A/N: I'm not even going to bother trying to explain how this madness came to be. In all honesty, this is probably the most convoluted craziness to ever come out of my mind, but I'm rolling with it because I figure posting this may make some people laugh out there. (Christmas is a fun holiday, but it can be depressing for some people, so I decided to supply the medicine of laughter...hopefully. Kinda depends on your own sense of humor really. Mine has mutated over the years.

Warning: The content below was written to get excess mess out of my head. It makes absolutely no sense, but is at least grammatically correct...for the most part. In other words, do not take this piece seriously. It's a Yu-Gi-Oh parody that I crafted just to have a little fun and share with friends. And despite my best efforts to keep my stories "appropriate" I feel that this one is headed down a dark road of crazy so...be warned. I've lost my mind.

This story is dedicated to my friends here on Fanfiction. You guys are the best!

Chapter 1- Don't Ask Me What This Madness Is

Téa Gardner was confused.

No confused wasn't the right adjective to describe the thoughts rolling through the brunette's mind. For a minute she stood before the entrance of the Kame Game Shop, glancing between the people standing inside with a look of abject horror as she wracked her brain for the proper adjective to describe what she was feeling.

Actually, now that she thought of it, horror was a good way to put it. She was horrified, completely and utterly horrified beyond imagination.

And why was she horrified...well, if you asked Téa to explain, she would probably roll her eyes and simply point at the people standing inside as if that alone would be enough to clarify things. Thankfully for all the curious minds peering at their computer screens, I, the narrator, am here to enlighten you. You should probably thank me in the comment section. These people don't pay me enough to deal with the shenanigans of these crazy anime characters...

Fourth wall breaking aside, the problem remains. Téa is in a state of horror, staring into the Kame Game Shop where her best friend, Yugi Muto, the King of Games, resided with his grandpa, a Mr. Solomon Muto. Earlier that day, since there was a big project coming up at school, Téa had organized for Yugi and their two other friends Tristan and Joey, to meet at the game shop before heading off to the museum to study some Grecian artifacts that they would later have to write a thesis over. As usual, Tristan and Joey were opposed to participating, but Yugi talked them into it by saying they could all hit the arcade afterward. Upon hearing Tristan and Joey's cheers over the phone, Téa couldn't help wishing that she had more female friends.

Why on Earth did she ever wish that?

Somehow, in the time it took for Téa to walk from her house to the game shop, the entire planet had gone topsy turvy. Either that or she had completely lost her mind. The latter was definitely a more likely scenario. After all, when you spend most of your time hanging out with a guy who claims to have the spirit of a five thousand year-old pharaoh living inside him, you're bound to be affected in some way, especially if lunatics are constantly after him.

Of course, that's beside the point. The point is...

"How...in...the world..." Téa trailed off, a bead of sweat rolling down the side of her face as she stared at her three best friends through the glass. They were chatting with one another as if everything were normal, but oh no. This...madness...was far from being any kind of normal.

Yugi turned, his bright panda eyes bright as he waved at Téa through the window. However, noticing her expression, the light in those violet orbs diminished considerably...almost as if he knew they couldn't keep up the charade.

Shaking her head and praying it was all just her imagination, Téa opened the door to the shop, marching in with her eyes squeezed shut because she wasn't certain if she was dreaming or this was some twisted reality.

"Uh...Téa...are you okay?"

The brunette girl visibly twitched at the sound of Joey's voice...because while the Brooklyn accent was still present, the usual deepness to it was gone. In fact, it was completely erased altogether.

Téa opened her eyes and nearly had a heart attack on the spot as she glanced between her three friends.

"I...I..." The poor girl was speechless.

Brown eyes flickered over to Yugi. "Yug this is bad. Téa's gone into shock or somethin'."

"Well that's to be expected given our appearance brainiac," Tristan stated, the deepness of his voice also gone. Téa's cerulean orbs widened considerably as her head shifted in his direction.

"Tri...Tristan...is that...you?"

Tristan was blushing furiously. "Look I know what you're thinking Téa, but I promise this isn't any lame attempt at a joke."

"Yeah," Joey interjected, still not sounding like himself, much to Téa's horror. "We've got a real problem here!"

Téa took a few steps back to gaze upon her three best friends. She started with Joey, since she had already caught a glimpse of him. For whatever reason his hair was longer, the strands landing along his chest where he was clearly hiding some grapefruit. (As far as Téa was concerned, what other explanation could there be for...that). He seemed the most embarrassed by the situation since he kept his arms crossed in front of himself as he fidgeted. He was wearing his usual white t-shirt with the blue box design on the front, but instead of his usual jeans he was wearing a pair of Serenity's short-shorts.

He growled when he caught her staring at his new, womanly legs. "They were the only thing that fit okay!"

"Joey, try to calm down," Yugi stated, though his words of wisdom were a tough sale given his state. Like Joey, his tri-colored hair was longer and noticeably less spiky. He was wearing his usual outfit though, which comforted Téa a bit even though he was having the same grapefruit problem as Joey.

Then there was Tristan.

Poor, poor Tristan...

While Yugi and Joey actually managed to look like teenage girls, Tristan looked more like a mannish woman. His hair was still extremely pointy at the end and the rest of his hair landed right at his shoulders. He was wearing a white button up shirt, which was doing very little to hide the small watermelon issue he had going on, khakis, and a dark brown jacket over the ensemble. The mustache that he had begun to grow out a couple weeks earlier was still present over his now full lips.

Téa would have laughed had she not been so horrified.

"How did this...how did this even happen?" she asked, turning toward Yugi as if he...she would have all the answers.

"Well," Yugi began, his new voice sounding like an adorable little girl's voice, "From what I gather, someone has cast a shadow spell on us, but why they chose this spell...honestly I don't know what's going on any more than you do Téa."

"Yeah," Joey cut in. "We were normal a few hours ago...and then all of a sudden..." He pointed to his chest. "This happened! And it's so weird! I'm freaking out!"

"Newsflash Wheeler, we all are," Tristan interjected, pointing at his own oversized bust. "I'm walking around with watermelons hanging off of me."

"Gah! TMI Tristan!"

"What! It's the truth Wheeler!"

Yugi let out a soft sigh before looking at Téa. "Well, at least you're unaffected by whatever spell has been cast on us."

"Either that or her transformation hasn't started yet," Tristan muttered, smirking almost evilly at her. "Oh boy...now that's going to be hilarious."

Joey walked toward the steps at the back of the shop. "I need to sit down. This is too much for me to handle."

Téa was thinking along the same lines as Joey. The fact that her three best friends had somehow transformed into the female friends she had been wishing for was deeply disturbing and since she was still normal, the brunette wondered if her flippant wish had been the cause of the craziness unfolding before her.

She shook her head. "Not possible...or is it...oh boy..."

Before anything else could be discussed, the phone started ringing. Yugi turned away, his longer hair bouncing along as he skipped to the wall receiver.

"Yug! What's up with the skipping!" Joey exclaimed while flailing his arms like a deranged chicken.

"It's...a bit involuntary Joey," was the answer Yugi gave as he started to pick up the still ringing phone.

"Wait, are you sure you should answer that right now?" Tristan asked, pursing his lips in a way that made him look like he was pouting. It made Téa gag.

"Yep, I'm going to be sick," she thought, covering her mouth when the nausea hit. Joey was in a similar state, having practically passed out at the back of the shop from the stress of having seen his friend skip about like a toddler.

Meanwhile, Yugi had finally pressed the phone to his ear. "Hello. This is the Kame Game-Shop! Yu...uh *Yori Muto speaking. How may I help you?"

"Nice save," Tristan muttered.

Yugi didn't hear his friend's words, mainly because the woman on the other end of the phone was screaming at him like a banshee.

"PUT ME ON THE PHONE WITH YUGI MUTO NOW!"

Joey jolted out of his stupor from the loud screeching sounds coming from the phone. "Who the heck is that?"

Yugi covered the end of the phone so the caller couldn't hear. "I don't know, but she sounds really upset."

"I think she's way past upset," Tristan commented, stepping closer to Yugi. "You should probably just hang up."

"But she wanted to speak to me..."

Before Yugi could finish the phone was vibrating again, seemingly from the force of the screams on the other side.

"DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE SETO KAIBA!"

At that shout, Téa's mouth fell to the floor. "What!? No! What!?"

Joey and Tristan had similar expressions of shock on their faces. They looked at each other, then back at the phone, then back at each other as the pieces fell into place in their heads.

"No way," Joey murmured, his brown eyes wider than ever. "No freakin' way..."

Yugi's expression was blank as he timidly answered back. "Kai-Kaiba? Is that you?"

The other end of the phone was silent for a moment. "Umm...no...this...is not Seto Kaiba. You did not hear me say that. I wouldn't say that. Clearly I'm not him...because I'm a woman and Seto Kaiba is a man...now if you could just put Yugi on the phone..."

Joey yanked the phone out of Yugi's hand before he could answer. "Kaiba! You're a girl now too!?"

By this point Téa had moved to a lonely corner of the shop to cry. "Please, make it stop. If this is a dream, please let me wake up. Enough is enough."

"Oh, way to let the cat out of the bag, Joey!" Tristan shouted indignantly, slapping his forehead with his hand. "Jeez, can you be any more subtle?"

Joey glared at the mannish woman standing next to him. "Look Tristina, we're in a bit of a situation here, we don't have time to beat around the bush. We gotta figure out what's going on and get our bodies back to normal pronto! I do not want Serenity to see me like this." His expression fell into a deep scowl. "She'd either try to get my head examined or give me a makeover. I don't like either of those options."

"And I can't let Grandpa see me like this," Yugi mumbled, blushing furiously. "He'd probably have a heart attack..." Yugi's violet panda eyes suddenly widened, almost as if *Melvin had returned from the purple realm he had been sent to a solid three months ago.

"Hey...are you people ignoring me again!"

Kaiba's words went unheard as four pairs of eyes turned to the bottom of the stairs where Solomon Muto was making his grand appearance as Grandma Muto.

"Holy Ra..." Yugi fell backwards to the floor with a thunderous thud. The impact was so vicious that it caused stars to dance around the boy's...now girl's...head.

Tea was by his side in an instant. "Yugi! Oh no! Are you okay?" The brunette winced even as she asked the question. Of course he wasn't okay. That much was blatantly obvious.

Joey didn't bother to take in the sight of Yugi's new grandma. Instead he spoke into the phone. "Kaiba, I think Yugi just had a heart attack. He'll have to get back to you later..."

"YOU WILL NOT BE GETTING BACK TO ME LATER!" Female Kaiba screamed. "Listen here...who am I even speaking to?"

"It's Joey."

"WHEELER!? What the heck happened to your voice!?"

"The same thing that happened to your voice moneybags," Joey replied, sounding annoyed. "Somebody cast some spell on us, and now we're all girls!"

Tristan let out a sigh. "Joey, you are not handling this well at all, are you?"

"Oh, as if you are!"

"Guys, stop it," Téa pleaded, trying to wake up Yugi along with his new grandma. She looked just like his grandpa for the most part. The only real difference was that she was having that same watermelon problem as Tristan. It was no wonder Yugi passed out.

In fact, deep in the recesses of the Millennium Puzzle, Yugi was still passed out from the shock of seeing Grandma Muto.

Yami stood over his host, who thankfully looked like his normal self within the puzzle. Yami himself was in his normal spirit state, unchanged by whatever spell that had befallen our heroes. Unfortunately, because of Yugi's unconscious state, he would have to leave the comfort of the mazes in his mind and deal with the horrors that were unfolding outside.

Before Yugi passed out, the ancient spirit had been fighting back chuckles of mirth from the predicament of his friends, glad that he didn't have to be involved.

Karma had come to claim its victim and poor Yami was not happy about it.

"Someone is going to be sent to the Shadow Realm for this," he muttered, taking a deep breath as he braced himself to take over Yugi's body. Closing his eyes, he concentrated until he was able to feel two pairs of hands on either of his shoulders. No doubt those hands belonged to Téa and Grandpa...or Grandma...yep this wasn't going to go well at all.

Opening his eyes, he shot up and shifted his gaze toward the phone Joey was still holding, though clearly he had stopped talking to Kaiba in favor of arguing with Tristan.

"Yugi...are you okay?" Téa asked, noticing in slight disdain that the pharaoh had taken over. So much for the crush she'd harbored for him. With this development she would probably never look at Yami or any of her friends the same way again.

And she prayed she wouldn't have to see Kaiba in whatever state he was in. Oh, that would just push her over the edge. It was bad enough that Yugi suddenly had a grandma.

The blush on Yami's face revealed just how uncomfortable he was. "I'm...adjusting," he replied honestly, forcing his gaze to remain straight ahead of him. He wasn't about to look down for anything.

"This feels so wrong..." he thought hopelessly while slowly prying the phone out of Joey's hand. The blonde was so busy arguing with Tristan that he didn't notice. "Kaiba, I have reason to believe that someone has placed a curse on us..."

"Oh, not this hocus pocus crap again," Kaiba replied, the feminine voice really taking Yami for a loop. "Don't you ever have a reasonable explanation?"

Yami raised an eyebrow. "Tell me, Kaiba, would any explanation be reasonable in this situation?"

Kaiba was clearly growling on the other end of the phone. "Yugi...if you are somehow the cause of this, I am going to murder you, understand?"

"You've made yourself perfectly clear, Kaiba," Yami replied, his expression blank, "But you threatening me isn't going to solve the problem. We need to figure out how and why this happened."

"I don't care about the how and why, Yugi," the C.E.O. roared, the sound of his fists ramming against a tabletop evident over the phone. "All I care about is fixing it! I do not have time to deal with whatever this is, and furthermore, I am not happy that my brother also became a target!"

Yami's eyebrow lifted a bit higher. "Mokuba is affected too?"

"Every male member of my staff has become a woman!"

The ancient pharaoh had to hold the phone away from him for a moment. Once Kaiba had calmed down, he brought the device back to his ear. "What do you propose we do then? From what it sounds like, this isn't an isolated incident. Tell me, have any of your female staff become men?"

Kaiba was silent for a moment. "No."

"This is most strange," Yami thought, bringing a hand to his chin. "What could be the cause?"

"Pharaoh, do you think that maybe it has something to do with that weird thing that happened at the museum yesterday?"

"Ah, Yugi, you're awake," was the mental reply Yami gave to his host. "It is good to see you in a more normal state."

"Feels better too," Yugi answered, smiling cheerily at the fact that he didn't have that grapefruit problem anymore...at least for the time being. "Anyway, you remember how we took the Egyptian God Cards to that tablet?"

Yami almost glared at his host. "Of course, it was just yesterday after all..."

"Hey, you don't have to be rude about it."

"Sorry, I'm just on edge right now," Yami stated, managing a small smile. "This situation is troubling...not to mention uncomfortable."

Yugi laughed. "I've been there buddy. But back to what I was saying, you know how the cards started acting weird when we held them up to the tablet?"

"I do. It felt as if the energy of the cards was being taken away," Yami answered, "But then abruptly the energy drain stopped. I thought something would happen afterward, but nothing did aside from the brief Duel Monster sightings. It was almost as if whatever force was affecting the cards was interrupted. Do you think that might have something to do with this?"

"It could," the boy replied. "At any rate, it wouldn't hurt to check the museum for clues."

"Yugi...did you zone out or something?" Kaiba asked suddenly, sounding annoyed. "Pay attention!"

"Listen Kaiba, I have to go," Yami answered, glaring toward Joey and Tristan as their argument escalated into a cat fight. "I'll let you know if we run into any clues." Without another word to the C.E.O., he hung up the phone and turned toward his friends. "We need to head to the museum."

Joey and Tristan temporarily paused in their fight. "The museum?"

"Why would we need to go there?" Téa asked.

"Just a feeling I have," Yami replied, looking down at his grandpa...or grandma wasn't sure which one he should address him by at the moment. All of it was pretty confusing.

Solomon Muto seemed to see the question in his grandson's eyes. "Try not to think too hard about it, Yugi. I just came down here to tell you all that there was a newscast discussing this very situation. Apparently, its a widespread dilemma occurring all over the world."

"Okay, now this is just getting ridiculous," Téa interjected, placing her hands on her hips. "You can't actually mean that everyone in the world is transforming into the opposite gender."

"No, more like all the men of the world are becoming women," Solomon provided. "It's very bizarre, almost as if the whole concept was randomly crafted by a lunatic in some other dimension."

Hey! I resent that...oh sorry. Fourth wall breaking not allowed. Continue.

Once more, Téa wasn't wrapping her head around any of this. In the course of about thirty minutes her three best friends had become girls, it was clear from the phone conversation everyone heard that Kaiba had also been affected, and now pretty much all of the male population was going through this? Okay, what the crap?

Seriously, that's all Téa can think right now.

But the question on everyone else's mind is...how did it happen?

A/N: That's the first chapter...boy are you guys in for a ride. For a bit of side information, this randomness takes place right at the beginning of Yu-Gi-Oh Season 4- The Waking the Dragons Arc. Originally this was meant to be a one-shot...but it mutated into something else and now it's going to be a...I guess this is what the internet would call crack fiction? I don't know...you tell me in that comment box down there. And let me know if there's anything kooky going on in the spelling and grammar department. I tend to not check as thoroughly when writing humor stories, so if you catch something, let me know and I will fix it.

* Yori Muto is a direct reference to Ghost Wulf's OC character in her Coming Home series right here on Fanfiction net. Definitely go visit her profile and read Coming Home Part 1 & 2. The two stories are super special awesome! Coming Home Part 3 will probably be starting up soon too, so if you haven't read parts 1 and 2, go catch up.

*Melvin as most of you know is a direct reference to Yu-Gi-Oh the abridged series...so is the purple realm for that matter. Haha!

On a final note, be sure to visit my profile to check out my other Yu-Gi-Oh stories and to check out the stories and author's in my favorite's lists. If my stuff isn't your cup of tea then surely something in those sections will interest you. Thanks for reading and have a Merry Christmas! TTY7 is out for now.