Only Half A Blue Sky
DE Christmas Exchange - Prompt by Molly
A/N: After some big fallout/decision (whatever you like) The Salvatore Brothers left Elena behind to start a normal life. She dies at the young age of 40 (for any reason you like, try make me cry please!) and leaves behind a child. Young/old/boy/girl whatver you like. - The child goes to visit their mother's grave on xmas eve. It can be one year after she died/five years/ten years whatever floats your boat. When they go, they see Damon at her grave and he is leaving a rose on her grave. I want him to have some heart wrenching speech. Something that is going to make me cry! I just want to see who can make me cry really. They can interact with one another, or the child can just stand in the background and listen. It's really all up to you. I just want a heart broken Damon talking to Elena's grave on Xmas eve.
PS. Molly, I twisted your prompt a little as I told you I would, but I hope you like it anyway and that it at least resembles a little as to what you expected it from it! And a huge thanks to Kate (ThisIsMyEscape) for looking over it for me, it means a lot!
"And being here without you
Is like I'm waking up to
Only half a blue sky
Kinda there - but not quite
I'm walking 'round with just one shoe."
Christmas Eve, Present.
Thick snowflakes were gracefully falling from above, the soothing blue of the morning sky covered by thousands of clouds floating over the houses of Mystic Falls, no rays of sunshine soaking through their damp surface as the cold winter air forced its ways under the skins of the people walking through the emptied streets. Colourful lights were brightening up every building, every family house and every shop, presenting the sleepy town in all its glory to the outside world.
Kids of young age, toddlers and teenagers, were running joyfully through the streets, having snow ball fights and building snow men, their excitement for the upcoming day, and therefore the most beautiful night of every year, evident on their faces. The entire population of Mystic Falls was filled with energy, the stress and joy from all the holiday cheer radiating from them and onto each other, not a single grumpy face in sight. Carollers were wandering from door to door, their angelic voices bringing the light of Christmas in even the darkest of houses and planting a smile on both young and old faces, leaving no one behind to gloat.
Not far away from all the holiday festivities and the colourful lights brightening up the dull winter sky, a young man in his early twenties stood in the middle of the town cemetery, his head held down and fiddling nervously with the red rose in his hands, his icy blue glare resting calmly on the grave before him. His raven black hair was tousled as if he had just got up from bed after a long night, his face rigid with feelings of grief and sorrow, and his cheeks dunked in a light shade of red from the deadening cold surrounding him.
An hour had passed since he had first arrived on the site, his body temperature slowly cooling down by the minute and thousands of unsaid words still lying at the tip of his tongue, just waiting to finally be brought out on the open. There were many things he wanted to say to her right in this moment, words he had meant to say to her for many years now – to the girl he had fallen in love with so many years ago, the girl that had not once left his mind all this time, even if thousands of miles had parted them, and the girl who had been buried right here in this spot ten meters beneath his feet for exactly six years now.
Elena Gilbert – the love of Damon Salvatore's eternal life.
He hadn't been there for her funeral, nor had he been at her side the day she had died, not even to speak of the fourteen years prior that day that he had been the missing puzzle piece to her life. The relationship that had dominated both of their existences was something bigger, something completely outstanding from anything either of them had ever experienced before. They'd had a bond stronger than life itself, a connection that even the darkest of demons hadn't been able to break. But for the longest time that they had known each other, Elena had denied the feelings she had for the man who had risked his life so many times in order to save hers, caged them in the farthest parts of her mind until the day that she couldn't anymore.
What a trip to visit her little brother and a small motel room in Denver could do to a girl's mind, and more over to her feelings. That night all reason had left her body and she had let passion take over, her rapid beating heart controlling every movement, every step she had made with him. And never in her life had either of them felt freer, or more alive.
But as always, things happened and the freedom of that fleeting moment got lost in time and the two of them parted ways not soon after. And that, as it seemed, until death had brought him back to her.
"Elena, my dearest Elena, the love of my eternal life..."
Running his hand nervously through his messy hair, Damon let out a painful puff of air that he didn't even know he had held in all these passing minutes. It had been years since he had last spoken out her name and now hearing himself say it out loud, the sound echoing back in his ears, he realised how easy it still slipped from his tongue like it had always belonged there from day one on.
And to Damon, it always had. Just like she had belonged to him and he had belonged to her for as long as he was walking the surface of this earth.
"I have no idea what I'm supposed to say right now, all I know is that I've been thinking about it for the past two decades of my life and I still haven't found the words to explain to you how much- Ugh," he groaned vehemently, raking with his foot through the with snow covered ground, his words lost in an endless loop of thoughts and the immense feeling of irritation that was filling up his entire chest. He couldn't do this, as much as he had thought he could – he couldn't. The grief was still too present, the pain still tugging at his already broken heart. "I sound absolutely pathetic right now, don't I?"
He still remembered the last time he had spoken to her, exactly twenty years ago that day. It seemed like yesterday since that conversation had taken place between them, the many exchanged arguments and the yelling still banging fiercely in the back of his mind and the tears streaming down her face while he had held her in his arms still soaking through the fabric of his favourite sweater. That night, they'd had to face a choice – something bigger and far more important than all of them taken together.
Life or death, staying and risking everything or leaving and risking just the same.
It was an impossible choice, one that 'till this day Damon wasn't sure if he had made the right one in the end. And now looking back, looking at the twenty years he had lived without her at his side, her perished body lying beneath his feet, he couldn't see why the hell that choice had even mattered because the result was just the same. She was gone and he could never get her back again, no matter how hard he would try.
All those years, they had all been fighting against the supernatural, day in and day out battling for their survival and taking choices that nobody should ever have to face and in the end, the love of his life died of something as mundane as a car accident and he hadn't even been there to hold her lifeless body in his arms within the last minutes of her human life.
Ironic, wasn't it?
How you could fight something your whole life, leave your world behind only to think it is safe and then… In just the matter of a second, a fleeting moment in time, all you ever fought for – it's gone. Just like that.
And there isn't a thing that you can do to change it.
Damon let out a dry chuckle as tears welled up in his eyes, one by one, the soothing blue she had always loved so much slowly turning into a lighter shade of grey, all life and joy sucked out of them as he kept talking to his lost love. "I'm sure if you were here right now, you'd whack me over the head, your lips curled into a small smile, and you'd tell me to man up already and to be the man you fell in love with all those years ago. And how I wish I could be that man again for you, hell, how I wish you could be here to tell me off right now, because we all know that's what you were best at."
It was a rainy Christmas Eve that year, dark clouds were harbouring the sky and there wasn't a single flake of snow floating through the cold winter air. Damon, his little brother Stefan and Elena had been sitting in the living room of the Salvatore mansion, their faces exhausted and their heads flaming in anger. Many words had been said that night, yet they had not found a conclusion to the problem at hand.
But for Damon, in that moment, looking at her sitting across from him, her face smeared with shed tears; he knew that there was only one choice he could take. And even if that meant leaving her, never seeing her or talking to her again – as long as she was safe, he was willing to do everything in his power to make it happen. She was all that mattered to him, all that would ever matter to him. And if by staying, he would take the risk of having her lying dead at his feet at any moment, he knew he had to leave. As did Stefan.
They were the ones who had brought the supernatural, and therefore the immense power of one of the original vampire siblings, the first hybrid to ever exist, into her world and with their departure, they would take it with them again. That was the deal the two brothers had made with Klaus, and he knew Elena would keep trying to convince them differently and that his brother would falter at the tears in her eyes while saying goodbye to his former girlfriend, but Damon certainly wouldn't budge. They would leave Mystic Falls and leave Elena to live her life in peace with her friends and family, or rather what was rest of it, and they would never return or speak to her ever again. No matter how hard the choice had been, Damon had been the one to take it and the one to actually go through with it. He had been cold to her as he had left because there was no way he would have shown her just how much it had hurt him, but deep down, he knew that she knew.
Just one look in his eyes and Elena Gilbert had always known what was going on in that stubborn head of his. And maybe that was what had made their relationship so special – no words were needed to be exchanged in order for either of them to understand what was going on – it had always been like that between the two, and maybe that was why when Damon had looked at his girlfriend that night, his blue orbs melting into the deep brown colour of hers, as his brother kept brooding about what to do in the next room, she had known that this was the last time they would ever sit together at the fireplace in the Salvatore mansion.
From that moment on, the rest of the night wasn't spent arguing or brooding anymore. Instead, she simply laid down her head on his broadened chest, his arms holding her protectively in a soft embrace as she sobbed heavily into his shoulder, the tears soaking through his favourite sweater and leaving a stain that still haunted his nights till this very day.
"I've been coming to your grave for the past six years, and before that I came to check on you and your family every year, even though I'd promised myself I wouldn't," he let out a heavy sigh, a thick tear rolling down his face, his mask breaking more and more with every word that left his dried lips. "And not once have I dared to talk to you, to tell you how much I miss you and how there isn't a day where I don't think of you and how our lives could have been today if Stefan and I hadn't left that night, even though I know that it was the right thing to do at the time. God," his voice broke in midsentence. "You can't even imagine how much I think of you, of us. Just why did you have to get into that car and get yourself killed, Elena? Just why? You're gonna have to explain it to me because it doesn't make any sense.
"We fought against vampires and werewolves every day and every single time you came out alive again, don't tell me that stubborn skull of yours was able to be cracked by something as mundane as a car accident! And I should have… I wasn't... I… I'm so sorry, Elena, I'm so fucking sorry," silent tears were streaming down his reddened cheeks, his whole body trembling with feelings of grief and misery mixed with the infusion of the cold air under his skin. "For everything, for leaving and for not being there to protect you properly," Damon shook his head vigorously, his heart screaming at him to finally rip it out and for it all to be over. Just one tug, one second, and it could all be over and he would never have to miss her again. "God damn it, Elena! Why couldn't you just stay alive and keep living your human life?"
It was getting harder the minute for him to speak, the frostiness outside dominating his body responses and the tearing pain in his chest hollowing him out from the inside, everything in him fighting against the numbness that was desperately trying to find its way into his heart.
"You know, I still remember the first time I saw you, you were so innocent and absolutely breathtaking standing there in the dark and I remember thinking that if I could just look at you for a second longer," he smiled lightly to himself, the memory still so ever present in his mind – the way her chocolate eyes had sparkled in delight, her teeth nagging nervously at her soft lips and a light shade of red covering her lovely cheeks, her shiny hair falling gracefully over her shoulders. From the first minute on, he had been infatuated with her, not just by her incredible beauty that she shared with Katherine but also the inner bloom radiating from her presence. "If I could just get to know you, you would turn out to be greater, better than anyone I'd ever met before. And I was right, you know?
"You were greater, better than anyone I've ever known in the 190 years of my life and you wanna know why? Because you taught me that it's okay to need someone, that I don't have to be alone and miserable for the rest of eternity," taking a deep breath, Damon continued, knowing that if he were to stop now he would probably never find the courage to tell her all these things ever again. "You showed me that it is possible to be forgiven by the people you love, that even someone out there, someone as gentle and goodhearted as you, could love a monster like me."
"But most of all, you gave me faith, Elena. You made me believe that even I could change after all the things I've done in my life and I wanted to change," his eyes lifted to the clouded sky, a small smile sitting on his lips as he imagined her face before his inner eye, her look only directed at him, her attention dedicated to just his words and his words only. "For you."
Slowly, he could feel himself running out of breaths to take, his words dying at the tip of his tongue, and he knew he was soon to be done. He had said everything he needed to tell her, everything she had needed to hear all these years long and finally got to know this day.
It was about damn time as well, if one were to ask him.
"I wanted to change so badly and then it all came crushing down again and there isn't a day where I don't wish that I could take it all back, all the things I said, everything I did to make you cry that night. And I hope that one day you can find it in yourself to forgive me just one last time, just like you've done so many times before and just maybe," one last breath, one last minute and one last declaration of love for the woman of his life. "One day, I'll be able to see you again. Just one more time to tell you just about how much I love you, Elena."
Twenty years had passed since Damon had last seen her, twenty years since he had last spoken to her, had last touched her or felt her delicate skin against his and not a day since their last conversation, their last kiss had passed that he hadn't wished to have it all back. And now here he was, twenty years later, standing at the grave of the woman he had given all his love to and grieving for all the time he had lost by not being at her side. He had wasted to so much time wanting to protect her from all the evil doing in this world, had left her in order for her to be safe and yet here he was, alive, while she was dead. Buried ten meters deep at the bottom of the cemetery, beneath hundreds of layers of dirt. And there wasn't a single way for Damon to be able to see her ever again because if there was something in life that was definite, it was death. Even for a vampire like him.
"Always," he whispered into the thin air, his eyes shut tightly as he lifted his head to the sky once again, hoping that somehow his words had reached her and that she had found it in her heart to forgive him. Wherever she was now.
Christmas Eve, 6 years ago.
Gulping down the last remains of brown liquid, Damon tossed the emptied Bourbon bottle to the ground, a shattering smash clanging through the desolated cemetery. Sweat was dripping from his forehead, his hair sticking to every side of his face as he looked down at the grave before him; his ocean deep eyes glittering with unshed tears for the woman he had loved with all that was left of his splintered heart.
Elena Gilbert-Whitmore
Beloved Sister, Wife, Mother and Best Friend
June 22, 1992 – April 16, 2025
It had only been a few months since he had found out that the woman he would have given his life for had already lost hers and it wasn't up until this day, the anniversary of his departure, that he had found the courage to come to her grave. And yet, he couldn't find the words to speak. Not even after emptying the town's entire grocery store of its liquor inventory. It was different from when he had left her all these years ago, this time it was more definite and definitely much more scarier. He couldn't sneak into town anymore, hide in the shadows and watch her live her life – just like he had wished for her to do – he could never speak to her again even if he wanted to or listen to her soothing voice as she sang her little daughter goodnight. Nor could he ever see her beautiful face again, the chocolate brown eyes that had once been the centre of his entire world.
It was all gone now. She was gone and there wasn't a thing in life that scared him more than never being able to look into those mellowing eyes of hers again or to never even have the possibility of ever holding her tiny frame in his strong embrace again.
"Auntie Caroline, who is that strange man at momma's grave?"
Damon's ears peeked up at the tiny voice of the little girl he had never before seen without the beautiful brunette by her side, the little girl that he knew resembled the love of his life like a young could only resemble its mother. The nine year old, whose footsteps were now slowly approaching his position at Elena's grave, was the one person in the world she had loved the most – he had seen it with his own eyes, the love Elena had shared with her daughter was greater than anything he'd ever seen and he was glad.
Glad that the love of his life did as she had promised, that she had continued living her life and that she had found love again after he had left her. Even if it had been in form of a little girl that she could proudly call her own.
"What strange ma-" the blonde vampire stopped in her tracks, her eyes connection with the man she hadn't seen in over fourteen years – the man her best friend had loved more than anyone had ever thought possible. "Damon?"
"Well, if that isn't Vampire Barbie in the flesh," Damon grinned forcedly at her, not willing to let her best friend see how truly hurt he was. "Seems like time has done you some good."
Caroline rolled her eyes dramatically; her goddaughter hastily sneaking glances at the man standing at her mother's grave, her hands tightly gripping at her aunt's legs. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, you know just visiting my old pal' Elena at her new beautiful home."
Trying to keep himself steady on his own two feet, Damon stumbled towards Caroline and the little blonde girl hiding behind her back, her childlike gaze following his every move with a certain curiosity. This wasn't the first time he had seen her daughter, nor was it the first time she had ever seen him. When she was still a toddler, maybe two or three, Elena and her husband had got into a row and hadn't noticed their little angel crying in the next room, and that's when Damon came in. He had taken her into his arms and cradled her in his soft embrace until her tears had ceased, her honey eyes gawking up at him in awe and her tiny lips curled in a small smile.
Even back than, it had already seemed crazy to him how much the girl actually resembled Elena – down to the little dimples when she smiled and the glistening shine in her chocolate brown eyes, reminding him so much of the ones he had once fallen in love with many years ago and that he would now never be able to see again. At least, not in this lifetime.
"Damon, are you drunk?"
Caroline's voice snapped him back to reality, her eyebrows drawn together in a worried mimic towards his entire being. In a way, he hated how she pitied him in that very moment, in spite of how much she had despised and disliked him all the memories he had made with Elena. He hated how she shot him that look – the look that a doctor shot his patient before telling them that their cancer was terminal and that there was nothing they could do for them anymore.
"No need to look at me like I just killed the Easter bunny," he chuckled dryly, sweeping the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. "That job still belongs to my dear brother, as you might have forgotten seeing as all of you have kept in contact with us so much."
"What are you-" Damon tripped over his own two feet, barely able to catch his balance, the blonde vampire immediately at his side to prop him up again with her arms and supporting his every step. "Are you alright?"
"Just peachy, Barbie," he scoffed, rolling his eyes and pushing her away from him with a certain force behind his actions, not wanting her to suddenly be concerned about his well being.
Nobody had cared when Elena was still alive, when they were all still a part of each other's lives, so what gave them the right to now?
Caroline sighed. "I'm sor-"
"It's alright, I'll survive," Damon cut her off, shaking his head as if to tell her that she had nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't her fault that he had become the person he was today and it certainly wasn't her fault that the love of his life was now buried under the grounds of this town. "If there's one thing I've learned over the past two decades of my life, it's that somehow I always do."
Running his hand through his wetted hair, Damon's gaze lingered remorsefully on the pale soil beneath his feet, not really aware of what to do next or where to go with his life from then on. He knew he couldn't give up fighting, that he even had to keep pulling through – day in, day out – for her.
If not for anyone else, if not even for himself, then for her.
Always for her.
"Did you know my momma, Damon?"
Damon's head snapped up at the sound of the little girl's voice, her eyes expectantly looking up at him and her lips quivering lightly. His gaze softened at the sight of her, his head suddenly turning sober as he crouched down before her, an honest smile planted on his lips as he talked to her in a soothing voice.
"I did," the girl's eyes beamed up at him, glittering in joy as he continued. "In a way, she was the best friend I ever had. If not the only one."
"Do you miss her?"
"Yeah, squirt," Damon smiled sadly at her. "I miss her a lot."
"Me, too," her blonde mop of hair bobbed up and down as she nodded her head to his words, not once doubting that this man was someone her mother had loved dearly. "But daddy says that after a while, I won't cry so much anymore and that the nightmares will go away. And until then he hugs me really tight, like mommy used to, whenever I get sad again."
"That sounds like you have a great dad."
"Do you get sad, too?"
"Sometimes," Damon closed his eyes tightly, taking a deep breath as he felt tears building up behind closed eyelids and risking to fall through when all of the sudden, two tiny arms encircled him and pulled him in a close embrace. "What are you-"
"I'm hugging you real tight," she mumbled against his chest, not willing to let him go until a single honest smile had proven to have found its way onto his face that night. "Mommy always said that hugs make people happy and I don't want you to be sad."
Upon hearing her words, Damon relaxed slightly in her arms, putting his own around her and squeezing her softly as his eyes found the ones of Caroline over the distance that had been put between them. She smiled lightly at him, admiring the situation at hand, and he smiled back, knowing exactly that this hadn't been his last trip to Mystic Falls. Even if Elena wasn't here anymore, her daughter still was and there was no way he'd miss seeing her grow up over the years. He had already missed out on so much time with Elena, he couldn't do the same with her daughter.
Caroline looked back and forth between her goddaughter and her best friend's ex-boyfriend, trying to pull the girl back but she wouldn't budge, her arms firmly resting around the black haired man she had only just met but already trusted with every beat in her still so innocent heart. "Come on baby girl, let's say hi to mommy and then go, alright? Your daddy's waiting for you."
"But I don't want to go home yet," the little girl pouted, letting go of Damon and crossing her arms stubbornly in front of her tiny chest. "I wanna stay here and talk to Damon."
"Lou, I don't think that's a good-"
"Lou?" he looked up at Caroline in irritation, slowly. "Her name, what does it stand for exactly?"
"Louisa Annabel Whitmore," the little girl jumped in. "But mommy always called me Lou when I was really little and now everybody calls me that."
A faint smile dawned on Damon's face as he replayed the name of the girl over and over again in his head – Elena had never forgotten him over all these years, in spite of the fact that she had moved on with her life and fallen in love again with another man, she had gotten married and had started a family with him but somehow she had held onto him like he had held onto her. Even the day her little baby girl had been born, she had thought and thought about everything they had planned for their future when they still had one before them.
Louisa Annabel… The name they had sworn to give their daughter one day, even if the possibility of ever having one had seemed so small in their eyes, and Elena had never forgotten. And the living proof was standing right in front of him, her chocolate eyes looking up at him in awe.
Christmas Eve, Present.
"You know, you've been coming here every year for the past six years and I don't think I've ever heard you talk to her before."
A light smile sneaked itself onto Damon's lips, as he perceived the honey voice of the not so little girl anymore that he had met all those years ago at this very site. She had grown up a lot since then, resembling her mother more and more with each passing day and making it harder for Damon to look at her without seeing Elena in her daughter's chocolate eyes. He saw her every year on Christmas Eve, it had become like their own tradition in honour of the brunette woman they had both loved with all their hearts.
They understood each other perfectly, and sometimes, it surprised him that even though Elena had been dead for years, he still was able to somehow keep living his life without her by his side. But then he looked at the girl, so much like her mother, and he knew why he had to keep going every day all over again.
Damon turned around, his eyes meeting the ones of the now sixteen year old teenager, his lips curled into a dry grin as he spoke. "That's because I never had the guts to do it before today."
Stepping aside to let her through, he watched her as she stood in front of her mother's grave, a faint smile gracing her lips and a few tears slipping out of her still so young and innocent eyes as she whispered a noiseless "Merry Christmas, momma" to herself. One could see that this wasn't first time she had gone through this scenario, nor that it would be the last time as she crouched down in front of the pale stone that was supposed to honour the woman that had given her life and put down a bouquet of lilies, Elena's favourites.
"And why's that exactly?" her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion and her head tilted to the side as she looked up at the 190 year old vampire in curiosity, her voice soft and delicate. "My mom loved you, Damon, I'm sure she would have loved having you talk to her all these years, wherever she is now."
His eyes pressed shut, Damon lifted his head to the sky for the umpteenth time on that morning, memories of her, of them together, flooding his mind all at once. There had been many moments between them that had been worth remembering, worth holding onto within all this time. Moments where he had been close to throwing it all away and flipping the switch and she had been the one to bring light into the darkness reigning over his conscious. And moments, in which her actions had forced him to become a better man, to save himself in order to save her.
But there had been one special moment within all these years that Damon had found some kind of closure in. A moment so simple and plain to most people, and yet one of the most important ones they had shared in their short time together.
"I wouldn't be so sure about that, squirt," a grim expression covered his face, his inner pain turning to the outside. "I've done a lot of things in my life that should have only made your mom love me less with time."
He remembered that day so clear as if it had only been yesterday, as if her chocolate eyes were still staring right into the deep ocean blue of his in the undimmed morning light. It had been a day before everything in their lives had changed once more for the bad, before Damon and his brother had decided that it was time to leave Mystic Falls, and therefore also her, in order to protect the one thing they both loved most in the world – Elena.
It had been a quiet day, one where everything had seemed right in the world and if one were just to capture that one moment and hold onto it forever, Damon knew, it would be the perfect moment to live by.
"But she didn't. If anything, she loved even you more over the years," Lou looked up at him, her head shaking vehemently and her soft eyes staring right at him as she continued, desperate to convince him of her words. "I might have only met you after she had already died but I've known about you ever since I was a little girl. Mom told me stories as a kid, about you and Stefan and everything you guys went through, and about the mysterious knight in shining armour, who had saved her time after time again and had stolen her heart in the process without her ever realising it," she smiled at the memory, her mum sitting at her bed with tears in her eyes and telling her about the one man in her life that had ever managed to surprise her, to literally sweep her off her feet with both his actions and words.
"And I may have just been the age of nine when my mom left us but if is there's one thing I know for sure, it's that she loved you with all her heart," a tear slipped from her eyes, rolling down her rosy cheeks. "In a different, much more powerful way than she ever loved my dad."
They had been back from Denver for weeks now and yet, neither of them had lost a word about the passionate kiss shared between them that fateful night at the motel and frankly - it had been driving Damon crazy to the amount that he had found himself sitting on her porch one morning, his head buried in his hands as he contemplated whether to just barge into her house and confront her or to just go back to the boarding house again. Seconds passed that seemed like minutes, and minutes that seemed like hours when the front door suddenly opened and her sweet voice sounded up from behind him, making him jump up in surprise.
"Damon?" she had said, her teeth chattering as she spoke. "What are you doing here? Did something happen?"
Damon had nearly barked out a laugh at her words, not at all surprised by the fact that she had immediately assumed that something had to have happened in order for him to visit her. Lord, could she not see what everybody else around them had already figured out months ago? That he was absolutely, one hundred percent in love with her and he'd do everything, anything, to be near her at any moment of her life.
"Nothing happened, Elena," he had replied, motioning for her to sit down next to him, a wretched grin marking his features. "Come here."
Elena's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion before she made her way over to him and sat down beside him, her arms put around her entire body to keep herself protected from the cold air surrounding them. "What's going on, Damon?"
Taking his eyes from the sky, Damon looked at the young girl, only just now comprehending the words she had let slip from her mouth. "You don't have to-"
"It's okay, Damon, I would never hold that against you," she cut him off, giving him a genuine grin on her part. "Because I know that you loved her just the same. If not more."
"I still do, squirt," he whispered, his words not meant to be heard by anybody but himself this time around, his heart beating rapidly against his strained chest. "I still love her."
"I know. So do I."
"I think it's time we talked," the deep ocean blue of his eyes connected with the chocolate brown of hers, his facial expression one hundred percent serious as he looked at her.
Elena looked at him in confusion, not really understanding what was going on at that moment. "Talked about what?"
"God, sometimes I'm clueless as to whether you act like you have no fucking idea what I'm talking about or if you just don't want to see it," anger was rising in the back of his head, his patience with slowly but surely running out. He might be in love, but he definitely wasn't stupid and all he wanted from her were some answers. A little bit of truth in all this mess that their mutual attraction for each other had caused within all these past months. "About us, Elena. I want to talk about us."
"Oh," her lips crinkled together in realisation.
Damon barked out a hearty laugh, hoping that his ears were just playing some really bad trick on him right now. "Yeah, 'oh' is one way to put it."
"What do you want to hear from me, Damon?"
"You don't get it, do you? It's not about what I want to hear from you, nor about what you think anybody else in your life needs you to say," he sighed, tired of her putting everyone else's feelings and needs before her own. This wasn't about anyone else, hell this wasn't even about him alone, it was about her and her alone.
"It's about you and about what you feel, what you want to say. Just forget about everyone else for a minute and just think about yourself, about what you want and then tell me and I swear," a dry chuckle escaped his lips as he continued. "I'll never bother you with it again."
Elena sucked in her breath, trying to comprehend the words he had just laid down in front of her and let it up to her what she wanted to do with it. There were many things she could have said, kisses she could have denied and feelings she could have hidden from him and yet, for once in her life, Elena didn't feel like letting her mind control things for her. For once, she wanted to in charge of what she was going to do next.
"Any idea when that minute of yours will be up?" he breathed out, his voice barely making any noise as he spoke to her. "Because I don't think this silence here can get any longer and all the cheesy things that are running around my mind right now make me want to barf," Elena cracked a faint smile at his words and he smiled at her in return, his heart beating rapidly against his broad chest. "Not even kidding."
And against all her better judgement, or maybe rather because of it, she wanted to do all of it with Damon.
"Do you not possess any kind of patience?"
"It's not one of my many talents, no."
Smiling lightly at him, Elena put her hand into his and intertwined their fingers with each other, planting a soft kiss on them. "Then let's just not talk for now, alright?"
"Elena-"
"This," interrupting him before he could even protest in any way, she pressed her lips against his, no more words needing to be said to explain what either of them was feeling in that exact moment. "Is what I want. This is good, and I really don't want to ruin it with some cheesy nonsense that makes you want to barf on my porch."
The corners of Damon's mouth turned up into a cocky grin, the deep ocean blue of his eyes sparking as they met hers, pure joy radiating from them. "What do you suggest we do then with that pretty little mouth of yours?"
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Salvatore," she laughed heartily. "Your dashing looks might work on other women, but they won't work that easily on me."
Damon wiggled suggestively with his eyebrows. "Oh, so you admit that I'm dashing now?"
"Shut up!"
"That's all you've got? Really?" bursting out in a peal of laughter, he put his arms around her, snuggling his nose into her rosy smelling hair as he spoke. "Damn, I really got to teach you how to make a good sarcastic comeback because this is just embarrassing."
Elena rolled her eyes, pulling his face down to meet hers in the middle. "Just kiss me already, will you?"
"Do you think it will ever get easier?"
His attention diverted back to the blonde teenage girl standing beside him now, the memories of a time long ago blurring back into his conscious and leaving him behind with nothing but the bitter reality to face. In his mind, Damon could go back in time as much as he wanted to, he could get lost in the little moments they had had many years ago and live in them, enjoy them as if she were still his and she were still by his side every day but in the end, he would always have to come back. Time after time again, he would have to face what was right in front of him, the harsh truth that would never leave again until the day he would die. There were no longer any moments there to be created, there was only the past in which her presence filled his graces and the future in which her existence was slowly fading out.
Her voice getting the more and more distant, the outlines of her beautiful smile slowly blurring together and the sound of her laugh vanishing into thin air – she was gone. Everything he had fought for in his life was gone.
"What, squirt?"
"Missing her," she sighed, her eyes lifting to look at him, wet tears blurring her vision. "Having to live each day of my life without her by my side and actually be happy even though I know I'll never be able to see my mom again, to ask her for advice or to… simply tell her how much I love her."
And yet, Damon was still fighting and still holding on to something that most people thought to not be there anymore. Fighting for her memory, fighting for whatever was rest of their immense love for each other until the day that life would suck even the last piece of life out of him and leave him to die. And to finally be reunited with her again.
"It's what she would want for you, for all of us. But to be honest with you," he took a deep breath before continuing, still holding onto the rose he had brought with him this morning, not noticing how the thorns of it were slowly biting themselves through his skin, tiny drops of blood dripping to the ground.
"I've been missing her not only for the last six years but also for the fourteen before that, and that might just be my own fault, but the pain, this nagging feeling in my chest of not being able to see her, to talk to her or even to feel the delicate touch of her skin next to mine," drop after drop was gracefully falling to the ground, the deep red of the blood mingling with the light white of the snow. "It's still there. And it still hurts like hell and it probably won't ever stop hurting. And there have been many times where I just wanted to throw it all to hell, to take this goddamn ring off and to just join her wherever she is. It would be the easiest thing to do, wouldn't it? At least," a big sigh emerged from his pale lips, his gaze following the trail of blood left beneath him. "I wouldn't have to miss her and her damn stubbornness anymore, but I get through every day all over again and don't give up, no matter how much I want to, and you want to know why?"
Louisa tilted her head to the side, her voice barely louder than a whisper as she spoke. "Why?"
That was a question he had asked himself many times of the years – Why? Why was he holding on when all life had left him years ago? Why did he get to live while the love of his life was dead and why was he so powerless against the magical forces of Mother Nature?
"Because that's what Elena would have wanted, it's what she would have done. For as long I knew your mother, she was the strongest human being I'd ever met in my entire life. She was passionate and loving in everything she did and she was not just a survivor in the battle against life, no," he smiled frailly, smearing the blood lost between the insides of his fingers, not willing to let it bleed any longer. "She was a warrior and I believe she fought till her very last breath, not only for herself but for you, for everyone she ever loved. So, we'll have to do the same," finally he looked up again, his eyes clear with will power and love this time around. "For her, even if it will be the hardest thing we will ever have to go through."
It had taken Damon a long time and piles and piles of emptied bottles of his favourite Bourbon to figure out how to go on with his life and not being able to call her or see her every day. But somehow he had managed, for the exact reason he had just told her daughter. Sometimes in life for a few numbers of people, it's not about fighting for themselves and for their own survival – no there are people out there, people like Damon, who need a better reason to want to survive.
One like fighting for someone they love, even after they'd already left this earth.
"She forgave you, you know?" Lou murmured softly. "For leaving when you did. She never blamed you or Stefan for it, she understood why you had to go, even though she was devastated about it and I know because she told dad once when he overheard her crying on Christmas Eve in her room," she smiled lightly at him, tears building up in her eyes all over again as she spoke with such a rare honesty in her voice that it even caught Damon off guard. "It was the night she told him everything, the stories she had always told me."
Damon shook his head in response. "Squirt…"
"Mom had already forgiven you the second you had walked out of that door and till the day she died, she was waiting to tell you that she still loved you the same as the day that she fell in love with you."
"Why are you telling me all of this?"
"Because she would have wanted you to forgive yourself, too, Damon."
A lonely tear tripled down his face as Louisa spoke out the words that deep down, he knew to be true. As long as he had known Elena, as long as they had spend day for day being a part of each other's lives, she had always forgiven him for everything he had done – for killing so many people so recklessly, for snapping her brother's neck without knowing about the Gilbert ring sitting on his finger. Time after time again, he had disappointed her with his actions and time after time again; she had forgiven him for them.
Every time he had thought that he had lost her forever, she had proven him wrong by walking into his life once more and every time he had needed consolation, she had given it to him without him ever needing to ask. She had always been there, always forgiven him for the gruesome things he had done in spite of her better judgement, but it had always been him who hadn't forgiven himself.
And Elena had always known that, had always told him that it was okay to forgive himself once in a while and that he wasn't a bad person. He had made a few bad choices in life, taken a few wrong turns, she had always said, but deep down he was good. Probably the one with the biggest and most passionate heart of them all and not even Damon had ever believed her words.
Careful not to hurt the blonde girl with the thorny rose in his hands, he laid an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her lightly and ruffling up her straightened hair. "When have you got you all grown up and wise, squirt?"
"It comes with the aging part," she chuckled, pushing him gently against the chest. "Not that you would know anything about it, seeing as you're neither wise, grown up nor aging."
A wholehearted laugh rose in the back of his throat. "You sure I'm not your dad? You definitely got my sense of humor, that's for sure."
Lou smirked at him. "Nah, what you see here is just your bad influence of the past few years creeping its way into my personality."
"Smart ass."
"No swearing at the cemetery, old man," she teased him, laughing. "We wouldn't want to have dead people walking around this town now, would we?"
"Of course not," he rolled his eyes at her, the corners of his mouth turned up in a wide grin. "There are already walking enough dead people walking around here as it is, we wouldn't need to add another bunch to that."
"You're impossible."
Damon looked down at the girl beside him, remembering the little girl he had first met all these years ago and the smart teenager that she had grown into since then. It was hard for him to look at her and not see the woman who had given birth to her, to not see the woman who had enriched his life in so many ways by simply being a part of it. She was hidden in every movement, in every word that left Lou's lips, the silent twinkle in her eyes whenever she laughed identical to the joy her mother always brought to life whenever she was around.
Though it wasn't just in looks the girl had taken after her mother, but also how deeply she cared about people, how she approached without any prejudices clouding her young mind. In every breath she took, every step she made and every consoling smile she gave him, Damon could see the girl he had given his everything to without any restraint.
"It's crazy how much you resemble your mother sometimes," he breathed out, the reality of the words resting heavily on his tongue like the world had rested on Atlas' shoulders. "It still baffles me every single time."
"Except for the hair, downright blonde," Lou concluded his thoughts, only repeating what she had been told by everyone around her ever since she had only been a little girl. And never had she seen it as insult or had been annoyed by the fact to be compared to the beauty that had been her mother – she was proud to be like her because in her eyes, there wasn't a bigger compliment to be made. "Just like my dad's."
"Yeah but the rest is all Elena, like she lived and loved," he smiled, genuine and full of pride and love as he looked down at the rose still resting silently in his hands.
It was time to go, Damon realised that the moment his last words had risen from his throat. For the first time since her death, he had told her everything he had never been able to tell her when she was still alive and they had been apart and it felt good knowing that wherever she was now, he could still talk to her and she would still be there to listen whenever he was in need for a dose of Elena wisdom. He didn't know what would happen next in his life or where he would go from here on, all he knew was that wherever he would go, whatever adventures he might live through, his heart would never leave this cemetery.
It would always stay with Elena, as it always had.
"I should probably go and so should you," he broke through the silence dominating their conversation, preparing himself for yet another goodbye in his life. "I'm sure your dad's already worried about you being away for so long."
"I'll just stay for a little while longer," she smiled sadly, her eyes slipping to the grave of her beloved mother. "I'm in desperate need of some mother daughter quality time."
"Lou-"
"He's used to it by now, don't worry," shushing him, the young girl shrugged her shoulders as if to tell that it was okay and that she was okay and that he would never have to worry about her. "He knows I need to do this. For myself, but also for my mom."
Letting out a deep sigh, Damon made himself ready to go, his hands still playing with the rose in his hands. He didn't know if he'd ever come back here physically, even though his heart would always belong here, belong to her and only ever her. But after today, he felt like he was ready for something bigger than him, bigger than all of this. Maybe he was finally ready to let go – not of the love he and Elena had shared all these years ago, not of memories they had created for themselves and surely not of her, never of her, but of this life.
"Come here, squirt," he opened his arms for her to enter, a light smile gracing his lips as he whispered his next words against her blonde curls. "I'm glad Elena got to be a mother to you even if just for a short amount of time, I always she would do a fantastic job at it."
After 190 years of living on this earth, it all didn't seem too inviting to the black haired vampire anymore. And with Elena gone, what else did he have to live for?
"Me too," she mumbled in return, her eyes closing as she leaned into his soft embrace, feeling in every bone of her body that this wasn't just any insignificant goodbye hug but that this was it – the last time she would ever see him again. And yet, she couldn't help but ask the question she always asked him at the end of the day, a tiny piece of hope filling up her entire chest. "I'll see you next year?"
"We'll see," he ruffled her hair lightly, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead as he let go of her. "And don't do anything stupid, alright? Just live your life and be happy, promise?"
It went against everything he had just told little Lou, but somehow it seemed like the right time to go for him. In the past six years, he had gotten the opportunity to get to know this little angel and to pass on everything he knew and loved about Elena to her and maybe even make her understand her mother a little bit better. He had learned that with all those people around, the memory of Elena would never die out and for that he was glad.
But somehow, this felt right now that he had told Elena everything he had never found the courage to tell her before that day.
"I'll try but only if you stop beating yourself up over things you can't really change anyhow and drowning your sorrows in litres of Bourbon. You might be a vampire," sighing, she continued, afraid that sometime in the upcoming weeks he would do something reckless and something that would probably prevent her from ever seeing him again. "But you're still not invincible."
"As good as thou," he smirked teasingly, earning a hard slap from Lou, a low chuckle rising from his chest as he took a step towards Elena's grave and a little away from her daughter. "I'll try, squirt, I promise."
"Merry Christmas, Damon," she waved lightly at him, tears in her eyes and a smile on her lips.
"Merry Christmas, Lou."
Damon gave her a smile in return before approaching Elena's grave so that he was standing right in front of it again, his head slightly tilted to the side as he crouched down on his knees, the sullied white snow wetting through his jeans. Carefully, he laid the red rose down in front of the grave, his eyes resting on her name engraved in the hardened stone and his finger tips neatly brushing the snow away and revealing the dates of when her presence had enhanced this world and made it into a far more beautiful place to live in and the day that this beauty had been ripped away from them all again. Then slowly, his eyes not once leaving the engraved letters forming the name of the woman who represented the greater part of his life, he got up from his knees and walked away.
Not once did he look back at the young girl who was now watching after him, tears in her eyes from the realisation that she had now lost the biggest connection she had ever had to her mother, and the whisper of his last spoken words to the love of his life still hanging in the air, getting carried away by the wind and up to the clouds that were floating through the mild morning sky.
"Merry Christmas, Elena, I'll see you soon."
"I'm half a heart without you
I'm half a man at best
With half an arrow in my chest
I miss everything we do
I'm half a heart without you."
Reviews are love! I hope you all liked it and a Merry Christmas and all the best wishes for the New Year 2014 to all of you guys!