Author's note: A bit of a ramble fic, something to match my dark mood at the moment. Angsty, crazy, something that will make you feel horrible. Your welcome.

I do not own the x-men nor do I own the marvel universe, the depressing storyline is my own.

She sat alone. The long drapes were pulled back from the open window and rain drops were splattering the dark wooden floor. She sat with her back against the wall, gloves laid forgotten on the floor next to her. Her eyes stared vacantly out the dark window to the storm outside, thunder clapped in the distance as lightening lit the room briefly. Her breath was slow and her body felt numb, vaguely she was aware of the voices outside her room as students passed by to go to dinner. Her light off, Rogue was not afraid of being disturbed. A limb wet paper dangled off the edge of the bed where it had fallen, her clothes still damp from her walk home.

He had held her close that day, held her firmly against him and whispered in that sweet voice of his. Had her believing, had her trusting for once. She blinked slowly as another streak of lightening tore across the sky. The violent sway of the trees outside kept her memorized as the rain picked up. The sounds, the smells, everything around her was muted to the chaos reigning inside. She knew, she believed, she wanted it...

Slowly Rogue stood, the paper fluttered to the floor forgotten as she shuffled to the open window. The rain had picked up again with the wind. Turning inward and soaking the floor. She bent and leaned out of the window, letting the violent storm swirl and pull at her hair. In the darkness she could almost see the gazebo, it's marble pillars reflecting the flashes of light. She could remember his cards scattering to the floor as he rushed to hold her, to comfort her. To give her something to ground herself with, she had wanted it so much, had forgotten the securities she had placed up all those years ago. The biting cold of the wind numbed her bare skin, her jacket lost somewhere on the return home. The thin tank top still clung to her skin, dark stains from the mascara that ran with the tears. She sobbed and screamed into the wind as another clap of thunder shook the giant house. It wasn't a home, never was, never could be. She was the Rogue. The one who changed and shifted, the one who took and never gave.

She leaned farther outside the window and looked at the darkness below. The almost never ending dream of nothingness, she craved it. Wanted to touch it, if for just a moment. The darkness called to her, pulled on her, begging her to join in the sweet nothingness. Quiet is what she craved and quiet is what she could never find. Unless it was with him, he seemed to always quiet the world around her. always found a way to bring her back and hold her close, but now...

'You don't seem to understand Chere, a man, a mutant, anyone needs contact. You can't give that without killin' you take too much chere.'

'She's a danger, a hazard, what happens if one of the younger students touch her? what if she breaks down? Can we really afford that?'

'She's so cold, so distant. I get why but does she have to be such a bitch about it? I don't know how much longer I can stand her... her presence.'

'Danger.'

'She doesn't really belong.'

'Not one of us.'

She turned her head back to the dark room, her bed neatly made for once. The flutter of paper on the floor had shifted from the wind and was half under her bed. She looked at it blankly, she couldn't even remember what was on it anymore.

'Poor Kurt, having a sister like that.'

'At least their not blood related.'

Her jean clad leg stretched over the windowsill to rest on the slanted roof. She straddled the thin piece of wood before bringing her other leg out into the darkness. The lawn was lit briefly, the roses Storm spent so long planting that afternoon were flooded and destroyed. Rogue would have cried at the loss of the beauty but her soul dried up long ago. The darkness below welcomed her, beckoned her, it would hold her close. It would never pull away in fear, it would never whisper venom behind her back. It was the darkness that was her true companion. She turned her face up towards the storming clouds. The darkness of the world called to her, the darkness of it all pulled away her pain and numbed her center. The darkness of the world matched the darkness inside, the desolate heart of a child with the memories of others. The thoughts and urges of boys, girls, men and woman. Thieves and murderers. Schemers and tricksters. She held it all inside. She heard their whispers, their pleas. She turned once more to look at the paper on the floor, a selfish thing. A silly thing really to try to say goodbye. She wasn't going anywhere, not her. The Rogue they had, the Rogue they knew was not Anna-Marie. Was not her, not really. She looked at her pale hands trembling in the cold, was she afraid? No. It never did any good to be afraid. She whispered softly to herself, final comforting words from someone who knew, and fell.

I write you a letter that begins
With I love you and ends with I love you and
Somewhere in the middle is one goodbye for
Every hurt...

Thank you for taking a moment to read, I'll be continuing with Torment next week. Stay tuned and I'll try not to make it too depressing.