Chapter 1 - Morning
The weak early morning sunlight hinted at a beautiful spring day around the soft curtains as Caroline gently came to and opened her eyes. She lay still, listening. In the dim distance sounded the drone of one or two cars almost moaning as they are awoken from their cold slumber. In the garden below birds trade calls as though chatting about the weather or their partner's antics. Suddenly an alarm is called and a silence slips through the still mostly bare trees as the birds flee. It's a false alarm though as one, then two, then more return to their morning refrain. Within the house all is tranquil, the only perceptible sound being her own breath and that of her lover sleeping soundly still, beside her. She listens to the gentle rhythm of the air being drawn in and slowly expelled and becomes aware that her own breath has fallen into the same pattern as her partner's. In this serene moment they are two people existing in unison.
The irony is not lost on Caroline, she is all too aware of her continuing frailty within this relationship, her inability to easily co-exist with Kate. In the handful of months since their reunion she has undoubtedly tried harder, as she had promised in that vulnerable moment when she pleaded for Kate to take her back. But deep rooted insecurities and emotional rigidity take time to break down. Thankfully Kate had been patient.
Caroline glanced at the clock on the bedside table, she had awoken early again. It seemed it was becoming a habit, probably due to the persistent nervous tension that had crept into her as Kate's due date had edged closer and then passed. She was 5 days overdue now. Each day Caroline had pleaded with Kate that she should stay home "just in case", but each time Kate had been resolute, determined that her partner should not miss work until she had to.
As she continued to lay motionless she revelled in the warmth and softness of her lover's body intimately beside her. In sleep Kate had snuggled close behind Caroline and now lay with her swollen belly pressed skin to skin against the older woman's back, as if using her as protection for her unborn child. Tiny, almost imperceptible movements against her back brought an affectionate smile to her face. Kate's child, their daughter, was awake too. She pressed her diminutive limbs against Kate, causing Caroline's skin to tingle with the contact now that her senses were heightened in anticipation of the movements. The agitation almost seemed to suggest that the baby was searching for a way out, as if she knew it was time. Again, Caroline felt the nervous tension wash over her like a wave lapping at the beach, it wasn't overwhelming but was persistent. Is this little one going to arrive today? Other emotions began to churn through her fighting for dominance; excitement, trepidation, fear, happiness, but the one that conquered was love. Love born out of her overwhelming love for Kate, which was already intense and uncontrollable, but bright and shining too, warming through her, chasing out any last doubt that she wouldn't feel like a parent to this child.
The persistent movement of the baby had almost hauled Kate from her sleep. She murmured softly, muscles stretching out tentatively whilst trying desperately to hang on to the comfortable cloud of sleep she had been enveloped in. Caroline took this momentary opportunity to turn onto her back so that she could survey her lover. She delighted in watching this glorious woman whenever an occasion presented itself. In the faint sunlight which was now slinking into the room her skin looked almost fluid like molten caramel; her soft, thick, sable coloured hair unruly through sleep framed her face; her complexion pure and untroubled in sleep.
Kate's arm was now draped across Caroline's middle and the older woman could no longer resist the urge to touch. She ran the tip of her index finger indolently from her lover's elbow to her fingertip and back again, leaving a gossamer trail through the fine hairs on her arm. She repeated the action relishing the contact, however slight. Aware that her partner's breathing had quickened ever so slightly, signally that she was no longer asleep despite appearance to the contrary, the blonde haired woman persisted with her ministrations adding a second a finger and extending her reach all the way up to the younger woman's neck. Even this delicate touch was enough to elicit small goose bumps on Kate's arm. Caroline couldn't help but smile indulgently knowing that were the attention the other way around her body would be exhibiting the same reaction. She leant across and placed a tender kiss on Kate's forehead. Her eyelids flickered open unveiling beautiful dark chocolate brown eyes, with such depth that Caroline regularly found herself lost in them. Their eyes immediately locked on one another with neither needing to say anything to convey how they felt in that moment.
Suddenly and incongruously the moment was shattered, the peaceful serenity crushed by the piercing bleat of the alarm clock. Caroline swore under her breath and turned to put the offending item out of its misery. She turned back and felt her partner's hand brush her cheek as her fingers threaded into her hair pulling her into a languorous kiss.
"Hmmmmm" purred Kate somnolently.
"Hmmmm indeed" agreed her partner, as she gently stroked a stray lock of hair from the younger woman's face. Kate examined her lover's face circumspectly.
"How long have you been awake?"
"Oh, not long." She replied airily.
"Caroline." Kate responded disbelievingly.
"Just a few minutes, really Kate" trying to placate her lover.
"You're still worrying, aren't you? And it's affecting your sleep." Caroline recognised that this woman knew her too well to try and deflect her again. Reluctantly she agreed.
"Yes, ok…I'm scared stiff that something will happen to…you or the baby and I won't be here. I...I couldn't bear losing either of you. I can't help this feeling and I don't think it's going to change until the baby's here and I know that you are both ok."
She had learnt over the last couple of months that being honest with her partner about her emotions, however difficult she found it to articulate, was actually far more beneficial to her own well-being and their relationship. Kate reached out and pulled Caroline close to her, holding her head against the swell of her bosom. It was the mothering instinct already taking hold in her, a primal compulsion. For Caroline, baring her emotions so readily meant tears commonly followed, almost as if she too were experiencing hormonal changes in expectation of the baby. More likely it was due to lack of sleep and anxiety. Kate felt the dampness against her skin and gently wiped the tears from the older woman's face.
"Darling, let's just take each day as it comes. I promise I will call you if there is any news, the slightest twinge and I'll call and you can call me whenever you want. You're only 20 minutes away at work, you'll be here long before she arrives." She rubbed her hand across her belly at this last part.
"I know." Replied Caroline meekly.
They lay in their intimate embrace a few minutes longer, before Caroline grudgingly disengaged herself and got up to get ready for work.