characters: Blaine Anderson, Sebastian Smythe; Amelia Smythe (OC)
pairing: Sebastian Smythe/Blaine Anderson
disclaimer: It's Ryan Murphy's world, I just play in it.
author's note:
Just few things, please bear with me.
This started as a ficlet for Seblaine Sunday challenge on Tumblr. It was supposed to be just a little thing where Sebastian witnesses Blaine having one disastrous blind date after another and then having enough and just kissing him under the mistletoe but - somehow that got turned upside down and shuffled and twisted eventually mutating into this and I don't know if I should apologize or not.
Even though this is a Christmas story the narrative switches between summer and winter. I hope that's okay and if not – sorry.
Title is borrowed from Rob Thomas.
English is not my native language so I apologize for any and all grammar mistakes.
Sidewalk Angels Echo Hallelujah
On this early December evening the Blue Moon is chocked full of patrons and customers. It's as if everyone in the entire universe is here; or at least everyone from this small part of it. Young men, old men, women of all ages, boys and girls flocked to this charming, cozy little patisserie in search of a shelter from season's first brutal cold spell, or driven by some deep desire for sweet creamy homemade desserts and hot chocolate. Most don't even seem to care that there isn't enough space; girls are sitting on their boyfriend's laps, people are standing tight against each other, shoulder to shoulder, at the counter table by the front window. They are ordering second and third servings of Double Chocolate Gateau or White and Dark Chocolate Mousse or Apricot Frangipan and they're eating them like there's no tomorrow, with yearning almost, like the world is about to end.
Sebastian Smythe is standing behind the counter, in charge of the coffee machine, looking quite amused by what is going on in his sister's patisserie. Not only are people ravenous for Amelia's desserts but they seem as hungry for each other. Couples are kissing shamelessly, touching and groping, forgetting about everything else except how much they want each other.
He figures the cold weather is to blame, or this time of the year, or maybe there's something in the water, in the very air. Whatever the reason, Sebastian has appreciated the entertainment but is now grateful that things seem to be slowing down. He has no problem helping his sister out, he actually enjoys it, but today has been a long day and is now catching up with him.
The patisserie isn't usually this full or loud or well, scandalous. Amelia Smythe runs a good business but most of her customers order things to go so on most days the Blue Moon is much more quiet, with a friendly, delightful quality. It's a place dozens or so regulars call their second home, a refuge, a sanctuary.
"It's crazy today," Amelia comments when she appears from the back, holding Chocolate Mirror Cake and Raspberry Tart. "I really appreciate you giving me a hand," she says while placing the freshly baked desserts in a glass cabinet by the counter.
"No biggie, you know that," he assures her. "Is this how the entire December is going to be like?"
Amelia chuckles. "No, not really. But it will be busier than usual. And more entertaining," she adds with a Smythe smirk and nods towards the table where a middle aged couple is making out like teenagers. Sebastian rolls his eyes. "When did you turn into a prude?" she teases.
He turns to glare at her. "I didn't." Amelia raises an eyebrow, slight smirk still on her lips. "I'm just tired, okay? I've been up since 6 and -" Well, he really doesn't want to touch this particular and. Not now.
Amelia pushes herself on her toes and winds an arm around his shoulders. "Sorry," she says and kisses him on the cheek. They don't have to say anything else. He looks down at her and nods but then her eyes light up again and already he knows where this is going; Amelia apparently doesn't care that he's too tired and annoyed with himself. He groans inwardly. She nods towards one of the booths. "Blaine seems like his usual self," she points out in a sing-song voice before turning to greet another customer.
Sebastian's gaze finds the raven haired boy immediately; sitting where he always sits, thick book open before him.
.
Blaine Anderson. His friend. The boy he's head over heels in love with.
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There are four other people sitting at the booth - people Blaine doesn't know - engaged in a heated conversation but the boy is completely unfazed by them. He's in another world right now, as he always is when reading, so Sebastian lets himself study him; for a millionth time.
He sees how his lips twitch and then he quickly turns the page and after a few moments he chuckles; Sebastian can't hear it, not now, but he knows the shape of his mouth when he does so. He keeps watching him and then he sighs. It was supposed to be a sound of frustration but instead it comes out as longing. Amelia chuckles beside him and then he groans.
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There are few defining moments in every person's life, those that have a power to change it in an instant. Sebastian experienced his at the end of August. It happened as things like that always do: suddenly and when you least expect them.
Like a lightning strike from a clear blue sky, or a whirlpool, or a voice of destiny calling your name.
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Nothing could had prepared him for what happened on that late August day when it seemed like the heat will go on forever, burning the ground, the sky, the air itself. When ice and snow seemed to become just a fantasy and winter appeared to be nothing more than some imaginary dream land.
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Sebastian takes a cup of strawberry/vanilla tea and a piece of Demi Mousse to a lady customer sitting at the table in the front and when he returns to his place behind the counter he is startled to find Blaine sitting there on the opposite side. He glances quickly to the right - where Blaine was sitting only a minute earlier - and sees that the heated conversation is now even hotter and people are gesticulating widely; no wonder Blaine had decided to escape before someone took his eye out.
"Sorry," he says and nods in the direction of the booth.
Blaine smiles and shakes his head. "It's okay." He keeps opening and closing the thick cover of his book. Keeps shifting his gaze between the book and the boy standing before him.
Sebastian tries to concentrate on slowing his heart rate; every time he sees this boy his heart beats too fast. Too hard. He cuts a piece of Raspberry Tart - Blaine's favorite - and adds a little vanilla cream and slides a plate in front of him. "On the house," he says.
"No, you don't have to." Blaine blushes and looks at him through his stunning long lashes which results in his heart speeding up again.
"For being evicted from your spot," he winks. He's painfully aware that he sounds much more confident than he feels but he isn't going to complain considering the state this boy put him in when he'd first saw him.
"Thanks," Blaine says with a look in his eyes as if Sebastian has just given him the secret of the universe and not just a piece of dessert.
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Summer came unusually late this year. Spring had stretched itself all the way into the heart of July. The temperatures hadn't risen over the balmy 67 degrees and people had started to wonder if maybe summer will pass them by all together. But then it happened. Summer arrived abruptly and ruthlessly. One day the weather was mild and the next it exploded with heat. Then it settled. Never letting up. Not for a day, not for a minute, not for a second. Not for weeks.
It was the most blistering heatwave ever recorded in the state. The rain was nowhere on the horizon and the dry, scorching heat hurt when you breathed in; it scalded your throat, burned your lungs. It was the summer people in this town will never forget. The sort of summer that will find its way into stories and legends; kind of stories that are told and re-told long after residents who lived through them leave this world.
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Sebastian arrived in town on that same day when heat blasted through the sky. He'd been out of the country for three years - traveling - and now was back to finish college he'd put on hold.
.
After all he'd been through - all the places he'd visited, people he'd talked to, things he'd seen - the last thing he expected was for his life to change so profoundly in some average midsize town his sister now called home.
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Three years is a long time, especially when you're 19 and you think you know more than you do. Three years is enough time to change you, enough time to shed all that you aren't and enough time to realize that there are some things in this world you will never understand, things that can't be explained by logic or reason. Like the moment when life grabs you and throws you into something that is as unavoidable as hailstorm, or a sunrise; as inescapable as gravity.
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"I see you're not tired anymore," Amelia says smirkingly, not even trying to be subtle, when she sees him talking with Blaine.
Both boys are leaning against the counter, each on their own side, elbows down, forearms brushing. If Sebastian wasn't trying so hard to wrap his mind - for a millionth time - around the fact that just this simple touch has him all dizzy and lightheaded he would've noticed that the boy next to him is just as flustered, he would've noticed how he was moving his arm across the counter in a painfully slow way, desperate for any kind of contact.
Amelia leans against the counter as well. "Thank you for cheering him up," she says to Blaine, flinching a little from the kick in her leg she received from her brother and giving one of her own in return. "He was starting to get all grumpy." And then she winks at him and leaves them with that. Both boys blush quite strongly. They're not looking at each other. Each too consumed with worry that they'll be discovered, both of them afraid of finding out they're the only one living with this desire.
Sebastian groans inwardly and glares at Amelia as she disappears in the back. They are both this way - embarrassing each other to death whenever they get a chance. Sebastian always had more material on his sister than she did on him so he knows that this is payback. Amelia just sends him another know-it-all grin and blows him a kiss.
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.
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There wasn't a store in the entire state that had more air-conditioners or fans left to sell. A prime commodity, that's what they'd become; as well as ice and cold water. People didn't care about gold or silver; all they wanted, all they dreamed about was rain, a dash of cool breeze. The water restrictions were implemented, as well as rolling blackouts because of the overwhelming pressure on the power grid.
Grass had turned brown and then it incinerated under the brutal sun, disappearing into dust, leaving lawns as nothing but a scorched, cracked patches of dirt. The air was so intensely dry that people feared of being sucked out of all their moisture and becoming mummified during the night. Dust was everywhere. It rose and rose, invading people's nostrils, their bronchi, their houses. Dust in their beds, dust inside their drawers, in bowls of breakfast cereals.
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"Don't mind her." Sebastian finally manages to get himself under some semblance of nonchalance and is relieved to find that Blaine isn't running out the door. He manages to guide them back to their conversation and in no time it's flowing again. They go from discussing the new Flash to talking about their school projects they need to finish since the end of the semester is quickly approaching.
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Sebastian didn't really mind the heat. After everything he'd seen he learned to appreciate the unusual and strange. He found it amusing but also interesting and in a way, beautiful.
He knows that weather like that sheds people's masks, reveals them. That kind of heat is exhausting; when just the act of breathing starts to hurt people don't have the energy to keep the walls up, the barricades. They give up pretending. Married couples file for divorce, secret affairs are exposed, unspoken feelings are declared.
.
Would his reaction to seeing Blaine Anderson for the first time have been so strong if the weather hadn't been so unforgiving? Were his defenses down as well? Was he also more open than he'd ever been before?
.
Everything outside smelled like char, the pale-blue sky was bursting with heat. All the animals seemed to have disappeared; they had retreated under the hedges, inside attics, basements, underground in fear of being set aflame in the open air. The concrete melted under the relentlessly burning sun and the air was filled with heavy stillness. A person could stand outside on the street and feel like the last living creature on earth.
Inside the patisserie the temperature was somewhat bearable but the power was out - little generator Amelia had was being used to keep refrigerators going and nothing else - so the air was hot and sweet. It smelled like sugar and sweat.
.
Is it really possible that life happens this way?
One moment Sebastian was sitting behind the counter with his laptop open, going through photographs he'd taken earlier that day, and in the next he was pulled into something he couldn't stop, something he didn't even understand.
A bell on the door chimed with a clear sound; a sound of the future crashing with the present. The broiling hot air violently rushed inside.
A boy entered. Jean shorts, old sneakers, a yellow polo with all three buttons opened. His dark hair was breaking away from the gel; curling at the back of his head, behind his ears, at his forehead. He was layered with sweat and his cheeks were flushed pink.
Beautiful.
Gorgeous.
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Time came to a halt. Everything stopped.
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Sebastian never had a chance. On the hottest day of the hottest summer he began to fall. Recklessly, without thinking, headfirst with no choice in the matter.
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When he blinked time was moving again. He was in the future. His future.
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He saw his sister talking to the boy and when she'd finished preparing his lemonade Sebastian stood up quickly and grabbed the glass. "Let me," he said.
When he reached the table the boy looked up at him and Sebastian was startled all over again.
Those eyes, that's what got to him. Those wide, hazel eyes, hidden behind thick-rimmed glasses, that in a light of the sun were amber-colored; kind of eyes a person could get lost in. Kind of eyes that could, apparently, make a person mute.
Because the oddest thing was happening. Sebastian, a boy who had never had a problem saying what he wanted, who had always been quick with his words, was now rendered speechless. He just stood there, shell-shocked, blinking, holding a glass of lemonade, unable to look away; unable to utter a single word.
Boy blushed. "Do I have something on my -" he started to asks, checking his face with his fingers before moving to his hair, slicking it down. "I know I'm a mess," he continued, smiling self-consciously.
You look perfect, Sebastian had thought but the words were stuck in his throat so he just shook his head furiously. Perfect. Beautiful. Hot. Cute. Words were rolling inside his head but the speech continued to elude him. He was reminding himself to breathe.
"Ehmm, I think this is for me," the boy smiled and nodded towards the glass of lemonade. His expression was somewhere between amusement and confusion.
Awkwardly, with no traces of his usual smoothness, Sebastian nodded and put the glass on the table. Maybe he smiled. He was on the verge of panic. Is it possible for laryngitis to begin so suddenly?
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Back behind the counter he sighed. What the fuck?
"Exactly," Amelia said and it was only then that Sebastian realized that he'd not only thought those words but he'd also said them out loud; so much for laryngitis. "What the hell was that?" she asked, nodding towards the table where the raven-haired boy was already engrossed in a book. Even though she'd asked a question the look in her eyes said she had a much better understanding of the situation than her brother did.
Sebastian didn't know anything anymore; except that he couldn't stop looking at the boy, that he couldn't even try. His heart was beating like mad behind his ribcage, his mind was hazy, dizzying. His body actually trembled, despite the heat.
Amelia was looking at him and the more she did the more amused her expression was becoming.
"This is going to be fun," she said, chuckling.
Sebastian barely heard her, he'd been completely undone. By one boy, by one look.
.
.
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"Will you come to the party?" Blaine asks.
Few days ago he invited him to a party his high school friend is throwing. Rachel something - he can't quite remember her last name - drama major with some big-shot Broadway mother. Or father.
"Yeah, definitely," Sebastian says and Blaine beams at him.
Sebastian hopes that maybe there, in a different environment, he'll be able to say what he wanted since August, since the moment he laid his eyes on him. Maybe there he'll have the courage.
He looks at the boy in front of him. He has no idea how beautiful he is, no idea at all.
"What?" Blaine asks all flustered.
He wants to tell him that he's gorgeous, he wants to tell him that ever since August he can't stop thinking about him, that he doesn't want to stop thinking about him ever. He wants to tell him that he's the most amazing person he's ever met, so true and kind and passionate. Instead he grabs the empty plate and shakes his head. "Nothing," and disappears in the back.
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Sebastian was trying not to watch him, he really did, but found himself incapable of tearing his eyes away. He had a slight sense to realize how downright creepy he was being but he still couldn't stop himself. Looking anywhere else was almost painful.
Amelia kept looking at her brother's dumbstruck look, his dazed expression. Her amusement was apparent but she was also a little perplexed; like she couldn't believe what she was seeing, like she didn't recognize him anymore.
But that was okay - Sebastian didn't know himself anymore.
.
He felt overheated. It was all too much. The heat from outside, the heat burning inside of him, a warm ball behind his ribcage.
There was this strange tingling feeling behind his knees. When he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, he didn't recognize himself. His skin was clammy, his cheeks flushed, his breathing was off as if something was pressing against his lungs, his head was spinning. But all that didn't necessarily mean anything; those were just symptoms of the heat or the flu, right? Nothing unexplainable. Except his eyes were glazed over - fear and delirium - and his mouth seemed stuck in this odd curve of confusion and delight.
If he was an irrational person he'd swear his heart was now beating in a different rhythm. As if seeing the boy had caused his heart to stop and when it had started pulsing again the frequency was new. If he was the sort of person that believed in invisible he'd think that all this heat had caused a crack in reality; like an opening into another realm. World where one look can make a person mute, where desire negates the laws of physics and love at first sight is as real as wood or a stone or blood.
He would've thought those kinds of thoughts if he was out of his fucking mind which he most definitely was; he'd gone crazy, he'd become completely deranged.
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Inside the kitchen, Sebastian leans against the sink and sighs. He knows how pathetic he is. He wishes someone would just whack him on the head; he would've probably done it himself if he was in his right mind.
He knows things can't go on like this forever. This thickness he feels inside his throat, this thickness he carries around with him all the time that is a reminder of everything he isn't saying, will soon become too much.
Something has to break. He's just too afraid it's going to be his heart.
He sighs again, a sound of disbelief and annoyance at his own behavior. He can travel all around the world, alone and unafraid, but he can't say I'm crazy about you.
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People all over town arose from their beds, startled and disoriented. Something is about to happen. There was a change in the atmosphere. The air was becoming more humid and dense with each passing minute. It was the night where people found themselves unable to get back to sleep; they could feel the pressure from the outside inside their own bodies. That was a good thing, they'd thought, a sign of rain to come.
But the week had passed and still there was no rain. Outside, the weather was unbelievably stifling. Humidity had risen up to suffocating 99 percent and the air was so thick and sticky you felt like walking through molasses. Damp heaviness made people gasp for air, wishing they were born with gills instead of lungs.
.
Week had passed and Sebastian was still suffering from some weird type of situational muteness; localized case brought one by desire where he would lose the power of speech inside a fifteen feet radius of one Blaine Anderson. Illogical, irrational but still true. In spite of his resolve he was still unable to say so much as Hi let alone anything more.
All he could do was watch. Watch as the boy devoured book after book so completely immersed in what he was reading that it seemed like he wasn't even there; not sitting inside the booth but visiting whatever world those words were describing. From time to time he would look up and his eyes would be glazed over.
Watching him like that Sebastian was thinking the strangest thoughts; he wished he could be his Neverland, his Narnia, his Wonderland.
At one time the boy had caught Sebastian's eyes and waved. The taller boy was so shocked by it that he actually turned around thinking he was waving at someone else but there was no one behind him so he blushed and a voice inside his head laughed at him. He waved back awkwardly and then he hurried in the back where he literally and on purpose knocked his head against the wall. Few times. He groaned. This is such a disaster! What the hell is wrong with me?!
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"You got it so bad," Amelia would said to his brother on more than one occasion. Sebastian could've defended himself or tried denying but what would be the point of that? She was right, he was so far gone it wasn't even funny.
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"His name is Blaine," she said, obviously taking pity on him. "He'll be junior this fall," she added with couple more tidbits. Double major. Literature and history. Double cappuccino and Raspberry Tart. Gay. Single.
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"How about asking him out?" Amelia says when she appears beside Sebastian in the kitchen. Her expression is sweet and there's no smirking, no amusement; she almost seems worried.
Sebastian sighs. "Yeah." Like that never crossed his mind.
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He's hesitating. He's been hesitating. And that's not like him. He was never indecisive, never afraid. He's always been willing to go after what he wanted. But now, faced with his overwhelming feelings for this one boy, he's starting to think that he never really wanted anything before. Not like this. With his whole heart; this is want from the deepest part of him. This is need and it's terrifying.
As much as that weird case of muteness was unintentional this is very deliberate. What if Blaine has no interest in him? What then?
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On forty-sixth day of the heatwave people had reached a point where they were minutes away from complete breakdowns; seconds away from tearing their hair out or screaming for rain in the middle of streets.
On forty-sixth day the heat wave finally broke. All that heat and moisture and pressure exploded with thunder and lightning. The ground shook so violently it was impossible to keep balance; the sky was alight and blinding. The rain was falling hard in thick sheets. It seemed like the end of the world. But nobody cared. Nobody cared about the damage it would do to their houses or their cars. They didn't think about their fields and orchards circled around town. All most people were thinking about was relief; the kind of relief that drives people to tears, the kind they will never experience again as long as they live.
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Sebastian felt relief that day as well, although for a different reason.
As the sky outside was breaking open and thunder was so loud a person's body shook, Sebastian was sitting inside his sister's patisserie talking with Blaine.
"It's crazy, right?" Blaine had asked nodding towards the front windows that were bolted shut.
"Yeah," Sebastian had answered from the opposite side of the table. Amelia had elbowed him, chuckled and slid from the booth to join Michaelson couple on the opposite side of the patisseries, leaving the two boys alone. Sebastian had been downright ecstatic.
.
It had been surprising to Sebastian, and yet not all all, how quickly they fell in conversation. How it flowed. As if they'd known each other for months, maybe even years. As if Sebastian hadn't spent a week being mute. As if his heart wasn't beating like crazy, as if he wasn't falling more and more in love with him.
.
They continued talking every day after that and quickly - surprisingly, terrifyingly quickly - Sebastian found himself with a best friend; something he'd never had before. There had always been Amelia, of course, and there had always been different groups of different friends but never had he revealed himself so much to someone.
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"I'm serious," Amelia insists. "Just go out and ask him out." Sebastian catches her eyes but looks away. He notices however that his sister isn't worried anymore. Her expression is morphing into one of annoyance. She looks five seconds away from tapping her foot impatiently. Or punching him in the fact. (Maybe she should.)
Sebastian keeps his gaze firm on the task at hand - washing plates - but something like a sigh escapes him. He shares her frustrations, he really does, but she doesn't understand; there's just too much to lose.
Amelia huffs and groans, throwing her hands in the air. "Idiots," she says. "Both of you."
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Sebastian sighs. Again. He's been doing that a lot lately. Sighing in annoyance, in longing.
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Here's the oddest thing: he can talk to Blaine like friends, and still feel like the lightning bolt had hit him. He's grounded and flying, clearheaded and dazed. With Blaine he feels shaken and calm.
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He knows he should swallow his fears but he's too aware of the fact that the revelation will turn everything inside out and he isn't sure they can handle that.
He can't imagine his life without Blaine; just the thought of going through a day without talking to him is too much to handle. But would he be able to be just his friend?
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When he comes back out his heart sinks when he sees that Blaine has returned to his place inside the booth.
As long as he doesn't say anything there is hope that maybe, maybe his feelings could be returned.
Blaine looks up and their eyes meet and the boy smiles at him, that sweet, honest smile. His heart swells and he returns the smile easily.
In the place where they are now there is a chance and on this cold December day, as sleet continues to fall outside slicking the ground with ice and wind twists around bare trees, he isn't ready to lose that. Not yet.
A week. It's been a week since he last saw Blaine. Last Friday. Rachel Berry's party. Actually, it's been a week since he last talked to Blaine since he sees him on campus almost every day but unless he is very much mistaken Blaine is avoiding him. Just today he very obviously turned around and ran away from him.
.
"Seriously, what did you do?" Amelia asks for the tenth time in the last five days.
"Nothing," he says. It's the truth and yet he feels, he knows, that he must've done something wrong, screwed up so badly that Blaine has taken to avoiding the place that is more his home than his own apartment.
Sebastian feels like someone kicked him in the gut. He feels like panicking, or crying.
Fuck.
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.
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He was late to the party since it had fallen on the same Friday that coincided with a standing, bi-monthly, dinner he had with his father. In all honesty, after going through that he wasn't really feeling like partying but he wanted to see Blaine so the decision was made for him.
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The penthouse apartment was huge and it was overflowing with people, most of whom were well on their way to being plastered, and yet he found Blaine in less than a minute.
What he saw, however, floored him.
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There he was, up on the makeshift stage, looking completely disheveled and singing Don't you want me. Sebastian had never seen him like that. Not even during that sweltering week in August. His bowtie was untied, hanging around his neck. There seemed to be no more gel in his hair and his glasses were nowhere to be seen. His shirt was untucked from his pants - those criminally tight pants - and unbuttoned, exposing the hollow of his throat, his collarbone and some of his chest hair. His cheeks were flushed.
Fucking gorgeous.
He was drunk, that was obvious, but so sexy, so hot Sebastian felt himself getting hard just from watching him. He was in trouble, that much was clear.
.
Ever since Blaine mentioned to him that he'd been a part of a show choir in high school, Sebastian was dying to hear him sing; he just knew he was good. But watching Blaine on that small stage was almost too much. No one had ever mentioned that he could sing like that, move like that, look at him like that.
Fuck.
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Blaine kept singing, looking at him and Sebastian was trying to keep himself from coming undone. He needed a drink; he knew he most definitely wasn't going to drink.
.
.
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He finds Blaine sexy. He always did. Intensely so. All the evenings he's spending with his hand around his cock, desperate, thinking about him; all those vivid dreams he's waking up from, thrashing against the bed, achingly hard - all proofs of his deep attraction.
.
Sebastian quickly realized after meeting Blaine how much he strives to keep his composure put together. Blaine is kind and generous and modest; sometimes too much for his own good. He plays chess with Mr. Goldberg three times a week, he volunteers in a local shelter. He always smiles at the waitresses and cheers you up even when he himself is feeling down. But beneath that quiet, shy disposition there is passion. Sebastian had seen it before he even spoke to him; he'd noticed it just from watching him read his books. He puts himself in everything he does, all of him, and that, Sebastian found out, is simply irresistible.
He has seen him box and almost died at the spot from the sight he was witnessing; so much power, so much passion. Dizzying. Beautiful.
And yet after knowing all that seeing him sing - well, he still has no words.
.
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When song had ended Sebastian was debating with himself if he had the strength of mind to keep his hands to himself but then he noticed that Blaine was still up there, looking through the monitor. Oh. Another song. Fuck no. Fuck yes. He didn't know. He wanted to keep listening to Blaine forever but he was also acutely aware of how tight his pants were becoming and how he wasn't built to to handle much more.
He saw Blaine smile to himself and then he found his eyes and Sebastian stopped breathing. The fire he saw there was overwhelming; he tried not to read too much into it. He's drunk, he kept repeating. Blaine winked lasciviously at him and smiled a smile that somehow managed to be both bashful and downright dirty.
It took less than a second for Sebastian to recognize the song. He's trying to fucking kill me.
Baby girl, where you at? Got no strings, got men attached...
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He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Was it even possible to be that hot?
.
Blaine wasn't taking his eyes off of him and Sebastian was definitely getting hard - right there and then, surrounded by people, looking at Blaine, unable to move. He was burning, burning, his fists hurt from the force with which he was clenching them at his sides, his breathing was shallow and getting faster by the second. His whole body was heavy with want and aching from the force of his desire.
When song ended Sebastian was half hard in his pants and desperate to get out of there - at least to the bathroom - but before he managed to will his legs to move Blaine had stumbled and fell into him, grasping at his shoulders. Sebastian was too aware of the heat radiating from his body.
He giggled. "What did you think?" he asked in a sweet, light voice.
The change in attitude was giving Sebastian whiplash, making his head spin even more. Blaine was leaning against him, touching him with light fingers - his arms, his shoulders, his neck, his chest. All of that was too distracting. He was painfully aware of his swelling cock and having Blaine so close - closer than he'd ever been - was only filling him up more.
"Bas," Blaine had started fiddling with the buttons on his shirt and Sebastian had to stop him. He had to. Blaine's voice was quiet when he'd said his name, sweet and thick with something that Sebastian didn't want to name. His cock twitched inside his pants and shivers were running through him every time Blaine's fingers brushed against his flesh. He's drunk, he started to repeat again, a mantra inside his head to prevent him from throwing all caution in the wind. From fucking this up.
Blaine pushed himself on his toes and Sebastian felt himself brush against his thigh. His breath caught and he almost moaned. "Did you like it?" Blaine asked against his ear. Sebastian trembled.
How in the world was he supposed to form words while desperately trying to keep himself from crashing their lips together, from thrusting his hips forward, from dragging him to the first available room and fucking him all night?
"Yes," he finally managed to answer.
Blaine smiled against his skin. "Really?" His voice was soft and light and sweet. Sebastian couldn't help but smile, his heart melting. He drew himself back a little to look at him.
Blaine was again fiddling with the buttons of his shirt but the movements were more nervous than before and his gaze was downcast. Sebastian tilted his head up to meet his eyes. Wide and a little bleary, open and shy.
He nodded before adding. "You're fucking perfect."
Blaine blushed and Sebastian allowed himself to touch him. He dragged his fingers lightly against his jaw and saw him tremble, saw him close his eyes. He was aware of Blaine's hand twisting in his shirt and his own breath hitched when his thumb brushed against his lower lip. Blaine gasped so quietly Sebastian shouldn't had heard it but he did.
Don't think. Don't hesitate. Maybe it was time, maybe he was ready. Blaine opened his eyes and the courage left him.
"Come on, killer" he said, swallowing around that familiar thickness in his throat. "Lets get you home."
Blaine nodded, little sleepily, but didn't seem to be in a hurry. He leaned his head against Sebastian's chest and clasped his arms around his waist.
It took Sebastian few seconds but he gave in, circling his own hands around the shorter boy. He was aware that Blaine could hear his heart hammering behind his ribcage, that he could feel his erection pressing against his hipbone but in that moment he didn't care. He closed his eyes and breathed him in.
Fuck. I love you so much.
He was startled when Blaine tightened his hold on him at the same time that thought passed through his brain. It was enough to bring him back to the present.
"Come on before you fall asleep on me," he said and Blaine giggled.
.
.
Outside, the weather was cold and it had started to snow. Blaine grinned like a child on Christmas and started to twirl; arms outstretched, head tilted upwards, tongue sticking out. After only a few circles he stumbled but Sebastian managed to catch him and couldn't help but chuckle. Blaine was adorable.
"You're going to hurt yourself."
Blaine shook his head, giggled again and looked up. "Not when you're here," he said and rested his head on Sebastian's chest. He mumbled something that sounded like, "My hero."
The taller felt his heart swell and was yet again reminded how hopelessly in love he was.
.
.
"Stay," Blaine said, finally tucked inside his bed. Sebastian stopped breathing because Blaine's hand was now clasped around his wrist. Did Blaine know what he was asking for? "Please," he said quietly. How was Sebastian supposed to say no to that? How when the loneliness in his voice cut straight through him.
He nodded and Blaine smiled at him; big, sleepy smile. He made a move to lie on top of the quilt but Blaine pulled it up. "Cold," he simply murmured.
Quickly and easily Blaine snuggled in against Sebastian's long body, wrapping a leg around his and resting his head on his chest. He felt Blaine's fingers moving across his chest; slowly, slowly finding their way underneath his shirt. He shivered but he didn't think to stop him. It felt too good, too intimate. But then his fingers brushed against his nipple and he gasped, putting his hand over Blaine's.
"We should sleep," Sebastian said, swallowing dryly.
Blaine nodded against his chest. He moved his hand ever so slightly and rested it above his heart. Above his pounding heart. He felt him smile and his heart sped up even more.
"Night," Blaine murmured, snuggling even closer, pressing his face against his neck and Sebastian's breath hitched when his warm lips brushed against the soft skin.
He wrapped his arm around him and thought how perfect this was, wishing he could fall a sleep with Blaine in his arms every night.
Seconds before he drifted off he heard him say, a very faint "Love you," but when he woke up the next morning he was sure it had only been a dream.
.
.
.
"Oh my god!" Amelia exclaims in exasperation. "How stupid are you?" She's staring at her brother as if everything is as clear as crystal.
Well, it isn't. Not to him. "What?! I didn't do anything." He's louder than he means to be and few customers glance towards them. He's in a defense mode, he's aware of that. And all right, maybe he shouldn't have stayed or let himself indulge as much as he did but things were fine in the morning. Blaine was hungover and said he didn't really remember much so why is he avoiding him? If anything, he should be the one who's upset, not Blaine. He raised his hopes up. He - Fuck. He almost made him spill everything and now - Shit.
.
Amelia looks at her brother and is yet again reminded how a person who is so smart can at the same time be so ridiculously stupid.
She has never known anyone with a more precise ability to read people than what Sebastian possesses. Or has possessed, because now the boy to whom reading people was as natural as breathing is the same person that is incapable of seeing that a boy he's in love with loves him right back.
It's astounding to consider how feelings can make you doubt the things you know, things you see. Feelings make you blind, she understand that.
If her brother wasn't so in love, if he wasn't so afraid of never being loved back, he would've long ago realized that he isn't alone in the dark. He would've seen that Blaine has been carrying that same dazed, distant, flushed look on his face for as long as he did. He would've notice that he was being watched just as much. He would've discern Blaine's secret talent and wouldn't really be surprised to find out that it's the same as his: doing one thing - washing dishes, reading a book - while doing something else inside your head. He would've been able to see that Blaine's glazed expression wasn't always from being immersed in someone else's imaginary world but from coming out of his own where he would spend hours kissing him. He would've notice that he wasn't the only one stumbling over his feet, missing bus stops because of daydreaming, knocking over cups. And he definitely would've known that the reason Blaine is avoiding him is precisely because he did nothing.
.
Sebastian looks at his sister and her gaze is soft now, telling him something.
"What?" he asks, and maybe he sounds a little desperate, pleading her to just tell him what she knows - has known - but isn't saying. Apparently, he's the person that needs to have everything spelled out for him now.
Amelia's gaze shifts then and Sebastian follows it.
Blaine. Thank god.
"Just talk to him," she says.
.
.
They sit inside the booth Blaine always sits in, avoiding each other's eyes.
Everything is fine, they assured one another yet the reality of the situation is mocking them. It's awkward and uncomfortable and it breaks Sebastian's heart.
He twirls a coffee mug between his hands, running his thumb over the rim.
Blaine is paying with his sleeves.
What the fuck is going on? Sebastian can't figure it out and he can't stand this awkwardness even more. Fuck. He'll tell him everything, right now. He+ll tell him and he'll wait for Blaine to smile politely at him and then gently shatter his heart. He'll do it because at this moment he thinks he could handle that. Right now he thinks there's nothing worse than this silence.
He swallows. He swallows again. "Blaine," he starts and he realizes that he's shaking. He clasps his hands tighter around the mug in a feeble attempt to steady himself. "There's something I have to -" but stops when he sees Blaine glancing at his watch and then behind his back at the door.
"Are you waiting for someone?" he asks and has a sickening feeling inside his stomach.
"Yeah, I - I am. I have a date," he says and Sebastian's heart breaks. Right here, right now. He's surprised that something so soundless can hurt so much.
"Oh. Okay then," he says and doesn't even try to hide his hurt. What would be the point? To salvage some pride? He's given it away months ago.
Blaine calls after him. Or maybe he doesn't. He can't be sure. The sound of his broken heart still beating rings inside his head.
.
.
Hour later and Blaine is still alone.
What the fuck?
Sebastian has spent the last hour trying to figure out how to move on. How they can move on.
His current situation doesn't surprise him, it didn't caught him off guard. In many ways he's been expecting it; he knew the moment will come when he'll have to figure out how to be just friends with Blaine. And fuck, it hurts like hell and he's been blinking away tears that just won't stop coming at him, but just one look at Blaine and he knows he can't give him up. He'll never be able to do it.
Why the hell is he still alone?
Sebastian feels something flare up inside him as he watches Blaine scribble something on piece of paper.
How can someone stand him up? Him? Two days before fucking Christmas?
Before he has time to think twice he marches over to his booth and slides inside.
Blaine is startled but quickly starts with "Sebastian, I-" but the taller boy is quick to cut him off. He doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want pity. If they'll move on it's best to just move on.
"So, whose ass do I need to kick?"
Blaine chuckles but Sebastian sees tears gathering behind his eyes.
"I don't know exactly," Blaine says and then adds when he sees a confused look on Sebastian's face. "His name is Mark. I've never met him, my friends have set it up." He shrugs at the end.
Why would he gone on a blind date? He could have anyone. Doesn't he know how amazing he is?
"It doesn't matter anyway," Blaine says and Sebastian can't detect anything heavy in his voice and yet his eyes still look like they're ten seconds away from crying.
"Oh?" He's beyond confused.
"Even if he'd showed up nothing would've happened."
Despite himself, Sebastian can feel hope rising inside him again. Fuck. "How can you be so sure?"
Blaine blushes and his eyes that are still holding back tears turn little unfocused, dazed. He smiles and then looks straight into Sebastian's eyes. "Because I already like someone." He leans a little further.
"Oh." A familiar painful pressure inside his chest. A familiar break. Fucking hope. "Since when?" he can't help but ask, suddenly needing to know if he ever had any chance with Blaine.
"Since August," Blaine says, again looking straight into his eyes.
Oh fuck. No chance at all. "Then why are you going on blind dates?"
Blaine chuckles and shakes his head; he looks amused. "My friends don't know -" he pauses until he catches Sebastian's eyes again. "- about him."
"How come? And why aren't you with him then?" Sebastian feels confused and slightly irritated and more than a little heartbroken. He's starting to regret this conversation. Blind date is one thing but he knows what liking someone for months mean; that's love. Why is there hope still inside him? Can you hope when you're heart is broken?
Blaine chuckles and it takes everything Sebastian has not to leave the table at that very instant. Nothing about this is funny or amusing. He keeps flipping the menu back-and-forth. He needs a distraction. He misses the silent, conspiratory exchange between Blaine and Amelia. He's concentrating on anything but the dull beating of his heart.
"My friends don't know because," he pauses for a moment. "I guess I didn't want them meddling. And I'm not with him because I've never told him how I feel. I was sure he doesn't feel the same way and I didn't want to lose a friend."
Sebastian sighs. Like listening to himself. Shit. He takes another breath to compose himself before looking up at his friend. "You should tell him. He'd be a moron if he turned you down." Blaine chuckles. "I'm serious. You can have anyone."
And he means that. Person that doesn't like Blaine Anderson should have its head examined.
Blaine blushes again and his eyes are alight. He leans even further on the table. "Really? Anyone?" His voice dips lower.
Sebastian is startled when he realizes how close they are so he quickly leans back against the blue leather. He looks at Blaine and he can't help what he's feeling. He loves him, regardless of the structural integrity of his heart.
"Yes, anyone. I mean it - you're so incredible and you don't even know it." He'll get this out; he needs Blaine to know - at least this. "You're hot and cute and nice - without being boring. You make people want to be better and -" He tries to swallow his feeling. Tries and fails. He feels burning behind his eyes. Shit. "I think you're perfect and if there is one person that deserves to be happy -" He blinks few times quickly and manages to look in those wide eyes that for some reason have tears in them again. Shit. He doesn't want to make him cry. "- well, that's you."
He moves quickly from the table. He needs to get away. How do people live like this?
.
"Sebastian, wait." Blaine calls after him and despite himself he stops.
.
He realizes suddenly how little people there are in here; no more than ten. The place has cleared out.
Blaine is standing in front of him with his coat on. For a moment he can't tear his eyes away from the bright red scarf hanging loosely around his neck. His body is acutely aware of the ten feet of distance between them; he can feel every inch, every fraction of an inch, that is separating them. He swallows and braces himself for what he's going to see in Blaine's eyes.
He's afraid this will be it; the last bit of hope blowing up in smithereens.
But when he finally meets Blaine's eyes that's not what he sees. He can't decipher what that light shining means, that warmth. Something jumps inside of him, though.
Blaine smiles at him, blushes and doesn't shift his gaze when he says, "Come here."
Instantly, before any permission is given, Sebastian is doing exactly that. He finds he can't breathe. He doesn't understand what is going on but can't stop his lips from twitching, wanting to smile.
"You should kiss me," Blaine says with a dreamy and determined expression on his face. What? Did he really just say that? He must've heard him wrong. The shorter boy blushes again but doesn't back away. "Mistletoe," he says easily, nodding his head towards the spot above them.
Oh. Sebastian can't remember if the mistletoe has been here all along. He knows there's one hanging above the front door. He turns around to look for Amelia but now she's nowhere to be found. When he turns to look at Blaine he forgets to breathe again. His flushed cheeks, eyes that are almost too bright, his lips. God, those lips.
Blaine steps forward, closing all the distance between them and his breath hitches. He swallows. Tries to anyway. Blaine lightly twists his fingers in his shirt and looks up at him. Expectantly yet with a slight layer of fear. "If you want," he adds.
Sebastian nods his head since he seems incapable of forming words. Of course he wants to. That's all he's been thinking about for months. But it's such a bad idea. If he kisses him how on earth will he ever stop? How will he live then, knowing what Blaine tastes like.
But when the boy smiles up at him he is completely defenseless.
.
Sebastian runs his hands down Blaine's arms and settles them on his hips, pulling him just little more to him. Blaine raises himself on this toes and Sebastian finds himself thinking how absolutely adorable that is and then feels his hand on the back of his neck, his other one still twisted in his shirt if only more firmly now. His heart is beating so loudly he doesn't even doubt that Blaine can hear it.
Sebastian slides his one hand and places it firmly at the small of his back, holding Blaine close. He sees him nibbling on his lower lip, he feels his warm breath and swallows. He cups his face with one hand, running his thumb gently against his cheekbone. He swears he can feel him shiver and he trembles as well. Blaine's eyes start to close and he leans closer and before Sebastian can take another breath their lips touch. Just barely but Blaine makes this tiny gasping sound and his stomach twists; something like a whimper escapes from his own lips and he knows he can't stop here.
He presses his lips more firmly and feels both their mouths opening up just so. He strokes his fingers across Blaine's jaw and slides his tongue into the wetness and heat of Blaine's mouth. When their tongues meet they both moan but the sound catches and they're melting into each other.
It's all so good. So fucking incredible.
Their tongues caress and swirl and they both whimper and tremble, pressing closer, closer into each other. He sucks on Blaine's tongue and the shorter boy moans and the sound is long and beautiful and causes Sebastian to tangle his fingers inside his hair, pulling just so, causing Blaine to release another whimpering sound, clutching at his shoulder, trying to bury himself inside him.
Sebastian swears he hears bells, the ground shakes and opens and then they're floating inside weightless, blue space.
.
It's impossible to tell who pulls away first or after how long but Sebastian feels like his lungs are seconds away from exploding, he is seconds away from fainting. He feels desperate for oxygen but has trouble inhaling when all he sees is Blaine.
Hair curling, eyes glazed over and bigger that's he's ever seen them. Cheeks flushed. Lips red and kiss-swollen and parted. He smiles with a dopey expression on his face.
People around them start clapping and there are some whistling noises and Blaine buries his head inside Sebastian's chest. He fits so perfectly against him; tucked snugly under his chin.
What the hell just happened?
This was without contest the best moment of his life but he doesn't know what it means? If it means anything at all. His chest tightens from how much he needs this to be more than just something they've done. It needs to be more than a moment.
He looks at Blaine, desperately searching for answers but despite it being filled with emotion he's still incapable of understanding. Amelia's words echo in his head. Idiots. Both of you.
Blaine kisses the corner of his mouth, startling him slightly and drawing another quiet gasp from his lips. He lowers himself down and wraps his scarf around his neck pulling him down towards him. Their lips brush and his breath hitches.
"I'll see you around,"Blaine whispers against his mouth and leaves him with that.
What the hell just happened?
.
Sebastian keeps standing, rooted to the spot. He scratches his neck - or tries to - when a piece of paper falls from his hand. He picks it up and his knees almost give out. His vision goes out for an instant and he needs to blink to make sure the words he sees are actually what is written.
I'm crazy about you.
His head is spinning again, he feels his heart pounding madly in his chest. Or is it in his throat? In his stomach? He feels like he could start hyperventilating. But he doesn't. Instead he runs towards the door, tripping over his own foot causing him to fly outside.
The temperature is so cold that anything can freeze in seconds - words or a breath - but Sebastian doesn't notice. He's burning, he feels like there's a furnace somewhere inside him, heating him up.
He swirls around, his eyes frantically looking for Blaine.
And then they found him. Tucked inside his navy-blue woolen coat, leaning against the red bricked wall, hands in his pockets, an amused, delightful expression on his face.
Sebastian takes few quick steps towards him but then stops. "Are you- Is this-?" he waves a piece of paper in front of him. The thought of what is happening is overwhelming. "Are you serious?"
Blaine laughs and the sound chimes against the perfectly clear and icy air. It's sweet and affectionate. Loving. Sebastian moves to stand in front of him. "You are so dense," Blaine says through a quiet chuckle and shakes his head slightly.
Months flash before his eyes and fuck, he is the densest person in the world but who the fuck cares when Blaine is looking at him like this: eyes alight with laughter, lips stretched into a smile that is sweet and honest and a little mischievous.
"I guess I am," Sebastian admits through a chuckle of his own and crashes his lips against Blaine's.
.
On this late December evening when all the trees are encased in frost suddenly everything is very clear. Sebastian finally knows: Blaine wants this just as much. It's in the way he keeps pulling him against him as if he wishes to be adsorbed by all that he is. It's in the way he moans his name, needy and breathless. It's in the way he kisses him with everything he has.
.
Salt truck rumbles loudly through the street and startles them apart. Cold wind ripples through the air and Sebastian shivers violently. Blaine pulls him tighter against him and rubs his arms and his sides. They're both looking quite disheveled; surprised and yet not at all how easily they've lost themselves in each other. Here, in the middle of a street, on a cold winter's day as snow started falling from the sky.
Blaine kisses his lips gently. "How about you go get your coat and then you can take me home." His voice is sweet yet laced with burning desire.
Sebastian looks into his eyes and sees where their night is heading. He shivers again - from the cold, from the pure pleasure of having Blaine so close, from the promise of what's to come - and smirks. "And what are you planning on dong with me when we get there?" He asks and nips at the skin of his neck gently with his teeth before sucking and leaving a mark. He feels Blaine arching against his mouth and he delights in the sounds he manages to pull from him.
Blaine doesn't answer with his words at first but instead slides his hand down his stomach and grips his half-hard cock through his pants. Sebastian moans loudly and his hips stutter forward and keep thrusting, in desperate need of a friction. Blaine pulls his hand away and Sebastian can't help a whining noise that escapes him. The shorter boy whispers hotly against his mouth. "Something like that." And then he adds, voice even lower, thicker. "At least to start with."
At that promise of the immense pleasures Sebastian all but growls. He kisses him long and hard; kiss that leaves them both breathless. "I'll be right back."
.
"Ready?" Blaine asks when Sebastian emerges outside again, this time covered in his dark-green coat, grinning like an idiot, and outstretches his hand as an invitation.
Sebastian's heart swells and then he smirks. "I was born ready."
Blaine laughs and tucks himself at Sebastian's side. The taller boy wraps his arms around him and kisses the top of his head. "This makes us boyfriends, right?" He can't help but ask, his voice little smaller.
Blaine looks up at him and smiles. "Well, I'm already in love with you so yeah, I guess you can be my boyfriend." He's teasing him but there's no doubt that his words are true and Sebastian feels pure happiness expanding inside of him; expanding, expanding, expanding until it nearly cracks his ribs. He kisses him and smile breaks across his face, against Blaine's lips and he giggles. He actually giggles. And then shakes his head.
Is this really possible? Do wishes really come true?
"I love you too."
Blaine lifts himself up and presses his lips against his. "Come on, let's go so you can show me how much."
.
.
In the freezing cold surrounded by streetlights and Christmas lights they walk twined together - their bodies, their hearts - and they feel their future stretching out before them. Here, beneath the moon and stars they know they'll never be alone.
.
This is only the beginning.
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The End.
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thank you for reading.
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if you can please let me know what you think.