Older Eyebrows in the Bathroom

Warning: Slash (Goyle/Montague, Draco/Harry) and mild language.

Disclaimer: GOYLE 4 MONTAGUE FOREVAH! Fanfic rules, but Goyle and Montague will soon take over!

"He's older than you," Draco scowls.

Not by much.

"He's cleverer than you."

As if I care. And, again, not by much.

"He's better at Quidditch than you."

Not by much. And it only matters if he cares.

"He's bigger than you."

Not by much. And I like that.

"He's stronger, too."

Not by much. And I thought I was supposed to be a Beater?

"He's male."

Not by- Wait a minute. So what? I don't care, he doesn't care, not even Vince cares. Just because Draco decided to have a shower in the middle of the day, in a girl's bathroom, and walked in on us… What kind of idiot would have a shower in the middle of the day in a girl's bathroom anyway?

Just because he walked in on us, he's now giving me a hard time because I'm gay and so is Montague and Draco doesn't like it.

"Look, Goyle, it's not right."

My eyebrows don't agree. They fly up. But Draco isn't looking at me, luckily. Not that he ever does.

I've walked in on Draco trying to kiss Moaning Myrtle, so I can't help wondering, stupid though he may claim I am, whether he's right to go on at me.

"I mean, you're in Slytherin. So's he. Slytherins just shouldn't do that sort of thing. It's just… wrong."

My eyebrows go for a walk again. I've seen Draco and Potter together, too – the most disturbing image I've ever seen – so I do tend to wonder whether he's right in what he's saying. Of course, he doesn't know that I saw them – I've got more sense than that – but I know. I know he's being unfair.

"You're being unfair," I say slowly, before I can stop myself.

Draco's eyebrows do what mine have been doing. "I beg your pardon?"

"You're being unfair. How come you're allowed to kiss a ghost, but I'm not allowed to have a shower with Montague?"

I curse my tongue. Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

Draco is clearly thinking, 'How did he know about that?' "That," he declares with dignity, "was different."

"Shagging Potter isn't," announces my suicidal tongue.

Draco's eyes go wide, then narrow, then almost pop out of his head. I watch him, fascinated. I've only ever seen that happen when I've got my hand round someone's neck. I check, just in case. No, both hands safely in pockets. He's just a bit surprised. Hmm. Would that work with Potter?

"How did you…" He shakes himself, blond hair flopping about. "I didn't know you knew that," he says, weakly. Bad idea. Slytherins never show weakness. "But it's still different. For one thing, Montague's the captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team!"

"And Potter's a Gryffindor."

"But… but Montague's so much older!"

"You've said that," I reply, dully. "Anyhow, you and Potter stand for opposite things: light and dark; the saviour and the devil; the creator and the destroyer. It's different, uhuh, but it's much, much worse. Look at your families! Potter's parents in Gryffindor, yours in Slytherin. And you've each followed their examples. Potter's a halfblood, you're a pureblood. To the rest of the world, you're archenemies. At least Montague and me don't make no secret of it."

Draco leans forward to reply, then leans back helplessly. "All right, you win. Just- be more careful next time, all right? I could give you the password to the prefects' bathroom if you want."

I can't help smiling ever so slightly. "I know how to perform a Privacy Charm, thanks. Anyhow, what kind of idiot would have a shower in the middle of the day in a girl's bathroom?"

Draco smirks. I can onlysmirk back.

AN: Um. Yeah. So… what do you think? The title was made up of words that popped into my random sister's head as I read her it. What kind of idiot would have a shower in the middle of the day in a girl's bathroom anyway? Apart from girls, of course.

You see, Goyle is much more intelligent than is made out. He is planning to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! …although I probably shouldn't have told you that.