Supernatural
"On broken wings."
No spoilers past Season 6 except mentions of Rufus Turner's cabin. Could still be set in the future if all the stuff from Season 7 gets resolved and things go back to normal. But hospitals still aren't safe. Trying to keep it within minimal quantities of offensive content but giving it a "T" rating just to be safe.
Things people need to know: There are reasons why the brothers can't go to Bobby's and why they can't call Bobby for help I can't say why because that would be giving spoilers to Season 7.
Setting: Sam's been drugged, he gets all loopy and talkative... Turns out he and Dean have a LOT of issues to resolve.
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Dean pulled up in the driveway to the cabin ripped the keys out of the Impala's ignition and hauled Sam inside.
Sam gave a chuckle as Dean layed him on the bed saying "You have four eyes. Did you know you have four eyes? Do I have four eyes?" Sam put his hands to his face to feel.
"Nope Sammy you still have only two eyes." Said Dean as he gently pulled Sam's hands away from his face before he could poke himself in both eyes.
Sam grabbed Dean's hands and gave another chuckle saying "Now your nose is upside down."
"That's nice Sammy." Said Dean as he tried to pry Sam's hands off him, but Sam only clutched at him tighter.
"Well how about you just let go of me so I can go.." Dean started to say but Sam interupted with a frightened "No don't go Dean, I'll be good don't go."
"Sam I'm only going..." But Sam interupted again with "No Dean... I'm sorry! Don't leave. I promise I'll be good."
Dean huffed he didn't have the heart to rip himself out of Sam's grasp.
He was scared, he didn't know what was in Sam's system or how it had gotten there and he was terrified that whatever it was could prove fatal. He would give anything to be able to take Sammy to a hospital right now, but that was impossible.
Dean was on his own and he had no idea how to help Sam, it was the most helpless he had ever felt in his life.
All he could do was let Sam continue to cling to him and hope that whatever was in his little brother's system would wear off soon with no adverse effects.
Now Sam started to laugh again as he said "Dean, how are you making the wall change colors?"
Dean shook his head and whispered in a tone of awe "Magic, Sammy." and he made a gesture out with his hands while wiggling his fingers for dramatic effect and that seemed to make Sam happy for a moment before Sam's smile dropped again as he pouted "I used to believe in magic, I used to wish all the monsters in the world would just MAGICALLY disapear so we could stop hunting and just be a family. But I've made all the family I ever had, die. I killed them all. So why should I get my wish?"
"Sammy, you didn't make anyone die." Said Dean as he tried to sooth his little brother but Sam replied "Mom died because the yellow eyed demon was after me and the yellow eyed demon was after me because I'm Lucifer's vessel. If I hadn't been born she would still be alive, so would dad and you would have never gone to hell. All of you died just because I was born. If I never existed you would be married by now, you'd be a dad and your mother and father would be alive to see their grandchildren."
"They were your mother and father to Sammy." Said Dean as he felt his heart break.
"They wouldn't have been if I never lived. I should have never been born. All that time dad hunted the yellow eyed demon when the real monster that was responsible for killing his wife grew up right under his nose. He should have killed me when he found out I would turn out evil. You should've killed me several times over, or just let me stay dead instead of selling your soul to save the person who murdered your family."
Now Sam sounded angry as he growled "You died and went to hell because of me and I couldn't save you. I wasn't even strong enough to just kill myself and join you. Instead I got drunk and tried to numb the pain and when that didn't work I moved on to something stronger and ended up showing you the kind of monster I really am and you still wouldn't kill me."
"Sam you're not a monster, I was wrong to ever say that to you." Dean cried as now he was the one clinging to Sam.
"No you weren't, look at everything I've done. I deserved the hell my heaven turned out to be. Even heaven knew I didn't deserve anything good. Knew that I don't deserve you." Said Sam as he finally started to let himself be laid down.
"What do you mean, your heaven was hell? Dean asked his now clearly groggy brother.
"Those memories weren't good. They were some of the worst times in my life and I kept thinking: "If that was heaven then there must have been something good about the memories I was seeing." So I tried to justify what I saw to you and to myself. It wasn't till we wound up in the night I left for Stanford that I realized. That was probably the worst time in my life up until I saw you die for the first time. I wonder what you would have thought if that had been the next memory that was shown for me." Said Sam as he started to writhe from discomfort. Now he was sweating profusely.
"You were right to throw away my love like it meant nothing to you. I just wish you would have thrown me away that night to." Sam cried.
Now Dean's heart clenched in his chest as he remembered dropping Sam's gift to him in the trash and he whispered "I'm sorry Sammy."
"Everyone always tells me they're sorry. But they never say why." Sam whispered back as he finally passed out.
The next morning when Sam woke up his pupils were still dialated and he almost instantly started to giggle about something only he could see. Then he pointed at nothing and said "Three. Three pretty bees. That rhymes. And they sparkle like little stars but dance like fireflies. Fire and it burns hot I'm sorry I let you burn." Now he sounded sad again and Dean was at his side instantly.
"Hey Sammy, I made some food. Are you hungry?" Asked Dean as he tried to distract Sam from becoming depressed again.
"STARVING." Sam replied and his eyes grew bigger to show his anticipation for food and Dean was thankful that whatever was in Sam's system at least gave his little brother the munchies. The sooner he could get food in Sam the quicker that stuff would leach out of his little brother's blood stream. Or at least that's what he hoped...
Now Sam stood up and swayed like he may fall back down and Dean steadied him saying "Whoa, Sammy just take it easy, just lay back down before you hurt yourself all you have to do is tell me what you need and I'll get it for you, you don't have to get up for anything. How's that sound?"
"Awesome!" Sam exclaimed then he looked at Dean drunkinly and asked "Can you bring me the toilet?"
Dean knew that wasn't meant as sarcasm, Sam really did think the toilet could be moved to him, he was just that far gone right now.
"You gotta do number one or number two?" Dean asked in a nervous voice as he realized he was going to have to help Sam do either.
"I have to throw up." Sam pouted and Dean had never felt so relieved in his life as he responded with "I'll bring a trashcan over so you can throw up in it cuz if I lift the toilet I might pull a muscle."
"Good thinking. The toilet is probably really heavy when I think about it." Said Sam.
"Well I'm strong enough to lift the trashcan I promise." Dean replied.
"I took it out of the trash." Sam said in that sad voice that said he was quickly heading towards depressed again and Dean asked calmly "Took what out of the trash Sammy?" although he was pretty sure he already knew the answer.
"I know you wanted to throw it away, never wanted to see it again. I don't blame you, but I couldn't just leave it there, I had to be stupid enough to hope you would think my love was worth wearing it again someday. But then I realized my love was never worth anything because I've never deserved you, never deserved the things you've given me, never deserved the way you always take care of me. I just wish I hadn't been the one to hurt you, the one to take everything away from you. If your father had just seen me for the evil thing I've always been and killed me then he would have had his revenge and then you would have never had to grow up as a hunter." Sam replied in a groggy tone as Dean put the trashcan by the bed.
Sam climbed back into the bed, slumped back against the headboard and looked around like he was dazed as he said "The room's spinning."
Dean helped Sam roll to his side and got the trashcan under him just in time for Sam to puke up everything he'd eaten the day before.
As gross as it was Dean inspected the vomit for anything that might be suspect and saw what looked like a pink and yellow swirled froth that coated what had been Sam's stomach contents.
Trying not to vomit himself Dean sat the trashcan back on the floor then started to rub circles over Sam's back as he asked "Feel better now?"
Sam managed to look back up at him but now he looked weak and shaky as he said "My stomach hurts." Now there were tears in Sam's eyes as he curled into a ball and rolled over to face away from Dean and continued with "But my back still hurts worse."
"When did your back start hurting?" Dean asked suddenly more concerned than he'd already been as he started to inspect Sam's back for injuries.
"Six years ago. It hasn't ever stopped hurting. But I know that it's just there to remind me that if I'd stayed dead you'd have never burned in Hell because of me." Sam stated and now his voice was far past the depressed zone and headed towards distraught.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner that your back's been hurting this whole time?" Dean asked angrily.
"At first I thought it was just still sore cause I had just survived being stabbed and I didn't want to be a wuss, then when I realized I hadn't survived and that I was only alive because you sold your freaking soul to bring me back I felt like not complaining about my stupid little back ache was the least I could do because I didn't want to seem ungrateful, you know: "Yeah thanks for selling your soul to save me Dean but my back hurts. So could you do something about that to or can you not sell your soul more than once to help a brother out?" Sam replied.
Dean shook his head as he mentally cursed both his little brother's stubborness and his stupidity as he asked "Well is there anything that helps make it better?"
As soon as he asked he realized it was a stupid question as Sam had all but stated earlier that the demon blood helped numb the pain he'd been feeling and now he realized Sam hadn't meant just mental and emotional pain.
Then it hit him like a freight train as he realized just what Sam had been going through lately and he had to ask "Sam did you try to make the pain go away again?"
"I don't try to make the pain go away anymore cause now I know I've always deserved it." Sam stated and now Sam flopped over to his back and said with a dead serious calm "I think my real punishment is knowing that I can never really suffer enough to pay for what I've done, for what I am. I think even an eternity in The Cage isn't enough punishment for the kind of evil I am."
"Sam you're not evil." Dean growled.
"I've murdered my whole family, I''ve drank demon blood, I started the apocalypse, I've made angels become crazy and corupt and I've killed innocent people. Not to mention I became the freaking Devil. I think that qualifies me as something that's definitely not good." Said Sam as he clenched his fist in the bed sheet and struggled not to grimace from the pain in his abdomen. But Dean caught it anyway and he helped Sam roll over for if he needed to throw up again.
Dean rubbed circles over Sam's back until Sam drifted back off to sleep. He didn't know when whatever was in Sam's system would finally make it's way out all he knew was that when it did he was going to have a long talk with his little brother...
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