There are eight rules followed by the Winchester family. These rules are the ones never challenged and never broken. At least, up until now.
Rule #1: Don't get caught
They narrowly avoid the cops in Portland, and someone tipped them off. How else would they know the name 'Winchester'? John hopes that whoever ratted on them gets ripped apart by vampires – you just don't rat on other hunters. It's just not done.
There's a scrambled rush to pack their bags, and in the confusion, Dean slips away to say goodbye to someone. Sam notices, but he keeps his mouth shut.
Rule #2: Never get close to people
It's hard, leaving Christina behind, but Dean's gotta do it. It's Christina or his family, and for Dean, there's no competition. So he says his goodbyes, and lets her break down into tears in his arms, and then the next morning he's gone.
And it breaks John's heart sometimes to tear his boys away from their friends, but it has to be done.
Rule #3: Always keep moving
It has to be done, because John can't stay too long in one place. Too long in one place means letting the despair catch him, letting all the locked-up sorrow and rage slowly catch him, like a tidal wave swamping an island. Sometimes it catches him anyway, and those are the dark days in November when he can't make himself do anything. It's only seeing Dean and Sam, knowing that he managed to save them at least, that can get John out of his depressed stupor.
Rule #4: The hunt is everything
And it's a good thing that they did – there's been a string of murder-suicides in Knoxville, and John suspects another demon. And this time, he feels like he's so close...so close to catching Mary's killer…he's so close that he can almost feel the sense of revenge well served already. Revenge is best served cold, and John can't wait. Forget that Dean is nearly old enough to be on his own, forget that Sam is looking for a way out, forget that he's only just recovered from his last round of ghost-induced injuries – they've come too far to stop now.
Rule #5: You can never go back
So when Sam decides to announce that he's applied to Stanford University in California, and he's been accepted, it's enough to crush John's mood back into the brooding darkness that he only just managed to escape. It's enough to make his strained temper snap, and enough to make him cast out his youngest son. As soon as the words have left his mouth, they come back and sting him with the hurt look that both sons give him. Then the confusion, with Sam storming away and the slam of the front door.
"Fine then. Go. But you're not a member of this family if you walk out that door."
"That's alright, I was leaving anyway."
It is often said that our children are like wolves, quick to attack at the first sign of our weakness. As soon as the door's slammed, the torrent of angry words begins, and ends with Dean storming out too, leaving John Winchester alone to ask himself the question, Where did I go wrong?
Rule #6: If you leave, you leave forever
But Dean comes back, even if Sam doesn't. The Dean that returns is one slightly quieter, one slightly angrier, one that doesn't hesitate to shoot anymore. John would like to have said that he could handle letting his youngest son go. He would love to be able to say that he regrets everything he said on that night. But the problem with that is that he would be lying if he said that. He doesn't regret everything he said, and he doesn't handle letting Sam go. Every second of those first few weeks, the empty space haunts him. The empty seat in the back of the Impala mocks him; the empty backpack taunts him with the memory of his own failiure. More than once, he's tempted to tear off to Palo Alto, and ask forgiveness, but his stubborn nature gets in the way. No. Sam decided to leave. He wouldn't come back even if I begged on my knees. And when Dean hints at a hunt barely half an hour out of that town, he doesn't expect the backlash he gets.
"Get it through your head Dean. Sam's not coming back, and nothing you do is gonna change that."
Rule #7: Pass everything on
Sam's taken off, left everything behind, so it's all passed on. What's left is in a pile on Sam's bed, there to be taken from when needed. Weapons don't come cheap, and neither do books, so it's simple enough. If it can be reused, it is, even down to tearing up Sam's old T-shirts for improvised bandages. John won't admit to himself that what he's really trying to do is erase the evidence that there ever was another Winchester living with them. He still has too much pride for that.
Rule #8: Don't lose hope
But it's a case of famous last words. Four years from now, though neither John nor Sam know it, they will come face to face, and it will be time to say what should have been said.
When that time comes, neither can bring themselves to say a word. Words aren't enough to close the void between them.
All that can be done is to wait, and hope that one day everything will be alright.
A/N: Eh, the ending didn't quite turn out how it was supposed to, but I hope it's alright.