A/N: I know I said I will take a break from this site, but I decided to put this one up, I was briefly working on it last night. Hackrcam mentioned that I was funny sometimes so I decided to write this up. If you want a proper comedy story thing, don't read this, read one of Hackrcam's stories :P

Bart

"Why you got a headless puppy boy?" My father is touching himself while watching the cooking channel.

"Well everyone thinks three legged dogs are cute so I thought a headless puppy would be just as cute."

"Can't argue with that," Dads are weird, I can see why my dad threw his dad into a rest home. I walk my new dog, Satan's little helper. I couldn't think of a good name for a headless dog.

"Hey Milhouse, what do you want?" My nerdish friend walks into the room.

"Nothing man, want to get stoned off lemons?"

"Sure, but I'm out, lets go buy some," Me and my best friend to the store where they sell lemons, any store has them really. When buying the lemons I see a beautiful girl I didn't think I would see ever again.

"Alex?"

"Oh hey Bart, how you been? I missed you."

"Hey Bitch, want a fuck?" She stares at me expressionless before slaps me. It always worked with chicks I picked up before. She flicks her blonde hair and makes for the exit.

"Wait, Alex, I'm sorry," She walks out of the shop with a look of disgust. I have to chase her, she is my only love, I only realised that 5 minutes ago but still.

"I'm sorry Alex," I start grabbing her hand before she can get inside her car.

"Bart, I was really happy to see you again but you still haven't grown up,"

"Oh yes I have, my dick at least a good 3 inchs," She gets inside her car and drives off. It's hard being a 19 yr old with a 3 inch penis, but automatically girls get interested. They want to see if they can make it bigger, if it's possibly to fit inside there nose and all kinds of weird things. In fact I fucked a girl in the ear once.

"What did she say?" Milhouse slowly makes his way towards me with the lemons we need to get stoned.

"Well she ran off,"

"Well if it makes you feel better I and you can do a bit of just friend spooning."

"You sick bastard, oh… well okay, why not?" I always though me and Milhouse could be more than best friends. When I arrive home I realise a red car parked next to my dad's, its Alex's car.

"Bart, how could you?" my mum asks as soon as I walk into my house.

"Mum, she is hot okay? We fuck hot girls,"

"But my special little guy, your special little guy has teeth marks in it," I nearly forgot about that goth chick I did, I didn't think she would actually bite my dick. Sick freaks, it was as close as I got to fuck a vampire but still.

"Mum, the doctor said I can still use my little sour grape maker,"

"Bart, I don't know why you couldn't be more like Lisa, you and your sex fantasies are disgusting,"

"Mum, Lisa is a lesbian, in fact she has been apart of my sex fantasies since I was 16," I see Alex walk down the stairs with Lisa next to her.

"Look I'm really sorry Alex, I was younger and stupid"

"You said it like an hour ago!!" she looks really pissed, maybe she just had her period.

"Ok I am truthfully sorry," The fact is I am, I never realised how much I loved her till I saw her in a grocery story with a miniskirt on.

"Bart, your peepee is up," Dad points and laughs as I can feel the colour in my face starting to rise. Alex rolls her eyes and goes towards the door.

"I… uhh…. Sorry, I love you!!!" She suddenly stops and looks at me.

"Do you really mean that or do you just want to touch my vagina?"

"A bit of both?"

"Bart, grow up,"

"Ok I'll get the Viagra, stop being such a bitch about it, the doctor says I am good to produce some knuckle juice by tomorrow so come see me then, also I don't have Crabs or Lice anymore."

"Stay away from me freak," She gets into her car and drives away. She'll be back, won't she?

A/N: Well it may suck, but it swallows too.