In the Moment
Kaede slips from her hut and steps softly into the evening gloom; it's going to rain, but she cannot seem to care. It has been eight years since her sister, Kikyou, died at the hands of Inuyasha, and Kaede continues to mourn. She isn't a pessimist; on the contrary, Kaede is admired for her cheerfulness and hopeful outlook. The villagers love her as much she loves them, but the young priestess never stops to share the burden of her grief with any of them. It is easy to love one who gives without taking.
The rain, light and warm, begins to fall on the newly planted fields, and Kaede stops to thank the kami for their generosity. She is, most of the time, happy. Still there are moments when she can no longer ignore the need pressing against her mind, in her soul and forcing her heart to stutter. On nights like this, when she needs to vent, Kaede inevitably finds herself stealing into the quiet shadows surrounding the village and heading toward the darkness of the forest. She never tells anyone she visits him, Inuyasha, because she is certain the village elders are incapable of comprehending her need to seek out the company of one who cannot even offer her wisdom.
She takes her time walking, breathing in the spring scents, enjoying the water droplets saturating her air, and when she reaches the outskirts of the forest, the rain ceases and clouds clear. There are no sounds in the vicinity of the sacred tree in Inuyasha Forest; animals and demons probably think the atmosphere oppressive. Kaede understands. There are moments she cannot abide being near the hanyou who killed her sister, and she sometimes believes Inuyasha, deep in the recesses of his mind, is fully aware of time's passing and quite pleased to cause any discomfort he can.
Stepping delicately over a fallen branch, Kaede turns and faces the demon that plagues her memories. Sighing gently she bows and says, "Good evening, Inuyasha."
He doesn't answer, but Kaede never expects him to speak. As always, his hair gleams in the moonlight filtering through the trees, and his clothing, long ago expected to rot and deteriorate into nothing, remains the same vibrant color Kaede recalls from her childhood. She is tempted to stroke his silver hair, beg him to awaken, explain what happened and give her peace.
"I miss her so much," says the young miko, "I miss you, too. You were my friend, and I thought Kikyou and I could trust you. No matter. Time will move on, but you will suffer the greater punishment. You know, I used to ask myself why Kikyou bound you to the tree…I thought she'd shown you undeserved mercy, Inuyasha, but I was wrong. I am certain there will come a time you are revived, but what will the world have become by then? If you can hear me, I want you to know that I rejoice in knowing you'll wake to find everything you held dear has changed—the world will have gone on without you, Inuyasha. By then, Kikyou will probably have been reincarnated and perhaps even attained peace in the heavens.
"My apologies," Kaede whispers softly, "sometimes I am bitter. It's a flaw I am correcting…just as your temper was your flaw."
Seating herself in front of the tree, Kaede hums an ancient tune she remembers Kikyou singing to her when she was small and afraid of the dark. Darkness no longer frightens her; Kaede knows real darkness and believes it can only strengthen her soul and will as long as she faces her life with determination, patience and love.
"When I was little, I didn't understand how Kikyou could want a life outside of being a miko… There's so much in this world, Inuyasha, so much I want to see, and my dreams and duty clash, but I have to accept what I am—even if it is not who I am."
Kaede sits and softly sings until dawn slowly breaks and the world around her lightens. The hanyou's hair reflects the golden tones as beautifully as it does moonlight's pale blues, and Kaede stands and stretches her tired muscles. "I'll be back later, Inuyasha, I promise I'll be in a better mood when I return…I'm sorry I was so unkind."
The young woman cries quietly. Tears trail slowly down her cheeks, and Kaede hopes she is alive when Inuyasha is finally released.
AN: Yes, I am working on Catching Up With Kagome, for those who've read it, but things have been a bit crazy the past few months. Plus, the chapter I'm working on is driving me INSANE. As for this story, I wanted to write something in first person, and I dearly love Kaede and have often wondered how she coped after her sister's death.