WARNING: I WAS HOT AND THIRSTY WHEN I WROTE THIS. DO NOT BLAME THE RENT-A-MUSES FROM CANADA. I BROUGHT THIS ON MYSELF.

A/n: Who would have thought of Reno being a Were-Moomba?

Disclaimer: You yeah, I own my copy of the game and movie. Nothing else.

-- -- --

Reno was at the beach with his fellow co-workers and his two bosses. Tseng really didn't know how to get a life since he was at Costa Del Sol with two months of paperwork and Rufus trying to drag him away from such vacationing monsters.

Reno also didn't know that Elena had such a dire weakness to martinis. Oh, he will use that to his advantage later. Rude…Rude was acting as the local glomp bag for the chicks that thought he was a native there. If they only knew…

"Hey Reno. You need some sunscreen? You look alittle red on the chest." said Yuffie. Oh yeah, he forgot to mention that Tifa 'invited' all of the only group to defeat Shinra onto RENO'S vacation. Oh yes. Cloud, Cid, Barret, Tifa, Marlene, Denzel, Yuffie, Nanaki, Reeve, and even the ever elusive Vincent was here. Hehehe, Vincent must have been a hard one to drag to this sunny and 'sin-free' place.

"Yeah, can you get my back as I get this?" Yuffie the 'ninja' nodded and both got to work on the sunscreen. Everyone was actually having a good time on the beach. The red head was happy that Tifa was putting her energy into trying to get Cloud into the water.

Cloud didn't seem interested.

The woman didn't seem to get the message and kept trying. As long as she was there and not anywhere near Reno, the Turk was fiiine.

"Okay, done." and Reno waved as the girl walked over to a slightly (pouty?) Vincent in swimming trunks and started rubbing sunscreen on his back as he was getting his arms.

Rude had somehow got away from the big group of girls and plopped next to his partner. Reno smirked at the haggard look and lain on his back for more tanning fun, though he kept an eye on Cloud and Tifa.

Ooh. The big-titted cow was pissed at something that the blond Chocobo said and was stomping to the water. At that moment, Reno would have used all of his two vacation checks to know what Cloud said.

Well, that, and to sate his curiosity about Cloud being a good kisser.

"Dude, stop thinking about his lips. Tifa won't let you near them." Thank you Rude for destroying that happy thought.

"Eh, can't hurt to think about them. Just don't let me drool, okay?" said the red-head in retort. The bald man snorted in laughter and nodded, just going with the flow. The two, one sitting under the sun while the other settled under the umbrella to sip a cold drink.

After awhile, the red head decided he was fried well enough and waved at his dozing friend to tell him he's going to take a nap or something. Rude nodded and let the red head walk away as he finished his drink, braving the girls to get another.

Reno walked into the hotel and went to his room on the third floor. He didn't bother with locking his door since he knew a special trick that prevented intruders from accessing his room. It was from his former master before he had to kill him. That was the way of those who practiced the Shadow Arts.

He walked in, shutting the door with his foot as he shucked his flip-flops. The room was cool and he was getting tired. A nap wouldn't hurt and he didn't have anything planned.

'Vacations are better when you let things happen on their own.' thought Reno as he just plopped onto his bed, moaning when the edge of a book made forceful contact with his stomach. He rolled over and took the book out from under his blankets and looks at the title.

"The Book on Mythical Beings of Costa Del Sol" read the red haired Turk aloud, remembering an interesting part about the 'Were-Moomba.' He put the book on the nightstand next to his bed and got comfortable, taking only a minute to let sleep take him.

-- --

Cloud was happy now that Tifa was leaving him alone. It really is worth it to remind Tifa that he was gay. He sighed and turned his face from the ocean to the smoothie hut. What caught his attention was Reno not being where he was ten minutes ago.

'Must have went in' thought the blond as he sipped his long island ice tea. The heady drink would make the casual drinker hit their asses on the floor, but he was an experiment, so he really can't get drunk. But whatever.

He was sipping until Denzel came up and plopped onto the sand, next to Cloud. The brunette was pouting and the blond looked over to see Marlene playing with the native boys.

"Got kicked out of the group?" The boy nodded and sighed.

"They've been wanting her attention ever since we got here. And all she sees is them! What do I need to do?" Cloud smiled and put his drink down. Denzel watched as the blond leaned over and got his bag out.

"Denzel, this is going to be a first for you. That is why I am handing THIS to you. THIS will make Marlene finally see you and not them." He handed the boy the 'THIS' and smiled as the kid started in amazement at the item.

"Re-really? I can?!" Cloud nodded and Denzel smiled in glee, running to the smoothie bar to let him have fun. Yuffie walked up and smiled impishly.

"Is that how you won Tifa's unwanted attention?" Cloud rolled his eyes and smiled lightly as Denzel bought two smoothies, one for him and one for her.

"No, but I have to admit, with the unparallel work I do to get the deliveries from point A to point B, people are paying me well for my services. The workload was starting to overwhelm me to the point that I really needed a day off." It was Yuffie's turn to roll her eyes and sat down next to him.

"He's going to have a hayday with that 100 gil piece you gave him. I doubt he'll be able to spend it all." said the young shinobi as she laid down next to Cloud's beach chair. He smirked with a sudden, mischievous thought and finished off his drink, pouring the ice on Yuffie and got up quickly to run as Yuffie gave chase. The two ran past Vincent, who only muttered about grown men acting like kids.

Rufus sighed as he watched his…brother…get chased by Yuffie for something and looked back to Tseng, deciding that something drastic had to be done about that Turk's inability to take a vacation. And when Rufus is driven to do something drastic, he will do something drastic.

"Okay, as your boss, I order you to move those papers to the side. NOW." Tseng, looking up at the blond, nodded slowly and put the papers to the side, only for him to get splashed by Rufus' ice cold water.

"Sir, what was that for?" Rufus smirked at Tseng's ability to ask a question while commanding him without sounding like it.

"Just getting you wet. Now you can't do any paperwork and I wish for your company to the ocean waters. I know you can swim. I taught you!" Tseng, blushing at the memory, nodded and both got up the go swimming.

Cloud was finally caught and both him and Yuffie were rolling around in the sand and basically wrestling around to prove who would win this little scuffle. It took the better part of 20 minutes for Yuffie to give up and pout as Cloud plopped her butt next to his seat in the sand.

"I don't know about you, but I am going to rest up for tonight. Need to make sure I can outdrink Barret and Cid." Yuffie sighed and got up, shaking her head as the blond got up next to her and smiled.

"Come on. You know you enjoy seeing us get so smashed that you can take our money and spend it on whatever you want. Just leave me with enough to keep paying for my room." Yuffie nodded and both went their separate ways, Yuffie to swim with Tseng and Rufus, Cloud to drag Vincent into their shared room before he gets the nastiest sunburn the likes of which will leave him untouchable for days.

Much as that would implicate that he and Vincent were an item, they were not. Strictly platonic. Besides, everyone knows that Vincent has a thing for the Wutain Turk. Too bad it isn't reciprocated.

"Vincent, I'm gonna rest up. Hope you don't burn." Vincent nodded and went to get changed as Cloud took a shower to get all that sand out. It took about twenty minutes to achieve the impossible, but he did get it all off and out. After he got out, he put on his black boxers and got into bed, wondering where Reno could have gone…

-- --

Reno awoke to screaming next door. Usually he didn't care as long as he wasn't involved. But it only took him a second to realize that it was Tifa and Cloud yelling and carrying on. This was new.

"I can't believe you! Don't you care in the LEAST about me?" Reno got up and went to his door, listening very intently. This may get him some blackmail.

"Love you? No. Think of you as a sister and friend? Yes. And I will NOT go through another argument about it. Now kiss off! I'm gay and for some strange reason, PROUD of it."

ER?!

"Cloud! Stop lying to yourself and admit that you DO care about me. I won't hate you for it. Really I won't." The Turk could only guess what was going to happen next, but it came to no surprise for him that he heard a smack, a yell of anger, and Tifa the Big titted bimbo stomping down the hall.

The REAL surprise was what Cloud heard after the woman was out of hearing range.

"Stupid, big titted cow…" Reno felt the same damn way about Tifa, but he never expected to hear the phrase from CLOUD of all people.

Though Reno wanted to talk to the blond about that, he stayed put and let Cloud leave first. Can't have the guy of his daydreams know that a lowly Turk wanted him. That could ruin everything!

After about ten minutes of waiting at the door, Reno knew it was clear and decided to go to the bar to get a few drinks. He got up and changed into a white button-up, pair of khaki shorts, and slipped his sandals on. It was quick, easy, and soft on the sunburns.

He went out, noting to his surprise, that Cloud's room was only across the hall from his and he roomed with Vincent. Oh, that would be a lovely treat…whatever.

He left the room and walked down the stairs. For some strange reason that Tseng can very much guess, Reno hated elevators. And this hate started when the Seventh Sector plate came down. Yeah, let it be known that Reno of the Turks wasn't COMPLETELY heartless. But it did go on vacation when he goes to work.

He got to the bar and sat down in the back of the place, giving his order to the waitress as Rude walked in and sat down, making his order through gritted teeth.

"I take it the girls couldn't resist you." At Rude's nod, Reno cackled and narrowly dodged a punch to the arm.

"Come on! I know you enjoyed it a lot. Besides, if you buy Elena a martini, she'll be yours for the taking." The bald man snorted and took his drink when the waitress returned. Reno took his and paid for both drinks, sipping the Russian screwdriver.

It was exactly ten minutes after the first sip that Cloud walked in with a slightly burnt to a crisp Vincent and the annoying Yuffie. They went to the bar and got drinks, Yuffie flipping the guy off for not letting her have a margarita. And this went on for about two hours, with Reno getting more smashed and Yuffie using Cid's words on the barkeep.

Then Tifa ruined the happy moment by appearing. Or more precisely, by punching Reno in the face.

"YOU FILTHY BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU EVEN THINK THAT?!" Rude fended the Mad Cow off the red head as the rest of the Turks suddenly appeared and got Reno away from the area. That was sudden. Did he say something?

Cloud had also gotten up and was helping Rude with the Mad Cow. Along with Vincent and Yuffie and Cid. Whoa, where did Cid come from??

"Tifa, get ahold of yourself. He's drunk and probably doesn't even know he SAID anything. And where the hell you get off with PUNCHING him?!" They were…standing up for him? And what did he say?!

"You said that you really wanted to kiss Cloud on those oh so soft looking lips. You were making him blush." said Elena as she wiped Reno's bloody nose with a rag. That was when Reno slightly paled abit and made the blond woman laugh.

The fight continued on until Reno had enough.

"I'm going to go to bed now. Laters.." He left very quickly, not caring that it was almost nine o'clock and he usually didn't go to sleep until five in the morning. All he really did, though, was run out of the bar, hotel, and town. Mainly to a forest a good five miles away. And to an event that will change him.

For better or worse.

-- --

Cloud was pissed, mainly at Tifa. He really didn't want that hag to ruin his vacation but she did anyway! Now, after telling her off, slapping her in the face, and even PUNCHING her in her face, she finally got the damn hint and cried to Barret.

Good.

Now, Reno wasn't in his room, he wasn't in the hotel…not at the beach…

"Mister! Your red haired friend went to the forest! It's very dangerous at night in these parts." Cloud nodded at the boy and ran to find the Turk and bring him back. Before something happens.

-- --

Reno was walking down a well-used path in the dark forest, just following where ever it will lead too. The red head really wanted to kill that cow, bash his head in and sew his mouth shut. Well, he wasn't drunk anymore…

And he also realized that he forgot all his stuff in his room. Including his EMR. Great. Can this possibly get any better?!

He walked into a clearing and plopped by a tree, cursing his luck and everything that made up Karma. He REALLY hated Karma.

As he continued to rant mentally to himself, he didn't notice a sound…a growling noise that didn't sound like any monster in the area. It only took him a second to realize that he wasn't alone. But it was already, WAY too late.

A moomba jumped out of the nearest bushes and was on him, it's fangs sinking deep into his throat as its claws ripped at his tender flesh. Reno really didn't know what the hell just happened, just that whatever it was, it wasn't letting go and he was starting to lose his motor reflexes. The more Reno tried every trick in the book to get it off, the tighter it clung to him, almost piercing his esophagus and air pipe. But the loss of blood was starting to take effect and Reno actually began to fear that he was going to die. Die a painful death..

He didn't see Cloud run up and somehow get the creature off. He didn't see the blond try to heal him, only for the magic to be ineffective. He didn't see the man take out his phone to call help. And the last thing he would not hear, was Cloud's whisper.

"Please don't die…"

--

Well, this is my first chap on this. Tell me what you think. Tell me if there is something I can improve on. Tell me if you even LIKE it. Tell me and I'll shut up. To all you weirdos that need inspiration. With love!