Story Title; Rock Splitting Headache
"Lager," he muttered, his meagre voice barely audible from the surrounding loudness.
The bartender nodded and prepared his umpteenth beverage for the evening. In no time at all, the pint was shoved impolitely in front of Rock's face. Rock unconsciously slapped the money down. He instinctively traced two fingers down the cold, glassy exterior, entertaining the possibility that the foamy, coppery liquid might actually masquerade as medicine for his goliath sized headache.
As he pressed his lips into the white froth, Rock reminisced on the disaster that occurred during the early afternoon. To put it mildly, it was a transaction gone horribly wrong. The 'gentlemen' his team were dealing with turned out to be double-crossing back-stabbing bastards, and the unproductive conclusion resulted in a maelstrom of bullets, thirty-or-so bloodied corpses, and one satisfied psycho-bitch who managed to attain her murder quota for the day. Rock could still feel all the gun blasts pulsating inside his cranium, and the rowdy bar ambience of cutthroats and drunkards did not amend his condition in the least. All he wanted was a bed to himself, and at least four hours of undisturbed sleep.
"Oy Rock! Stop moping around and get your ass back here!" Revy shouted, raising her beer glass to exemplify her point. To state that she was drunk off her tits would be the understatement of the century. To voice this opinion out loud would likely result in Rock getting his teeth kicked down his throat.
Begrudgingly, Rock subconsciously weaved through a couple of locals and slumped into his seat. Revy was sitting opposite him, and to the right of Revy was Dutch. Benny was next to Rock, and incredibly, the bespectacled blonde had fallen asleep, his face lolled to one side, a comical snot bubble rising and shrinking from his right nostril.
"Tell us a joke!" the princess demanded, banging the brew down so strongly, that it was a wonder the base of the glass refused to shatter, "and none of that bullshit how many pricks does it take to turn a light bulb crap!"
Rock glanced towards Dutch, in the vain hope that he will object to Revy's annoying antics. Judging from his gleaming toothy grin though, it seemed that he was also interested in listening to a gag or two. Rock mentally debated on changing his name to Jester or Scapegoat.
He sighed angrily through his nose.
"'Doctor, doctor!' the patient called out. The doctor said 'what's wrong?' 'I have diarrhoea,' replied the patient."
Revy eyed her companion suspiciously, her facial expression suggesting she had just bitten into a mouldy old lemon.
"So the doctor gave the patient a tablet. The tablet was huge; it was the size of the patient's hand."
Dutch stroked his chin, keeping his cool and nodding intriguingly. That is indeed a large tablet, he mused to himself.
"So the patient complained by saying, 'this tablet is much too big, am I supposed to swallow this?' But the doctor shook his head and answered, 'no, you stick it up your arse.'"
There was an uncomforting silence as the two mercenaries slowly digested the joke down.
"You stick the tablet up your arse," Dutch repeated.
Rock nodded.
Revy and Dutch eyed each other curiously. Both of them felt a compressed air, desperately trying to escape from their inflated cheekbones. Three seconds later, the pair exploded in laughter.
"Wah hah hah! That's fucking sweet!" Dutch bellowed, "The patient has to stick the tablet in his butthole!"
"I know! I know!" Bevy roared, repeatedly slapping the table with her free hand, "Oh shit! Who would have thought business boy could actually come up with something funny?!"
Rock felt the temperature in his face rise due to his patience rapidly depleting; he thought the joke would be rubbish enough for the both of them to leave him alone. He never expected either to be entertained by such petty joke telling.
"Quit it, you're giving me a rock-splitting headache," he groaned, clasping his hands around his skull.
Revy and Dutch ceased their merriment. They slowly put down their drinks. They looked at each other, bemused smiles amplifying their features. Their faces and shoulders trembled uncontrollably. Finally, it was too much for either of them to handle. The suspense could not be held any longer, as they burst out a secondary wave of hysterics.
"Rock-splitting headache!" Revy hooted, her laughter almost causing her to topple backwards, "His name is Rock, and he has a rock-splitting headache!"
"I know!" Dutch joined in, his muscular stature displaying no resistance for comic relief, "How the fuck did I pick up this son of a bitch!"
Rock lifelessly gazed at the duo of manic hyenas, looking like a puppet that was released of his strings. It was safe to assume that his rock-splitting headache was not going to disappear any time soon.