Disclaimer: I own nothing
Warning/AN: OOC and fluff. Now edited and beta-ed thanks to Rhee!
Summary: post GD, Grissom takes Sara home...
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Didn't Want to Leave
The windows are opened and the curtains move in the wind from time to time, creating patterned mixtures of shadows, moonlight and the neon lights of the casinos outside on her skin.
He's sitting in the armchair for half an hour now, fully awake but unable to move, his body feeling numb and so alive at the same time.
He hasn't slept at all, after hours of holding her in his arms he supposed that taking a shower and getting dressed for work would be the best. He slowly pulled away from her, the feeling of being separated from this new closeness hurt him deep in his soul, running through him like his blood runs through his veins.
His hair is still damp and he is freezing. The shirt he wears is the same that he wore last night at work and the day before and the other night... taking a shower had no real sense at all, putting on his dirty, sweaty clothes again had turned it into an useless act but there were no other clothes that he could wear.
When the message that Nick was okay had reached them they had decided to split their little group of four and finally called it a night after hours of worry, stress and fear.
He could easily tell that Sara did not want to be alone for the night, but she'd turned Greg's offer to take her home down. Grissom wondered for a moment why she had done so but when she turned to him and hesitantly wished him a good night he realized that he was the one that she wanted to be taken home by.
He slowly reached out for her upper arm, holding it softly but supporting and offered her a ride home almost whispering, hoping that she would not reject his offer.
She gratefully accepted.
They'd been driving in silence, she'd been lost in her thoughts, just like him and they had been following those until he had stopped the car in front of the dark apartment building.
She sighed softly, her lips had started to move but there were no sounds interfusing the freezing silence. She looked down on her shaking hands and he wasn't able to not take them into his. His hands were covering hers like a soft blanket, spending her warmth and protection at the same time.
She slowly moves her body, he wonders when she will wake up...he should have shown up at the lab an hour ago, but he hadn't been able to leave, he hadn't wanted to leave.
He sighs and leaves his seat, his body slightly shaking. He walks over to her bed and sits down on the edge of the mattress.
He brushes a strand of hair out of her face and back behind her ear.
She offered him a coffee and he was thankful that she'd been the one who'd done the first step that lead to the final outcome that he'd come up to her apartment with her. He had planned to not leave her alone tonight but he hadn't been able to find the right words to tell her. Her offer came unexpected but was much appreciated by him.
He was the one who made the coffee while she took a shower. They never drank the coffee.
When she left the bathroom she wore nothing but a towel around her chest that barely reached down to the middle of her thighs, her wet hair was pinned up with a hair clip.
He felt his heart beating strong in his chest, although he was used to it ever since he had met her for the first time, this time it felt different though. This time he had to admit that there was not an endless amount of time left for him to find the right moment, the right words... he had to admit that maybe the right moment had passed by long time ago, that the right words had been there but hadn't been said...
She took a seat on the sofa next to him, the scent of her shampoo and shower gel filled his lungs and his whole body.
He reached out for her hand and when his hand had found its destination he squeezed hers softly.
They had been sitting there like this for a while, then her body began to slip softly, only inches but into his direction and she was closer to him than before, closer than ever before and he liked it, loved it.
He slipped his hands over her body and dragged her closer to him, he felt the urge to feel her, feel every part of her.
Now when her tears are dried she looks like an angel, silent, peaceful, innocent...her mind lost in her dreams while her body is so real and feels more real to him than it ever has before.
She had started to cry when their bodies merged into one unity. First it had only been small, soft silver glimmering tears but after a while the tears grew stronger, bigger, he twined his arms around her, held her for hours as she helplessly sobbed, her head leaning against his chest.
He didn't find the words to ask her why she cried, too afraid that he had hurt her, too afraid that she would want him to leave, too afraid that he was the reason for her tears.
He'd been waiting until she cried herself to sleep before he thought about moving, before he began thinking anything at all.
He slides back under the blanket, protectively placing his arm around her body.
She snuggles against his chest as he softly presses his lips on her forehead.
Her hand slips under his shirt and caresses his chest, he feels her breath on his skin and it drives him insane.
They remain like this for a long time until she breaks the silence, her voice soft and reflecting how vulnerable she is. "What time is it?"
"One AM." He answers softly feeling how a shock runs through her body as she pulls away from him for a second.
"Your shift started hours ago." She says unbelieving and surprised.
"I know."
She moves closer to him again, her lips meeting the bearded skin of his neck. "You could have left..."
"I didn't want to leave." He interrupts her.
She looked at him with that unbelieving expression in her eyes, for a second it seemed as if she didn't realize the importance of his words, as if she wasn't able to understand their full and complete meaning. As if she didn't realize how much power and confidence it had cost him to say those words to her, to speak out what he'd been feeling for a long time, to form the thoughts and feelings that he felt and thought into words.
He had told her that he needed her, that he needed to be with her and that he wanted nothing more than to be close to her. He had told her that he knew that he was probably too late but that he would pray for a chance, one last chance.
He hoped that she was thinking of his word's meanings but this process of hoping was interrupted as her lips met his in a soft kiss that turned into a passionate dance of lips and tongues.
Silence, once again there is this silence surrounding them. Her hand is not on his chest anymore, she's clinging on to his shoulder as if she's scared to fall...scared to fall deep and to hit the ground which would end her deathly fall.
"I wanted to be here when you woke up." He whispers. "I want to be here every time that you wake up."
She leans her forehead against his shoulder, she's shaking softly and he feels the warm salty liquid on his skin again. He caresses her back with his hands, telling her that she doesn't have to worry about anything.
After a while she stops crying and looks at him. "He could have killed you." She whispers and at the same time a wave of tears breaks the barrier that held them back and they conquer the skin of her cheeks.
He reaches up for her cheek and wipes them away like he did last night. "I'm here. I'm here and I'm with you. I never felt so alive Sara and no one will ever take me away from you."
He'd been sitting there feeling like he was proposing to her. He was not proposing but it felt as if he did so. He'd been holding her for a long time and then had turned her to face him. Now he held her hands in his and looked into her eyes as he began to speak. "When I saw the explosives around his body...I thought I wouldn't get out of that building ever again. I thought I wouldn't get the chance to do what I thought I could do later...I thought I'd have left all the time in the world and I had to realize that I hadn't. When my body hit the ground, pressed down by the power of the explosion, I cursed myself. I should have been sent to hell for my stupidity and all the things I did that hurt you Sara. People say that in the moment before you die you'd see your whole life like a movie, passing you by...I didn't see my life like it was...I saw how it could have been but never was. God, I want this life, I want it so much Sara. I want this life with you."
She's sobbing again and buries her face in the space between the blanket and the fabric of his shirt. His hands press her close against his chest and he realizes that there is one thing that he did not tell her so far. He is pretty sure that he said it while he was making love to her but that doesn't count he thinks. He whispers into her ear that he needs her and she looks up into his eyes. "I...I need you too." She whispers back and he smiles softly.
"Sara, I love you." He's not whispering, his voice is strong and it shows how serious he takes it. It feels as if it's echoing through the whole room, this time she doesn't cry, it might be because there are no more tears left, but maybe she just knows that there is nothing to fear, nothing to be scared of, nothing to be sad about, nothing to worry about anymore.
"I love you, too." Her voice sounds dry from all the crying, she's smiling softly and it's sending waves of heat through his body.
He pulls her into his arms again and holds her close to him. His hands on her bare back, strong but carefully touching her while he whispers into her ear that he'll never leave her and always love her.
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THE END