DISCLAIMER: I do not own Power Rangers, SPD, the characters Doggie Cruger, Kat Manx, Piggy and Boom. I wish I did, though.
Episode 1: My Miserable First Day
It is 2026. Aliens and Humans live in peace on Earth. Except that 1 percent of aliens do not, and another 1 percent cannot read, 0.5 percent are illegal aliens, 0.4 percent have green skin and 0.1 percent are from other Power Ranger seasons. Anyway, for that 1 percent of EVIL alien, there is S.P.D…and this guy, David Magio. Also, S.P.D forgot about this one evil robot named Elm-0 who is trying to destroy everything that we all know and love with his team of monstrous mechanical monsters.
Delta Command Base
David Magio (narrating): Well, here I am at Delta Command Base. Why would people live in a megazord with a giant dog head? This is probably the last place I can go for for a job. I used to work at Super Cuts before I cut someone's ear off, and I worked at a fast food restaurant until I accidentally dropped a cockroach in someone's drink.
David walked into the Delta Command Base and saw Doggie Cruger, the commander of S.P.D on Earth.
Is that a lizard or a dog?
"Ah, what can I do for you, young man?" asked Doggie, when he saw David.
"DAVID MAGIO, REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR!" said David, who did the SPD salute, elbowing someone in the stomach.
"Are you selling something, or what?" asked an already annoyed Doggie.
"No, I want to join S.P.D for no reason whatsoever!" replied David.
"Oh. Right then."
"So, do I have to take a test or something?" asked David.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Uh…do you have rabies?"
"No."
"Are you a cyborg?"
"I don't think so."
"Do you eat human flesh?"
"Not recently."
"If I made a female your leader, would you follow her in battle?"
"Maybe... if she slept with me?"
Doggie stared at the new potential recruit blankly.
" …I see a lot of potential in you. I think that you would fit in with Z-Squad. Come and walk with me... CADET Magio." said Doggie.
"Score," David said to himself, doing a fist pump while elbowing the same person he elbowed earlier.
Doggie and David walked around the base.
"That's the cafeteria, where the cadets consume crappy food and have civilized discussions."
"FOOD FIGHT!" screamed one cadet.
"That's the fifth one this week…"
The two went on. "There's the rec room where the cadets can 'get down' 'hang out.' "
The cadets are playing video games.
"Hey! No cheat codes!" said one cadet, who threw his controller at another cadet's head, possibly damaging his skull.
"They seem nice." said David.
The two continued to another room.
"And that's the holodeck. You can make this room into any room or place you want to."
"ANY?" asked David.
"Yeah, now that I think about it, that's not a good idea…" said Doggie, as they heard moaning noises in the holodeck.
Doggie and David walked outside.
"Here's where the cadets train, where they practice their moves, wire-fu and create explosions." said Doggie, showing David the cadets hard at work outside.
Doggie and David then walked towards a door.
"And this is where you're staying." said Doggie, opening a door. David saw a small, dark closet.
"But this is a closet!" complained David, as Doggie pushed him inside.
"Nice meeting you." Doggie closed the door.
"Well…this is nice." said David, switching a light on. Then, he saw a horrific creature...who was Piggy.
"HELLO!" said Piggy, startling David.
"HOLY CRAP! Who are you?"
"Piggy's the name, and cleaning's my game!"
"Piggy…Piggy…I heard about you! Didn't you help SPD save the world?"
"YES! I did! So they gave me a job here!"
"As a janitor?"
"They're still mad that I almost helped Gruum TAKE OVER the world."
"Ah. So, where's the rest of Z-Squad?"
"Trapped in the closet."
"Isn't this the closet?" asked a confused David.
"No, this is the closet OF the closet." Piggy revealed another door and opened it.
"Whoa." said an amazed David.
David sees a huge room with a swimming pool, water fall, video game consoles, and lots and lots of candy.
"This isn't right." said Piggy, turning a switch off. The room turned into a small, smelly filthy room with little space and dirty beds.
"Damn hologram projectors… They've been malfunctioning a lot recently..."
"Why do you have hologram projectors here?"
"For stuff," said Piggy.
"Well, at least this looks nicer than the fast food restaurant I used to work in. Now where's everyone else?" asked David.
"Probably having lunch right now."
Just then, three people walked into the closet with spaghetti, ketchup, mustard and other condiments all over them.
"Y-Squad started a food fight," said one of them. "Who's the newb?"
"Fellas, this is David." said Piggy.
"How do you know my name if I never introduced myself?" asked David.
"Never mind about that. This is Bang." said Piggy.
"Bang? Is that your porn name?"
"Shut the hell up." said Bang, angrily at David.
"And this is Kyle."
"Would you like to squeeze the life of a duck?" said Kyle.
"…it's nice to meet you too." said a creeped out David.
"And this is Amy."
David looked at Amy while a light shined upon her and an angelic choir is heard.
"Great, even the lights and speaker system are broken." said Piggy, who turned them off.
"It's very nice too meet you." said Amy.
"Do-do-do you like fast food?" asked a nervous David who couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't inappropriate.
"No. I think that they're a danger to our health and that they shorten our lives." said Amy.
"I like fast food too…" said a distracted David.
Doggie walked inside.
"Z-SQUAD! CLEAN UP YOUR MESS IN THE CAFETERIA!" he shouted.
"But that wasn't us!" said Amy.
"That's no excuse!" said Doggie, who exited and slammed the door.
"What's with him?" asked David.
"He's just grumpy after he divorced with his wife, Isinia. She was mad that Doggie didn't know that she wasn't alive even though pretty much everyone in the world knew it." Piggy answered.
CWhat kind of sick, twisted place is this?
--
Later that day in the command center...
David is walking around in his new uniform when he sees Kat Manx.
"Hey! Are you a cat?" he asked.
"Uh-huh." said Kat, sighing.
"Can you meow?" asked David.
"Me-OW." said an already angry Kat.
"Can you hiss for me?"
" No. Do you want me to scratch you in the face?" said Kat.
" Sure!"
--
Infirmary
David is lying down with many scratches on his face.
"I didn't know that she would actually do it!" said David.
" What are you, an idiot? Aren't you used to having aliens around? Have you had any bad experiences with them before?" asked Amy.
"Uh…"
Flashback
McDowal's
A four-eyed alien approached David.
" May I take your order, si- OH MY GOODNESS!" said a startled David, who took someone else's drink and throws it at the alien's face. The alien responded by grabbing his face and throwing him up through the ceiling.
End Flashback
" …no." said David.
Well, so far, this really sucks. The people, the closet, and crazy cats that scratch you in the face for no reason.
--
Cafeteria during dinner
"Wait a minute, those were REAL worms?" said a panicking Kyle, as David walked to the table.
"Hey guys." He said.
"Excuse me, while I throw up." Said Kyle, running to the bathroom.
"So…how's everything?" asked David.
"I HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE HERE!" shouted an angry Amy, walking away.
"That's peculiar. So…just wondering…why'd you come here in SPD?" David asked Bang.
"Well, something bad happened and I called my brother, Boom and he got me here in SPD." He answered.
"What exactly happened?" asked David.
"I'd rather not talk about it."
"Come on! Talking will make you feel better!"
"All right, fine."
Flashback
The streets of New Tech
Bang was in the streets and put on a mask, tight tights and a cape.
" I am the Superhero Formerly Known as BANG!" he shouted in a triumphal way.
"...the hell?" said one random witness.
Bang saw an old lady getting chased by a robber.
" HALT!" shouted Bang, raising his hand in front of himself.
"Please help me, young man!" pleaded the old lady.
"Who's purse is this?" asked Bang.
"Mine." responded the old lady.
"A likely story!" said Bang, grabbing the purse from her hand and giving it to the robber.
"Here you go, stranger with a ski mask, rope and gun who does not looks suspicious in anyway! I'll tell you, these old ladies are crazy..."
End Flashback
"How was I supposed to know that that was a criminal?" said Bang.
"...huh? I'm sorry, I was thinking about something other than what you were talking about," said David.
B-Squad and Boom approached Bang and David and sat down with them.
"Hello, Bang and person-who-I-don't-know." said Sky, the Red B-Squad Ranger.
"Hey, Sky." said Bang.
"Are you the new Z-Squad cadet?" Z, the Yellow B-Squad Ranger asked David.
"Yup."
"How does it feel to be in a squad named after me?" asked Z.
"It's not. It's the last letter of the alphabet." said David.
"No one appreciates me anymore…" said Z.
"HOW ARE YOU? WHAT IS YOUR NAME?" screamed Syd, the Pink B-Squad Ranger.
"My name's David. Why are you talking like that?"
"Just ignore them, David." said Boom.
"Boom, why are you even sitting here?" Bang asked his brother.
"JUST BECAUSE I'M DIVERSE DOESN'T MEAN THAT I CAN'T SIT ON THIS FREAKING TABLE! GOSH!"shouted Boom.
CENTERIMan, a lot of guys here are spazing out a lot.../I/CENTER
Boom walked away and knocked someone down.
"Okay then." said a confuzzled David.
"David, let me give you some advice: If you work really, really, really hard, you'll be the blue ranger and the red ranger powers will be given to some idiot that just joined who will later leave and YOU will be Red Ranger." advised Sky.
"I'll try to remember that." said David.
"You want some buttery toast?" asked Bridge, the B-Squad Green Ranger.
"I'd prefer 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.'" said David.
"You sicken me." said Bridge.
--
Later that day in the bathroom
Z-Squad was cleaning the toilets as a punishment for something that they didn't do.
"Why do I have to be in the boy's bathroom? It's smelly and dirty…" complained Amy.
"Piggy, why aren't you helping?"asked Kyle.
"I'm supervising." said Piggy in an Austrailian accent for some strange, bizzare reason.
"I can't believe this. This is probably the most adventurous thing I've done since I got here. I want to beat cannon fodder up with kung-fu moves!" said David.
"What's a 'cannon fodder?'" asked Kyle.
"Don't worry! If we work harder for the next few months…or decades, we'll become Power Rangers! And besides, it's been very quiet here recently!"said Bang.
Seconds later, a huge, firey explosion occurs outside.
"Oh." said Bang.
Z-Squad and Piggy ran outside and saw something horrifying. Squads D through Y were dead, and B-Squad and C-Squad were out cold.
"I'm not cleaning that up." said Piggy, walking back inside.
--
Command Center
"Sir, Cadet Kalish stole every single explosive and blew everything up behind the base outside while the cadets were training, killing everyone there except for B-Squad and C-Squad, who are in comas." informed Kat.
"Do you know when they'll wake up?" asked Doggie.
"I have no idea."
"So squads D through Y?" asked Doggie.
"Yes, sir."
"Even Cadets Sloan and Saban? Damn that Kalish… Have you called for any help? Jack Bauer? The cast of 'Heroes?' Superman?" asked Doggie.
"Well, I got a message from Birdy." said Kat.
"What did he say?" Doggie asked.
" 'Screw you.' " said Kat.
"Drat. How about the future? 2040? 3000?" asked Doggie.
Sir, I've been to the year 3000. Not much to say, but they live underwater. Oh, and I met your great-great-great-granddaughter." said Kat.
"We're not doing fine. What about Jack Landors?" asked Doggie.
"He's still on his honeymoon with Ally."
"They've been on a honeymoon for 5 months!"
"Well, there is one more squad that wasn't in the explosion." said Kat.
"Who?" asked Doggie.
"Z-Squad."
Bang and Kyle were riding on motorcycles inside the base.
"YEE-HAW!" shouted Kyle.
"So the world is in the hands of…them?" asked Doggie.
Doggie saw David picking his nose in public.
"I'm afraid so." said Kat.
"Excuse me, for a minute." said Doggie, who calmly walked outside.
In the base (and the universe), everyone heard Doggie scream in pain and agony.
"Hmm," said Kat, who went on with whatever the hell she was doing.
--
Later at the Command Center
"Because nearly everyone was killed in a huge, firey explosion, we have no choice but to give you Ranger powers." said Doggie.
"Whoo!" yelled David.
"Kyle, you always vomit, so you are the Brown Ranger." said Doggie.
"Is this morpher edible?" said Kyle.
"Amy, no one likes you, so you are the Chartreuse Ranger." said Doggie.
"I wonder if I can save the rainforest AND the whales now!" said Amy.
"Bang, you are the Orange Ranger because we want to make Boom feel bad. " said Doggie.
"Wait until my cousin Bam-Bam hears about this! IN YOUR FACE!" said Bang, as Boom was crying in the background.
"And David, we just gave you Maroon Ranger powers because we couldn't think of any other colors." said Doggie.
"YEAH!" shouted David.
"Tomorrow, wake up at 0600 hours. We have to shape you dumbasses into shape." said Doggie.
"Do I get a power?" asked Boom, who gave Doggie "puppy eyes."
"No." answered Doggie harshly.
--
0559 hours in the closet of Solitude
Boom was playing "Reveille" to wake everybody up.
"Five more minutes, mommy." said a still sleepy David.
Doggie stomped into the room.
"Get up, you maggots!" said Doggie.
"ALL RIGHT!" shouted David, who got up and hit his head on a lamp.
--
Cafeteria
"If you want to be rangers, you have to be in tip-top shape! So do not eat any junk food unless you want to die a horrible and painful death." instructed Doggie.
Z-Squad formed a line near the food synthesizer. Amy pressed the buttons and a baseball came out.
"Uh…Commander? I think that the food synthesizer is broken." said Amy.
"Grr…I knew we shouldn't had made something that we saw in "Star Trek." I guess we'll skip the most important meal of the day and go straight to the training." said Doggie.
"Wait! I used to work at a fast food restaurant!" said David.
"Ugh." said Kyle, Amy and Bang simontainiously.
"I bet I could whip something up!" said David.
56 minutes and 25 seconds later
"All righty, guys! Here's my Spinach Chicken Strips!" said David.
"Spinach? I'm not really sure…" said Amy.
"Come on! Just try it!" said Boom, eating one. "Intriguing!" said Boom, who suddenly fainted.
"QUICK! Take him to the Infirmary!"said Bang.
"But B-Squad and C-Squad has taken all of the space!" said Kat.
"Then we have to remove someone out of there. Let's see, which Ranger is completely useless that no one likes?" said Doggie.
-
Infirmary
Bang and Kat threw Syd out of the window.
"Think she'll be okay?" asked Bang.
"Don't worry. The trash cushioned her fall." said Kat.
-
The training course where the huge, firey explosion occurred
"Z-Squad, anyone who wants to be a ranger must pass this obstacle course." said Doggie.
"Got it!" said David.
"GO!!"
David, Amy, Bang and Kyle started, but they all tripped less than a second.
"Good luck. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be trying to wake up B-Squad and C-Squad by repeatedly punching them in the face." said Doggie, walking inside.
--
Elm-0's base (Not the Magnificence)
"MUAHAHAHA! Now that the only thing standing in my way is the Z-Squad, I can now destroy S.P.D! Erni-3! Build a random MotD!" said the evil robot, Elm-0.
Erni-3, his assistant who hates his job, sighed. "Yes master…" he said.
--
Command Center
"Kat, why is this happening to us?" asked Doggie.
"Maybe it's destiny." she answered.
"Well, then destiny's a fat bitch." shouted Doggie.
A mud covered Z-Squad entered the command center.
"Commander! WE DID IT!" cheered David, who ran up to Doggie and hugged him, covering him in mud.
"CADET MAGIO! What are you doing?" asked a furious Doggie.
"I saw it in a Disney Channel movie…" said David.
"Get off!" ordered Doggie.
The alarm suddenly rang.
"Commander! Elm-0 has sent a monster that I am too lazy to describe in New Tech and it's destroying empty buildings!" said Kat.
"Those fiends!" said Doggie.
"Should we suit up??" asked an excited Bang.
"NO! I'll do it! SPD EMERGENCY!" said Doggie. Nothing happened.
crickets chirp
"PRESS THE BUTTON!" said Kat.
"Oh. S.P.D, EMERGENCY!"
Doggie morphed and went to New Tech using his ATV.
"Stop right there!" commanded Doggie.
The monster threw a conveniently placed giant rock at Doggie, knocking him out.
"Wow, that was fast. I better help him." said Kat, running out of the Delta Base.
Kat walked to New Tech City and got there quicker than the ATV.
"S.P.D, EMERGENCY! SPD KAT RANGER!"
Kat demorphed in six seconds.
"Stupid one hour morpher… Z-Squad, we need your help!" pleaded Kat.
"RIGHT! ….how do we morph again?" asked David, who saw Kat's plea for help from the viewing screen.
"You say-" Kat was interrupted by the monster, who grabbed her and started punching and kicking the defenseless Kat.
"Say what?" asked Bang.
"Let me try! Emergency! Dekaranger!" said Kyle.
"Oh, come on! It's not that! ENERGIZE!" said David.
"Guys! It's S.P.D EMERGENCY!" Amy told the others.
"I doubt that." said David.
"Let's just try it!" said Amy.
"Fine, you're the smart one…" said Bang.
"S.P.D, EMERGENCY!"
"Negative 4, Chartreuse!" said Amy.
"Negative 3, Brown!" said Kyle.
"Negative 2, Orange!" said Bang.
"Negative 1, Maroon!" said David.
The Rangers FINALLY morphed.
"WHOA! THIS FEELS GOOD!" said Bang.
"I wonder if I could eat this blaster…" said Kyle.
"Come on! Let's save Kat!' said David.
"And the city!" reminded Amy.
"The what?" asked David.
The Rangers got on their motorcycles and drove off, crashing into a wall right away.
"Maybe we should just walk…" groaned David.
--
The empty city
"Where in the world are the rangers?" asked Kat, who was getting beaten up by the monster.
"We're here, Kat!" said David, running over to the action.
David tripped and landed on his blaster, which shot a laser at the monster's head, destroying him.
"You defeated him in less than ten seconds! It's a new record!" said Kat.
Doggie woke up and saw that David has destroyed the monster.
"I hope this is a dream…" said a shocked Doggie.
Doggie hit himself in the head with the huge rock, knocking him out.
--
Command Center
"Well, I hate to admit it, but you cadets are... heroes. And maybe with some more training, you can be just like B-Squad!" said Doggie.
David wasn't paying attention, and was picking his nose.
"...or you can not. Good job, and good luck, rangers. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be smashing weights into my head." said Doggie, walking away.
Well, those first two days were wonderful, and horrible. I got Ranger Powers-
"Let's morph, guys!
In blackest day or brightest night
Watermelon, cantaloupe, yadda-e-yadda
Erm...superstitious and cowardly lot
With liberty and justice for all!" said David, who forgot the morphing call again.
A new mentor…
"ISINIA! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?" screamed Doggie, kneeling down outside the Delta Base.
And even a new friend.
Piggy is walking around holding a mop on his shoulder.
"Piggy, can I ask you something?" asked David, approaching him.
Piggy turned around and the mop hits David in the head, causing him to fall down.
"Hmm…I thought I heard something." said Piggy. He turned around just when David got back up, who was hit again in the head by Piggy's mop.
So I might actually like it here! Might. I hope. Probably not. I hate my life.