Hi, I haven't seen many episodes of this show yet, so I hope everyone is in character. I just HAD to write something after the episode Our Mrs Reynolds. I really like Mal/ Inara. There will be another chapter to the story. This is the beginning. Hope you like it!! I took a few lines from the episode itself!!
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Why?
Inara sighed out loud. It didn't matter, no one would hear. She was alone in her shuttle. So she could sigh. Sigh with frustration that is.
She dropped herself on her couch and sighed again. She was angry with herself.
She had had so many annoying feelings these last days, it had disturbed her inner peace. She was at peace on the inside many times. She could control her feelings, her emotions, her thoughts, everything.
And then this happened.
She should have known, another planet meant other problem. There were ALWAYS problems.
The moment Zoe had called everyone to come she had wondered what it was about this time. Her heart had felt like someone stabbed her, suddenly, fast and very painfully right through it. The moment she heard that that stupid annoying man was married. Her throat had become dry and she had frozen to the ground instantly. God, she hated that man. She really hated him! And to only hear him act and talk to the woman like he did at that moment. That man was insufferable.
"The way I see it, me and her have got one thing in common: we are the only ones that don't think that this is fun." He had said. And then he had stalked off. He had been wrong. So wrong. But could she expect from him? From a man like that? He was after all stupid, dumb, annoying, irritating and so many more things. He stood for everything she did not like in a man.
She knew that her face had looked like a thundercloud at that moment. She knew exactly how her face looked because she had learned to control her expressions. To not show others what she really felt, really wanted, really thought. But this time, she couldn't hide it, her mask didn't work momentarily.
No, she didn't think that this was fun. And that is when it all began. It was his fault. When wasn't it? It was ALWAYS his fault. She hated him! That was a simple fact.
She remembered when she almost bumped into 'Miss Reynolds.' She hated that woman. The moment she said that Malcolm 'her new husband' wanted nothing of her and the way she reacted to her she had known something was wrong. She had instantly noticed the seduction techniques. Very clever of Miss Reynolds!
When she had said that she was the widow of Malcolm, that was when she lost all of her control. And an immense fear spread through her. So much fear. And such an empty feeling.
She heard the alarm ringing faintly in the back of her head when she ran towards his quarters. When she saw Wash on the floor and Zoe hovering over him her heart clenched even more with fear. She climbed down the ladder and there he was… Lying on the floor. He could not be dead! That could not be! He was not allowed to die! Never! She ran towards him and bended, she could not describe the feeling of relieve that washed over her the moment he made a sound.
And then something else had gone wrong. Something else she was angry about. How could she?
She had kissed him.
The urge at that moment was too big, if there even had been an urge. She was so glad that he was alife, so thankful that she wanted to feel his lips against hers. Instantly. She wanted to feel him.
And then, when she had called for the doctor it was as if her senses came back and could see how stupid he really was. And how stupid she had really been! But that ofcourse was his fault.
Boy, had she been afraid that someone would find out! When she came too. She thanked herself for being good at improvising.
I fell. I only fell. It was true.
If you say something to yourself many times, then you start to believe it. Maybe she should say it more times to herself, because she still remembered what had really happened. She should ban this 'mistake' from her thoughts.
And then, yes, ofcourse! He had to come in to her shuttle. That had been the moment of truth. At least, that was what she had thought. She had felt vulnerable, and she hated that. The moment he stood so close to her and looked her very deep and intense in her eyes. She looked back up at him, with big eyes. Trying to think of a way to get out of this situation, trying to trust on her improvisation skills. But it was like she couldn't come up with something anymore. She had even began to stutter slightly. How could she?!
"Come on Inara, how's about we don't play?" Yes that had been the moment right then, right there. So she had been honoust. She hadn't tripped.
And then to see that smug smile on his face! It replaced her fear and feel of vulnerability instantly in astonishment, as if she couldn't move. And then irritation. How could she have kissed a man like that? This only proved how dumn and annoying he really was.
Inara stood up from her couch and pulled softly on the thin fabric of her dark red gown to get the wrinkles out.
And that was exactly why she would feel totally at ease and in control when they would have supper together with the whole crew, in about one minute. She pushed away a strand of dark, curly hair from her face and sighed again. What had happened these last few days, it was in the heat of the moment. Nothing more. And that, that was a fact.
Inara made her way out of her shuttle. And facts were hard to get around. No, they couldn't be gotten around because they were the truth.
Inara entered the kitchen with her mask of peace, tranquility and trust plastered skillfully on her face. She smiled slightly as she slid in her chair gracefully.
She took a bite of her protein bar as she enjoyed the people around her, their talking, their bantering. But somehow, she couldn't quite focus. He wasn't there yet. Kaylee had said that he was still doing something. Looking at something.
She heard his footsteps and there he was. He slit himself in another chair, on the other side of the table.
"Inara? Kaylee to planet Inara?" Kaylee said out loud.
Inara looked up shocked.
"Could you pass me the water please?" Kaylee asked with a surprised look in her eyes. She quickly averted her attention away from Inara as Simon asked her something.
Inara looked at the other protein bar on her plate as she reminded herself again of how stupid the captain was. And how she had wanted to wipe that smirk of his face. Those wrinkles that formed next to his mouth, they were so sweet… His eyes that could look so warmly at her sometimes. So protective. And then, then he would call her a whore. And she would feel anger burning like fire deep within her chest. She wanted to hurt him right back at these moments.
She looked up carefully. He was talking to Kaylee now. Why did he have to be so attractive? No, she hated him! She looked back at her plate. She hated herself. Why could she not just leave him be? Ignore him? Why was he always in her thoughts? Why had she felt so….So…. What was the word?
'Jealous.' River mumbled. Her eyes were on her plate, her hair was hanging in her face. She was sitting in front of Inara.
No one heard, they were all chatting animatedly with each other. Except for Inara. But no one noticed that. And ofcourse River, but she was silent a lot of times.
She felt so sick of herself. She had learned so many things about men, then why did he burge into her life like that? Why could she not push him away?
'Because you like him.' River now said loudly as she looked up.
Inara felt a shock go through her and her eyes grew wide as she instantly noticed that it was silent, everyone had stopped talking the moment River had spoken that sentence out loud. Inara had to stop herself from swallowing. She tilted her head to the sight and looked at River. Had River read her mind? She had to act now. Before someone would find out.
'You like someone?' Inara said trying to sound normal. Trying to push away her initial shock.
'No. Wrong. I was wrong. I am wrong.' River said slowly as she looked at the ceiling.
Inara felt her heartbeat settling down a bit now. She had avaded this very good.
'You love him.' River blurted out suddenly as her brown eyes stared in hers.
This time Inara couldn't stop from swallowing. Her throat was so dry suddenly, and she couldn't talk. It was like the words were stuck in there, like her brain stopped momentarily.
'Who do you love?' Jayne asked interested in a pushy tone.
'The…. Ehh…Uh..' Inara stuttered as she still had her eyes on River.
Kaylee's eyes grew big. Inara and stuttering? That was something surprisingly new.
'I…' Inara looked from River to Jayne now and plastered her civilised smile on her face. She was in control. I am in control. Calm yourself, she told herself. And why was everyone staring so interested at her?!
'I… No one.' She said in a high voice as she laughed shortly about that proposterous idea. 'Where did you get that idea?' She said amazed as she turned her head to face River but her eyes avoided eye contact with the young girl.
"River!" Simon said in a stern voice. He noticed instantly that River was putting Inara in a hard place. He had to stop this. Inara's private thoughts were her own, not for other to know.
"What? She asked. She was asking it a million times. If someone asks, I answer. I just want to help." River said as she looked at her brother. She had a scowl on her face. He wasn't the one that had to hear all these thoughts day in, day out. It was awful sometimes. And very irritating. She had done nothing wrong had she? She had just answered a question Inara had asked herself too many times already these last weeks.
Mal was grinning widely to Inara's dismay as he asked: "So, the Companion loves someone? Who is it?' He said as if it was a joke. He brought it in a challenging tone.
Inara laughed shortly in surprise at that. "I don't love anyone if you please. And if I would, it would be of no one bussiness.' She looked at River now. "My thoughts are my own, they are private. I wish for no one to read them."
"O, I do." Jayne said as he took a bite of his protein bar and smiled widely. "What else do you got in that pretty little head of yours? Bet it isn't all that innocent in there, not innocent at all." His grin grew even wider at that.
Inara breathed in deeply, hopefully not visible for everyone as she faced Jayne. "As I told you before, YOU will never find out." She said sweetly in a fake voice. She turned to River. "And YOU have misread me. Companions don't fall in love. That is a known fact." She looked at Mal now. "When I came onto this ship we had an agreement of privacy. Privacy also means that my thoughts are mine and no one elses, only when I choose them to be." She said as she gave River an angry glance.
'Yes, I agree. Our thoughts are ours.' Kaylee said in a cheerful voice as she tried to brighten up the conversation a bit and get the attention away from poor Inara.
"Maybe this is a good time to make a new rule." Mal said as he looked at River. "If you can't stop hearing what other people think, just don't say it out loud okay?"
"But she keeps asking the same question over and over!" River muttered. It wasn't her fault. It was Inara's own fault.
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This was it for now. Hope there aren't to many mistakes.
How will Mal react to this? And what will Inara do to get out of this situation? And will River learn to 'shut up'?