This is what happens when an idea for yaoi pairings is left in my head to ferment in Code Red mountain dew, and fresh hot Chinese Food. This...is...FANFICTION!!!
(runs off like a lunatic into a sunset, which falls on her revealing that it is actually a stage prop)
Dammit, who put that there!!!
Reki:(whistles innocently)
Pairings: Brainy/Clark...and um, newest crack pairing, introducing...Kell-el/Cham.
Summary: After the legion is able to save Durla from destruction, Cham comes of age. This can only spell one thing: Yaoi. I mean, disaster. Yeah, disaster.
Disclaimer: Dammit, I don't own the show or characters.
Warnings: Crack, smex, ooc-ness, and other crap my brain comes up with.
"Jeez Dad, go all out why don't ya? We only just saved our home world." Reep Daggle, also known as Chameleon Boy of the Legion of Super Heroes, muttered into the ornate glass he was drinking from. They had just returned to Durla, his home planet, after stoping Imperiex from destroying it with a missile that, upon their attempts to stop it, burst into millions of smaller, but just as deadly, rockets. His father had welcomed him with open arms, and declared a planet wide jubilee. Reki, Superman, Brainy, and Timber Wolf were cooking, the others split into groups to help with the other activities.
Then his father had pulled him aside to talk with his son. The talk turned out to be a discussion on the upcoming event. Something Reep really wished that would never happen to him. Something he wished would never happen to anyone. It was only when Reki pulled him away and forced a Smarty-Marty, some concoction she had come up with, into his hand, then turned and jumped on Superman's back, making both him and Brainy shout at her, that he actually forgot what it was. She ran away giggling maniacally, and Reep feared for them all.
He stopped his train of thought. Reki. The spunky, inter-dimensional brunette with fiery eyes seemed to be the most important to their group. Reki was the type of person...well, you couldn't really group. She was cold and hot, left and right, up and down. And she was really strong with her actions and opinions. She had really suprised them when she had insisted on celebrating Valentine's Day with the others. And in the process, found out that Kell-El had never had sweets before.
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Reki shouted as Kell-El rubbed his temples. Cham glanced from him, to Reki who held her hand over her heart as though a dagger were brandished at it, to the others standing farther away. Brainy was twitching, a sign that he was deeply uncomfortable with his little sister figure being so close to a person that could rip her in half.
"Yes, I happen to be very serious. In my time we didn't have either the time or resources to make sweets. Let alone be able to enjoy them." The green eyed clone growled, staring up at the brunette daring her to scream in his ear again. She took out a small chocolate square from one of her many chef pockets, and attempted to force feed the clone. He pushed her back as gently as he could, feeling a certain Coluan glaring at him. Said Coluan was currently wrestling with Superman, attempting to charge over and protect his little sister.
"You have to at least try it! Mine is handmade, better than store bought chocolate!" She said, managing to pop it into his mouth, at which he began to gag as though poisoned. Then, he froze.
"...It's...good I suppose." He finally said after a few moments. Reki grinned, Brainy slumping into Superman's arms after Reki's daring and suicidal move. The brunette pumped her arms.
"Alrighty! I''ll set about making a chocolate that will knock you to cloud 9!" She said grinning. A few hours later, Cham found her sitting in the middle of the kitchen, several things spread around her, including several jars of fruits, jams, and honey, nuts and crisps, and stranger stuff like chili peppers, several meats(1), and Cham swore he saw what looked like mashed potatoes, and a swordfish up on the counter.
"Erm..." After living with the girl for so long, her habit of voicing confusion had caught on. The orange-chocolate colored orbs glanced up,"Heya, Cham-cham!', then back to the ingredients.
"...Cham-cham?" He blinked. Sometimes Reki was too hard to figure out. She glanced up again, meeting his eyes and mistook his confusion for the mess instead of his new nickname.
"Back where I'm from, candy isn't the only stuff they put in chocolates. I'm trying to figure out what to mix in the chocolate that'll knock Kell's socks off!" He blinked.
"And the stuff on the counter?" Reki glanced up.
"Oh, that's for dinner. Salted swordfish with garlic potatoes." He sighed, Reki really could get you sometimes. He turned to leave, when an idea struck him.
"Hey, I heard that some people put hot stuff into chocolates, right? Well, they did it because of the person's tastes." Reki nodded, seeing where the idea was headed.
"So, let's brainstorm on his character." She said excitedly, bouncing on her knees.
"Hey!" Cham didn't appreciate being dragged into this. But, if he didn't, and ended up upsetting her, mostly likey he'd wake up under COMPUTO's scanners, courtesy of a certain over-protective coluan.
They sat together, going over Kell-El's characteristics.
"Well, to start, he's cool, and cold." Reki snickered.
"Yeah, he is that way huh?" Cham remembered the first time they fought together, and stiffened as he remembered watching an entire dimension be wiped out. He shook his head.
"He's also really tempermental, a real spicy guy." Reki muttered. Cham nodded, then grinned.
"COOL AND SPICY!!!(2)" They chorused, clasping their hands together.
Looking out and seeing his home, the fields of flowers that covered it in patches, and the sight of his friends and family were really heartwarming for him. Though, Kell-El looked less than excited. He seemed almost to be in a state of either anger or sadness. Though, after seeing his home just disappear like that, Cham really couldn't blame him.
Reep sighed, remembering a chill go down his back when Brainiac 5 had told them what the pink really was. He had watched an entire existence just...disappear. His stomach began to churn, and suddenly he felt ill. His drink slipped from his hands, he was aware of something running down his face, and voices around and above asking what was wrong. Then, a pair of calloused strong hands were lifting him up...
"Ugh, last time I take anything from Reki..." He groaned as his eyes opened to reveal his room. He tried to sit up, only to find his arms had turned to jelly. He then picked up the faintest of breathing, and turned to see Kell-El sitting in the reclining chair he kept. The superhero was sound asleep, breathing peacefully. Cham realized he was staring, and quickly looked away.
"Yeah, pretty much everyone says that now." Green eyes whipped back around to see black-green eyes staring at him. He shifted.
"Did you bring me in here?" The clone of Superman nodded.
"You gave everyone a heart attack, keeling over like that. When we tested all the food and drink, Reki's Smarmy-marty's or whatever turned out to be highly alchoholic for Durlans. We managed to clear it out of everyone's systems, and-" He paused, as though listening for something."-It seems both Superman and Brainiac 5 have just stopped yelling at her." He ended with a smirk.
"Jeez, and she's on our side? Let's just send her over to Imperiex, let him deal with her." Kell-El blinked, then put his chin in his hand.
"That might actually work...(3)" He frowned. "No, nevermind, we'd have a manic Coluan to deal with if we did." They shivered in response, imagining the green legionnaire with flames behind him, glaring at them for such a suggestion.
"That...would not be pleasant." Cham grinned at the expression on the future superhero's face. It looked partly as though he wanted to break something, afraid he'd get scolded for it, and partly like he'd do it anyway.
"What? Why are you staring at me?" The scowl dropped back into place. Cham dropped his grin as well, curling up in the blanckets. He shivered.
"It's cold. Must be winter on my planet." Kell-El seemed to be suprised by his comment.
"Yes, actually it started snowing this morning. But, how did you know?" Cham peered up, blinking at Reki who had just come in, a confused smile on her face.
"Durlans like me don't have a lot of body fat, so we can tell temperature drops easily." He shivered again, drawing the sheets closer. Reki strode over to the bed and put down a breakfast table and a covered bowl. She lifted the top to reveal a red broth, which from the smell was revealed to be...
"Tomato soup?" He glanced up at her uncertainly. She nodded.
"I added basil, a little garlic salt, and I can make you a grill cheese if you're still hungry." He nodded, blowing on the spoon carefully. Kell-El must've made a face or something, because in the next moment she turned to him and sighed.
"I'll make you one as well, big baby." Cham looked up, startled, but any expression the dark man of steel might've had was gone. She rolled her eyes and placed a small envelope on the table next to the bowl.
"When you get enough strength back, we're all waiting in the town hall to go home." Cham eeped and spilled a bit of soup down his front.
Reki yelped, snatching a hankerchief from somewhere and began mopping up the mess. She made shooing motions at Kell-El, who sighed and left the room. Cham managed to get his hacking under control.
"Okay, what the fizzity-uck (4)was that about?!" She tried not to yell thankfully. Cham stared at her with increasingly watery eyes.
"Cham-cham?" The brunette simpered. The next second, she was caught round the middle, and Cham was pressing his face into her stomach. She stared down at the orange anttenae, before gently stroking his head. They stayed that way, until Cham finally moved away.
"Okay, need to talk about it?" She asked, moving to hug him in case he started crying again. Somehow, she figured this was about the drink.
"I'm...coming of age tomorrow." He replied softy, leaf green eyes not meeting her orange-brown.
"And? Coming of age means becoming an adult right? You always complain that we treat you like a child." She raised an eyebrow. The durlan shook his head.
"I...I'm different." Reki blinked.
"Okay, care to detail that statement?" Cham took a deep steadying breath. He got up and walked over to his window, overlooking the fields of mirwan(5) flowers.
"I....In the history of Durla, there have been times when the population declined, mostly because of outerplanetary marriages. Em, when the population got too low, there were a select few of Durlans who could...well...change their genders." Cham said the last part so quickly, he half-hoped Reki had not understood. However, she had understood, and began to giggle.
"O-Oh my gawd...you mean, you c-can turn into a girl?!" She shrieked this part and fell onto the floor cackling madly. Cham sighed.
"Yes, and no." Reki peered up with an annoyed expression.
"See, I'll turn sort of...androgenous. I'll be appealing to both males and females, until I've bonded with a paticular person. And I'll also be taking the form of whoever I'm trying to attract." Reki went crossed-eyed.
"So, since most people are humanoid, you'll be a human too?" Cham thought on it, then nodded.
"Well, I can already tell this'll end in disaster." Reki sighed.
Well, chapter one, complete! And I hope I have not ruined you all with this lame attempt at a first chapter.
(1): Er, yeah, my friend likes those specialty chocolates with bacon. I though, hell, why not?
(2): First person to name the anime this comes from gets a cyber cookie!
(3): It would, I drive everyone nuts.
(4): Person to answer this one gets a cyber cake :)
(5): Have no idea how to spell, plz.