Waiting
I recently re-read "Tower of Babel" (JLA # 42 – 46), hense this story. It takes place right at the end of "Tower of Babel", while the other members of the JLA are debating whether to expel Batman.
All characters in this story are copyright DC Comics and I have used them without permission and intend no infringement upon their copyright. I am making no money from this story.
They are in there deciding my fate while I sit out here. I hate this. They didn't even ask me to defend my actions, or wait until tempers cool. That tells me all I need to know, but still I sit here, waiting.
You asked me "Why?", Clark. I told you part of the answer, the rational part. I couldn't tell you the rest of it. Not now, maybe not ever. I couldn't put a part of this (however small) back on you.
Why? Because you gave me the kryptonite ring. We hardly knew each other, back then, yet you trusted me with it. Do you understand the impact of that? Probably. To gain trust, you must give it. That's why you have so many friends and I have so few: you give trust freely and I... I see the potential for betrayal.
But with the ring you gave me the responsibility of using it if it was ever necessary. And that's a problem, for I won't take a life, least of all yours. In the uttermost need, when no other choice exists, yes. You asked me so I will do it, whatever the personal cost. When you placed such trust in me, what else can I do? But at that moment, I began the quest for a non- lethal alternative. Something I could use instead of the kryptonite.
Having started with you, it was foolish not to look for counters for other metas. More and more were appearing each year, few as trust-worthy as you. What was the point in being prepared to take you down and not preparing for more likely dangers? But I never thought it would be Hal.
I know the others think that I'm unreasonable on the subject. Let them. Hal did worse than just threaten all of existence. That happens on almost a yearly basis. We manage. Hal also destroyed our innocence, our naive belief that that the good guys are always good, that we could never fall. At some level, even I believed that. They tell me he redeemed himself against the Sun-eater. But I look into their eyes when they say that and I can see that it doesn't make things as they were. You can never un-know the truth: that any of us can go bad, in the wrong circumstances. I will never forgive Hal for forcing that knowledge on us.
The worst, though, was what he did to Ollie. Ollie was his best friend and he forced Ollie to kill him. Turned out, of course, that Hal didn't die, but that didn't undo the damage. I can't forgive Hal for doing that to Ollie. I can't forgive myself either. I knew the possibility was there. If I had been prepared, if I had had a non-lethal counter ready.... I don't fool myself: there was probably nothing I could do. Hal had become so much more powerful than we knew; anything I had devised would probably have failed. But at least there was a chance. Next time, I vowed, next time I would be prepared. Next time, nobody dies.
Well, next time came and I was prepared, just not for the right scenario. It's strange. No one has blamed me for letting Ra's al Ghul steal my contingency plans. I have no defense against that charge. How could I have let it happen? It was my responsibility to ensure they were safe. I thought I had. Instead, they blame me for making the contingency plans in the first place. As if Agamemno, Hal Jordan, the 'return of Barry Allen', the various mind controllers and body swappers we've encountered never happened. They say, "The Batman always has a plan." What did they think that meant?
Why am I still here? I know how this is going to come out. These aren't strangers; these are people I've known for years. I know how they think; I can read their body language. The Flash won't vote me out. Despite the excruciating pain he endured, despite the fact that his accelerated awareness made it seem to go on for weeks, despite how angry he is, he won't vote me out. Partly because he understands, he knows what can happen, but mostly out of loyalty to Dick. Kyle is still too in awe of me. He won't either. J'onn is angry – deeply, coldly, bitterly angry – not for himself but for what this is doing to the team. But he has too much empathy not to understand why I acted as I did. He – probably – won't vote me out, but it will be a close call.
Arthur will vote me out in a second. He is suspicious of land dwellers in general and me in particular. He's glad to have a reason to hate me. Plastic Man wants so much to be trusted; I might as well have stabbed him in the back. How can I explain to him that this wasn't about trust? At least on my side.
I had hoped that Diana would understand, even if she couldn't agree with my actions. One look at her face dispelled that hope. I'm sure she's asking, "Why couldn't he tell us he was making contingency plans, without giving away the details, if he thought they were necessary?" Which is stupid. That would just warn them to take me out first so I couldn't use my contingency plan. I know she constantly measures herself against the others, both in action and in training sessions. She knows how she would fight each of us, if she had to. But because it all stays in her head, it's 'healthy competition', I guess. Because I depend upon schemes and gadgets to defeat them, I betrayed their trust. I don't get it.
That leaves Superman. You would think he would understand. He gave me the ring, after all. I know he's angry on behalf of the others, like J'onn, but that's not really it. He's taking this personally. Would he rather have faced green kryptonite instead of red? Did he really expect me to kill him, if and when? Or did he think that giving me the ring was an empty gesture, because there would never be a reason to use it?
Why am I still here? Even if, by some chance, I'm not voted out, my presence will be disruptive and harmful to the team. Plastic Man made that plain. Best that I leave. After all, the team is all that matters here. It's not like I need them; need their approval or friendship.
Right?
I recently re-read "Tower of Babel" (JLA # 42 – 46), hense this story. It takes place right at the end of "Tower of Babel", while the other members of the JLA are debating whether to expel Batman.
All characters in this story are copyright DC Comics and I have used them without permission and intend no infringement upon their copyright. I am making no money from this story.
They are in there deciding my fate while I sit out here. I hate this. They didn't even ask me to defend my actions, or wait until tempers cool. That tells me all I need to know, but still I sit here, waiting.
You asked me "Why?", Clark. I told you part of the answer, the rational part. I couldn't tell you the rest of it. Not now, maybe not ever. I couldn't put a part of this (however small) back on you.
Why? Because you gave me the kryptonite ring. We hardly knew each other, back then, yet you trusted me with it. Do you understand the impact of that? Probably. To gain trust, you must give it. That's why you have so many friends and I have so few: you give trust freely and I... I see the potential for betrayal.
But with the ring you gave me the responsibility of using it if it was ever necessary. And that's a problem, for I won't take a life, least of all yours. In the uttermost need, when no other choice exists, yes. You asked me so I will do it, whatever the personal cost. When you placed such trust in me, what else can I do? But at that moment, I began the quest for a non- lethal alternative. Something I could use instead of the kryptonite.
Having started with you, it was foolish not to look for counters for other metas. More and more were appearing each year, few as trust-worthy as you. What was the point in being prepared to take you down and not preparing for more likely dangers? But I never thought it would be Hal.
I know the others think that I'm unreasonable on the subject. Let them. Hal did worse than just threaten all of existence. That happens on almost a yearly basis. We manage. Hal also destroyed our innocence, our naive belief that that the good guys are always good, that we could never fall. At some level, even I believed that. They tell me he redeemed himself against the Sun-eater. But I look into their eyes when they say that and I can see that it doesn't make things as they were. You can never un-know the truth: that any of us can go bad, in the wrong circumstances. I will never forgive Hal for forcing that knowledge on us.
The worst, though, was what he did to Ollie. Ollie was his best friend and he forced Ollie to kill him. Turned out, of course, that Hal didn't die, but that didn't undo the damage. I can't forgive Hal for doing that to Ollie. I can't forgive myself either. I knew the possibility was there. If I had been prepared, if I had had a non-lethal counter ready.... I don't fool myself: there was probably nothing I could do. Hal had become so much more powerful than we knew; anything I had devised would probably have failed. But at least there was a chance. Next time, I vowed, next time I would be prepared. Next time, nobody dies.
Well, next time came and I was prepared, just not for the right scenario. It's strange. No one has blamed me for letting Ra's al Ghul steal my contingency plans. I have no defense against that charge. How could I have let it happen? It was my responsibility to ensure they were safe. I thought I had. Instead, they blame me for making the contingency plans in the first place. As if Agamemno, Hal Jordan, the 'return of Barry Allen', the various mind controllers and body swappers we've encountered never happened. They say, "The Batman always has a plan." What did they think that meant?
Why am I still here? I know how this is going to come out. These aren't strangers; these are people I've known for years. I know how they think; I can read their body language. The Flash won't vote me out. Despite the excruciating pain he endured, despite the fact that his accelerated awareness made it seem to go on for weeks, despite how angry he is, he won't vote me out. Partly because he understands, he knows what can happen, but mostly out of loyalty to Dick. Kyle is still too in awe of me. He won't either. J'onn is angry – deeply, coldly, bitterly angry – not for himself but for what this is doing to the team. But he has too much empathy not to understand why I acted as I did. He – probably – won't vote me out, but it will be a close call.
Arthur will vote me out in a second. He is suspicious of land dwellers in general and me in particular. He's glad to have a reason to hate me. Plastic Man wants so much to be trusted; I might as well have stabbed him in the back. How can I explain to him that this wasn't about trust? At least on my side.
I had hoped that Diana would understand, even if she couldn't agree with my actions. One look at her face dispelled that hope. I'm sure she's asking, "Why couldn't he tell us he was making contingency plans, without giving away the details, if he thought they were necessary?" Which is stupid. That would just warn them to take me out first so I couldn't use my contingency plan. I know she constantly measures herself against the others, both in action and in training sessions. She knows how she would fight each of us, if she had to. But because it all stays in her head, it's 'healthy competition', I guess. Because I depend upon schemes and gadgets to defeat them, I betrayed their trust. I don't get it.
That leaves Superman. You would think he would understand. He gave me the ring, after all. I know he's angry on behalf of the others, like J'onn, but that's not really it. He's taking this personally. Would he rather have faced green kryptonite instead of red? Did he really expect me to kill him, if and when? Or did he think that giving me the ring was an empty gesture, because there would never be a reason to use it?
Why am I still here? Even if, by some chance, I'm not voted out, my presence will be disruptive and harmful to the team. Plastic Man made that plain. Best that I leave. After all, the team is all that matters here. It's not like I need them; need their approval or friendship.
Right?