Author's Note: Obviously I'm not Stephenie Meyer (thank God!) or Nora Roberts so I don't own any of the characters in this story. Furthermore, I'm very Anti-Twilight so if you can't handle me making fun of Eddie-kins, you might as well just click the "Back" button right now. Either way, this is just a silly little one-shot crossover that I thought would be fun to write. I absolutely love all of the characters from Nora Roberts' Circle Trilogy and I thought it would be interesting if they somehow found Edward Cullen. This is set in the world of the Circle Trilogy in Ireland some time between Blair's arrival and when the Circle leave for Geall.
"What is it?"
"He. I think it's a he."
"Well, it could easily be some sort of asexual creature, couldn't it?"
"True, but he says he's a Vampire."
"Definitely not a Vampire."
Moira and Blair stood on either side of the humanoid creature strapped tightly to the dining room chair with ropes that Hoyt had enchanted so that even the so-called Vampire's strength couldn't break them. The sorcerer stood behind them both, blue eyes peering curiously over the women's shoulders at the pale thing in the chair. The creature was glowering at them with those impossibly topaz eyes, his once smooth face contorted into a frown. Every so often it would strain against its bonds, but to no avail. The mortal man's magic was far stronger than this immortal's brute strength.
"Ugly bloke, isn't he?" Hoyt commented and the monster's frown deepened into a scowl.
"Not everyone can be as handsome as you, Merlin," Glenna said, appearing at her husband's side. "What's going on here anyway? Larkin said he and Blair brought back a Vampire."
"Or so he says," the shapes-shifter reminded her as he moved around to the back of the chair to place his hands on the creature's shoulders, much to its chagrin.
"He'd better be something goddamned fantastic for you to get me out of bed in the middle of the day."
Cian staggered sleepily into the library where all five of the humans were gathered around this man who claimed to be of his kind. The others looked up as he entered and he ran a hand through his dark hair, trying to make his appearance seem a bit less disheveled. Moira started around the room, pulling books off the shelves and the rest of them looked to Blair and Larkin for more information on this creature. The demon hunter and the shape shifting man took turns telling bits and pieces of their hunt early that morning while the sky was still dark. There'd been a short skirmish with the creature before they managed to drag him back to the house, surprised that he didn't turn to dust in the sun.
"Says his name's Edward Cullen and that he's got to get back home to his wife and kid," Blair explained.
"Nonsense," Cian growled.
"Vampires can't have children," Hoyt reminded them.
"We asked him about that on the way back," Larkin continued. "He told us he was an incubus."
Moira shook her head as she set a heavy book on a nearby table, saying, "Incubi are nothing like Vampires. I mean, there have been tales about incubi being Vampires, but they're not true."*
"Why don't you speak so we can see those nice Vampire teeth of yours?" Cian asked, stepping forward to force Edward's jaws apart. He laughed aloud when the wannabe Vampire snapped his teeth close to the other's fingers. "Ha! He hasn't even got fangs. I bet it's hard to bite into a struggling human without any fangs."
"I don't eat humans." It was the first time this Edward character had spoken. His voice was low but shook only slightly with anger that was just barely controlled. "I'm a vegetarian."
Cian now howled with laughter and the sound of it was so infectious that the others couldn't help but let out small laughs themselves. The man in the chair was now utterly seething. He gripped the armrests of the chair so hard that the wood splintered, but no matter how hard he strained he couldn't break the ropes. When the laughing died down, Moira returned with her nose buried in a thick book. Her brown eyes looked up from the pages for just a moment while she asked Blair a question.
"Could you give me a nice description of this creature one more time?"
"Sure," Blair said. "Cold, pale, rock-hard skin that sparkles in the sunlight." Cian made some snide remark, but Blair ignored him and continued, "Stakes are useless, sunlight does nothing, crosses have no effect. No fangs. A 'vegetarian.' And-"
"Thanks, but I think that's enough. I think I've figured out what our Edward Cullen really is," Moira said. All five of them peered closely at the pages as sure turned the book around to reveal a picture and a long passage in elegant script. "Lizardman."
The roars of laughter filled the house once again. Glenna was laughing so hard that she had to lean against Hoyt for support.. Edward didn't seem to be amused by this in the least. He sat in a cold rage in the chair and he was probably regretting his decision to take a little trip to Ireland today. Moira raised a hand for silence and it took a few moments for all of the giggling to cease so that Cian could speak once again.
"All right. We've caught you. Now admit what you are."
Edward shook his head. Cian asked him again. After the third request, he stepped back and nodded to the shape shifter standing behind the creature. Larkin gripped Edward's bronze hair firmly and yanked it back. It took some strong pulling, but the mask eventually slid off. They all stood staring in disbelief at the monster glaring at them from where it was bound in the chair. A few of the humans even took a few steps back.
The creature's snout was rounded and blunt and brilliant silver scales covered its entire head. Large, honey-colored eyes burned with anger at its captors from their sockets set in the wide skull. It bared its fangs at them, revealing its rows of blunt teeth. Moira had been right. Edward wasn't a Vampire at all, but a Lizardman. Cian was laughing again as Larkin dropped the mask in Edward's laugh.
"Let him go, Hoyt," he said, grinning. "I think we've humiliated this ridiculous creature enough for one day."
The ropes fell from around the monster's torso and it got to its feet, flexing its sore arms. For a moment it simply stood and watched the humans around it. They were staring right back, tense as drawn bowstrings and ready to jump at it if it even thought of attacking. Moira closed the book and the quiet thud of the pages coming together made all seven of them jump. Finally, Hoyt spoke to the monster and his voice was calm but not without authority.
"Go. Get out of here and don't come back if you know what's good for you."
The lizard-like humanoid was out the door in a flash. The six humans exchanged looks for a few seconds before going back to their daily tasks. Cian went back to bed. Moira started putting books away. Larkin and Blair started toward the training room. Glenna and Hoyt headed up to the tower to work on more of their spells. That was the last they ever say of Edward Cullen and though they never talked about it afterward, they'd never forget that very strange day.
Author's Note: *I realize that incubi show up in some Vampire myths. However, in the Circle Trilogy world, they don't.
And I know I ought to be working on one of my other fanfics. I just got distracted by this. I'll get back to work on serious stuff soon enough.