Message from Kori
this was originally supposed to be a really long oneshot but i decided to continue and make a 2nd chapter (which is still in progress)
Summary: Think babysitting one or two kids is rough? Try 12 and counting! Naruto has to take care of them and their problems while dealing with a creepy snake man, ghosts from the past, and other things he has yet to cross
Warnings: Shounen-ai, language, molestation, kidnapping, crack, OoC characters, AU-ish fic (maybe), maybe some other stuff that may later come up
Pairings: ItaNaru, ZabuHaku, KibaHina, NejiTen, LeeSaku, ZakuKin, ShinoIno, ShikaTema
Small Pairings (AKA one-sided): SasuNaru, NaruHina, NejiNaru, SasuSaku, SasuIno, HanaNaru, OroNaru, GaarNaru, NaruKin, KimiNaru, SaiNaru, SuiNaru, SasuKarin
The Pros and Cons of Babysitting
Chapter 1
Kidnapped by a Cweepy Snake Man
Naruto's Babysitting Services are well known throughout Konoha as the best of the best. His babysitting services are not known for his cheap prices or any hour services. No, it's known for Naruto's ability to successfully take care of 12 children all at once on his own but mostly his ability to turn uncontrollable children into sweet angels. Many are impressed by this skill, which is the main reason his business hasn't been shut down yet. In fact, one of the most powerful clans in Konoha (maybe even the world), the Uchiha Clan, has been funding the small business to keep it alive.
Food. Check.
A/C and heater working? Check.
Blankets. Check.
Beds ready. Check.
Chouji's stash of chips full. Check.
Shino's bug farm still alive and ready to be fed when he gets here. Check.
Dog food. Check.
Video games set up and ready to use. Check.
Puzzle games and shoji. Check.
Learn to play shoji. Don't remember writing this but not check.
Give Sasuke a hug? What the h-? I didn't write this!
Naruto stared at his list in disbelief. There's no way he wrote 'Give Sasuke a hug' because he's pretty sure he'd remember if he did! The blonde shook his head and sighed. It's not like he could blame the kid for acting this way, especially if his brother does it in front of him.
"Is something wrong, Naruto-kun?" a smooth voice asked as arms found their way around the blonde's waist. "Itachi," Naruto sighed, "if your brother wants a hug from me, tell him to just ask me instead of making me question my sanity" Itachi chuckled into Naruto's blonde mess of hair before asking, "Did you hear that, otouto?"
Both Naruto and Itachi stared at the little boy behind the threshold, which separated the play room from the kitchen. He looked like a mini-Itachi, except with way shorter hair and a more innocent face. Yes, this little boy is Uchiha Sasuke, the younger brother of Uchiha Itachi and son of Uchiha Fugaku a.k.a. the man paying for most of the house bills.
The Uchihas were Naruto's first customers when he first started his babysitting business a year ago. It seemed Sasuke drove away all the other babysitters, leaving Naruto the last one left in Konoha. The first few visits, Sasuke made Naruto's life a living #!*% . Naruto learned within the first ten minutes NOT to trust an innocent face.
The two pulled as many pranks as they could on each other (without destroying the house, of course), which continued for days until Sasuke had finally surrendered to the prank war when Naruto managed to dye the boy's hair a blindingly hot pink colour (Naruto had to calm the Uchiha down in order to convince him the dye was not permanent, no matter what the bottle said, and that it comes off with shampoo). The two had a silent mutual agreement that they wouldn't prank each other anymore and since then, they have almost been inseparable. That, and Sasuke developed some sort of crush on Naruto (took the blonde a long time to realize it).
Word about Naruto spread throughout the Uchiha compound (and later the rest of Konoha) when Fugaku and Mikoto (Itachi was out of the village at the time) came home to find Sasuke sleeping peacefully in Naruto's arms (they were shocked at the scene since it never happened with the other babysitters) and the next day Sasuke requested for Naruto to come over as the two adults were deciding if they should have another night out (they nearly jumped for joy and pray their thanks to Kami since it was the first time he wanted someone other than Itachi to take care of him).
Soon after, Naruto got a message from the Nara Clan to baby-sit Nara Shikamaru, who drove away his last babysitter with his intelligence and puzzles. Shikamaru is a smart kid for his age, Naruto had to admit. Naruto didn't mind the boy's intellectual conversations or puzzles (even if he didn't understand how to play some of them). When Shikamaru asked his parents when Naruto was coming back, his parents nearly ran out of the house and shout their joy to everyone in Konoha (they would have too if it wasn't nighttime when it happened). Naruto became the hottest topic between the mothers of Konoha.
It was not long before many more were contacting him for his services (some were unwilling at first but with all the stories they've been hearing, they eventually gave in) and Fugaku, seeing this, bought Naruto his own two-story house, bill-free, in which Naruto would take care of the kids in, beds, and other necessities other than food.
Now, along with Sasuke and Shikamaru, Naruto took care of Inuzuka Kiba with his puppy Akamaru, Akimichi Chouji, Hyuuga Neji, followed by his two cousins Hyuuga Hinata and Hanabi (who all have a crush on Naruto, Hanabi being the most obvious about it), Rock Lee, Tenten, Aburame Shino with his bug farm, Yamanaka Ino, and the newest member, Haruno Sakura, who will show up later in the day, which brings us back into the present.
"Naruto," Sasuke said in his sweetest voice possible, "Can I have a hug, pwease?" With a smile, Naruto got on his knees in front of the small Uchiha and hugged him. "Naruto?" Sasuke continued in his sweet voice, "Will you wear this identification choker so that evewyone will know that you're Uchiha pwoperty?" Naruto nearly fell over from a heart attack as Sasuke "innocently" stood there, holding the black "identification choker" (to Naruto it looked more like a dog collar with an Uchiha crest on it).
"Itachi," Naruto desperately called, turning to the older Uchiha for help, "Surely, you're gonna say something to him-!" But the blonde found the man on the ground, laughing and clutching his stomach in pain from the laughter. "Thanks a lot for the help," Naruto muttered. Yes, Itachi knows all about Sasuke's little crush.
After Itachi had gone, the other kids started coming. The Hyuugas came first, then Lee, Shino, Kiba and Akamaru, Tenten, Shikamaru and Chouji (they always come together nowadays), and Ino. Sakura will be coming in the afternoon so Naruto took care of the kids till then.
"Sakura's here!" Tenten shouted from her spot in front of the window. Since Tenten came, she took it upon herself to become the "Nee-chan" of the group because she's the oldest female of the group. Tenten always help with some of the chores such as cooking, cleaning, breaking up fights, putting the children to bed, or any other job that happens to come up and in this case, it was being part of the "Watchtower Committee" with Neji.
"Thank you, Tenten!" Naruto shouted as he ran out the door to meet the girl. The other kids then crowded near the doorway, curious of the new girl. Neji, Tenten, and Lee were there to remind the younger ones to be friendly with the new girl and invite her to play with them.
Naruto stood in front of the house as a shy pink haired girl slowly made her way towards him. The blonde bent down so he was eye level with the small girl, giving her a closed-eyes smile, and happily introduced himself, "Hi there, Sakura-chan! My name's Uzumaki Naruto but you can call me Naruto or Naru, whichever name you're comfortable with. I'm going to be taking care of you till your Mommy comes to get you but don't worry there's other kids you can play wi-!" Naruto opened his eyes as Sakura looked past him, staring at Sasuke, and ran towards the small raven. "Or you could be attracted to Sasuke like Ino is," the blonde sighed as Sasuke started trying to dodge the new girl.
Night came very fast as all the children play. Naruto was in the kitchen, washing the dishes after the children had finished eating their dinner. Tenten was helping him earlier until he sent her to check up on the kids. Since there weren't so many dishes, the blonde managed to finish quickly. Drying his hands, he heard running. It was odd since he could only hear one set of feet.
"Naruto!" Tenten cried as she ran into the kitchen and, before Naruto could ask what's wrong, continued, "The children! They're… Half the children are gone!" Naruto was speechless. Nothing like this has ever happened before!
"Where's Lee and Neji?" the blonde asked. The girl shook her head, "Neji went after the kids and Lee followed after he told me that they were taken"
"Wait! Taken?" Naruto cried, which Tenten sadly nodded. "Who got taken?" he asked.
"Kiba, Ino, Shino, Chouji, and maybe even Neji and Lee" the young girl answered before breaking into tears. Naruto hugged the girl, trying to calm her down and whispered, "Come on, Tenten. I need you to be strong. I'll get them back safely, you'll see. Right now, I need you to gather the rest of the children into one room, close and lock all the doors and windows throughout the house, turn off all the light except for the ones in the room you're hiding in, and stay with the children until I get back. Can you do that for me?" Tenten nodded as she wiped her tears and ran off to complete the task at hand.
Whoever took the children is either really stupid or set up a trap. Those were the thoughts of Naruto as he followed the unusual trail he spotted near the house. The blonde tried to figure out why the kidnapper would take the children. None were part of the main powerful clan of Konoha or anything, except Neji. It's possible that the kidnapper took the kids as bait but who would want Neji? Neji is part of a lower class branch of the Hyuuga Clan. If they wanted attention from the Hyuuga Clan, they would have gone with Hinata or Hanabi since they're part of the higher branch. Naruto broke out of his thoughts as the trail led to an abandon lab near the forest.
Blue eyes meticulously scanned the surroundings (which were nothing but the hallway's walls), unsure of what traps could be lying in wait. Getting in was the easy part, staying hidden was another story. Though unsure how, Naruto knew the abandon lab was a restricted zone covered in untouched and armed traps waiting for their chance to attack. The owner of the lab, whose identity is a little fuzzy, was said to have done inhuman experiments in the very lab and rumors say some of the experiments are still there. Whether the rumors were true or not, Naruto didn't want to encounter any abandoned experimentation as he came to the end of the hallway.
The blonde found himself in a large room. It wasn't filled with experiments but at least Naruto found the kids… who were in a giant cage with a familiar pale man with long raven black hair standing in front of it, though Naruto couldn't remember where exactly he's seen the man before.
"Let us go or you'll be sorry!" Neji shouted as Lee was guarding the other children from the man. The young Hyuuga had his Byakugan activated.
"Ah, it's been a while since I've seen the Byakugan up close but I've no need of you, Hyuuga," the man said, his voice sounding like that of a human snake, "Just tell me where he is and I'll let you go. It's as simple as that" Lee replied with a loud 'Never! We'll never betray any of the children because the power of youth will defeat you!' that cause the golden eyed man to scoff.
As Naruto was about to jump in and save the day, he was stopped by a voice whispering to him, "Don't worry, Naruto. We got your back" Naruto froze.
'No! Don't tell me HE followed me!' he thought as he turned to the owner of the voice. There stood a smirking Sasuke, a worried Sakura, a nervous Hinata, a serious Hanabi, a bored Shikamaru, and a guilty Tenten.
"I thought I told you to stay in the house," Naruto quietly hissed. Tenten, who looked ready to burst into tears from shame, replied, "I told them but they wouldn't listen"
"Plus, we're not letting you go out there alone," Sasuke added. At that moment, beeping noises were heard, which caught the attention of the kidnapper. Sasuke glared at Shikamaru, who took out his phone and replied, "What? It's a text from my mom"
"The cweepy Snake Man is coming for us!" Sakura cried as the man was heading their way and Naruto and the kids ran in different directions. The chase didn't last long since Naruto got captured to prevent some of the kids from getting capture, which didn't turn out well.
"Where's the twelfth child?" the man hissed. Naruto kept his mouth shut tight as he tried to glare holes into the kidnapper's head. The kidnapper had captured all the other kids but Sasuke, who managed to stay out of sight. "Naruto-kun," the golden eyed man whispered, "Tell me where the last child is and I'll let you and the kids go"
Naruto would have punched the man in the face if it wasn't for the fact that he was tied down in a chair. "Like I'll trust the likes of you! Who are you and why are you doing this?" Naruto growled. The blonde used his foot and secretly scratched the side of his shoe until a small blade stuck out. Barely moving his leg, he started to cut the ropes. This guy's definitely underestimating him.
"Pity. Looks like someone didn't do so well in Konoha history class," the man mocked, "Looks like I'm going to have to refresh your memories. The hard way, of course. It's a pity that a fine body like yours must go to waste now" The snake man unzipped Naruto's orange jacket and lifted the blonde's shirt.
"Don't look, kids! The creepy snake man might do something nasty!" Naruto yelled to the young ones, who all covered their eyes. The snake man twitched at Naruto's loud voice as he placed his hand on the teen's stomach where his seal was before piercing his fingers into the skin. The blonde gritted his teeth in attempt to keep back his screams.
"First of all," the man whispered, "My name is Orochimaru" Naruto's eyes widened.
'Orochimaru? Missing nin Orochimaru, owner of this lab? How am I supposed to protect the kids from an S-Ranked criminal? This is bad'
"Oh? I see you've remembered who I am now," Orochimaru said, "You're not as dumb as I thought you were. As for the why question, it's obvious if you really think about it"
Naruto thought and thought as the Jeopardy music played in the background. The blonde's eyebrow twitched before he stared at Shikamaru taking out his phone. "What? It's my mom" the lazy boy replied.
Orochimaru couldn't believe that these people were behaving like he was NOT some kind of wanted criminal.
"Well, answer it but don't tell her we're being held against our wills or anything" Naruto told the boy. Shikamaru nodded and talked on the phone, "Yes… Yes… Can't I stay just a little longer? I'm teaching Naruto how to play shoji… Ok, see you then" With that the boy hung up. "We have 30 minutes before our parents start to come and pick us up," Shikamaru stated in a bored voice. Naruto nodded.
"You're wasting my time here," Orochimaru spoke, annoyed, "So I either kill you now and look for the Uchiha myself or you can make it up to me with some fun"
Now Naruto is no idiot and he knew that whatever fun Orochimaru wanted will be fun ONLY for the snake man… Though that didn't stop him from asking, "What kind of fun are we talking about here?" At this Orochimaru smirked, "Well, I want to do something so you'll remember me by" The man lowered his blood covered fingers and lightly tugged at the rim of the blonde's pants. It was then Naruto realized what the man meant by fun.
"Uh… Can we have some other kind of fun?" the teen asked only to be replied by an uncaring 'no'. Naruto pouted as he felt that the ropes weren't completely cut and turned to the children. "Kids, since the creepy snake man is being a big meanie right now and will most likely do something kids are forbidden to see, I ask you all to cover your eyes" The kids did as they were told but peeked when the blonde looked away.
"Enough talk from you, boy," the snake man demand as he undid Naruto's pants.
"Hey, isn't this like a violation of my personal space or something? You know I can charge you with kidnapping and rape!" the teen cried, struggling on moving his leg until he heard a snap of the rope.
'About time' he thought as he leapt out of the chair but Orochimaru's hold on his pants made the boy fall face flat on the ground. Naruto groaned, clutching his face in his hands prior to realizing there was a suspicious breeze near his lower half. It appeared that his fall caused his pants and boxers to slip towards his ankles revealing his #!*% for the world to see.
'Of course something like this would happen to me! I really hate you right now, Life!' Naruto mentally groaned.
"Well this is a rather interesting turn of events," Orochimaru commented.
"I hate you" Naruto growled as he attempted to kick the snake man, who swiftly jumped back and out of the way. The blonde used this time to cut the ropes around his wrist and pull his pants up.
"You kids didn't see anything, did you?" the teen asked, still keeping an eye on his opponent.
"See what?" the kids asked.
"Good" the blonde said he jumped away from a snake that seemingly appeared out of nowhere, trying to bite him… and another… and another. Soon the whole roomed seemed to be filled with snakes.
"Where the #!*% did all these snakes come from?" Naruto cried, already knowing that he'll have a thing against snake by the end of this. He didn't have time to deal with this so Naruto ran up to the caged children and kicked down the door, allowing the children to run out of the room as fast as they can. Naruto followed the children out of the room, down the hallway, picking up Sasuke along the way, who finally came back with a weapon (a metal pole) to beat up the snake man with. Once they all left the lab and were far enough, the blonde looked back to make sure they weren't followed before considering it safe to walk. They made it to the house in time and the rest of the night was uneventful… until the children got home and summarized what happened.
"…and I got to see Naruto's as$ !" Sasuke innocently exclaimed after telling the story of what had happened to his older brother. Itachi nodded as Sasuke continued talking. An unanswered question filled the older Uchiha's mind.
'Who's the cweepy snake named Erohebimaru (+)?'
Of course, the story of what happened spread throughout Konoha but it also spread to a village past Konoha.
"This Naruto fellow sounds very interesting. Get a team ready. We're going on a trip to Konoha."
"Hai!"
"Bring Gaara also"
"Hai, Kazekage-sama!"
END OF CHAPTER 1
Random Comments from the Authoress That People Might Not Read Anyways:
-(+) Erohebimaru= Orochimaru; Ero (pretty sure that meant pervert or something), hebi (snake); maru (OrochiMARU)
-these are the ages of everyone important in this chapter:
Naruto – 16
Itachi- 19-20
Ino Yamanaka -6
Shino Aburame -6
Chouji Akimichi -6
Sasuke Uchiha -6
Sakura Haruno -6
Neji Hyuuga -7
Hinata Hyuuga -6
Hanabi Hyuuga -4
Lee Rock -7
Tenten -7
Kiba Inuzuka -6
Shikamaru Nara -6
-ok, so I don't know when the next chapter will be up but i do know that Gaara's going to be in it and more Itachi!
-as for the other fanfics i was working on previously, I will get back to them eventually. Chapter 4 of Naruto in Konoha is almost done...
-for What Did You Say, there's a poll asking who Naruto should end up with. PLEASE VOTE. It'll make my life a lot easier.
-I might not post much because of school but i'll try my best to write as much as I can as fast as I can