Sunrise
this is my contest enrty for momosporif's and sarahfreak's contest! they have a forum if you want to enter, it has the guidelines and such there. I hope you all enjoy my little work of fiction! oh, and the story without authors note and promtp is under 6000 words like the rules say! I used word count to prove it! without the authors notes, it is under 6000, I promise!
Choose a room of the original Black Order and center your fic around it. This could be anything from nostalgia from one character about the room to events occurring in the room in present time; pretty much anything goes (be creative!) as long as the room is centric. :)
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
The forest has always been one of my favourite places. Everything was always soft and green and full of life. Even in the winter, one could sense the life sleeping just beneath the cold snow. When I was travelling with master, I really loved the Amazon. Winter never touched that place, never made the lush green life vanish, even if just for a short amount of time.
I've made many friends since I came to the order, met many people who accept me for who I am, curse and deformed arm and everything. I don't think they realise just how much that means to me. All my life, people have looked down on, and judged me. It hurts to remember but at one point in my life I thought that all of the people in the world were evil, and hurtful. That was before I met Mana. He showed me that people weren't so bad, not everyone in the world was evil. He also showed me how beautiful life could be; he was the one who showed me the forest for the first time. I had lived in the city, London, for as long as I could remember, and he took me away. We walked for a long time, before we came to trees and tall grass, so tall that it tickled my nose when we walked through it. I'd seen trees before yes, but the trees in the city were small and sick looking. These trees were tall and proud and they sang softly as the wind moved through them. I had never seen anything so beautiful before.
That's probably the reason I went for a walk in the forest behind the order, my second day there. I just walked out and didn't stop. I just wandered around in the trees, listening to them sing in the wind, listening to the animals run, the bugs buzz, a small stream somewhere out of my line of vision flow. In retrospect, it probably wasn't a good idea to wander in the woods alone, what with my sense of direction, but it had been so long since I could just walk around, listening to the world around me breath peacefully.
I was surprised when I came to the clearing, well, less surprised more shocked by the sheer beauty of the place. The clearing itself wasn't very large, maybe only a little bit bigger than the little room they had given me inside the order, and there was tall grass that reached to about mid-thigh on me with brightly coloured wild flowers randomly growing all over. There was a large pond on the one side, opening up the small space, allowing light to reflect into the clearing, it would have been a rather gloomy place without all of that reflected sunlight. There were bulrushes nodding in the wind, and water lilies floating on the surface. A tall, sad weeping willow was standing forlornly on the right side of the opening, its long leafy tendrils skimming the top of the water as the wind played with them. There was a large patch of soft moss at the bottom of the willow, it looked plain in the shade of the mourning tree, but every once in a while sunlight would find its way through the branches and the moss would almost glitter as it was lit up into the most brilliant of greens, it reminded me of Lavi's eye, the way it would sparkle in the light.
It might be odd, but I sort of think of that clearing as a room. My room. The trees and underbrush made a solid wall of green all around my clearing; it felt like it was keeping the world out of this beautiful place, protecting it. The canopy of branches overhead was my roof, woven sporadically, and made to be full of holes to allow little bits of sunlight to filter down from above. That clearing, it was more of a room to me than the room inside that big gothic castle. Don't get me wrong, I love that castle very dearly, inside of it are all of my friends, all of the people who accept me despite my abnormalities, but that clearing, my clearing, it was a special place to me. It reminded me of my life, from before I was thrown, or rather walked willingly into this war. The war that part of me knows I will die fighting for. My clearing reminds me of Mana and the fun times we had together, the love we shared. My father isn't someone I can just forget, and this place makes me think of him.
I like to go to my clearing when I get upset. Usually after one of the horrific nightmares I have of that night, when I called Mana back into this world, I just sit under that willow, on the soft moss and think. I think and think, about my life, and where I'm going and I wonder if what I'm doing is the right thing.
Sometimes, without meaning to, one of my friends, or the scientists or even the finders do something, a little thing, that makes me think of Mana, and I need to get away, go somewhere where I can be alone for a while. I don't want the people who have accepted me to see that I hurt over this so much. It happened a long time ago, but the wound is still only just starting to heal. I keep walking; keep moving through this pain because I promised Mana, and because I promised myself that after doing such a terrible thing in a moment of weakness I would make it up to him the first person to ever show me that life isn't a terrible thing full of mean and hateful people. I promised every person who I've ever come to hold dear since then, that I would do everything I could to protect them, to help them, because without them, I don't think I could bring myself to keep moving, keep walking.
Kanda came to the clearing once, after I had a particularly bad nightmare one morning. He was training or something and he stumbled across it while I was there. He asked me what the hell I was doing there at 5 in the morning, and I just smiled and told him that I came here a lot, because it was peaceful and I wanted to see the sunrise. He asked me why I was crying, and I was surprised, because I hadn't realised I was. I just laughed as I wiped the tears away, saying that I must have been having some kind of reaction to a flower or something, an allergy. Kanda sighed, and walked away without anymore questions. I was really grateful for that. One thing I like about Kanda, despite his rudeness, bluntness, his anti-social and cold nature, and overall 'I'm a bastard' attitude, was that he didn't ask questions when you didn't want him to. He didn't pry when it wasn't necessary and that's something I wish more people would do sometimes. Just let sleeping dogs lie, let painful memories sleep. Sometimes, sitting in that clearing, I wonder if people have some kind of morbid fascination with other people's pain. They were always sticking their fingers into open wounds, and twisting around until they hit a nerve and get the whole painful sop story.
I had always found my clearing the most beautiful at sunrise. Sure in the middle of the day and at sunset it was beautiful, but at sunrise, it was breathtaking. The early morning sunlight would filter through the foliage, refracting on every dewdrop until it reached the surface of the pond, and lit up the water like a sparkling gemstone. Hundreds of different pinks and reds filled the sky behind the trees, painting the water and leaves as the dark night sky receded. The water lilies would open up slowly after the sun started to warm them, the wildflowers would burst open, letting their sweet scent waft through the air gently. The whole area would just sparkle and awaken under the new sun, embrace the day with open arms; it truly was a sight to behold. Sometimes, I considered bringing someone here to share this with me. Someone else who would appreciate its wonder and beauty as much if not more than I do. But I didn't know who would love it like I do, and I was afraid to bring anyone there, I didn't want them to spoil this place by changing it. Kanda hadn't come back since that one time, and he kept things to himself, so I knew he wouldn't say anything, but I still kind of wondered if he did come back when I wasn't there, sometimes there would be grass that had been bent in a way only a human could do leading to the willow, and I knew that it wasn't me who had done it.
I didn't really have a problem with other people in my clearing; it wasn't really mine, even if I felt as if it was, as if it was my room. As long as no one harmed it, they could come. I didn't even really mind it if Kanda came there, when I wasn't, he had as much right to enjoy it and its beauty as I did. I just didn't want people here who would wreck the place for me and anyone else who might enjoy it.
I don't think I had ever really thought about my clearing before now, it was about 4 in the morning, and I had actually woken up early just because I wanted to come see the sunrise. I was leaving for a mission that promised to be long and hard later that day with Lavi and Kanda, and I wanted to see it before I left for god knows how long. I had been there for a long time, an hour at least, I wanted to see the sunrise from start to finish, so I took no chances. A gentle wind blew through the still semi dark forest, making the trees sing, and brining the scent of oncoming rain. It was faint so it would be a while before the down pour started, but it would come sooner or later. The sun began to climb over the rim of the earth and I felt myself smile. I was so far off in thought, I didn't even hear the person who was approaching me, didn't hear him call my name, I didn't even notice him at all until his hand was on my shoulder.
"What are you doing here so early Allen?" I looked up and Lavi's brilliant moss green eye met my surprised grey ones.
"Why are you crying?" there was nothing but concern in his voice and I reached up to touch my face in surprise. It was wet. I sighed and wiped the stubborn tears away.
"No reason must just be allergies or something. Why are you here?" I sniffed and Lavi looked like he wasn't buying it but smiled anyway.
"I asked you first."
"I come here a lot. I wanted to see the sunrise before the mission today." I shrugged and Lavi just nodded as he sat beside me under the willow tree, my willow tree.
"Me too. I've never seen you here before though. When do you come?" I glanced over at him, for some reason, Lavi seemed different, he wasn't joking around or being goofy, he seemed to just be mellow and content. It was nice to see he did have a serious side, when not in battle.
"Usually really early in the morning or late at night. Sometimes during the day though, not as often."
"Oh, I usually come during the day, to get away from panda and the endless paper work. I've never seen this place at sunrise, so I figured now was as good a time as any to see it." We sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the scenery and the sounds of nature around us. It was kind of comforting to have someone there, Lavi was a good friend, and it wasn't awkward to just sit in silence with each other like this. Part of me was glad that Lavi came here, and didn't hurt this place, this room, my room. I never would have thought Lavi would be the type to wake up for the sunrise. He always struck me as they lazy type who loved to sleep in.
Light seeped into the world around us, awakening the life in it. The water sparkled with the brilliant pinks and reds and yellows of the lightening sky behind it, the bulrushes nodded in the soft breeze, the water lilies opened their petals and reached towards the sun, the wildflowers burst open and their perfume tinted the air. Lavi sucked in a shocked breath and I smiled.
"Beautiful huh?" I asked softly.
"Yeah." I glanced over at Lavi and our eyes met for a moment. There was awe in that one expressive green eye, like he was looking at a god come down to earth, and something else there in his eye that I couldn't quite name.
"What?" I shifted slightly under his intense gaze and he smiled.
"Nothing, your hair just looked pink in that light, it was pretty cool." His grin widened as I huffed a bit.
"Well, we should be getting back, I'm hungry and we need to pack." I stood and paused for a moment as I watched the last of the morning colours fade from the sky, leaving a clear blue sea in one direction and dreary grey storm clouds in the other.
"Yeah." Lavi stood beside me and we started out of the clearing. My clearing, my room. Just before we left through a small break in the solid wall of foliage Lavi stopped me, grabbing my wrist softly and pulling me back into a hug.
"Lavi?" I asked, and his arms tightened around me.
"Allen, if you're upset about something, instead of coming out here and being alone, come get me, I'll sit with you out here, ok? Any time, even in the middle of the night." he talked into my hair, his warm breath whispering across the silver strands.
"I wouldn't bother you with that Lavi, you need your sleep." I wasn't really sure what else to say, part of me wanted to accept his offer, but another part of me was saying it wasn't right to bother Lavi with my sadness, to put my burden on him.
"It wouldn't bother me Allen. I would rather you wake me up, than come out here and cry all alone." Lavi hugged me tighter and I smiled against his chest as I wrapped my arms around him.
"Thanks Lavi, but I'd rather be alone than put all that on you, or anyone."
"Don't be stupid Allen; stop fighting all your battles like you don't have people who want to fight with you." Lavi talked softly, but I could feel some anger beneath the gentle exterior.
"Lavi..." I trailed off, unsure of what to say.
"Just promise the next time you come out here, you'll bring me along ok?" Lavi let me out of his tight grip, and stepped back keeping his hands on my shoulders as he met my eyes. I hesitated, and nodded.
"Alright." It was really all I could say. I wasn't sure if I would actually go through with it, but I didn't want to anger him, or hurt his feelings. Lavi is my best friend. He smiled and we stood like that for a moment.
"Well, lets get going, I bet that pit of yours is getting hungry." Lavi playfully poked my stomach and I laughed as we stepped out of my clearing, walking back to that big gothic castle together.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
It was two months till I was back in my clearing. The mission had lasted a month and a half, and I was in the infirmary for the last two weeks recuperating from fighting a Noah. I couldn't remember which one, but he or she was strong. I sat in my clearing, my room, still wrapped in bandages, feeling like some kind of demented mummy, thinking back on the mission. Lavi and I had gotten hurt pretty badly; it was thanks to Kanda that we even got out of there alive. He had sliced whatever Noah it was that we were fighting, and he retreated. Lavi had a broken arm, a couple broken ribs and a concussion; I had a pretty nasty gash in my side and had lost a lot of blood, and I had some burns on my arms and legs. Nothing really too serious.
I sat there, remembering the mission, all of the times I could have protected Lavi better, fought better, done my job better. I sighed and rubbed my eyes tiredly, only to find them wet with tears again.
"Damn it why can't I ever tell when I'm crying?" I grumbled to myself, jumping as a tried chuckle sounded behind me. I turned and glared.
"Lavi, what are you doing out here? You should be in bed; resting, broken ribs aren't anything to brush off." I scolded him and he smiled exhaustedly.
"Well, you should be in bed too, second degree burns aren't something to brush off as nothing either Allen." He limped over, holding his side gingerly and sat beside me with a tired sigh. It was late, and we were both tired and should have been in bed, but I just felt like a needed to come to my clearing, my room.
"I needed to come here." I told him quietly after a while. He glanced over at me almost lazily and smiled.
"Why?" there wasn't any ulterior motive behind his inquiry, just concern and curiosity. I hesitated, looking for the right words.
"This place... reminds me of a simpler time. I just needed to come and remember." I struggled for the right words, and hoped I had gotten my point across. Lavi nodded and leaned back against the willow and closed his eye tiredly.
"What about you?" I asked after a time.
"I came because I knew you needed me." Lavi said simply and I looked at him, confused.
"What are you talking about?"
"You were beating yourself up over the mission before I came here weren't you? You need someone to stop you from doing that Allen. You did everything you could, and we all got out alive right? What are you worrying about?" his eye opened and met mine, demanding an answer.
"I... its... I-you... I don't know." I sighed and Lavi smiled again as he slung his cast covered arm over my shoulders.
"You, my short white haired friend, worry far to much about the past for your own good." He told me wisely.
"You're one to talk; it's your job to record the past." I scoffed and Lavi grinned.
"It's my job to record the present Allen, not dwell on the past." Lavi leaned us back until we were both resting against the willow, my willow.
"Maybe so, but I don't dwell on the past, I learn from it. It just takes a lot of thinking to see my mistakes." I sighed as I relaxed slightly, staring out at the moon lit water.
"I do believe that would be dwelling Allen." Lavi teased and I poked his side gently.
"Its not."
"Is too!"
"What are you, twelve?"
"Eight-teen thank you very much!"
"Well act like it."
"You're mean sometimes Allen!" Lavi giggled as we bantered playfully back and forth. We lapsed back into silence for a while, each of us drifting off into our own thoughts. Sitting there with Lavi felt good, he knew how to make me smile when I was my most depressed.
"Hey Lavi?" I was sort of hesitant to ask what I was thinking but I figured I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.
"Yeah?"
"Why... why do you care so much?" Lavi looked down at me, surprised, his only visible eyebrow raised.
"Well, I mean, you're always making things seem better for me and making me smile and stuff, I... want to know why you bother. I mean, I'm nothing special..." I trailed off, unsure whether to continue or not.
"Allen, you really are stupid sometimes. I'm your friend and I care about you." Lavi pulled me close and pressed his lips against my forehead, in the centre of the pentacle on my forehead, "Everyone cares about you, and none of us want you to be upset. Like it or not Allen, you are special to us, special to me. I bother because I want to." I blinked in surprise before smiling softly.
"Thanks Lavi." I leaned against his chest and listened to his heart beat steadily. He chuckled deep in his chest, the sound rumbling right into my ears.
"Don't mention it." He ruffled my hair affectionately and I snuggled closer to his chest, being careful not to jar his broken ribs. I smiled and started to dose as I listened to the steady beat of Lavi's heart and the wind make the trees sing as it ran through them like a playful child. I felt safe and comfortable in Lavi's gentle embrace, like nothing was wrong with the world, I knew deep down that this would end, that I would walk willingly back into the battle field, into the line of fire, into the death and blood shed that was the life of an exorcist. Into the life that I had chosen. But for now, I was content to just relax and pretend that everything was fine and good in the world.
"Hey, don't go falling asleep on me now, I don't think I can carry you back if you do." Lavi nudged me playfully and I giggled.
"Hey, I'm not sleeping!" I mumbled.
"Well you're close." Lavi nudged me again.
"No M'not." I cursed my self as my voice slurred with tiredness.
"We should get back. The head nurse will have our heads if we're not back soon." I shuttered at the thought of invoking the wrath of the head nurse and Lavi laughed.
"Yeah you're right." I sat up, wincing as the half-healed gash stretched painfully. Lavi sat up, holding his injured ribs and he stretched, grimacing slightly as his back popped.
"Why don't we just watch the sunrise, then head back?" I suggested, gesturing to the already lightening sky. Lavi smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, good idea, but I blame you when the nurse murders us for not being in bed when she makes her first rounds." We laughed and turned to watch light touch the world for the first time that morning.
I don't know if it was just not seeing the sunrise for two months, or after seeing so much death and darkness on the last mission, but that day, my clearing seemed more beautiful than ever before. Maybe it was because Lavi was with me. I don't really know, but I think that had something to do with it. As the sun climbed slowly higher, the clearing seemed to burst into light and colour, each dewdrop on each blade of grass, each wildflower, each leaf on the willow seemed to sparkle like a diamond. The pond, my pond, lit up like a million gems of every colour glistening and shimmering as the soft morning sunlight struck it. At least 80 water lilies opened, their soft white and yellow and pink petals capturing the light and holding it, like they were glowing. The bulrushes nodded proudly in the early morning breeze as the sunlight warmed them. It was incredible.
"Wow..." Lavi breathed in awe and I nodded.
"I've never seen it this beautiful before." I whispered, I was afraid that if I talked too loudly, the scene before me would vanish in a puff of smoke.
"I've never seen anything this beautiful before." Lavi whispered back, "I'm glad I came out here to see it. To see you." I glanced over at him and he smiled before standing slowly, using my willow for support, "Let's get back." I nodded and stood beside him. Lavi was limping badly and trying not to grimace as we walked through my clearing and I smiled as I looped his arm over my shoulder and wrapped my arm around his waist, supporting him as we walked.
"Hey, I can walk on my own you know!" he pouted as I half carried him to the edge of my clearing, my room.
"Yeah, I know you can, but this way it won't hurt as much. Besides, if you strain your injuries the head nurse will murder you, and we can't have that now can we?" I grinned as Lavi huffed indignantly but allowed me to support him.
"What about your injuries huh?"
"Not as bad as yours, broken ribs are a bit more painful than a cut on my side and some minor burns." We reached the edge of my clearing and Lavi looked down at me, eyebrow raised.
"Allen the entire right side of your chest was open. If I had wanted to I probably could have counted all of your ribs. And those weren't minor burns. They were pretty serious. Even Kanda thought you were going to die."
"Well I didn't! So you two worried for nothing right? Besides, cuts and burns heal faster than broken bones." I shrugged and Lavi's face set itself into a serious expression as he turned me and placed a hand on each of my shoulders.
"Allen, we all thought you died once, none of us, not even Kanda want to go through that again. Don't be so reckless. None of us want to lose you." His brilliant green eye drilled into mine and I flinched.
"I'm not going anywhere Lavi." I smiled and Lavi was silent for a moment, as if gauging my words.
"Alright. Let's get back." He grinned and I nodded as I pulled his arm back over my shoulder as we left my clearing.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
It was dark, so very, very dark. I was alone. I ran through the darkness, tripping and stumbling over the uneven ground as I ran, searching. I called out but I didn't make a sound. I screamed and screamed but nothing came out. I was running, running somewhere through the dark, searching, looking, where is he? The ground vanished beneath me and I was falling, falling through the darkness. I kept screaming and crying out, but no sound, no answer to the call I couldn't make. I shut my eyes tight. Suddenly I wasn't falling. I opened my eyes and I was there again, the cemetery. I stumbled through the gravestones looking, searching, he wasn't dead, I'm not alone! I came to a dirt path and I walked down it, fearing what would be at the end. I could see a cross shaped gravestone. I got closer and closer until I was standing in front of it. I could see myself standing there, my child self while I stood back, watching. There was dirt on the front of the stone and I, my child self, leaned down and brushed it away.
Mana Walker
I cried out soundlessly and collapsed in front of the grave, weeping. It was true I was alone Mana is dead. I cried and cried and cried and all I could do was watch myself suffer. 'No, you're not alone, if you keep walking like Mana said; you will find people who love you!' I tried to tell myself but I couldn't talk, couldn't move, all I could do was watch. A dark figured appeared beside me, 'Mana Walker, shallI revive him for you?' my child self looked up at him and nodded. 'No! Don't! You'll only hurt Mana! Don't do it!' I tried to tell him, to tell myself, but I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything to save myself. My child self stood and stumbled in front of the terrible purple skeleton and called out,
"MANA!" I screamed as I sat up, drenched in sweat, panting hard. A dream, another horrible dream. I let out a shaky sigh and leaned back on my bed, resting my arm on my damp forehead. I laid there, breathing hard, for a moment before throwing back the blanket swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. I had to go to my clearing, my room.
It was about a week after Lavi had been released from the infirmary, and I hadn't had a dream yet, not since we had watched the sunrise together. I stumbled through the halls, towards Lavi's room. I had promised him I would go to him the next time I went out to the clearing when I was upset, and to be honest, I didn't want to be alone again. I wanted someone to cry with. After what seemed like a long time I found his room and knocked softly. I waited for a moment, and was about to walk away when a sleepy Lavi opened the door blinking tiredly.
"Allen? What is it?" he asked as he rubbed his eye. He wasn't wearing his eye patch for once, his other eye was a dull milky grey and contrasted with his other, brilliant lively green one so much.
"I... I was just uhmm... sorry to bother you, just go back to bed Lavi, I'll see you tomorrow." I turned to leave but his hand caught my wrist.
"Wait a second for me to get my eye patch and we'll go ok?" he smiled and I nodded, not trusting my voice. He disappeared into his room for a moment and returned, eye patch in place. We walked in silence through the halls, out of the castle, into the forest, into my clearing, my room, and I wondered why he hadn't asked me what was wrong yet. We sat under my willow and he still didn't say a word as I pulled my knees to my chest and stared out at the water.
"Why haven't you asked me what's wrong yet?" I asked him quietly. I saw him glance at me in my peripheral and smile.
"You can tell me when you're ready to." I turned to stare at him and he smiled gently as he brushed my cheek.
"You're crying Allen."
"What?" I touched my face and scowled, "Damn, why the hell can't I tell? I mean, they just start on their own!" my voice broke and I rested my forehead on my knees as I cried. Lavi pulled me into his arms and I cried on his shoulder. I cried for Mana, I cried for myself, I cried for not being able to protect Lavi, to protect my friends. I just cried. In between sobs, I told Lavi about Mana, about my dreams, about how I should have done better to keep my friends safe. Lavi tightened his arms around me and I felt safe, even though I was telling him everything, giving him the chance to hurt me more than anyone should ever be able to, yet I felt safe. After I finished, and the sobs quieted, Lavi pulled back and looked me straight in the eye.
"Allen, you don't have to fight alone all the time. You can let other people help you. You can let me help you. Don't keep hurting like this, don't keep stuff like that inside you, its not healthy. Its not right that you had to go through so much, but you're only making it worse by not letting anyone in. Allen, you have people who want to be there for you. Don't shut us out." I reached up and wiped away the tears that had escaped Lavi's eye as he spoke and smiled.
"I'm trying not to. It's hard, I don't want anyone to hurt for me, and I don't want them to have to bear my cross."
"But we want to help you Allen, I want to help you."
"You are helping me Lavi. Just by being here." I wrapped my arms around Lavi's neck and hugged him tightly. Lavi sighed.
"How do you end up reassuring me when I'm supposed to be comforting you?" he chuckled and rearranged me so I was sitting on his lap, with his chin resting on the top of my head, his arms wound protectively around me.
"Reassuring you is comforting." I leaned against his chest and sighed contently. We sat like that for a long time, just enjoying each others company and listening to the world around us.
"Hey Allen?" Lavi broke the silence as I stared to dose.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks." I looked up at him in confusion.
"For what?"
"For coming to me when you needed Me." he kissed my forehead, right in the center of the pentacle and smiled.
"I can't really say you're welcome, I dragged you out here and made you listen to my sop story, but I'm glad you came." I snuggled into his chest and he tightened his arms around me.
"Allen." I looked up as he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. I blinked in shock for a moment before I kissed him back. He pulled away after a moment and rested his forehead on mine.
"As long as you need me, I'll be here. You won't be alone, ok?" he looked away, as if afraid I would reject him then and there and I smiled as I turned his chin gently to face me.
"Thank you." I said softly and kissed him.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
I don't think that Lavi will ever realise just how much those words meant to me. I had been alone for so long, I had kept everyone away so I wouldn't need them, wouldn't burden them. To finally have someone see through my facade and tell me that they would be there, was probably the best thing that had ever
happened to me. I was scared at first, to have someone care so much about me, it was a frightening thing. I was scared he would leave me alone again, and to be honest, I don't think I could handle losing someone so dear to me again. I don't know if I could get another wound like the first one and survive. I just don't think my heart could take so much pain. But I know now, Lavi won't leave me behind. Not without fighting till his last breath. And I would do the same.
I still go out to my clearing, my room, but not as often, and for different reasons. I go there now, not to mourn, but to remember, and to see it in all its beauty. Lavi comes with me sometimes, but he says that sometimes when I'm just sitting there, spacing out, he feels like he's intruding, like he's in someone's room or something. I just laugh and say he's always welcome there, whether or not I consider my clearing my room.