Title: Musings of of a fractured heart
Summary: River considers the events of Big Bang and their future.
Pairing: River/11th Doctor
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or plot lines within. Its Steve Moffats sand box I just play in it.
A/N: This came to me while listening to Joni Mitchell and obsessing over my favourite DW character the enigmatic Dr. River Song
She stood staring at the space that had up until a second before been occupied by a blue box. His blue box. His haven from the ever changing madness of the universe. It'd one day be theirs. To her it already was. He of course didn't yet know this and that is what broke her heart. To have the man that she cherished above all else be dying before her very eyes and to have him ask for Amy to say goodbye. Not that she grudged the girl the chance to speak to him. Its not as if she 's not fond of Amy or sure of her own place in the Doctors life its just that she can remember every single time she held his hand and felt the connection and to have that be unknown to him causes a painful tightening in her chest. She knew that it wasn't his fault. That one day soon he would know the reason way he would trust her. Why they bickered like they had know each other for all of time.
River looked down at the diary and felt the tears as they began to run down her cheeks. Her history documented within its pages. Everything from their first meeting that she remembered to the last time she had seen him and Amy when waiting to be transported to the prison ship. She wonders now standing here in Amy's garden what he thinks of her, whether or not he feels the same way that she does yet. He had asked her if she was married and she had acted all coy. "Spoilers" she had said. He had told her the importance of never revealing to him what was to come. Trust him to turn up in the wrong order, he always had made her life so damn complicated, not that she'd change one second of it which is why she is so grateful to Amy for remembering, for saving the Doctor so that River may have all of the adventures that had gone on to define her relationships up to this exact point in time.
Reaching for her watch so as to take her back to the 51st century were she sure as hell had some explaining to do and very possibly more jail time her eyes fell again to the blue book in her left hand and the picture sticking out of a corner. Her breath caught at the sight of her in the white dress she had worn that day. Her hair was swept back from her face in an elegant twist with curls framing her face and laughter in her eyes a bunch of spring flowers in her hands. No wonder he asked if she was married given the question mark on the back of the photograph he must have seen it. Quickly she flipped to the back of the book and checked under the binding that her other photograph was still in place with no signs of tampering. He stared back at her, well the next version of himself in a black suit with a red rose in the button hole. They looked so happy that it nearly broke what was left of her already damaged heart. Behind the confidence and the flirting lay a woman who was as scared as all hell that the man she had pledged her life to might not make it back to her this time and every time she watched him leave. Drying her tears she tapped the co-ordinates into her vortex manipulator and prayed to every deity she could think of that he would be able to forgive her for what was to come.
"Goodnight my love" she said into the cool summers night a smile on her face at the thought of them dancing at their wedding and then in a flash of blue light she was gone.