The Edward Experiment

Roy loved to push his lover's buttons. It was starting to get on Edward's nerves, that smug bastard's look, every single time he won – and he won every fucking time and it was getting on his nerves.

Edward planned to get him and get him hard. Er, not in the sexual sense. Really. Until later.

He was curled up on the couch when Roy came home, blanket draped over him to help him keep his body heat to warm up his automail. He looked up at Roy as Roy entered and smiled a slow, evil smile.

Roy paused in the doorway and his eyes darted towards it, wondering if he could make his escape. A plotting Edward was a dangerous thing. He wondered if he would be forgiven for bolting like a small child, frightened of the monster under their bed.

No, no he wouldn't. Besides, he was more dignified then that. Roy stood and met Edward's smile with a raised eyebrow.

"I bet you cannot make a cake." Edward told him, looking positively radiant about it all. He'd never seen the Colonel bake at all and had serious doubts whether or not he could. But if he lost, he would have cake to eat. "If I win, you do what I want for twenty-four hours, on Monday."

"You're on."

Roy sighed. It really was too cold this morning, the icy wind catching his bared skin with a chill that rattled the bones. His cheeks were pink from the cold. Or perhaps it was the change to his uniform that, although not regulation, he would probably get away with for the sheer hilarity of it.

Edward Elric had made his pants into a miniskirt.

He could kill the blond. Honestly, he hadn't thought he was going to lose the bet, but here he was, dressed like a female officer, and showing off far more skin then he felt comfortable with.

That indignity was nothing compared to the thick leather band around his neck that had a plate saying 'Property of Edward Elric' on it. He sighed. Maybe Hawkeye would save him.

One glance in her direction when he walked into the office, her lips had pursed, and she flushed from holding back air and laughter. No, she wouldn't help him.

This was the worst day ever.

Edward decided this was the best day ever. He cackled to himself over his ingenious plan for awhile. Roy had looked so put out, it was just funny. He also made sure the man couldn't transmute the pants back. Always talking about miniskirts in front of his boyfriend, huh? Well he could suffer for once!

It took a long time before Edward's cackling had settled long enough for him to plan the evil for that night.

Laughing only resumed – Edward really was hopeless.

Roy was thoroughly humiliated by the time he got home. Especially from his own crew...didn't they love their noble leader anymore? He'd asked them this, but they were too busy laughing at his bared thighs to answer in the affirmative. He was going to kill Edward Elric, and kill him hard and fast. When he was done with that, he was going to kill him again. Really. He'd keep resurrecting a homonculus of the teen just to kill him until he had satisfied his rage.

When he came home there were candles lit and the warm look of home calmed him somewhat. He let out a content sigh and went over to kiss Edward gently. But Edward raised a finger to stop him, pressing it to his lips.

"Chores." The blond grated out. "Go wash the floor of the kitchen, by hand."

Roy really was going to kill him.

That night, when midnight finally came and Roy was free, he was stuck undoing the collar himself, since Edward had given up an hour ago, falling asleep curled up on the couch. He did finish cleaning out the book case, despite everything, it wasn't a bad time to do it and he knew Ed would be mad if he didn't finish. He looked at the collar and his lover and smiled. Revenge would be so sweet.