Monster by
blackdragonflower
Requested by: XFamousXLastXWordsX
Summary: He was cold, icy, and there was no way in hell I could ever have him. His every tease, every word killed me slowly. He's a monster, but he's the monster I've come to love and crave with my every breath. MattxMello
Characters belong to Death Note by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. The one line Matt sings later is from "Don't Jump" by Tokio Hotel.
A/N: Matt's POV Uh... slight swearing?
Rated: T+
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In my eyes he was a monster, but a beautiful one I couldn't live without. Like my nicotine addiction quitting him was impossible, not that I really tried to quit anyways. I was entranced, enthralled, by everything about him, how he walked with a slight swing in his hips, the way his eyes narrowed when he was pissed off at anyone and everything, and God when those lips surrounded the chocolate he adored, or his tongue trailed up the sweet candy. It took my breath away. Probably the worst thing about my adoration was that he knew I loved him. This made him flaunt the fact I could never have him quite often. I think this teasing eased his nerves a little though so I never said much of anything in response.
It wasn't a surprise when he busted the door down and stalked over to me angrily capturing my lips in a heated passionate moment. My heart stopped and had to restart itself. My PSP clattered to the floor, the echo vibrating through my ears. It was way too soon when he pulled away leaving me only to whimper in want for more, for something I'll never get to have. Damn the sexy monster, damn him.
He smirked deviously, his unique twitch of lip. And then the questions came as they always did. Quick, efficient, Mello.
"Do you want more Mattie?"
"Yeah... not that I'll ever get it."
"And why's that?" He wipes a blonde sliver of hair from his face.
"Because you don't have the time to love anyone, much less show them general affection." Cue Mello's sliding onto my lap and pressing himself obnoxiously close so I can't ignore him, or forget he's there.
"Mattie..." He chuckles, "why do you remain faithfully by my side?"
Now, usually I replied with some form of honest 'I just can't resist you' or some other crap like that, but I didn't feel like following the script today. Truthfully I was feeling down in the sewers from a jubilee of things that had decided today was the day to pick on Matt! Damn karma, she sure hates me it seems. So I called on my smartass attitude replying, "Cuz if I left you Mello you'd hunt my pale white ass down and take care of me so I'll never speak again. You'd do that so there's no way your identity could possibly be leaked. I wouldn't really blame you, humans aren't very trusting of one another."
I didn't expect the look his face morphed into. The seductive ice-cold features seemed to melt. In his beautiful blue eyes I saw painful disappointment. It confused me. He got off my lap and disappeared into his sacred domain -a.k.a. his room- the door closing silently behind him. I sat there dumbfounded trying to make sense of his expression. What did I do wrong?
Then it dawned. I hit my forehead with the heel of my hand cursing under my breath. Every day the same questions were asked and answered about the same way, except today's last response. I usually told my monster I adored him, loved him. That's why the monster asked the questions. It was his way to know that my love was enduring despite everything. He bathed in my love without my realization. He needed it like I need my nicotine. How did I not see this earlier?
I stood and approached his door fumbling for courage from my lower gut. It was a sin to enter without knocking, and knowing this I cracked the door open. He didn't bother with me, just continued staring at an iron cross his lips moving with no sound. The blonde's onyx vest littered a secluded corner of the floor.
He owned the room with no windows and only the one door. It was a prison, a terrible lonely stained cage he painfully locked himself into every night he was here. The bed creaked quietly when I crawled on it towards him. That's when I heard the almost inaudible sigh escape. He hissed at me but his heart wasn't in it. "What are you doing in here?" I pulled my gloves off with my teeth and began to massage his shoulders ignoring him. Again he questioned, "What are you doing in here?!"
I chuckled. "Simply loving you ya little monster." I replied kissing the bare flesh of his shoulder. This was also a sin, a crime, to touch him. Only he could touch me. That's how the exchanges worked. Still, no shout came, no yell, no swearing at me in German, nothing but silence. I was hit strongly with a flaming desire to touch him wherever I could, show him I loved him and always would.
I wrapped my arms around his thin waist, pressing my mouth against his neck. I mentally rejoiced when a groan slipped through his defenses. He shifted, not away from me like I was prepared for, but closer to the touches and embrace. When I took his pale skin between my teeth I shivered hearing another one of his sexy noises, a stifled gasp that melted into another tortured groan. "God Mells you're so sexy!" I murmured inhaling the scent of gunpowder and chocolate. To me it was rather heavenly.
"Of course." The chocolate fiend grunted. He turned in my embrace and cemented his hot lips to mine. I expected it to be short, but received something entirely different. All the unspoken rules that had once been established were crumbling. Leather-bound hands darted under stripes fingering everything they could get a hold of. His tongue, as aggressive and dominating as he is, pried my mouth open and slid across my teeth. I let my tongue reach out to greet his but it was wrestled into submission, quick and effortless. My monster always knew how to steal my breath, both literally and figuratively. Thinking was generally hard enough when he gave simple kisses or touches, but now my brain was mostly mush.
He was the first to speak, an order breathed out as he nibbled on my bottom lip hungrily, "Matt... touch me..."
Those three words were fantasy come to life. "A-are you serious?!" I stuttered out.
"Ja." He must be in a really good mood. Mells didn't speak his native tongue unless very angry or very content with his situation. He said something else in German but I had no clue what it could be. Didn't matter really.
My fingers shook as they slid down his arms and across the flesh. My breath hitched when the moist cave of his mouth surrounded my earlobe. He teased flicking the lobe with his tongue. Fingers I no longer controlled curled into his sides, "Oh God Mells!"
The ex-mafia member smirked. I could swear it was there on his bloody face, the face I couldn't help but ogle at. "You moan like a whore Mattie..." I whimpered offended. It was his fault he was turning me on so bad! "It's so... arousing..."
I... aroused the stone cold monster so wrongly dubbed after the term 'mellow'? It was hard to fathom. I guess if you wanted to put it this way Mello was the shivering cold, while I was the glowing ember of fire. But if I'm gonna go about spouting weird crap that probably makes no sense then I might as well say this.
I am life.
He is death.
I give him my life willingly in exchange for my own death. I know I will die for him, but I've come to terms with it. Hell, we're all going to die someday I might as well die for the person who means the most to me. Before I know it I'm pressed into Mello's mattress his lips going wherever they wish, my vest and shirt discarded onto the floor. He takes the band of my goggles between his teeth and begins to pull them off. I can't even explain how badly I needed to take care of some business, but at the rate the monster was going... he might just do that for me. Sadly it's my fantasy come true.
The time comes when I can't breathe the room's so hot. And then comes the point where I can't remember much. My mind grows hazy for details though it tries to grasp them desperately. All I really recall is the hot sweat and the entanglement of our bodies. His whimpers and moans are very clearly imprinted on my brain and I replay those over and over as he sleeps. I've never seen him sleep before...well scratch that... I haven't seen it since we were kids at Wammy's.
The face that was peaceful back in those days is now contorted into a grimace of pain. It hurts me to see. I wonder what he sees as he sleeps. What images plague his mind following him into his dreams making them as hellish as the life he leads when awake? Afraid he'd wake and be angry with me for our stand I had cuddled earlier on the far opposite side of the bed. His tossing and turning, the soft whimpers under his breath concerned me. I slithered over to his naked body, pulled it close, and stroked his soft blonde locks. His pale skin glistened with sweat.
"No... go away...Go away!" It took me a moment to realize he wasn't talking to me, it was a nightmare. Who did he want to go away? His breathing became labored and his body was colder than normal. I bit my lip nervously. What could be troubling him? It killed me not to know.
Was it the murder of our beloved mentor and idol L? Was it regret of killing people to get where he was today? Or did the need to be number one weigh on him so heavy it followed him even into sleep? I wish he would tell me his woes, confide in me like it use to be, back when we were preteens with no other care then to study our hardest and have fun playing pranks. A gentle sigh escapes my lips and over the curve of his cheekbone.
To the world Mello is a monster, a cold, frightening monster whose burdens scar the left side of his face. To me he is a monster, but not that kind. If any of them had ever had the chance to see what I've seen of him, his laughs, smirks... if they could really understand what he's going through, they wouldn't have the heart to call him a monster.
But why is Mello a monster to me? I've always called him that in my mind... but why is he one to me? I sorted through my thoughts before finally coming up with something to satisfy myself. He was a monster because he plays with my emotions, twists me around his fingers because he can. After tonight's insight though, I can't honestly call him that anymore. A moan I come to recognize as mine penetrates the quiet I hadn't noticed was there. His finger doodles on my upper thigh. He's awake... "Ready for round two?"
"God Mells you have to ask?"
"Just making sure you can keep up..." Right then, I heard a tone in that one sentence that I'd never heard. It was a soft undertone, hardly noticeable unless you knew Mello like I did. Was that... a kind, caring tone? He patted my cheek then turned his back to me chuckling, "Eh it's too bad for you."
"You prick." I muttered snuggling him closer. He yawned but obviously didn't want to go back to sleep. "Did you have a nightmare?"
"Jump off a bridge it's none of your business!" My grumpy teddy bear snapped.
I chuckled singing the end of one of his favorite songs, "And if all that can't hold you back, then I'll jump for you..."
He groaned and covered his ears with his hands. "Shut up Mattie! Shut up!"
What'd I do wrong now? I decided to chance it and pressed my lips to his cheek. "C'mon Mells..."
"God damn you!" His mood drastically swung to anger and he had me pinned down to the mattress once more, but not in a good way. His golden eyebrows slanted above his gem-like eyes and his mouth was set in a frown.
"Mello..."
"Damn you Matt! Damn you! I can't love you!" Hearing those words my heart experienced crash and burn. My heart rose to my throat cutting off my breath. His hands shook from their position on my shoulders. "I can't love you Matt. Tonight wasn't suppose to happen... I should've controlled myself better and never involved you... Me and you would never work...I don't want you involved with me."
And the night had seemed so perfect... "Why the hell are you being such an ass!" I yelled pushing him off. Hot angry tears welled up in my eyes. "I'd do anything for you! I'd even die for you! You don't have to love me but don't tell me you can't! At least let me go on living in a dream world..." I stood, not caring that I was naked, but grabbed a sheet anyways wrapping it around my waist, and stormed towards the door.
"Matt. Stop right there." He ordered, the tone flawless. For me there was no other option but to stop and listen to whatever he had to say, take whatever punishment. "You have some nerve saying that to me!" Before I could interrupt him he raised his voice continuing, "I never said I didn't want to love you jackass! I just can't. How do you think I feel having such dedication and loyalty thrusted upon me when there is no way to return it?! I can't love you Matt. I wanted you to leave me alone, not to get connected again. I don't want to give you false promise. You can go now."
I stood there silently listening to him settle himself back down on his bed. I felt terrible. A part of me was overjoyed that he loved me, but the larger part that weighed heavy was that as long as I'd loved him, he'd loved me, but unlike me he'd been unable to say it. It was my turn to feel like a monster. Replaying his words in my mind I held tightly to the doorknob. He was concerned about me, didn't want me hurt in any way. Slowly letting the doorknob go I padded back towards the bed. "I thought you were leaving." He said with his back to me.
"You can't get rid of me that easy Mells. I have something left to say... I'm sorry... I really am."
"Sorry for what?" He muttered.
"For being an ass... You only had my best interests at heart... and I'm sorry me and you won't work out even though I wish it would." I leaned over and gave him a final kiss, one on his temple. Ironic, where people place the muzzle of the gun before they shoot themselves. When I tried walking out his voice called out,
"Mattie... c'mere... Spend the rest of the night with me. One night together."
I pondered his motives but the thought of my cold bed instantly drove me to his side. Dropping the sheet onto the floor I crawled under the covers getting as close as I could. "Sure Mells... one night together... Just you and me."
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Yay! Another request finished! This one is for zee lovely XFamousXLastXWordsX who asked for a MattxMello. I don't know why but I feel like this MattxMello is a bit different then some of my others, mmm more bittersweet perhaps? I'm a little concerned about Mello's outburst being OOC... but I hope it's not too bad if it is.
I'd like to thank everyone for reading! I would really appreciate any helpful hints or things to improve and love to hear from you all! Criticism is welcome! XD
I hope this was worth the time taken for you to read it! See you next story!
blackdragonflower