Disclaimer: Death Note and all related characters and materials are property of Tsugumi Ohba and Shonen Jump. The song Forever Love belongs to X-Japan.
Forever Love
By: Nanaki BH
"I can't walk on my own any more
The winds of time are too strong
Ah, I should be used to
Getting hurt, but now..."
Rain. Eternally. So cold and hard, so stinging, as if small daggers slicing through my skin. I'll never forgot that. Sleepless nights after, I never forgot. No sun could ever dry the stain of that rain and those tears from my heart. I would lie awake clutching the place where my heart used to beat, clenching my teeth through the same waking nightmare. The sound of the door closing never leaves my ears. I've left my bedroom door open for years, no matter where I reside, hoping that you'd return.
During the day, I'm always the same, you know. A smile for the occasional nice honey. A kind wave to the mailman who makes his rounds in the morning. I've found myself thinking some ridiculous things before, like that I'd get a letter or something maybe. No; nothing, of course. I left my phone on and never got my number changed. That could've been dangerous but I didn't want to think about that. Without you, I was just like anybody else. What harm would that do me?
Not that some danger wouldn't have been welcomed, if only to bring me closer to you. Or to the memory of you, at least. I feel like I've chased your shadow for so long, if that makes any sense. Nothing rational, I'm sure. Strangers would stop sometimes when I would sit out on the stoop. That'd be one of the few times in my day I would stop distracting myself with something handheld to just... think. And strangers would stop because I would look like I was thinking something suspiciously profound. That made me laugh even though I really felt like I would lose it in a second.
I'd try to focus on mundane things like a normal person; on things like the weather or the news. But I hadn't heard any news that would turn my head and I didn't care about the weather since I stayed in more than I left. So I found myself thinking about you. About that night when you left.
By the time I heard that you planned on leaving, I think you were already gone. It was raining then. You remember, right? Typical, huh? But I ran outside anyway, not caring what anybody said about how it would "affect my health". I pushed my way past everybody and ran out the doors, through the still-open gates and stood soaking beneath the streetlights. That was the coldest rain I'd ever felt. I couldn't distinguish my tears from the rain.
Did I really cry?
No, how could I not?
I collapsed and felt like I'd lost something. I felt so small again. So young and so powerless. I knew I'd see you again. I reassured myself of that for so long. But it's only human nature to disbelieve. Though I'm sure you knew what you were doing all along. Never telling me anything. Though... that could've been what you planned too, just to make me more devoted or something, right?
No. That's wrong. Haha... Shit. You wouldn't do that to me, would you? You probably knew enough about how I felt about you to know that it would hurt me but you wouldn't have done that on purpose. It was just what you had to do.
I'll rationalize it as much as I have to.
Mello, I never thought I'd see you so fragile. I know that by the time you wake up, you won't remember a word of this. But maybe somewhere inside your heart, you'll remember the sting of the rain and the sound of the door as it closed. You won't have to say a word of it to me like I know you won't anyway. But just, maybe for me, the least you could do is remember.
Author's Notes: Another bad attempt at making you wibble. Although I'm high on X-Japan and had to do something. Hopefully this wasn't utter garbage.