in memorie of da l8 gr8 oncestqueen 2/17/13-10/8/13
1 early mornin in elokuu, chiripin birdies awoke a slender, toned figoor tht slept piecefullie on a bed of humane flesh. "what the h*ckie," screemed the man, his taut, firm muscles pulsating and stretchen. he looked kinda like a hot stud yewd c on a poster in a hi skool librarie. teers rolled out of his eyesockets as he cried miserablie. "o yea i have 2 go to my audition 4 x factor 2day" screeched hugh neuman to himselph. he crawld out of his flesh sak and begane 2 dress his fit bodie with green and brown coloured plastic wrap, sprinklin a dash of razore blods on himselph 2 give himseplf tht extra edge. he encased his feeties in 2 sweaty meat sacks. he loved da smell of rotting flesh. it was so erotik to him.
he opend the door to his rock an waddled outsid in2 the crisp mountin air of th england . c hes not austrian hugh jackmon is 100% british not english not whtevr im confusded . he lets the aire rush in2 his plump lungs as he walks by the houses tht r all sensually close 2gethr bc thts ho w houses r like in engliand i kno this i went ther i wswear 2 basef god lil b on my life. pls trust. hugh jackson is vry famous tho so he must wear a black gucci sequenced ski mask so he can avoid the paparatsee. makin it 2 the xfactr studio, hugh jackmon notices the msssive line tht is almost as large as his immense buldge. he automaticly gets vry frustrat and speedwalks 2 front of the line. the ppl who r in line hoeevr get pissed bc they waited 420,069 hours in this line jus 2 serenade simol cowler. 1 of the ppl in line, dwayne the rok johnson, grabs human jackmons ripped as h*k arm and cuts off its blood supply as his whispers "u gay son" into his gaping ear hole. it feels good 2 hugh evn tho it threat. dwayne the rock johnson throws humon jackman 2 the cold hard ground but hugh jackmon is ok bc hes wolvereen and he cant get hurt unles if he shoves the plastic knives in2 his rotting hole. agressivly breakdancing up towards the front of the line, hugh jackmon practices the son tht he is going 2sing. hugh jackmon agressivly sings "what does fok say" by elvis presly. it is hugh akmonds favorite song mostly bc it causes sharp pains 2 shoot from his penor. the whol line of ppl tht streches vry long distance all start saying "ring sing ding ding ding son dongDONG DONGS" in respons 2 hugh jackmons sing song of wht does fooks say. then they die bc the song is poisonous to earholes tht song orginates in estonia? hugh jackman eventually makes it 2 the front of the line and stands proudly in front of line bc hes so ready to sing this sing song infront of US audience tht is probably rlly fookin dronk bc thts the only way any1 will be able 2 tolerate hugh jackmons sing songs. hugh jackon drunkily walkes up on2 the little X and the judges all look at him and all his hugh jackmon glory. he is not wearing any cloth, just a single chip, plus his plastic wrap and razor blades. and i mean chip not a french fry frick all of u i h8 all. hugh jackmon looks longily at simon cowle, not looking the othr judges bc simon is just so incredibly sexy. hugh jackmon let out a vry long and low groanies. "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahuuuuuh,,, eEEEEUUUUuuuuuuhghh.. mmmmmmmmmmmm" hugh jacmon chortled.
simon cowell, as usuoel, was quite doobios. he only psyned up 2 be judge agen bc he wanted to have sec with conetstents. bc bein on the x factor is a huge turn on lol. "so stud, tel me about urself" whispered simone. deemi livoto's eyes stare directlie in front of her while the other judges were busy fricking the othr contestents backstage. "ok lol" screeched hew, "i am hughmon jackmon i was in les miserables i am wolverine and i have a huge collection of vintage dongs." hugh sweated nervousely. he was so attracted to this man sitting so casually b4 him. "wow ok," smirked simone, "pls sing for me my angle of music." hugh took deep gaping breath as his lungs tingled with arousel. "derg go waf, ket gor mow, brid gos tweat -"
"ugh tht song sucks! new song." yowled simon his eyes burning with anger. "sing my angle of music!"
hugh jackamn vocalized. he sang so loud in his high picthed voice!
"ahhhhhh-ahhhhhuhuahahahhahahah"
simon kept prompting et "sing for mi!"
"ahhhhhhnhhhhhhhhuuuuuhhh" hugh went even higher
"SING MY ANGLE OF MUSIK!" screamed simona
"aahahahhahahahahahAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"SING 4 ME!" howled simon
hugh jacman burst with extasy.
"AAAHHAHAhHHHHHAAAAAHHAA" hugh jackmon cries out
"ALL OF DA MUSIK." simon almosts fallz bck in his chair from da power of jackmons vocie.
Simona composes himself. "Dat was da most beutiful musik i has ever heard. Dat was the best musik, 5ever." Hugh jackmon fallz to his knees and yells in his british accent "THANK U SIMON U IS BASE GOD 5 EVER" simon nods becuase simon cowle already knows dat. "so did i get get to da nxt round?" hugh begging simon, still on dat stage floor. Simon stands up. "U sir, u wonderful singa. U is goin to da next round." hugh jumps up off dat stage flo0r and does dat wolervine flip over to simon. hugh already wrote his phone# down to give to da judges just in case one want to meet up somewhere. Hugh gives da note to simon, giving him dat british wink of true 5ever luv. simone opens up dat note and sees da # written on it. he looks bk at hugh givng him a wink. the supah long line of peoples wantin to try out keeps going but no1 as good as gr8 hugh jackmon. simon can't take being without jackmon, he leaps out of da judging table and den runs out the door to call the singa. he can barely type da # that was on dat note. he dials but oh no! "NooooOOOOOOOoooO! WRROOOooonnnnnnNNNGGG #####" he looks at dat phone and back to dat note. simon den realizes "oh no i typed dat # number in wrong." he dials again but dis time da right way. "hiya" he hear on da other end of da phone. "Meet u at pub at da end on dat street." he den whispers into the phone "Da gay one" then quickly simon hangs up da phone nerous what hugh jackmon might think. Hugh on da other hand was so shocked by dat phone call, but wanted to go see the gr8 simone and his glorious sexy face. "I must do dis. I MUST DO DIS FOR BRITAIN." he cries out, putting his fist into da air.
they meet l8tr tht nite at the hot gay barrh. the musiks were boomin and every1 homo was jamming out 2 hot beats by PSY.
"op op OPpa gaHng mahhn stoilye!" a gay english man yodels. u could hear the homo gushing through his veins and pumping through all of his vital organs like his gizzard.
"FEELS GOD MAHN" he wimpers undr his breathes. hugh jackmn walks ovr 2 simon cowlee who is currently drinking a lot of the alcohols bc he is old and needs 2 get lucky. hug jackmn takes a seat next 2 his partnor and grabs his drank. it is pink with little fruits floating in it, frick the socil standards simn can get a girly drink if he wants a girlie drink ok. hugh jackmon spits it out bc hs is 100 percentman. "this tastes like yolo soobmarine." the whole bar all sings yeeloaw soobmarriene by the BEETLs in unison. this is truly a time 2 b alive folks.
"y cant we just get away"
"u cant repeat the past" jay gabtsby played by leonardo davinci says with his ring finger pointing in hugh jackmon and simon cowlels general 1 direction bc simon cowle made them 2 be its his fault.
"leonade u wil not get the oscor u nevr will im going 2 laugh u when they show u crynig again when they call out all the nominess and they dont say ur name" hugh jackmon says with prid in voice. simon cowle laughs leonade as he cries bc of the constant ridicule y cant he jus get oscar. leonade leaves the building with a frowny emoji taped to his face bc he sade.
"it just us now on this rooftop" simon cowel says under breath."
"yes it us"
"how bad me be huhg"
"u be prety bad cowle"
hugh jackmon applies his lips 2 the thin white man lips of simon cowel. his face is aging and his hair has grown into the shape of a perfect cube. it is perfect. the perfect square. the perfect shade of gray. salt and pepper.
hugh jackmon lets his fingers go through the hairs and he groanies again. the coarse blapk fibers cutting into his baby doft flesh. simon cowel has the sam hair of tht of a man of afrianos decent u feel me.
"i did not kno ur hair was coarse like wire" hugh says as he tries 2 get his hond out of the barb(ra)ed(streisand) wire fence tht is simon cowels hair.
"help" hugh screeches
they r suddenly in the land of the dinosaurs in disneys DINOSAUR i think. hugh notices the thick, strong build of aladar. his nice, guicy dinosaur body yernin 4 som hot mclovin.
"aaaah" aladar makes the dinosaur noises up into the heavens. hugh sticks his whole dickie into aladar. hughs gasm is so intense that he shoots up into the space and as he hurdles back, he sets on fire. as his body hits the earth's crustie, a massive explosion occurs. this is it. this is the moment the dinosaurs go extinct. but aladar doesnt die. aladar is strong. aladar is one of the last of his kind besides tht one ho named lik e neera she was a frickin ho she stole aladar from hugh jackman whata frickin ho
fin