A/N
Inspired by Muse's Endlessly.
Secrets, Lies and Compromise
Arthur has a secret, and it's one he'll never tell.
He's in love with his manservant – but it's not love, it can't be. That wouldn't be fair.
It's fucking. Simply fucking.
He loves fucking Merlin, because when Merlin fucks him he can do nothing but cry because it's a soul-agony, a life-agony, not the body-agony Merlin heals with clever words and soothing hands.
Yes, he likes it. He likes it. It's simple and cowardly but it's something. Something.
It's not love.
It can't be.
---
He decides, when Merlin nearly dies, it is love, and it's beautiful and numbing and terrifying but it'll be alright – because at the right moment, this precious moment in time that he knows will happen, he'll say "I love you" and it will sound like a promise and not like the lie he screams when he comes.
The moment never comes. Arthur dies alone.