Hope this is enough for now 0:
Genre: Dark/Romance
WARNING: dark themes lie ahead
Word Count: 5788
Rated: M
Naruto © Kishimoto
Story © Happii Haden
Sasori could only stare in astonishment. He couldn't believe this was happening to him. And in the breakroom at work nonetheless. He looked down at the blond, holding a box open on one knee. There was just no way.
"Oh my gosh!" several of the female works squealed. "Are you going to say yes!?"
Sasori looked to his coworkers, then at the young suited blond. He felt his mouth go dry and his mind falter. His heart was racing.
"Well?" the blond smiled sweetly.
How could anyone turn that beautiful man down? Who would turn him down?
Nobody could.
"Deidara… I-I… Yes!"
Sasori clenched his jaw and swiftly turned his head as the woman being proposed to jumped into her new fiance's arms. He could feel his blood boiling in anger and misery. He couldn't believe this. How could the love of his life propose to someone who wasn't him? Well, it was simple. Deidara wasn't his. Deidara wasn't his lover. He was somebody else's. Sasori loved him so much, but the blond would never know.
He could see the couple clinging to each other like it was nobody's business. He could see the shine from the brand new ring around the woman's finger. It pierced his heart. He stood casually, attempting to walk out of the breakroom to get away from his heartache.
Sasori rushed back to his office, ready to continue to work. As he sat down, he stared mindlessly at his computer screen. Robotically, he began his everyday tasks of writing reports. Although he worked, his thoughts were muddled. His brain barely could contain his thoughts. The words he wish he had said. The words he could say.
He thought about the first time he met the blond.
It was a normal day at work. Everyone in their office, keeping themselves busy with whatever it was they had to do. Then their boss had shown up with a happy-go-lucky blond in tow. He called a short meeting of Sasori's department and introduced the boy. Sasori, being the department manager, got to meet the blond more formally. He was stunned by the man's beauty as he entered his office.
Deidara held himself tall. Blue eyes sparkling like the prettiest mountain spring water. His short golden hair glowing beneath the bright office lights. His smile was burned into Sasori's brain.
It was in that instance that Sasori fell in love. He had never believed in love at first sight, but now he understood. Just seeing that man had him gasping for air. He couldn't understand it, so he pretended he couldn't care less. He acted like the man was nothing more than a child - a brat.
His feelings only came on stronger. Deidara swung by his office frequently. Asking for help, idly chattering, and even bringing him donuts or coffee before offering any of the other coworkers. Sasori did everything in his power to push away those feelings, but the blond just kept on coming back and there was nothing the redhead could do but submit to them. He soon found himself dreaming of the man. Imagining what life at home would be like with him. He found himself wanting the man in every way possible.
Then he met her - Deidara's girlfriend. He had brought her one day to the office and introduced her to everyone. Sasori had been disappointed, but he still loved Deidara all the very same. Until now.
Now he felt threatened. His love was giving himself away to another. For good. Marriage meant something to Sasori, despite his ongoing single status. He believed it meant being with that person until you died. Divorce was not an option for him. Deidara would never be his.
That thought triggered a specific train of thought for Sasori. A thought he never knew he'd have. A disturbing thought. What if… he just took Deidara for himself? Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought about hiding the blond away from the world. From his fiance. Only for Sasori's eyes. It wouldn't be hard. He could lure him to his home easily enough and without anyone knowing. He could just keep him there.
These thoughts plagued him - following him everywhere he went and it drove him mad. Slowly, he fell into a spiral. He frequented the bar with his coworkers less. He stopped talking at the watercooler. He secluded himself more than he already was. He couldn't stand to be around anyone. Especially Deidara. The redhead was afraid of what he might do if he were to be alone with the boy.
"Sasori! Come to the bar with us!" Deidara had asked out of the blue.
Sasori was initially shocked and obviously declined, but somehow he wound up at the bar with Deidara at his side. He sat next to the blond, mind buzzing with bad thoughts. They weren't alone. Other coworkers had tagged along. To Sasori they didn't exist though. He kept glancing at the boy's drink. It'd be so easy to slip something in there. He wouldn't even notice. Deidara was always busy chatting to someone. Even the bartender seemed too preoccupied to properly keep an eye on his patrons. Sasori stared hard.
"You alright, man?" Deidara asked his senior. "You've been quiet all night."
Sasori broke his gaze and stood up. "It's been a long day and I have work to attend to. Excuse me." He grabbed his coat from the back of the seat and headed toward the door. He could hear Deidara's noise of complaint and his coworker's dismissal. Sasori could care less. He had to get out of there now. Before he could do what he so badly wanted to do.
He sat in his apartment alone in the dark. The only light being his computer. He stared at his work blankly, trying to get it over with. His fingers moved across the keyboard slowly. He just couldn't find it in him to work. His mind was distracted by Deidara. Unable to help himself, he disregarded his work for looking up the blond's social media. He filtered through the boy's feed, examining every like and share the boy posted. Then his eye caught something more personal. Pictures. Sasori's eyes widened with every new picture that he scrolled through. He clicked on a particular one of Deidara smiling and laughing beside his fiance. Sasori zoomed in on the picture, focusing on Deidara's face. God, he was beautiful. The redhead softly stroked the screen, his fingers running across the image of Deidara's face. He wanted to touch the blond's face for real. He looked so soft. A computer screen was not enough.
His printer was a life giver. He had never used the color function before, given he only used his printer for black and white reports. Now his printer spurted beautiful and vibrant colors of different shapes and sizes. Sasori could only stare in amazement at each new picture that printed out. His hands were precise as he cut into the paper, not missing a beat as he cropped out everyone but that pretty face. He swallowed hard, holding up the picture of Deidara. He never had a physical copy of a photo before, as odd as it was. He had seen them of course, but his grandmother hoarded the pictures of his family. Not that Sasori needed them now. With just these photos alone Sasori could make his own family. Him and Deidara.
Then he ran out of paper - his ink dwindling. Sasori wasn't done though. There was still so many pictures to print. He debated with himself. Would it really be reasonable to go out this late just to buy some ink and paper? Sasori thought so.
Soon enough, his walls were covered with glossy and matte pictures of Deidara. Each a perfect cut out of the blond. The redhead could stare at him for hours. And he did. He stared at his walls for hours until he finally fell asleep. Nobody bothered to question his tired eyes, it was normal for the man to look overworked after all.
The pictures only fueled Sasori's desires and his dark thoughts. It was during a grocery shopping trip that he stumbled into another part of the store. It was a part he had passed many times before while shopping there. A camping section with a small hunting section somewhere inside it. He walked around in the section, glancing at each passing object. His hands ran across the surface of those objects. They picked up the coarse rope and pulled at it. It was strong, definitely not something that could break easily. Just enough to restrain someone. It jumped into his cart. Cogs started to turn in Sasori's head. If he were to think about going through with this then he needed to be prepared in all aspects. He couldn't leave behind any ounce of evidence. The amount of items in his cart doubled as he shopped meticulously. It was only once he was in line did he think about how odd it looked to have bought all of those materials at once. His face remained expressionless, but his heart beat wildly.
No one questioned Sasori. He looked too normal. Too sane to have the thoughts of a madman.
His plan didn't stop at the store. He needed to get his hands on something more illegal. The one thing to really put his plan into action. Something he could slip into the blond's drink undetected. He knew what he needed, the internet was a miraculous thing, but he wasn't sure where to find it. After all, this wasn't something easily found at a store. Sasori didn't even really know where to begin looking for such a drug.
It took a couple of weeks, but eventually Sasori managed to figure it all out. Now he just needed the courage to ask the blond out. Of course, this was nothing like a date, but to Sasori just to even ask kind of felt implied. He didn't want to make the other male think he was trying to ask him out, but he also didn't want to invite their other coworkers. He just wanted it to be him and Deidara. So when the blond stopped by later that day, he forced the words out.
"Would you like to grab a drink with me tonight?"
It was a simple question and Sasori had said it with a fluency that startled himself. Deidara had seemed surprised too. Only a few seconds had passed and yet Deidara had already settled on his answer.
"Of course!"
The blond said more after that, but it fell upon deaf ears. Sasori had already heard everything he needed. His heart was pounding and his palms sweating. He couldn't believe Deidara had said yes and with such excitement. It fooled Sasori's heart into believing that he had just agreed to a date. That Deidara wanted Sasori just as much as Sasori wanted Deidara. There was a tingle in the pit of his stomach, the butterflies drunk with love - doing flips and knotting together.
Sasori was excited.
Before heading to the bar that night, Sasori set his plan in motion. He made sure all of his supplies were in the car and ready. He didn't bother to change out of his work attire, but even he couldn't resist freshening up a bit. This was the love of his life after all. He had to look and smell his best. Just maybe Deidara would notice Sasori in a romantic sort of view. Sasori didn't think he was the best looking guy around, but he certainly wasn't ugly. Looks aside, he knew that he could care for Deidara better than anyone else. He was the only one who truly could. He loved Deidara so much.
At the bar, Sasori was surprised to just see Deidara. He assumed that the blond would ask his colleagues to come around, but he saw none. He sat down beside the blond at the bar, pocket heavy with the key ingredient to make Deidara his. He spotted the blond's empty glass and ordered another round for the both of them. It took every ounce of his being to contain his feelings from showing.
"Just us tonight?" Sasori tried to ask casually. He was curious.
Deidara gave him one of those beautiful shy smiles. "You don't seem to really enjoy a big company, yeah. I figured it'd just be better if it were just the two of us. That doesn't bother you does it?"
The redhead had to resist touching him. The way he tilted his head while asking the question. Innocent and sweet, much like a child. All Sasori wanted to do was reach out, cup his cheek and pull him close. To even just kiss him- No, he had to calm down. If he were to get too excited he'd surely slip up. Sasori simply nodded in response, "I don't mind."
Their drinks were slid in front of them and they hit it off from there. Sasori was mostly quiet for the time being, but that was only because he was so intrigued in listening to Deidara. He'd offer a few words here and there. His real goal, however, was just to know everything possible about the blond. Deidara talked a lot, so his wish was granted. The drunker the blond got, the more personal he got. They somehow wound up even closer. Maybe it was due to the sudden presence of people appearing as it got later, or maybe it was because Sasori kept creeping his stool closer. It didn't matter. Deidara didn't notice and no one else cared enough to ask questions.
Sasori couldn't take his eyes off of Deidara. The way his eyebrows arched and furrowed as he retold stories and memories. The way his eyes sparkled with laughter and hazed over with a drunken stupor. The way his thin pink lips curled into a crooked grin as he cackled like a mad man. Sasori felt like his heart was going to burst through his chest at this rate. To be so close to the man he loved. To feel his body brush against his so gently. To smell his cologne every time someone breezed by. To just be holding a normal, non-work related conversation with him. Hell, the blond even managed to get him to take a picture with him. It was as if… as if they were really on a date.
It was when Deidara stumbled to the restrooms that Sasori remembered the drug in his pocket. He discreetly pulled it out, examining it. Now was his chance. His hand trembled as he held the thing. It was no more than a eyedrop amount of liquid. All he had to do was dump it in the blond's drink. Simple. Nobody was looking. He wanted this… right? He did. Of course he did! He wanted Deidara so badly. As if his Deidara covered wall wasn't enough to tell someone that he truly loved that man.
His hand tightened around the capsule. Just break it open and pour it in.
It wasn't fair to Deidara though. Sasori knew this. Even somewhere in his demented mind, he knew that doing this to Deidara would be wrong. Doing this was selfish. Deidara could never love Sasori if he forced him. Deidara had friends, family, and a fiance. He couldn't imagine a life without Deidara, so surely those people in the blond's life would be just as hurt. It was wrong. So wrong. Something was wrong with Sasori, but… but he wanted Deidara so bad. He wanted him so much that it physically hurt to not have him. His hands ached to touch him. To hold him. To pleasure him. To love him with every goddamn fiber of his being.
"S-Sasori, my man," Deidara hiccuped. "Are you alright? Y-You look… a little pale."
His dark thoughts left him as soon as Deidara approached him. His sunshine. His love. Sasori could nearly cry. He wanted to grab him and hold him close and tell him - No, he wasn't alright. He needed Deidara. Only Deidara could save him. Only Deidara could keep his mind and heart sane.
"I'm fine," he lied, hand slipping back into his pocket. "It's getting late and you've certainly had enough."
Deidara stuck his tongue out at his words. "I-I'm not that drunk!" he defended himself. And as if to prove himself wrong, he took a step forward and stumbled.
Sasori immediately caught the blond by the wrist, catching him from falling. He could feel his breath hitch at the contact, but there was no time to even take another breath as Deidara slung himself onto Sasori, using him as a support. The redhead was stunned, frozen in time. Deidara was in his arms.
"I'm n-not that drunk," Deidara insisted. He laid his head against Sasori's shoulder in a tired manner.
"Let's get you home," Sasori finally managed. He tried to control his breathing as he felt Deidara's hands slide over his torso. It was in no means sexual or loving - the man was plastered as hell.
Deidara stumbled beside Sasori, clinging onto the man as if his life depended on it. His hand stopped over Sasori's chest. "You heart is beating really f-fast, yeah," the blond drunkenly observed.
"It's just the alcohol," Sasori quickly uttered, knowing full well that if Deidara had been sober he could've called him out on his bullshit.
"O-Oh…" Deidara mumbled. He watched as the blond felt his own heartbeat. "Mines not that fast?" he slurred.
Sasori pulled the man out of the bar. "How did you get here, Deidara?" he asked, changing the subject hastily.
Deidara hummed, "Uhhhh… the subway?"
Sasori sighed and led the blond to his car. "I suppose I'll have to take you then. Are you able to remember your address?"
Deidara stared blankly, "Ah…"
The redhead licked his lips and swallowed hard. There was no way he could take Deidara back to his apartment. He wouldn't be able to let the blond ever leave him again if he did. "Give me your phone and I'll call your fiance."
Deidara let out a whine of disapproval but easily handed over the phone to Sasori. "She's gonna be mad with me," he pouted.
Sasori let out a short chuckle and without thinking, ruffled Deidara's short blond hair. Maybe if he hadn't had those shots he wouldn't have been so brave as to touch the other man. But he did and now he wish he hadn't. It was just as soft as he imagined it. It only played to his sick fantasies. He could imagine it now - running his hands through it as Deidara arched his back in pleasure. The blond asking for him to pull his hair as he thrust into his lithe body. Sasori had to smash the thoughts down with an imaginary boot. If he continued down that trail of thought he was sure to get aroused. If that happened…
"Ah, Kurotsuchi, correct?"
Deidara nodded.
"Hopefully, she's awake…" Sasori muttered. He called the number and waited for the woman to pick up. He could feel Deidara's body against his. Warm and inviting. He'd give anything to just throw the phone across the parking lot and push Deidara into his car. Just to cuddle with him in his backseat. Just to take him home and give him all the love he would ever need.
"Deidara! Finally, I was worried sick!" the worried voice wavered over the phone.
Sasori gripped the phone tightly. If she was so worried, why didn't she call? Sasori would. Then again, Sasori wouldn't be able to leave Deidara's side. "Ah, sorry to worry you, Kurotsuchi. This is Sasori Akasuna - Deidara's manager."
The woman seemed confused. "Manager? Is he at work still? He told me he was going to the bar with some coworkers."
"He did. With me, I mean. He had a bit too much to drink and took the train here. I offered him a ride, but he's too intoxicated to give me an address. I'm sorry if I woke you or-"
"Oh, no! You didn't wake me! It's alright, really," she interrupted.
Sasori listened as the woman gave him their address. The redhead was surprised to find out that it wasn't too far from his apartment. Getting the blond in the car proved to be a bit of a hassle as the man said he wasn't done drinking yet, but eventually Sasori managed to buckle him in. He was left panting and heart racing as he wrestled with the man. A pressure began to pool in his lower half - his urges coming to life.
He quickly hopped in the driver's seat, trying to cool himself off. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles turning white. Deep breaths.
"Sasori?" the blond piped up.
The redhead glanced over at the man, holding back all of his desires. It was so hard to do. "Yes, Deidara?"
"I-I'm sorry, yeah. I didn't m-mean to cause you any t-trouble…" the blond frowned with sad blue eyes.
Sasori shook his head and released his tension off of the steering wheel. "You haven't done any wrong."
"B-But I-"
The redhead cut him off, "Deidara. It's fine, really." He gave the blond a trying smile. "I've just had a lot on my mind tonight. I thought maybe having a drink with a friend would help." The word friend hurt Sasori, but it seemed to be all Deidara needed to brighten his mood.
The drive was torturous and as their turn came up, Sasori nearly followed his urge to continue on straight. To take Deidara to his home instead. He couldn't. Instead, he dropped Deidara off in front of his own apartment complex, asking if he needed assistance.
"T-Thanks, Sasori, but that's okey. I can manage!" the blond said cheerfully. "Thanks… Thanks for going out with me tonight!"
Sasori felt his face flush and he quickly said his goodbye. He didn't even need to drink to be drunk around Deidara. Pulling up to his own apartments, he waited in the car for a moment. He closed his eyes, taking everything in. He couldn't believe how well tonight had gone. A few tweaks here and there and it would nearly be a dream. It was dangerous. Sasori had a taste of what it would be like and now he wanted more. He couldn't though, because the more he got, the greedier he would get and the possibility of him following through with his plan would increase. A buzzing against the front of his pants pulled him away.
He opened his phone to discover he had been texted. A text message from Deidara. His heart picked up again. It was a picture message and Sasori already knew that it was the one Deidara had demanded they take earlier at the bar. He viewed the picture only for his heart to swell. An actual picture of them. Together. Sitting so close that their knees were touching. Deidara's arm so casually wrapped around his neck. That smile. A picture of them. Sasori and Deidara. He felt his lust return to him, hitting him harder than ever.
Sasori blamed the alcohol, but he knew better. He was a twisted individual. He was a man with needs and only Deidara seemed to bring those needs to the surface. He was never much of a sexual deviant, but Deidara was all he needed to feel heated. It was more than just lust. Even as he palmed himself through his work pants, he stared at the photo - thinking about Deidara. Not just about how gorgeous his body would look nude, but how he could pleasure Deidara all night long.
His hands trembled, fingers tightly gripping his phone. He couldn't take his eyes off of the screen, even as he undid his pants. His fist tightened around his length, heavy pants leaving his mouth. He wanted him. He needed him. Sasori bit his bottom lip, squeezing and pulling at his arousal. He was so close. It had been so long since he had touched himself like this. Thinking of Deidara while he did it nonetheless. How shameful. He could feel burning guilt form behind his eyes.
"D-Deidara…!" He gasped as came.
His body shook in the afterglow. His cum covering his own hand and the majority of his phone.
Disgusting.
He scrunched his nose, looking for anything other than his clothes to wipe his mess clean. Luckily enough he had some napkins tucked away in his middle console. Wiping away the spunk on his phone, Sasori frowned. He could see Deidara's smiling face underneath the transparent white substance. He soaked it up with the napkin.
If only the blond really knew. If he knew what a monster Sasori really was, he wouldn't want anything to do with him. Maybe Sasori wouldn't feel the way he did. Feeling overwhelmed with mixed emotions, Sasori hurried to his apartment. Although he was angry with himself. Although he was ashamed for what he did in his car. He still printed out that picture.
The next Monday morning Sasori came to work looking exhausted as always. He was the first one to arrive, throwing himself into his office like usual. He worked nonstop, not even noticing that his coworkers had finally came in. He yawned, stretching. He reached for his coffee only to grab air. His eyebrow arched in confusion. It suddenly occurred to him that Deidara had not stopped by. Sasori stood, cracking his office door open. He could hear the mutterings come from the other office workers.
"Is there a reason why we aren't working?" Sasori finally asked, stepping out of his workspace.
His coworkers all quieted, staring at him.
"What?" He impatiently crossed his arms, awaiting an answer with a stern look. "And where the hell is Kurusu?"
Someone finally spoke up, "You didn't hear? Deidara went missing this weekend."
Sasori's stance slackened, caught off guard by the statement. Deidara… was missing? There was no way that was possible. Sasori had just seen him Friday night! Unless… unless Sasori actually went through with his plan. He couldn't remember doing any such thing, but maybe he was just denying it?
"Apparently he went missing last Friday night," somebody stated.
"Kurotsuchi said he went out to the bar and never came home."
Although his face remained stoic, Sasori was facing an internal turmoil. He could remember that night so clearly. He took Deidara home. He know he did. He could remember watching the blond stumble into his apartment complex before driving to his own. Was he just making that up? Did he actually slip that drug into Deidara's drink and take him home? Sasori had to know. He had to check, but he couldn't just leave. That'd look too suspicious and if he did do it, it was too late to go back. He couldn't get caught.
"It's terrible, I can't even imagine how his fiance must feel right now."
"I'm surprised he went to the bar by himself. He usually brings some of us with him."
"I hear the police will be here soon to try and gather more information."
"Such extremes for a grown adult. Maybe he just decided to leave?"
"After he just proposed?"
"Cold feet?"
"Well I think-"
Sasori cleared his throat, "Everyone, please, if I may." His coworkers quieted and stared at their manager. "While this news is very shocking, the world does not stop moving on the account of one person. When the authorities do arrive, please do your best to help speed their investigation along."
His staff looked to each other before nodding and turning back to their cubicles.
"Mr. Akasuna sure is cruel. It's no wonder he's still single," was what one of his coworkers whispered.
"Good looks with an icy heart. It's probably a good thing he doesn't have a wife," somebody agreed.
Sasori observed them all until each one was back to work. He isolated himself in his office, falling into his seat lifelessly. They could call him cruel or cold, but he knew that it was only because they couldn't see his deep love and affection for Deidara. They couldn't see how scared he was right now.
The police showed up shortly, making their way to Sasori's department. They briefly took statements and questions from Deidara's coworkers, but when it finally came to Sasori they made themselves right at home.
"Sasori Akasuna, correct?"
Sasori nodded calmly.
"Can you tell us where you were last Friday around one AM?" an officer asked. His partner stood beside him taking notes. They both looked expectantly at Sasori.
"I had just gotten home around then," Sasori answered honestly.
"Where were you before then?"
Sasori did his best to contain any micro expression or indication that would give away his guilt. He had to remain confident, yet innocent. "I was at the bar. With Deidara actually."
The note-taking officer narrowed his eyes at the redhead. "Any particular reason why you didn't mention this upon our first question?"
"You had asked where I was around one o'clock," Sasori replied, eyeing the bigger cop.
"I'd watch what you're saying if you don't wanna be put in cuffs," the lead officer's partner snarled, notepad crinkling in his hands.
The questioning officer held up a hand to dismiss his partner's behavior. "Why don't you tell us what happened that night?"
Sasori turned to face the more reasonable officer. "He asked me to join him for a drink at the bar that night. It's not uncommon, really. My staff usually goes out most nights. I hadn't joined them for a bit, so I guess he felt bad for me." Even as the lies spewed out of his mouth, the thought of Deidara saying yes to him being a mere act of sympathy was enough to drive Sasori to heartache. "We met up maybe about fifteen minutes after work and didn't leave until twelve. He was quite inebriated and had taken the train, so I offered him a ride home. I had to call his fiance, because he couldn't remember his own address. I dropped him off at his complex and went home from there."
"You didn't help him to his apartment?"
Sasori shook his head, "I offered, but he insisted that it was alright. Looking back now, it was rather careless of me."
The officer hummed and looked to his partner. The larger man pursed his lips, "It matches up with what the victim's fiance told us."
Victim? Victim!? How could they so casually toss that word around? Because if Sasori was innocent, that would mean-
"Thank you for your cooperation and time, Mr. Akasuna." The officer offered as he and his partner readied to leave. "Please give us a call if you have any other information regarding Deidara."
"Ah, yes," Sasori stood, shaking the officers hands before they left. "I hope you can find him. He's a good kid."
The officers left without another word, Sasori following them out. He watched them depart, only looking away when they were out of sight. It was then he noticed that his staff all had their necks craned at unreasonable angles to stare at him. With one scrutinizing look, Sasori had them all hunching back into their cubicles. He sighed, continuing with his work.
He had waited all day. He had never drove home so fast in his life. His nerves were so rattled that he hadn't been able to even eat at lunch. His hands jittered as he fumbled with keys to unlock the door.
Upon entering his home, everything was normal. All of the lights were off and everything was in place. Sasori checked all of the closets, his extra spare room, and hell even the kitchen cause who knows what Sasori could've been thinking at that moment in time. He checked everywhere except for his own room. He licked his lips in anxiety-ridden anticipation. He flipped on the lights, expecting to find a tied and bound Deidara on his bed.
There was nothing. Not a single sign of another living being. He checked his closet and even under his bed. No Deidara to be found. He stood motionlessly in the middle of his room, letting it all sink in. He indeed had not taken Deidara. Even though he knew he should be glad that he didn't, it only meant something worse to Sasori. If Sasori didn't take Deidara, that meant that somebody else had. Somebody who could hurt him - who could kill him. The thought terrified Sasori. He couldn't live without Deidara.
His heart and mind crumbled. There was no way Deidara would just up and leave! He was taken away and it was all Sasori's fault. If he had only walked the blond to his apartment then maybe he would still be here. Sasori curled his fingers into a fist, nails digging into the skin of palms. "F-Fuck…" he uttered, voice cracking under the pain of his heart.
Deidara was really gone.
"Fuck…!" He lashed out, slamming a fist against the wall. A few paper Deidara cutouts fluttered to the floor. Sasori stared at the pictures, the smile he loved so dearly mocking him for his lack of devotion. He should've done more. Taken that extra step to provide Deidara with the safety he needed. Another pang of guilt and sorrow shot through his heart like a bullet. He'd never be worthy of Deidara's love. He didn't deserve to even be noticed by such a man.
Sasori grasped the cutouts, pulling a handful of them down in one go. He tore them all down with each fist, guttural cries escaping his lips in his fit of depression. It was only when he grabbed a particular picture that he stopped his childlike tantrum. He uncrumpled the photo, the image making him fall to his knees in tears. He clutched the picture close to his chest, sobbing like he had never before. "D-Deidara… my l-love..." He stuttered out through gritted teeth and choked cries. "It's all my fault. It's all my fault." He repeated over and over. He fell asleep in his pile of shame that night, still wearing his tear soaked suit.