Madame Puddifoot's and Bubblegum Pink Death Marks
by larrythestapler
Disclaimer: Do not own HP. JKR does.
"I'll help him if you go out with me, just one date that's all," he compromised quickly with a boyish anxiety.
"All right, one date. Pick me up at seven tomorrow night." Those words resonated in the seventh year's head over and over again. Spoken softly, spoken sweetly, spoken from Lily Evans. He liked her. She was kind, yet merciless, sharp yet dull. But most of all, he liked the complacent feeling of finally being able to have a nice outing with her, after years of pursuing her and getting rejection for an answer. Well, that was no more!
James straightened his tie. He checked himself out one last time in the mirror. His stringy hair wasn't in his face and his dress shirt modestly accentuated an awkward masculine build. Perfect.
"Accio corsage!"
With a wave of his wand, a small lily gracefully fell into his hands. Now if only the date would go like that.
James closed the door to his dorm room and walked out to the front of the school tapping vehemently on the hideous stone statue of Honoria Nutcombe. He spaced out and hummed unconsciously, until a soothing voice interrupted his empty reverie.
"James." He jumped. (And so did his heart.)
"Lily." His heart leapt. Lily gave him a blank look as she stood near the carriage with her hair lightly teased and pulled back, her body covered with a modest, yet befitting forest green winter dress. "Wow."
"You're going to have to shut your mouth at some point."
"Er, for you," James awkwardly said. He handed her the preserved corsage and nervously asked to escort her.
"Clever, a lily. Fine, permission granted." Lily did not have a clue to where they were going. She let go completely of her vulnerability and allowed James to lead the way. Still, the insightful redhead could not help but wonder where they were going. Was James Potter a romantic? Will he surprise her with a romantic trip to the open ocean or was he a sleazebag merely dressed in a fine suit, leading her to a tacky two-star bar?
Their glances crossed. The bespectacled boy helped her up an empty, eerie carriage. It bothered both of them that the carriage pulled itself. James swore he felt a presence, not unfriendly, pulling the carriage.
And they were up in the air, up in the air with a lovely view of the evening hazy evening sky. Everything felt breathtaking; the air had a fresh evergreen scent in it and the empty feeling in their stomachs felt invigoratingly incredible and nauseating simultaneously. It was the best feeling in the world.
Still, the tension stretched. The five-minute ride felt like an eternity, both of them refusing to speak a single word out of proper conversation. They laughed pretentiously, unrealistically, and forcibly. Neither of them felt familiar with themselves or their companion. Lily felt a nausea crawling up her throat, and felt saved when the carriage slowly drifted down. Beneath the floating carriage, Lily saw clusters of Hogsmeade villagers and energetic teenagers. Teenagers. How repulsive.
Then to her horror, she saw the sign in front of her.
Fancy china plates and teacups were displayed to lurking travelers. Frills and ribbons decorated both the interior and exterior of the shop, vomiting niceness and pink to the porch of the shop. The redhead girl felt her breakfast bubbling in her stomach.
"Oh, Potter, you've got to be kidding me. Madame Puddifoot's Tea Shop?"
"Do you not like it?" James inquired nervously. His anxiety was pitifully palpable; Lily could not help but help her poor date out.
"I love it," she lied quickly, sparing his emotions. One date, Evans. One date. James chuckled nervously. He opened the door of the shop, where a chorus of young children greeted them with bright, snazzy love songs, and a stout lady in a black shiny bun showed them to their seats.
"Let me help you, my dears." Lily glanced at the ceiling. Little golden cupids flew about and sprinkled pink confetti over customers, who retained the sickening mood of the room by keeping light pleasant conversation. She looked at their table. The doilies were in the shape of hearts and cups were small and bubblegum pink. Madam Puddifoot, their hostess, sprayed overbearing vanilla cologne in the air. James coughed.
"What would you like, my dears?"
"I'll have a cup of tea," Lily said, puckering her lips in disapproval.
"Two cups of tea it is," James finished. The lady turned and enchanted her flying kettle (which was also pink and littered with hearts). Two small pink cups were filled to the brim with a strange rose-colored substance.
"Cookies? They're quite—" The pudgy lady offered them a tray of wing-clad baby-shaped cookies in disturbing positions.
"No, thanks," Lily interrupted.
"They're on the house."
"On the house, Lily. We'll take a few," James said. He bit into a cupid and left a disturbing-looking lower torso on his pink plate cheerfully. He sipped into the pinkish substance. Ironically, it tasted bitter.
James turned around and saw a few steamy couples snogging behind them. It increased the level of awkwardness he felt about his partner. Lily remained immune. She gawkily looked around the room and saw a young white-blonde man strutting obnoxiously in the eatery. His hair was long, and slicked back by what she could only imagine was a whole jar of hair gel. He passed by them. Lily maintained die-hard eye contact with him due to their last uncomfortable encounter.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't marginally attractive and the beast," Lucius sniveled. Around his arm was thin blonde girl, smugly smirking alongside her slick companion.
"Malfoy," James icily greeted.
"I'd always knew you'd betray your kind by sniffing the bottom of some filthy Mudblood." James saw Malfoy tug a sleeve down; he swore something pink flashed the Slytherin's arm.
"Apologize to Evans right now, you filthy, pretentious—" James' face turned red. He felt disgusted with Malfoy's snobbish prejudice, and took action without caution. Eyes ogled their table, curious about the heat between Lucius and James.
"I can defend myself, thanks." Lily replied levelheadedly.
"Scourgify!" Pink soapy bubbles foamed in Malfoy's mouth. James smiled smugly. Malfoy choked and spat. Lily buried her head in her arms.
"Come on Lucey-wucey, don't want to get any bad seats," the blonde girl cooed nervously.
"You will pay," Malfoy spat.
"Worth it." James smirked. His ego filled at the very brim. He needed to say something to break the tension. "Oh, cute, Cupids, as food, Lily."
"Peachy, James." She rolled her eyes.
"Nice little place isn't it?" James lightly chuckled. Lily burst.
"This place is inappropriately demeaning to women. It degrades women to fluffy-minded creatures. These people need to have a brilliant look at Artmesia Lufkin and Gertrude Stein! These girls are disgustingly composed; couples are probably going at each other in the back where the dump is! And look at these cookies! Naked babies as food." Lily popped the balloon baby cupid throwing confetti with her wand angrily. "Hold on…"
Poof.
"Did you hear that?"
"Yeah," James looked out the window. A trail of pink smoke popped into the air in the form of a perfect heart. "Just hearts. Besides, I could have brought you to a worse—"
"Wait—sh! I hear screaming," Lily smacked James' hand as it rose. The light-hearted conversation noises became dead silent as the room acquired Lily's intuition.
And before they knew it, the pink lights dimmed. Above the ceilings, there was a single pink Death Mark. The hilarity crept up to everyone, yet the perilous signal counteracted with the humor. And then, a group of Death Eaters appeared in the middle of the cramped shop. Madame Puddifoot let out a shrilling scream as she ran out the shop.
"Imperio!"
The stout red-faced woman paused. Her face suffered a dream like trance and a masked Death Eater sadistically waved his wand, and tortured the poor woman, laughing hysterically. She screamed from excruciating pain, her internal organs displaced.
Chaos polluted the air. Dementors crawled to every nook and cranny of Hogsmeade and Death Eaters ran about shooting appropriately bubblegum pink Death Marks in the air. Confused teenagers and lovers screamed loudly, fleeing from the shop with unnecessary frantic screeches from dainty ladies.
Dementors were sent by the futile efforts of the Ministry of Magic. They chased the ruthless Death Eaters who chased the screaming witches and wizards of the teashop. Balloon cupids flew amok, popping, and littering the room with pink heart-shaped confetti. Air headed teenagers, who did not spare the expensive china of the shop whilst escaping, kicked the fragile doors open.
They pointed their wands out, standing back to back. They remained the only customers in the shop; Aurors Apparated, keeping the vicinity locked.
The red-haired girl cringed at the tearing of fabric directly behind her, learning she had stepped on her flowing dress.
"I could not have picked a worse day to ruin this dress. It was twenty Galleons! Twenty!"
"Petrificus Totalus!" Lily shrieked, as a lecherous Death Eater touched her inappropriately. She smiled a little after she saw the completely bemused reaction of the demasked Death Eater.
"Geez, they all fled…" James said with a tinge of annoyance in his tone.
"Confundo!" An Auror shouted behind James.
"I swear, the Ministry is adding unnecessary ruckus by sending these blasted Dementors! Get out of the way kid!"
A Dementor floated nearer and nearer to Lily. Before impending doom permanently settled, Lily thought hard.
She tuned into her Defense Against the Dark Arts classes. The Patronus charm…Happiest memory…happiest memory. She and Sev and Tuney…Lily felt her body grow cold as a dark Dementor touched her skin. The material of the black cloak on the Dementor became imminently clear, and she saw something sickening under the floaty velvet cloak. "J—James?"
"EXPECTO PATRONUM." A silvery stag shot from his wand as the Dementor ricocheted to the wall.
A puff of pink smoke blinded everyone in the room. The Death Eaters fled. Jaded Aurors collected the jinxed bodies of unsuccessful Death Eaters whilst braver ones jumped out the door to track them. They could not have gotten far; the trace of the pink powder continued to drift in the air. James knew the ultimate consequence if they stayed there any longer.
He pulled Lily's hand in fight or flight. He sensed a weakness from her body as he impatiently woke her. He didn't care what she felt like or what she looked like. She was in danger, and he needed to help her.
"Don't tug on me Pot—"
"Shut up."
"Did you just snap at me?"
"Please, Evans, just listen to me." And then she saw the desperate pleading look in his impatient hazel eyes. She complied. They fled, leaving tracks in the fluffy February snow. The bright evening became a pink evening and then a pitch-black darkness. A chilling silence hovered through Hogsmeade.
They arrived at shoddy area, hidden completely by a shady tree. James pushed her in an obscure chute. He followed, and landed in a small, shabby room made completely of oak wood. Lily looked outside the window.
"Well, should we continue with our date?" James teased lightly, taking heavy breaths.
"In the Shrieking Shack? You're stubborn James Potter."
"Only trying to be a gentleman."
"Quick, cast a Shield Charm!" Lily panicked as she heard impending noises of footsteps.
"Oregano!" James shouted.
Nothing.
"Protego!" The redheaded witch hissed.
"A Shield Charm, you idiot, not a tomato sauce ingredient." They sat crossed legged in the Shrieking Shack, cowering under a pile of rubble in the middle.
"Shit. That was really close. This place is pretty sick, man, heard it's haunted." Lily shivered, covering her arms with her small hands.
"No, it isn't," the bespectacled boy said stiffly. "Muffliato! Here, take my jacket." James ripped off the jacket beneath his robe and handed it to the redhaired girl next to him. He watched her in awe. What a beautiful mess they were in. Her hair was in knots, her dress torn, and her lips bleeding. She took the jacket and wore it in a baggy, droll fashion.
"Really?" Lily asked, genuinely curious.
"Yeah, you know about Remus, I presume?"
Lily nodded solemnly, "Poor guy."
"It was built for him. Dumbledore let out a great rumor about ghosts and gizmos. Every month we come out as animals…it's pretty ingenious."
"Dumbledore…You know, Potter, I've been thinking about telling Dumbledore to form this organization, a secret one of course, where we take course to bringing down Voldemort."
"That's a bloodyass brilliant idea!"
"It is!" Lily's brilliant green eyes lit up like two flashing emeralds. James nudged her.
"Chocolate peace offering for the horrible first date?"
"Hit me." Lily stuffed an entire Chocolate Frog down her throat.
"Did you see those Death Marks? Ludicrous." James snickered, downing himself with Butterbeer. He passed a bottle to Lily, who took in gratefully.
"Ha, Voldemort's got a twisted sense of humor anyway." Voldemort. Lily said it effortlessly. Her courage and gumption impressed him. He raised his bottle, and she mimicked his action instantaneously.
"It's really weird thinking about how much is ahead of us."
"It really is," Lily concurred solemnly.
"You know, with your idea, I was thinking that we should first gather any student who'd join, secretly, of course…"
"We'll call it the Order of the Phoenix…"
"In honor of Fawkes. We need a location. Sirius' dump is currently empty you know…"
A/N: Could've worked harder on it, but felt lazy. Is it that unfunny? *shrugs* It's more meant to be action than humor.