My Worth
Spelled out in bones
I have felt pure joy, experienced pure agony, and all the confusion in between. by the end of this there wont be much left of me...that's all I can guarantee you.
The shadows had teeth and claws. You would think I would have enough brains to run….. No, I didn't.
It had been a year since I'd been here, called this small town home. Grew up in the bitter cold town. Twenty degrees fairenheight was the normal day temperature nights dropped to seven. Loved the cold I thrived in it. Came back after spending a year in California. Hearing your moms voice over the wire just wasn't the same as her in person. Ever get that feeling of distance when you are apart from those people you knew? Hard to explain the sense of them not being real when they aren't there to see. Guess maybe it's just me.
Don't know how any of this started. Shadows shouldn't come to life. It was dumb luck I lived. That and no police cars out on patrol. I can't legally drive. Old enough and all just never stopped to get my license in 'the big scheme of things'. I didn't run and I should have it would have spared me the nightmares. The massacre in my mind……
Now, I'm alone. I'm still driving down the highway in a stolen car. The shadows….they-I mean they bled acid yet, it didn't hurt them. When the ammo ran out I hauled up in the attic made make shift armor out of their hydes. So, scared. But, I made it. I can still remember my sister's big smile she was a college student graduated a year early from high school didn't stop to take a brake went straight into college after. She was always so much braver then me. I could never own up to her and she was three years younger then me. My mom forty-two. I always joked about the fact she was born the sixth day on the sixth month in sixty-five. She always shout back 'and I had you what does that imply?' I can feel the choke in my throat as I try to keep a level head. This can't be happening can't be real. I can still hear the hissing so close to my ears the screams distant in the night; a far cry of man of the deepest agony and sorrow.
For what is it worth and why? I should pull over but, I'm so afraid to stop. Wouldn't an army striker be noticed anywhere I parked? Even keeping to the back roads like I had was going to do me no good eventually.
Sighing deeply I ran one hand through my shortly cropped brown hair. With what little strength remained I pulled the vehicle over into a shady ditch. That's when it hit my gut full force. The wrenching feeling everyone knows all to well. I had just enough time to rip the door open and puke out the side. Everything still seemed fuzzy. Like it all never happened. Oh, but, it did and just what was I going to do about it? I knew now… that these things whatever they were existed. Knowledge can never be taken away. I can't unsee it.
Gripping the door jamb as another gut wrenching knot tore up through me. This wouldn't help much either. Coughing a few times and slamming the door shut I fumbled with the key driving the striker further into the woods. I'd have no choice but, to abandon it soon unless I wanted to be found. Not so sure that was a good idea. Could be a cover up and I for one didn't want to be silenced. The important thing was I was still alive. What was I going to do now? I had no plan b. honestly, I never expected to survive. Swallowing hard as the resolve met it's final conclusion in my mind. I'd just have to keep fighting back. I owed that much because I did survive didn't I? going by foot was a bad plan and walking into the next town dressed in those strange creature's hydes was setting more then a fashion statement. I mean the goggles and bandana were bad enough. I'd have to stick to the woods and find a way to keep track of those things. Was I really going to go through with this? Feeling the grin curl across my face, I knew the answer. I never did back down once my mind was made up. Cutting my hair to my chin when no one thought I would after having it waist length all those years, dying my hair blue then again that was a bit retarded in retrospect, moving to California, becoming a recruit firefighter in my home town's department. My sis thought it was comical. Little five foot two me towing a hand line but, I did it.
Thrum of the engine as it came back to life and I drove down the road…..
Days have past no sign of those solid shadows. I spent most those days attempting to improve my skills. My eyes are rolling in my head for that comment. What fucking skills? I survived out of pure luck last time. Still, better safe then sorry. I figured since their hydes could withstand their blood why not make the weapons from it. Next group I find I'll have to do that. Probably a better bet then bullets. They eventfully run out and I don't want to trust my life on it. Only other thing I could think to do was an old hobby. Maybe, I did it more to keep my sanity. I use to do knot work. You know like girl scouts those stupid friendship bracelets. I liked doing them with colored string.
The radio crackled in the striker. Knew I should have ditched it. The voice on the other end was unclear. I played with the knobs trying to get a better signal. The most I got was something bad was happening not far from here. All the muscles in my body tensed as I remembered that remorseless face split with a jackal grin.
Before I even realized it, I was in the drivers seat the striker already in gear. I felt sick. No, that didn't even cover the half of it. Guess I should be glad I can't see what I look like right now. Most likely my gray eyes are wide with the realization of the stupidest thing I could be doing right now. I mean everyone else that I knew is dead so, who was left to stop them? Didn't someone famous say don't try to reason with insanity? I knew I was crazy for this as I felt the vehicle speed up under my foot. Oh well.
I'm so lost. Not on the road found the quaint little town. The lump in my throat to hard to swallow I wanted to cry out at the sight. It just brought the memories back. I was being shameful. Ditching the striker not far away I stuck to the outer rim in the woods. I had to look for signs and I didn't have much time. Watching the sun hang low in the sky. I was alone in this in scared. Moving deeper into the woods but, keeping the town in my sights I felt so foolish. What did I hope to accomplish? I barley knew what I was up against. Yeah I knew what they looked like, that they had acid blood. What else? Only one way to find out.
Walking through the woods managing to keep quite I looked about for anything odd, out of place. I grew up in the woods. More painful memories. My sister laughing 'you can't catch me!' her young voice was shrill echoing off the trees. My cheeks hot with anger I rubbed viciously at the stray tear. Come on focus.
The sun was kissing the horizon now and my tracking skills turned up nothing. Soon it wouldn't matter. The shadows with their teeth and inhumane screeches from some hellish domain would find me. I'm still breathing I have a chance. Bolting back for the striker I hauled my ass as fast as I could. Had to beat the sun down. I didn't plan on hiding in it. I had a whole bunch of heavy coil in it. Something I snagged while leaving. Had a few flares too. Why didn't I do this in the first place? I am such an idiot! Feeling nothing but the movement of my legs beneath me couldn't remember the last time I ran this fast. Stumbling, tripping, still running full tilt ahead. There it was. The ditch. Still tripping over my own feet I nearly slammed into the back of the striker skidding to a stop just before I hit. Opening the hatch I pulled the coil out and the few flares. Digging about I found a flash light that I cheaply tapped to my shoulder pad. Stuffing it all into a backpack I decided to wait just a bit then run into the town. If I kept to the walls the people wouldn't see me.
There it was. The last light from the sun a violent red gleam. Then the black. The screams would start soon. Feeling the cool air slide through the cracks in my armor. It felt good, the cold air always seemed to give a second wind… make me feel more alive. Managing to pull some saplings down using the coil to make some traps at the edge of the town it was at least something. Looking my handy work I felt some notion of accomplishment. This isn't like last time where I had a gun….. And the fire trucks. I knew how to use the fire trucks. I was a recruit firefighter for a year. Water comes out a hose line at a pressure of 300 psi. a person manning it themselves can't go that high. Not without being bucked straight onto their back. On the other hand it can be tied into place with chains very tightly. You need someone to man the engine pump, some one to 'dress' the hydrant, and at least three people to man the hose. I had just me. It took every ounce poured into getting that all into position and ready.
The screams were starting. There, the shadows were moving. A screech behind me as one snagged itself in one of my trap and was flung over my head. It landed on all fours unharmed. Well, that did me a whole lot of good. Now, the grinning bastard saw me. And me standing like a tool with no weapon.
What do you do when death is coming for you hungry for your flesh? What do you do? I don't know what you would do. I popped one of the flares as it dived on top me and shoved it it down it's stupid grinning mouth. For a moment the pain was white hot. Then, all I felt was cold and wet. There was slopping noises next to me looking through the corner of one eye painfully I could see the creature was slumped it's side the back of it's head gone. Had to get up. Hurt so much to move. Feeling about with one hand as I managed to grope for the switch on my flash light all I could make out was the cuts were deep and jagged and across my shoulder. I couldn't tell if they went down far, I couldn't feel all of it. feeling my feet under me I tried to lift myself. All the color seemed drained from my vision I couldn't get to my feet. Something materialized in front of me. Something in sandals with weird black toenails. Snapping my head up and regretting that when the vertigo kicked in, there above me was a very large tall creature staring directly back down at me. I mean it was fucking tall. "It's nine feet tall and it's staring at me!" didn't really feel myself move but, I must have bolted pretty damn quick.
Breathing hard. Coughing sputtering to pull in enough air and failing. Great, not only did I prove I was a coward there goes what I was going to use to make weapons from. "Up the creek without a fucking paddle." heard myself mutter. Haven't heard my own voice in along time. It sounded croaky. The howling was everywhere now. Looking down I noticed something very important I had over looked just for a few seconds. I was bleeding all over the place. Son of a bitch. My bandana. I could use it to staunch the bleeding I couldn't undue my stupid mistake but, maybe I could hide myself again then come back out looking for them. But, I liked my bandana. It was black and had skulls on it. Lungs so sore, chest throbbing. The pain surged as I made the effort to tie up the wound using the buckles that held my armor together to help keep pressure on the wound. The night is young and I had very few flares but, plenty of coil. I survived the last one. If I didn't survive this one…well, that's karma. Running again. Had to hide somewhere or at least do something. If I was going to go down I was going to take a as many out with me as could. Mom always said finish what you start. Had to stick to this. The coil, I could use it as a weapon couldn't I? it had reach. Pulling out a good size length I tested it flicking my wrist watching the wave snap through it.
"Now, that could hurt if it hit something." I quirked one brow not so much confusion as why didn't I think of this sooner. Coiling it up in one hand as I walked down the street I guess you could say I went looking for trouble.
There, in the alley. The shadows weren't moving like shadows. Dropping some lengths of coil I dragged it behind me trying to size one up. I only wanted one right now. That hissing. A shriek as one jumped straight off the wall at me. I flicked my wrist foreword. A whoosh then a loud crack as metal coil hit it's mark. All I managed was to knock it back. Get a flare ready you idiot. Fumbling I popped another leaving me with only five. Had to be sparing. Hissing a shrill screech and both launched themselves the one in front and the one still on the wall. Not really thinking I dodged left out of the wall ones way and in the others path. Flick of the wrist and I hit it across the head. It's right there in front of me. Could feel my gut wrench tightly. What am I waiting for? Flick of the wrist I hit the other one to my left and pushed foreword into it. Shoving the flare hard jamming it into that vile creature's mouth. One down. I knew it was down. If I wanted to make weapons out of it I had to take out it's pal. Dodge back, dodge left. Trip over the dead one and be grateful I had their hides for armor. And now it was on top of me trying to drag me. Swallow fear. Reaching blindly about wrapping the coil around it's neck and pulling for all my worth I found what I was looking for. Every ounce of strength in me went into lifting myself up and propelling the others tail right through it's head. That horrible noise. I hate that noise it makes when it dies. Oh, if someone was lucky this would be a wonderful picture for the web. I was sandwiched between the two dead creatures. Shadows, solid and vile shadows. Grunting, moaning pulling myself free. I felt the burn in my wound from earlier. But, I got what I wanted and I went to work.
Streets were full of cars, people with brains trying to leave. Gripping my new best friends I felt a bit better. The spines off their backs were about the length of a machete. I use to use one at the greenhouse I worked at during summer. It made a good weeding tool. Just for the hell of it I took the tail ends for back up in case I lost my first choice. With hard I gripped them I doubt I would. There were more. Shadows moving everywhere the way they shouldn't with teeth and claws. This was just like last time. I felt myself sinking to my knees my eyes squeezed tight. No. I shook my head. No it wasn't like last time. Snapping my eyes open I kept walking down the street looking into the shadows for those teeth for those solid shadows. My living nightmares.
Screaming it wasn't far away. I bolted towards it. It was to late to save the victim but, I could still kill them. Moving as slow and as quite as possible I made my way towards them circling to one side reaching the wall. Be quick, make it clean and simple. Letting some of the coil drop from my wrist just inches above the ground I slide off the wall. Just upon them. Raising my new daggers. I guess my brain went numb. Can't really recall jamming both blades down. It was an out of body experience almost. I could see myself doing it. Moving in time to just barley miss the other two lunging at me. Flicking my wrist the coil smacking one back. Flicking again in succession to wrap it around the creatures waist. Jam my blades through its head. Dodge again. Then run backwards. Nearly trip over myself. Duck as it flew over me. Just as it was about to land jam my blades up through its head. Roll to the side. I felt so sick. Don't know why. Maybe because I was looking at the young women and all I could see was my best friends face.
"Oh, god." dry retching I couldn't stop myself. The face just kept becoming more clear and vivid in my mind. Looking at the women's vacant eyes all I saw was lost hope. I was so afraid. So scared and no clue what I was doing. But, not like I could turn back. The damn music in this place wasn't helping. My mom use to listen to this kind of music when she'd clean the house. I often found myself singing horribly to it with her. Oh come on, you can't say when the temptations ' you make me wanna shout' starts playing you can't help but move to it. Wonder if that's what she had been doing. Not that it matters now. Wrapping the coil back around my wrist I walked back out of the building.
Cold out. I found I could breathe better. The shadows were all going one way now. Something was calling them. Running in after them would be the most direct and most stupidest thing I could do. Take this time and grab more supplies so I'm not walking in unprepared. Most the doors to the buildings were left wide open. Tool boxes. And med kits. I ripped off a few houses stealing anything useful. Hesitating only when I thought to take food. Well, if I DID survive I would need food. My back pack stuffed with a med kit and it wasn't a bad one, still only five flares, but, I got a small welder that ran off a butane tank. The flame lit quickly enough. The flint lock wasn't broken. Canister was pretty full. Be wise to use it in an emergency rather then run around with it on. The tool box was damn heavy but, if I lived this and made it back to the striker it would be very useful. The pain was numbed now on my shoulder. I had stitched and medicated the wound to the best of my abilities. Between the buckles to my armor and the backpack strap the pressure was nearly intolerable. Keep going foreword. Almost to where those solid shadows. Those monsters with hideous grins were flocking to. The feeling I was in way over my head kept pulling at my conscious. The screaming had stopped. The shouts and gun fire. All was silent. If the national guard had been here they wouldn't be leaving.
Whatever the building was before mostly glass and metal beams. It no longer was that. Using a broken window on the bottom floor I slipped in. the walls looked like them. Black and strange. The hissing, almost like it was an embodiment of something alive all around me. Pressing against the wall looking all around me trying to listen. Inching, had to be slow and even keep notice of all around me. Above me in front of me. The shadows were coming to life. Grabbing the butane welder, hitting the flint lock till it lit. run! My mind screamed run like a lunatic screaming into the night! It was huge. This massive black nightmare with a huge sweeping up head. I hadn't been spotted yet but, with the butane lit and my flashlight going I had seconds… maybe. My flares! Ripping them out trying to hold them all in one hand as the shadows started to come for me. Ignore them go for the big one. I popped all of them at once. Bolting foreword it was like trying to out run the wind. Taking the butane lighter up behind the flares and pushing it on all the way I watched as I slid right under the jaws. The howl made me drop the flares and butane lighter. I was gripping my ears as the hulking mass got to it's feet. As the other smaller ones started to swarm towards me. There was no possible way out. I wasn't going to survive. I could remember the feel of my moms skin, her callused hands as she hugged me so tightly when I got off the plane. It was warm and so strong. Looking up I stared the howling dark in it's eyeless face. I might die but so will it. As its tongue came out with those sharp teeth on the end I flicked the coil up. It wound around her inner mouth, that thing they had for a tongue. That strange thing. All my mind could think of was a giant cockroach and the world had gone to the insects. The others were upon me clawing, tearing, those inner mouths easily puncturing my makeshift armor. Pull you moron pull. So I did. I pulled and ran out under it. Keep going. The coil was snapping under the mighty hulk of a things strength. Run left tie it around the leg. Feel the wind leave my body as it's massive tail slammed into my back. They were on me. Shadows with claws, grinning demons. Had to get up I still had the coil in my hand. The lighter. I could see it right by me. I grabbed it hitting it on all the way. The screeching oh, I hated it but, I was free. Scrambling. In horrible pain, I couldn't feel my body. Just cold and wet. I ran with the coil back around the front the hulking thing snapping at me tearing at the coil as I jumped back out the window I came through. Whiplash. The coil reached its limit and I hit the ground again. Limping dragging back onto my feet. I WAS going to win this. Then the coil went slack. The worst thought came to my mind. The massive thing was loose. Turning grabbing up the daggers I made from them give it one last try. No, she was dead it's head collapsed out the side. It had broken that far through after me. Walking slowly foreword I could see the head was sizzling. Something or someone had killed it. Oddly the first feeling I had was a bit of loss. I wanted to kill it. The rest of the smaller shadows weren't following. Guess they really weren't shadows. Just really big insects.
Taking one last check inside I snatched up the butane lighter and ran. My backpack was a shredded mess. I hoped anything inside could be salvaged. My armor was ruined. I felt very weak. That tail to the back had to have done something bad. No matter I was alive right now. Barley, barley grabbing the nearest insect thing I managed to take what I needed to repair my armor on my way out. There was no possible way to move more then a slow sideways limp.
I survived. How had I survived? Back in the striker I just stared ahead. I was sick. I felt like the armor weighed more then it really did. I was sweating heavily. Something was wrong. Gut wrenched intolerably and I vomited again. My back hurt. I felt numb all over. The stitches I put in my shoulder wound earlier were for the most part torn open. I had survived but, for how long. I might have lost to much blood. Ripping the torn backpack apart managing to grab the med kit with the needle. I had pre-sewn a few of the strings through the eye needles. Re-stitching the shoulder wound, stitching other wounds, pouring more of the disinfectant on the striker's driver seat then on the wounds. The fumes started to make me black out. Sick, but struggling. Had to clear my head. The world became foggy and staying here was becoming dangerous. Biting bake the pain forcing focus. I managed to fix the wounds the armor I could fix later. As for the blood loss apparently it wasn't lost enough. Gripping the key twisting it on. Thrum as the engine came to life. I pushed foreword into the night.