My Guardian Zero

Summary: Kaname wants to join Zero but can't. Miserable and alone, Kaname knows what he must do. Kaname POV.

Warnings: Angst. Sadness. Sentimental Kaname. The promise of a happy ending.

Can anybody guess the two songs I was listening to while I typed this out? Brownie points if you guess. I'll tell you at the end.

This is in two parts. More information at the end of the fic.

Read, review and enjoy!

Kaname sat in his room, listening to the clock. Tick...tock...tick...tock. It's never ending countdown echoed in Kaname's ears louder than it usually would. Since that day, time had ceased to matter to Kaname. Days and nights had mingled together to form an endless stream that had no meaning. Kaname still sat in the chair that he had resigned himself to three days ago. Because he was a pureblood, he didn't require food or drink and, because of his nature, he didn't crave nor want any company. He only wanted one thing. And he couldn't have it.

He wished that all of that time could be re-wound. If getting up and turning the clock back was possible, Kaname would have done it. He would have moved heaven and Earth to avoid this empty suffering that he was experiencing. He had always been alone – it was usually the way he preferred it to be – but now he had an empty chasm where his heart had been. Kaname leaned forwards stiffly, towards the ornate hourglass that sat on his desk. Zero had given him the hourglass as a gift, the twining roses representing his feelings toward the pureblood; symbolising how wrapped up he was with Kaname and that no matter what happened, they would always have time together. Kaname smiled sadly and turned the glass upside down, watching the grains of sand slip slowly through the tiny gap. This was how Kaname felt; that everything was slipping away from him. That he held the sands of time in his hands and now it was all sliding through his fingers and pooling around his feet as a means of escape. He could always pick the sand back up, but he would return with less than he had originally had. Kaname blinked slowly as he continued to watch the sand but returned the hourglass to its original spot on his desk, where it held pride of place at the centre back, so that he could admire it every day.

Kaname put his head in his hands. There was so much he needed to say, but he couldn't say it. It was simply too late. Or was it? Kaname stilled. He could always go and visit Zero. He glanced outside. The weather wasn't appalling; nor was it bright and sunny. The perfect weather to go for a walk. Kaname grabbed his coat and flung it over his shoulders, sliding his arms into the sleeves quickly. He reached out and picked up his black golfing umbrella in case the weather decided to turn against him. Kaname descended down the marble staircase in silence. The rest of the Night Class sat below, on the sofas in the entrance, but they didn't utter a single word. They knew from experience that when Kaname was in a mood, they would end up getting hurt if they asked why or how. But this time, they knew why. So they didn't say anything and let Kaname pass them by as if he was invisible or simply not there at all.

Kaname pushed his hair back from in front of his face. There was a mild breeze that was making his brunette locks err away from their original position on his head. He absent-mindedly pushed them down and was instantly reminded of the many times that Zero had pushed his hand through his hair. Kaname closed his eyes, imagining the sensation of having Zero's deft fingers running across his head and through his hair. Kaname opened his eyes, thinking that Zero would be there...but of course, he wasn't. He stood alone, clutching a bouquet of roses as if his very life depended on it. With a sigh, he moved forwards, his feet dancing gracefully around the headstones that surrounded him.

Kaname stared down at the white marble headstone with watery eyes. He felt his knees weaken and he fell down on them, sinking into the thick green grass that surrounded the grave in large tufts. Kaname's head bowed as his body started shaking as he sobbed. He was glad that the graveyard was empty. When it was full that day, he hadn't been able to do this. To cry. To let his emotions out. For the past few days he had been in a bubble, wrapped up tightly. Now he was being punished for holding his emotions in as he fell apart in front of Zero's grave. Still holding the roses, he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to still his body and stop it from aching as he cried. But it didn't work. Of course it wouldn't. The only thing that would still him was if Zero come up from behind, wrapped his arms around him, rest his head on Kaname's shoulders and whispered sweet nothings in his ear. But that wasn't going to happen. So Kaname kneeled as his body slowly stopped quivering. But the tears didn't stop falling. He reached up a hand to wipe them away.

Staring at the headstone, he wiped some leaves that had fallen on the top of the marble away. He didn't want anything to mar the beauty of Zero's resting place. Kaname steadied his shaking hand and placed the roses down on top of the plaque on the grass. The stark contrast was incredible. The deep red against the pure white. It reminded Kaname of the faint flush that would appear on Zero's skin after they had been together. Kaname smiled numbly. He would give up all the world to see Zero's smile looking back at him. Zero truly was Kaname's piece of heaven in human form. And it had been cruelly ripped away from him and now Kaname was left falling into the darkness. Kaname stared at the engraved name and ran his hand across it. Zero Kiryuu. Died defending his loved ones. 10/07/12. Kaname sighed. He needed to get some things out of his system.

"Oh Zero," Kaname started, unsure of how to start his confession. "Where do I begin? If you were here, you'd know exactly what to say. But you're not and it's just me so...I guess you're just going to have to be patient with me." Kaname said with a smile, the tears coming back with full force. "Of all the things I regret, it's that I wish I'd spent more time with you. All those times where I was away or studying, I could have spent them with you. We could have had so much more time together had I not been so selfish. I put my own needs before you and I apologise. There will never be any amount of words that will tell you how sorry I am. I'd do it all different if I had the time again. But you probably know that already." Kaname whispered. Yes, this is how we would do this.

"They said that it would bring some closure to say your name. But no matter how many times I chant, whisper and say your name, it doesn't seem to ease the pain I'm going through. I feel like there is a hole where my heart used to be and nothing could ever fill it. Except you of course. My heart was yours from the very start and I'm beginning to wonder if you took it with you when you died." Kaname admitted, shaking his head in an attempt to stop crying.

"I can't live with myself. The immense guilt I feel is slowly killing me. But I don't mind, Zero because it means I'll get to join you sooner than I had ever dreamed of. In fact, I don't see why I can't join you now. After all, my life is pointless without you in it. You are my life. My beginning, middle and end. My lover. My friend." Kaname let the tears roll freely down his face. He'd made his mind up. This was something he had to do. Kaname reached inside his deep coat pocket and withdrew a medium sized black box. Shakily, he unclasped the hinges on the front of the box and opened it, revealing the Bloody Rose nestled inside a plush plum velvet material. Kaname smiled as he remembered having the box made for Zero's gun.

Before the fight had broken out, Zero had handed Kaname the box and told him to guard it with his life and that he was only to use if the situation became too much for him to handle. Using it...touching it would hurt Kaname. He was allergic to the metal and allergic to the bullets that the weapon fired. Maybe Zero knew he was going to die that day. But he had smiled as he had given it to Kaname and pulled him into a searing and almost beseeching kiss that had melted Kaname to the core. He had pulled Kaname's face in between his large, steady hands and smiled before turning and running off into the distance. Zero had died doing what he wanted; defending his family and his lover. Kaname hadn't seen any of the fighting. Zero had made sure of that. Kaname wasn't delicate, Zero had known that, but had wanted to spare him the agony of killing his own kind. Besides, hadn't Zero joked that it was his duty as a Vampire Hunter to kill vampires in the first place. Kaname laughed, a hollow empty laugh. The irony of that fact. Zero had killed the vampires that had attacked Cross Academy...he did it brilliantly too. But he'd also killed Kaname in the process by dying himself.

Kaname blinked the horrible memories of that day away from the front of his mind, pushing the back into the numb darkness that was taking over him. He reached down for the gun, wincing slightly as he felt his skin react to the metal casing of the gun. Pressing on, he picked it up and laid it on his palm, ignoring the urge to throw the gun out of his hand to ease his pain. But this physical pain was nothing compared to the loneliness and mental agony that Kaname was experiencing now. Kaname gripped the Bloody Rose tightly, allowing the searing pain to flair though him, hot white and twisting. Slowly, he wrapped his finger around the trigger. Two more steps and this was it. It would all be over. He tipped the gun upwards, pressing it against his right temple. Kaname looked around the graveyard. Still no-one there. This was the best way. Kaname closed his eyes and imagined his Zero. His beautiful, carefree Zero laughing at a joke under the tree they frequently sat under in the Cross Academy grounds.

"I'll see you in this other life soon, my Zero. I'm never going to let you go."

Kaname smiled through his tears and pulled the trigger.

A/N:

Now you have a choice you can either:

- End the fic here and have it as it is

Or

- Read the epilogue which officially ends the fic. The epilogue will be uploaded tomorrow.

Any reviews so far would be appreciated! What did you think? I know there wasn't much speech in it, but I thought it would ruin it. Besides, speech would involve effort and I don't think Kaname was in the right frame of mind to put effort and thought into talking to people.

Any typos you have seen so far I apologise for. When you re-read, you just miss all the typos. They actually look like normal words *INCEPTION* playing with my brain D:

Vampire Knight volume 14 in roughly 8 days guys! Can't wait! :D *this only applies to those who haven't got Volume 14 yet (I'm in the United Kingdom) and I refuse to read it online XD. * Eagerly waiting for Waterstones bookstore to text me when my copy arrives*

Until the Epilogue!