quite hot."
Kankri shuffled a little further from Cronus. "I didn't feel anything like that."
"Not even a sliver of pleasure?"
"If there was it was lost in the sea of discomfort I was feeling."
"I'm sorry."
Kankri shook his head. "No, it's fine. You're only trying to help and I'm just…maybe we should stop this charade."
"I'm willing to put up for you for a while longer if you want." He was willing to put up with the Cancer for a lot longer to be truthful. Someone was finally interested in him and it made him feel so wonderful inside, even if Kankri's heart wasn't really in it at the moment.
"Thank you, although I do think that it is a lost cause."
He didn't know what to say to that. Just when he was beginning to think Kankri would come around, he comes out with this. It wasn't like he could force the guy to love him.
"Kan, can I ask something – and you don't have to answer, but I'm just curious."
Kankri raised an eyebrow. "Sure."
"I know you said you don't get off, but has anything ever tickled your fancy in that way?"
The Cancer blushed as he remembered the dream he'd had. But that was one time…he hadn't tried touching himself since then; probably due to the minor detail of not having woken with his bulge hanging out.
"No, nothing comes to mind."
Cronus tried to stare him out, but Kankri was already engaged in a staring contest with the guitar he'd propped up against the wall. "Okay, well, you don't have to do what I say, but it might be an idea for you to try out a few things. Like maybe watch some porn or read it if you'd prefer." Kankri's face was turning a deeper shade of red at the way Cronus was just casually suggesting such things. "You might find that you have a preference for women, or that seeing me shirtless puts you in the mood."
Kankri rolled his eyes and Cronus laughed.
ooo
He tried. He really did. But he just couldn't sit through the videos Cronus had linked him to. It was too difficult to watch these trolls degrade themselves and beg to be pleasured. Was this the kind of thing Cronus enjoyed watching? Maybe it was time to talk to him about the hemospectrum again, because all of these videos starred lowbloods as the ones begging.
Links to written porn followed, but it would take a novel to interest him in the characters who were just faceless strangers at the moment.
CG: While I appreciate what y9u're d9ing, it just isn't w9rking f9r me.
CA: vwell, i tried.
CA: maybe you could just use your imagination and think of vwhatevwer you vwere thinking of earlier.
CG: I wasn't thinking of anything.
CA: kan, you can deny it all you vwant, but that blush vwasnt for nothing.
CG: Fine. 6ut I refuse t9 tell y9u what it is.
CA: damn.
CA: i knewv you vwouldnt tell me anyvway. havwe fun, chief.
CG: Haha. G99dnight, Cr9nus.
castelessGuardian [CG] ceased trolling casanovasAnchor [CA]
Kankri turned off the husktop and began to undress. He stood there naked as he pondered whether he should actually take Cronus's advice. He would be most relaxed in his recuperacoon, but no doubt he'd be too drowsy to do much if he got in. The most comfortable thing in his hive after that was probably the sofa. He picked up a blanket before heading downstairs and succeeded in recreating the human bed Cronus had. It was dark apart from the faint glow of the sunlight through the blinds. He tried to remember the dream, but it had been quite some time and the details were hazy. Cronus moaning had been his favourite thing, but he couldn't remember how he had sounded.
Kankri sighed at himself. He hadn't committed it to memory because it had been much easier and less awkward to forget it. He let a hand roam over his body, trying to coax a nipple to life. Okay, that seemed to be working…maybe both of them… And it was all fun until they resumed their soft state and he wondered what he had done wrong. Whatever, horns were surely a much better way to go about this. He moved his hands to his head and began to stroke the sensitive bases. It was a pleasant sensation, but not enough to get the response he wanted from his lower regions.
Then he made the mistake of thinking about the videos Cronus had sent and knew that there was no way he'd get anywhere with his task now that he was thinking about social issues.
"Fuck," he whispered as he sat up with his head in his hands. Here he was unable to please his own body, how would anyone else be able to? Oh god, wait, was he seriously considering breaking his vows now? He groaned and lay back, pulling the blanket over him. He couldn't think about this now; it was late and he was annoyed at himself.