My first humor fanfic. I apologize if it's not all that great or if the characters don't seem accurate.
~Pandora Hearts and the characters included in this fanfic belong to Jun Mochizuki.~
A SWEETly Unnecessary Candy Caper
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The cupboard door opened ajar, and a single burgundy eye peered out.
It looked to the right.
It looked to the left.
An empty room shrouded in darkness; the perfect place to make his departure from the wooden cabinet and continue on his quest.
Xerxes Break opened the door fully and clambered out. He stretched his back and turned to close the doors, and then mentally cursed them when they made an unnecessarily loud squeak. It was past midnight in the Rainsworth house and he was certain he did not want to wake anyone, for if he did, they would be sure to question him about his little expedition. And if Lady Sharon were to find out about it, paper fans would surely fly.
And what was this little expedition he found himself on? It had begun earlier that day, when Break had found his little bag lacking sweets of any sort. So he had then wandered to his room to stock up again, but found the drawer were he stored his extra candy bare.
He did not remember eating it all…but then again he hadn't bought more for quite a while. Of course his supply had to run out eventually, it was just troublesome that it had to happen at this moment in time.
Any other person would just forget about the whole thing and buy more candy the next day, but this was Xerxes Break. This man took his candy veryseriously. So while someone else would simply go to bed, Break would go on a search for the secret candy supplies he had hidden around the mansion, in case of an emergency situation such as this. There was no candy left. And it was nearly 5 hours to sunrise. He couldn't wait that long. He needed sweets right away.
The reason he was doing this at such a time was simple; Lady Sharon had no idea of these secret supplies. Doing such an activity during the day would attract her attention, and she would surely ban any more supplies he had. So he had waited until she, and everyone else in the mansion, and fallen asleep before he decided to creep about.
So anyway, on with the story.
With the list of the supply locations held tightly in his fist, Break tiptoed to the door and opened it as gently as it would allow.
He poked his head out slightly. The hall was deserted. Perfect.
Using his ninja skills - or whatever sort of skills he called them - he quickly but silently moved through the hallways. Uncrumpling the note in his hand, he scanned for the nearest secret location written in black ink. As he read through the various options, a strange sound met his ears, and he stopped in his tracks.
Was that…munching? Ah yes, one of the kitchens was down this way, wasn't it? But who on earth would be awake and eating at 12:20am?
The munching sound was coming closer. Break thought about hiding so as not to rouse suspicion from the person, but had to abandon that thought when he saw the corridor lacked any items which could be used as a hiding place. Ack! Trapped like a rat! Oh wait, hang on. Not a rat; he didn't want to be comparing himself to that scum. No, he was trapped more like a…a…an albino man standing in a corridor with nowhere else to go. Yeah….
The person rounded the corner and came into view. He relaxed when he saw who it was, but remained totally confused.
"Alice-kun?" he whispered, only loud enough to catch her attention and avoid anyone else hearing.
Alice was chomping on what seemed to be a leg of lamb. Of course, it could have been something else. He didn't think even Alice herself knew what she was eating.
"Clown?" she said in disgust. Unlike Break, her voice lacked caution.
His finger flew to his lips and he hissed a 'shhhh!' and padded towards her. She remained where she was and tore some more meat off between her teeth.
"Alice-kun, may I ask why a young lady such as yourself is up at this hour?" Break asked her quietly, trying his best to erase any signs of annoyance from his voice.
She made a face at him. After all, she didn't like the man, but he wasn't being an annoying idiot like usual. "I'm eating, Clown, what does it look like? I was hungry. What are you doing up?" Thankfully she had hushed down a little.
Break tried to think of an excuse for a moment and covered up his thinking by looking cautiously around him. "Just some business, Alice-kun. Nothing for you to fret over~." He gave her one of his goofy grins hoping it would turn her off the subject. It seemed to; she turned up her nose and edged past him, keeping her distance while ripping more meat with her teeth.
Break watched her for a moment, and then smiled to himself. What a save. Although Alice probably wouldn't have cared less about what he was doing. But who cares? What a save!
.
.
Darn it all. Another secret candy location with candy so secret it was invisible. That or there was nothing there in the first place, both were entirely possible.
The secret supply had vanished from under the bathtub in one of the downstairs bathrooms, the little box under the couch lacked anything sweet, and the secret compartment in the dresser of the parlor was unfilled.
Break mentally scratched out the searched locations on the note before moving onto the next.
It was strange. Surely he hadn't eaten all this candy by himself? Perhaps one of the servants had stumbled upon them and moved them somewhere. Or maybe they had thrown it out because it had expired. That was logical. Goodness knows how long those sweets had remained there for. It was a good thing there were caring servants in this house. Usually other people wouldn't hesitate to poison him. He chuckled at the thought.
A small creak somewhere behind him jolted him out of his reverie and he turned to see a sleepy-looking Oz Vessalius stumbling out a door.
Break froze hoping Oz wouldn't see him. Oh, but he did.
"Break?" he said lightly.
Break gave an inaudible groan as Oz approached him.
"Oz-kun, you're up late. Is there something wrong?"
Oz shook his head. "No, I was just going to the bathroom."
By now Break was intent on keeping Oz's attention off why he himself was still awake. Children were easily distracted like that, weren't they? Perhaps he could throw a stick and escape while Oz went to fetch it…
"Ah. Well, Oz-kun, I'd hurry if I were you. If Gilbert-kun gets there first who knows how long he'll spend!~" He gave a teasing smile.
Oz gave a quiet laugh, being careful not to make a lot of noise (unlike Alice) and turned to continue to the bathroom, giving Break a little wave to say "goodnight, see you tomorrow."
Break returned it with a kind smile and wave of his own before turning to carry on with his own journey. He quickened his pace and let his face drop into a scowl. Those brats had better not rat him out. Let's just hope no one else decides to pop up- -
"Break?"
ACK!
Speak of the Seaweed-head.
"Break, what're you doing up?" Gilbert Nightray crept out from his bedroom door looking like a regular, pathetic bedhead.
How many people were awake in this house!? It seemed the only night Break was trying to be stealthy was the only night everyone else was determined to interrupt him.
"What are you doing up, Gilbert-kun?" he responded lazily, getting a little tired of this repetitive situation.
"I...I thought I heard Oz…" Gilbert said quietly with a small blush crossing his cheeks.
Ah yes. Truly pathetic.
"Do you stay awake all night waiting for Oz to wake up?" Break said, feeling a small burst of humor inside him. At this point he would have let Emily continue the teasing. Too bad he'd left her snuggled up in bed.
Gilbert's face was now scorched with embarrassment. "N-No! …I just heard him going out of his room and I wanted to see if he was alright…"
For the sake of keeping the residents of the Rainsworth mansion asleep, Break managed to suppress his laughter, a difficult task, and then gave an airy wave of his hand, or perhaps, a few flaps of his overly-long white sleeve. "I wouldn't worry; he should be back in a few moments." He spun on his heel and headed back in his intended direction. "Goodnight, Gilbert-kun~~"
Gilbert watched him go, then pouted with his poor, pathetic beet red face.
.
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Two more candy locations empty. This was getting ridiculous. He had been cunning enough to hide all these secret sweet supplies around a mansion in places no one would ever think of looking in, and the sweets were all gone? Unbelievable. The last time he'd checked he was pretty sure candy didn't have legs to get up and go for a ramble as it pleased. Also, he could really use a cup of tea right now.
There was only one more place left to check on Break's list. No, it wasn't in the back of Oz's sock drawer, he'd already looked there with no luck (and thankfully Oz had remained asleep). This time it was-
Rustle rustle rustle.
What was that sound!? It wasn't munching this time. It sounded like…paper. And that paper was coming closer!
Break looked around frantically in search of a hiding place. And then he saw the tall potted plant standing high and mighty in the hallway.
Step step step.
He didn't hesitate in jumping behind it and covering his face, or whatever he could of it, behind one of the large leaves.
Rustle step rustle step…
Ack! It was so close! Break closed his eye and held his breath. No matter how hideous this plant may seem, PLEASE don't look at it!
Silence.
"…Xerxes Break?" a voice softly said.
Spotted! Darn you, overly horrid-looking plant! His single eye flew open and he slowly moved the giant leaf away from his face.
The person who stood before him was…Reim Lunettes? Wow, he certainly never saw this one coming. But what was he doing here?
"Ah. Hello, Reim-san!" Break grinned and stumbled slightly while trying to move out from behind the potted tree. "I'm just looking at this magnificent plant here!" He looked it over. "Hmmm. Ah yes… Quite magnificent indeed."
"Xerx, why are you creeping about so late?" Reim knew he probably wouldn't get a truthful answer from his white-haired friend, but he asked anyway.
"…I…I could ask you the same question, Reim-san!" Break looked at him accusingly.
Reim frowned. It was hopeless to ask this man anything.
"I was discussing some important matters with Sheryl-sama on Rufus Barma's behalf," he explained, tucking the papers he held under his arm while removing his glasses to clean them. "But that doesn't explain what you are up to. It must be something you don't want Sharon-sama to know about." He replaced his glasses.
Break retained his poker face. "Ooh, on the ball as always, Reim-san. It must be all the time spent with that stupid-haired duke." Reim gave no response and Break's smile faded. "My, my. No humour either? You really must lighten up…."
"You never answered my question, Xerx."
Huh, nagging much? "Tsk, fine, fine. If you really must know, it just so happens that I have a few important matters to attend to myself."
"And they couldn't wait a few hours until morning?"
Break immediately shook his head. "Definitely not."
Reim looked at him suspiciously. Break mirrored with a suspicious look of his own. Both men stood for a few moments in a silence occupied by suspicious looks. Reim sighed and gave up while Xerxes gave a small smirk of victory.
"She will find out, Xerx," Reim said as he turned to go.
"Goodnight, Reim-san~~!" Break called.
Reim gave an audible sigh as he shuffled away. "Always changing the subject…" he mumbled.
Break watched him disappear around the corner and then let a breath of relief escape from his mouth. At least he could trust Reim not to say anything. Now, did anyone else feel like making an appearance tonight? Anyone? No?
Anyway, back to his quest. He took the now very crumpled list from his pocket to read the final directions.
Hang on, according to the note…..
Break looked at the plant that stood centimeters smaller than him. Had he really…? He read the note again to make sure he hadn't made a mistake. Old age really must have been creeping up on him, because he certainly didn't remember hiding his final stash in such a place. So he simply stood gawking at it for a minute while he tried to remember coming up with this ridiculous - yet quite clever - idea.
Bending down to the pot in which this unseemly plant stood in, he began to dig, being careful not to get any soil on the carpet – something he certainly did not want to do. He scooped more and more dirt to the opposite side of the pot, occasionally looking over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't being watched.
And then he saw it; a little wooden box no bigger than the palm of his hand sitting snugly between the tree roots and the wall of the plant pot. Break gave a silent cheer before grabbing it and pushing the dirt back into the hole he had just dug, and patted it down so it wouldn't rouse suspicion from anyone in the morning.
He hesitantly opened the lid, almost dreading to see it empty like the rest. There was a small glint…the glint of a candy wrapper! Break flung open the little lid and was about to give an almighty cry of joy before clamping a hand over his mouth to stop himself. The box contained…..three sweets. Just three, no more. He felt his face fall slightly. Well whatever, it was better than nothing.
Twisting one of the wrappers and letting the candy fall into his mouth, he stuffed the others in his pocket and holding the wooden box tightly in one hand, scurried back down the corridor. Ah, the sweet taste of…sweets.
He closed the door of his bedroom quietly before removing his coat and cravat and dumping them on the bed. He looked over at the clock. 2:30? How had it become so late? Oh wait… On his way back he had heard snoring coming from Gilbert's room so he'd sniggered and listened for a little while, and then he'd gone to get a quick snack from the kitchen… Ah yes, that would explain it.
Break threw himself onto the bed, trying to avoid crushing Emily who was bundled up cozily under the covers, and gave a long sigh. His job was done. The candy - or whatever was left of it - had been found. At last he could relax, safe with the knowledge he would survive without a candyless night. He closed his tired eye, slowly sinking into a relieving slumber before shifting onto his side to get more comfortable and feeling an unusual lump beneath his arm. Oh, so sorry, Emily!
.
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"Break?"
A slight poke to the upper arm took him from his exhausted daydreams and brought him back to the present day. There he was sitting at a table drinking tea with Lady Sharon while Alice and Gilbert argued on the couch, Oz just watching them, entertained.
"Break, are you alright?" Sharon asked kindly. "You seem rather…out-of-it."
Break merely gave her a small reassuring smile. "I'm fine, Ojou-sama. Just a little tired, that's all."
"Probably from what you were doing last night." Alice made her way towards the table, lifting a cake and eating it.
"Alice-san?" Sharon looked at her.
Oh no…
Alice picked up another cake. "I saw the Clown late last night when I was getting some meat. He was sneaking about in the corridor," she said as she stuffed the little cake into her mouth.
Break gave a laugh, doing his best to cover up his nervousness. "Sneaking about, Alice-kun?" he said using his normal, cheerful tone. "I was in bed last night."
When he was sure Sharon wasn't looking, he placed a finger to his lips to give Alice an inaudible 'shhh' in attempt to stop her saying anything more.
"You were not!" Alice said with a cake-filled mouth, literally showering everyone with crumbs. She obviously didn't get the hint. "You were talking to me!"
Break didn't have to look at Sharon's face to feel the irritation rising from her like steam. He began to sweat, and started silently shaking his head and noiselessly shushing Alice, while pointing his hand to Sharon as if to say "Be quiet! Ojou-sama can't find out!" Sharon glanced over to him and he immediately turned away to pretend he was rubbing his chin. Although she kept smiling, he knew her small body could only contain so much anger.
"You said to me…" Alice swallowed and then spoke in a deep voice, obviously trying to imitate Break, "It's just business, nothing for you to worry about!"
Break fought to keep his voice calm. "You really must have been dreaming, my dear. I certainly do not remember any of that." He grinned playfully.
Everyone in the room jumped in surprise when Alice gave a long, loud and proud laugh then placed her foot on the spare dining chair. "Getting so old that you're forgetting what you did, Clown?"
Oz sweat-dropped. "A-Alice…"
The 'clink' of a teacup being placed on its saucer suddenly silenced everyone. Three heads turned to Sharon who sat still maintaining her smile, while the other head kept its position.
"B-rea-k?" she looked at her servant.
The white–haired man began to sweat. He knew what was coming. He swallowed and very slowly turned his head to her.
Sharon calmly stood up from her seat. No one dared move a muscle. A maid who had casually entered the room to check if everyone was alright sensed the dark atmosphere and immediately rushed out again.
"Ojou-sama…" Break began cautiously, "…I can explai-"
THWACK!
The sudden blow introduced Break's face to the white tablecloth, an absurd smile spreading across his face. On the up side; he'd never seen the table from this angle before.
Holding her harisen - goodness knows where on earth it had come from - in one hand, Sharon used her free hand to grab the back of Break's collar and drag him from his chair, across the floor and out the door, the idiot still smiling.
The leftover inhabitants remained frozen where they stood in a mixture of awe and fear as the air was filled with another WHAP!, rapidly followed by a loud "AARGGHHHHH!"
After a minute or two, almost afraid to move, Gilbert was the one to end the silence. "Stupid rabbit…"
Alice spun around, the previous situation completely erasing from her mind. "What was that, Seaweed-head!?"
Raven simply sat down to polish his gun. "You've just given the game away. Obviously Break was doing something he didn't want Sharon to know about, and you've just gone and told her."
Alice was quiet for a minute, clearly processing her mistake. Then she proceeded to slump herself down on a chair in a huff. "Well, why didn't he say so?"
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Extra:
In a dark, dark unknown part of an unknown country, there was a dark, dark courtyard, and in the dark, dark courtyard, there was a dark, dark mansion, and in the dark, dark mansion, there was a dark, dark hallway, and in the dark, dark hallway lay the limp body of Xerxes Break, who had just been viciously assaulted by a paper fan. What a world! What a world~~! (￣Д￣)ﾉ
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And that is all, dear readers. I hope you found it at least minorly enjoyable. :)
(Did anybody get the 'Dark, Dark' extra and Wizard of Oz reference? XD)
Anyway, thanks for reading!