Disclaimer: I own nothing
"W'at t'fuck happened?"
I don't know why he was angry at me. I didn't do anything. Or did I?
I couldn't speak to him. I just watched as he took a seat on the opposite side of the bed.
I watched as he took a hold of her other hand.
I watched as he gently stroked his thumb over her bandaged wrist.
He looked over at me with dark eyes. I wanted to speak. I wanted to tell him it wasn't my fault, but my mouth was dry and I couldn't get the words to physically form. Instead they were shouting at him from inside my head.
"I didn't do this. This isn't my fault. I love her."
My hand shook as I handed over a now crumpled piece of paper.
He took it without saying a word and without letting go of her hand.
Connor
I love you and will continue to love you more than I think you will ever know.
I don't deserve you. I have never deserved you.
You loved me. Made me happy. Showed me love and made me feel wanted, attractive, special, safe. I can never thank you enough for that.
You were too good for me. You deserve someone much, much more attractive, physically and mentally.
You don't need someone who can't control their emotions.
I'm scared Connor. I'm so scared. I can't fight these demons anymore. They are laughing at me, telling me I'm worthless and stupid for believing that someone as wonderful as you could ever look at me, never mind love me.
I'm tired. So tired of this fight. I can't do this anymore.
You. Sweet, beautiful Connor have done absolutely nothing wrong. I was damaged when you met me and I tried so hard to be the perfect girl for you. To be the girl you deserved. You don't need my 'issues', you have more than enough going on in your life right now, you certainly don't need this.
Tell Murphy I love him. He's sweet and sensitive and stronger than you give him credit for.
Live your life Connor. Fulfil your calling. Be happy.
I'm sorry I brought my mess into your life.
I love you Connor. I will always love you. X
I watched him blink several times before laying the paper down on the bed.
"Ah knew she felt depressed, bu' ah ne'er thought she'd go t'is far. Why? Why would she t'hink like t'at?"
I still couldn't look at him. I didn't have the answers he needed, hell I needed them myself. I just shook my head at him.
"Why would she say t'ese t'ings? Why did she not talk tae us?"
My eyes were stinging. My head was heavy. I just wanted to sleep and wake up with this being a bad dream. Every time my eyes closed I kept seeing her lying there in her own blood. I felt sick.
My head hurt. My heart hurt.I heard shuffling and lifted my head to see Murphy walk out the room. I sat up, rested my elbows on the bed and lifted her hand to my lips.
"Eve'ytime Ah said ah love ye, ah meant it. Ah never loved anyone as much as ah love ye. Yer perfect tae me."
I held her hand tight against my lips.
"Please come back tae me."
I felt my eyes sting once more, before the tears I could no longer hold back slowly fell.
I kept her hand against my lips as I silently prayed.
I needed her. I needed her just as much as I needed Murphy.
"Please come back tae me"