Disclaimer: I don't own anything pertaining to The Animaniacs; the show, movies, etc!
Title: Don't Prod The Sleeping Warners
Summary: The Warners never leave the tower before noon. Plotz isn't willing to take no for an answer. Dr. Scratchansniff is forced to do the unthinkable; brave the water tower and try to wake up the three zaniest kids in existence.
...
The Warners never left the water tower before noon. Any and all morning scenes were just that, staged. Never once in all his time working with them did Scratchansniff see that tower door creak open earlier than 11:59. It was one of those things everyone knew about the Warners and used to their advantage, and the lot was always at its busiest early in the morning rather than the afternoon to avoid the onslaught.
But here Mr. Plotz was, demanding he break the one never-changing part of their routine like it was any of his business to do so.
"I told them filming began at eight and I meant it, Scratchansniff!"
"Uh, sir, it's only six..."
"I told them to be early for filming. Everyone's here except for the Warners, and you need to go get them."
"Why me?"
"They're your responsibility, Scratchansniff." He prodded him in the nose.
"I don't get paid enough for this." He grumbled, turning to stalk out the door.
"Would you rather not be paid at all?"
"No, no. I'm good, Mr. Plotz."
The climb up the ladder has never ceased to be a tiring one for the psychiatrist, and Scratchansniff had to take a long minute to catch his breath before proceeding to the large metal door and giving it a tentative knock.
Nothing. Steeling his courage, he banged on the door as hard as possible without hurting his fist and waited.
He heard the familiar clanking of the locks unlocking before the door was pulled open, a disgruntled Warner poking his head out the door.
"Oh. Good morning, Yakko." He smiled nervously.
Yakko slowly blinked at him. "What time is it?"
"Uh, around six, give or take. You see, Mr. Plotz is waiting for you all to show up for the recording, ya? So, if you could get ready and come down to the studio..."
Yakko turned around and padded back to his room as though he hadn't heard, mumbling under his breath. "...Wake me up when it's noon."
"Uh, Yakko?" He peered into the doorway that had been left wide open. He hadn't even bothered to close the door behind him.
The oldest Warner didn't answer, trailing down the hall and out of sight in a sleepy stupor.
Well. That could have gone better.
Yakko stumbled back into bed, not even bothering with the covers as he flopped onto his stomach on the mattress. What was the use of fur if it didn't keep you warm, anyway?
"Who was it?" Dot asked, only half-awake herself.
If he'd had the energy, he would've shrugged. "Salesman, I think."
"Oh..." A pause. "Was he cute?"
"In my humble but honest opinion, no."
"Ah..." The sound tapered off into a snore.
Dot was the lightest sleeper of the three siblings.
Normally, when a noise managed to wake her (she said she was the lightest sleeper of the three- not that she was a light sleeper), she merely shooed Wakko or Yakko (usually Wakko- he was always disgustingly chipper when someone woke him; no matter what time of day it was) out of the room to check on things (one of the upsides to being the youngest- she had two people willing to do things for her) but there was a few personal vendettas she just had to deal with on her own.
She jumped up in her bed, cocking her ear up high to hear better. Another noise, like the scratching of small feet on the metal floor. Dot grit her teeth.
Mice. Her worst enemy.
She slipped out of bed and down the ladder, growling when she heard the noise again.
"Yakko, can I borrow your mallet?"
Yakko didn't question her, rifling sleepily through his pockets and yanking out a large mallet. Dot accepted it gratefully.
"Thanks."
"Dump them outside when you're finished." He called after her.
The mouse was much larger than she remembered them to be normally, with glasses and a bald head, but she refused to consider it as anything less than an adversary. She was to tired to deal with anything less.
She could have sworn she heard the mouse exclaim, "Ah, Dot! I was starting to think I'd never find-" Before she squashed him, but it didn't really register.
She heaved the flat disk of a mouse (much larger than usual, but that was probably just her mind playing tricks on her) out the door and dragged herself back to bed, immensely pleased with herself. She set the mallet against the side of the bed and climbed the ladder into her bunk, rolling over with a sigh of contentment.
Yakko could grab it later, for all she cared. Her work here was done.
Scratchansniff was more than ready to give up, but he wasn't capable of retiring so soon and without any warning, so he begrudgingly slipped through the open door once again, nursing a bad headache and a bandage on his skull.
For someone so small, Dot sure knew how to heave-ho on a mallet.
Maneuvering through the many halls of the water tower proved difficult, with all the different twists and turns in the halls. It took some time (they seemed to rebuild this house from the floor up every time he visited), but eventually he located the Warner's room and slipped inside.
He hesitantly shook Wakko. Wakko wasn't as dangerous as his siblings- not to mention he was the closest to nonviolent one could hope for when it came to the Warners- and it seemed like the best option to try and wake him rather then his brother or sister.
Wakko pushed his hand away and sat up, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He fixed his gaze on him and grinned. "Oh. Hiya, Scratchy. How's it goin'?"
"You're... awake?" He glanced around for the surprise mallet to his already sore head, unable to believe it.
"Of course I'm awake. You just shook me." Wakko caught sight of the mallet on the floor and grinned wider. This time, it was the grin of experience. "Didja try to wake them up?"
"Er, something like that."
Wakko chuckled and pulled the covers off. "Dot and Yakko aren't very good with early mornin' stuff."
"I noticed." Scratchansniff rubbed his sore head.
The middle sibling slid down the ladder and grabbed the discarded mallet. "You just need the right touch, is all."
Scratchansniff backed away in fear as Wakko began hammering at the nearest bedpost, causing the whole structure to shake violently, but, true to Warner logic, not break. He half expected Wakko to be yelled at or even malleted (as that seemed to be the current theme for the Warner's so far that day), but instead Yakko merely reached out and grabbed the mallet, rolling over with an irritable grumble.
"Come'on, Yakko, it's morning." Wakko pulled the covers back, which at some point Yakko had managed to drape back over himself, and tapped his shoulder.
"Too early." He grunted in reply, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Please, Yakko. For me?"
Yakko grunted and sat up, rubbing an eye. "Let it be known that I'm only agreeing to this because I'm too tired to come up with a logical argument."
"That's good enough for me!" Wakko grabbed Scratchansniff's wrist and calmly led him down the hall. "Let's go see what's for breakfast."
Cereal, apparently. But Scratchansniff didn't have any real problem with that, having forgotten to eat breakfast earlier that morning in his hurry to get to the set, so he poured himself a bowl. "Are you always this... normal in the morning?"
"Huh?" Wakko glanced up from his bowl and nodded. "Yeah, I guess. I'm not awake enough to be real zany yet. Maybe later."
Yakko and Dot appeared in the kitchen a few minutes later, Dot leaning heavily against Yakko's arm as he wobbled into the room. "Morning, Scratchy." He grunted as he grabbed the cereal box. "When'd you get here?"
"Awhile go, actually. We tal-" He scanned the eldest Warner's face and shook his head. "Never mind. Long enough."
"Tell me again why we're up before dawn?" Dot asked as she slid into her seat.
"Uh, Dot, it's almost seven-"
"Like I said; before dawn."
"Filming." Wakko supplied, handing over the box.
Dot shook her head and tipped the contents of the box into her bowl. "Plotz is crazier than I thought."
"Uh-huh." Yakko nodded.
Scratchansniff hovered over them as they stumbled through breakfast, a quick shower, then down the metal ladder and to the set to be examined by Plotz.
The director waved a hand in front of Yakko's blank face. Nothing. He turned to Scratchansniff. "I thought I told you to wake them up, Scratchansniff!"
"I did, I did!" He flapped his hands towards the trio of creatures. "I got them here, didn't I?"
"Yes; in a half-asleep doze, even. I need those kids alert and zany- but not too zany- by eight 'o clock sharp. And make it snappy!"
Scratchansniff huffed as the shorter man stomped out the door. "Never seems to respect me." Suddenly, an idea began to form. A positively evil, but fun, idea. "Alright, fine. You want them awake, I'll give you awake." He shifted through his pockets, grinning when he found what he'd been looking for. "Candy?"
Yakko blinked at the sweet shoved under his nose, then at the therapist grinning at them crazily. "I thought we weren't supposed to have candy."
"Technically, you're not." He answered honestly. "But I thought this would be a nice treat for all the hard work you've been putting into the studio these past few weeks. Just... don't tell Mr. Plotz. Do we have a deal?"
Yakko seemed to finally be gaining a small measure of his normal gift of words. "I must say, Scratchy, that this has got to be the cruelest, least thought out, and most spur-of-the-moment plan you've ever had. But, even still, it's not often we get to partake in the wonders of chocolate and the ensuing sugar rush, so I'm willing to play along." He took the candy bar out of his hand, split it into three pieces, and scarfed his part down whole.
"Good luck on set!' He called as they jogged out the door, looking more zany by the second. Scratchansniff closed the door behind them with a sneer. "Suckers."
"Doctor Scratchansniff?"
"Yes, Ms. Nurse?" Scratchansniff glanced up from his paperwork, delighted by the sounds of destruction below in the strangest of ways. 'Maybe there's something about this whole 'being zany' thing after all.'
"The Warners dropped by a moment ago to reaffirm their lunch break appointment. I told them you'd be happy to work with them, as always."
Scratchansniff jumped up from his chair. "That was today?"
"Yes, sir. You set it up a couple of weeks ago, remember? They'll be here at twelve 'o clock sharp, sir."
Scratchansniff fell back into his chair as the door snapped shut, massaging his wrinkled brow in a feeble attempt to fight off the rapidly returning headache. "Oh no. What have I done?"
Author's Note: I wrote this forever ago and just never bothered to type it out and post it, so the writing style is a little different than what I usually type, I think, but I was going for the normal (or not-normal) Warner shenanigans, so... yeah.
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