It`s been a month since Augustus Waters died.
It hurts, it all hurts.
It hurts to even go to Support Group, everytime I do I swear i see him, with his laggy posture and an unlit cigarette in his mouth, smiling his crooked smile. But I went this time.
Patrick started with his story of ball-lessness, then we introduced ourselves. "I`m Hazel, 16, thyroid cancer with mets in my lungs, and, " I take a deep breath. "I`m fine. Happy." It was a lie. I was sad, grieving, everything.
Support Group flew by, and I was just about to leave when Patrick called out to me. "Hazel! Stay for a minute?" I nod and sit in a chair.
"I knew that was a lie. About how you were?"
"What are you talking about?" I ask him, although i was very aware.
"You know."
I look Patrick straight in the eye. "The grief of...him...makes it even harder to breathe, to wake up, to lie down. All of it reminds me of him, and I long for the day I stop breathing so I can be with him."
"You`ll find someone else."
I stand up, making the elementary school chair tip over behind me. "No, I won`t! You don't understand! I loved him with all my heart. Hell, he freaking spent his Wish on me and him to go to Amsterdam to meet my favorite author! You don`t find people like Augustus Waters out on the street."
"I know, Hazel, you loved him. But love is`nt always forever."
I take a deep breath. "Perhaps your right." I lied.
"Yes. Now get some sleep."
Let`s just say, a month after that, I was gone. But I was`nt gone. I was`nt dead in my mind. I was as alive as I could possibly be.
I was with Augustus.
And this time, it was forever.