A/N: It took me a very long time to revamp this story. The original had a good plot, regardless of how horribly sad and unfair it was, but it needed a lot of work. By the time I had grown enough as a writer to fix it, I was out of my really-really-angsty writing phase, and I couldn't bear to write something so sad. To tell you a secret; I LOVE happy endings. I wrote so many sad endings back then because I felt that it wouldn't be realistic to write anything else. I thoughts that unhappy endings were the only practical outcome. Now, I've decided that happy ending are possible, so writing this was incredibly hard because I didn't want to end it the way I did. However, I stayed true to the original story, and I think that this version is much more realistic and in-character, as well as allover better than the original.
Not for the faint of heart; it will hurt you.
Cozy
Gone
'We will need to prepare a diversion; so that I may visit Gordrics Hollow unnoticed and unexpected.' The Dark Lord watched his followers closely as they began to offer suggestions, and although he seemed to be eyeing them all, he only truly watched one. The look on Severus Snapes face when he had mentioned Gordrics Hollow was far too carefully placed; the man had some emotions tied there.
'Sseveruss…' Voldemort called one of his most faithful servants forward, planning to bestow a gift. The younger man strode over without showing any sign of distress or discomfort, and indeed his mental walls were strong. 'Ssseveruss…because you brought me this information, causing me to realize that I must eradicate the Potters before their son is allowed to challenge me, I will grant you a gift.' Severus Snape's eyes flickered.
'Master, I was not aware that the Potters had a son.'
'You are not aware of many things, Severus. But I…I am aware of everything. You once loved that mudblood, Lily Potter, did you not?' Severus shook his head brusquely, but he did not speak. He hadn't been prepared for this question, and in that instant his defenses fell, and the truth was laid bare.
Lily, his best friend and only solace. He didn't love her in a romantically, but resented Potter in so many ways for taking her friendship from him when he needed it most.
'Ahhh…I see.' The Dark Lord said, taking the sudden flash of love and defiance to mean that the other man had loved Lily in a more intimate way. ' Severus, love is a hindrance. It binds us and chokes off what could be our glory, our power. In return for this information, I will do you two favors…' the Dark Lord waited for Severus to respond, but when the young man did not, he continued. 'First, I will kill the Potters for you, so you will not be stopped by your absurd love in the future.'
Severus winced, but managed to force out gratitude for his master.
'Second…I will cast a spell upon you, Severus. Not only is love an obstacle, but you have always been fated to watch those you love die, and it would delight me to see that continue. From this moment, anyone you love, and who returns that love, will die. This is my gift to you, Severus. I will save you from that lowly emotion, and you will be raised high, to share my power. Does this not please you?'
'Yes, Master. Thank you.' Severus couldn't care less about the curse. He doubted anyone might love him, ever. His strongest concern was getting to Lily, keeping her safe…
Snape blinked, pushing the awful memory away as he stared into the too-green eyes of Lily's son. The boy was a first year, and this was the first time Snape had laid eyes on him. The moment their eyes met, he had been shoved almost forcefully back into that hateful memory, and Snape loathed the boy for it.
Harry Potter was a sixth year now, and after having been thrust into a form of familiarity through occlumency lessons, Snape no longer hated Potter quite so much. From what he had seen, Potters childhood had been much like his own, and while the boy had much of James in him, he was more—always—Lilys son. Harry Potter cared. He cared so thoughtlessly, so passionately, and so heedlessly that Snape was unable to hate him. Snape and Potter had spent too much time together, through lessons and work, and Snape was unable to see him as his parents son anymore. Harry was himself.
Harry Potter was a troublesome sixth year. Sometime near the end of the year, Snape had caught Potter staring at him one too many times, and, confused and exasperated, had called for a detention. That was when he noticed that Potter had a very nice backside, and realized that Potter wasn't exactly a child. Severus was not one to get carried away, of course, so he simply ignored his attraction to the boy and carried on. Potter though, as mentioned, was troublesome.
Potter had also noticed something about Snape—though Snape was at a loss to define what, exactly, he had noticed—and the boy was horribly persistent and obvious. Snape couldn't enter a room with Potter in it without the boy sensing his presence, and turning, and looking. Who knew looks could be so telling?
Finally, fed up with the attentions of an obviously confused teenage boy, Snape had a word with him during one of Harrys numerous detentions.
"Potter, if you can't help yourself from staring at me, you will transfer from my class and receive detention henceforth from Filch." Potter, astonishingly, blushed before returning to the cauldron he was cleaning, and the staring subsided. Satisfied, Snape put it from his mind.
The end of Harry Potters sixth year was one of the worst times of Severus Snapes life. Having his friend, savior, and mentor ask him to kill him had made him feel not only utterly betrayed, but bitter and spiteful. Harry Potter did not help. At the last second of appiration, Harry Bloody Potter had grabbed his arm and yanked on him, causing him to lose concentration while the other Death Eaters appirated away.
"Monster!" Harry Potter screamed into his face, anger and pain twisting his features. "I believed him! I believed him when he said you were good!" Snape couldn't handle seeing betrayal in the eyes that looked so much like Lily's.
"I am a monster, Potter!" he snarled, breaking free of the boys grip. "But not for this! Look in the pensive; I'm sure the old fool recorded everything for you, his golden boy." Harry was shocked enough that, as he tried to process these words, he allowed Snape to appirate away.
Two years later, the war was won, and Harry Bloody Potter was on his doorstep.
"What do you want, Potter?" Snape glared, but the idiot boy was too determined to back away now.
"Oh, many things. Right now I'd settle for the top two." Snape raised his brows.
"And what would that be, Potter?" Harry moved forward, intending to force Snape to back away from the door and let him in, but the man was an ex Death Eater and not easily intimidated. As it was, Harry ended up nose-to-throat with his old Professor, looking up. Damn him for always being so tall.
"First, that you call me Harry," the boy—man, now, he supposed—moved even closer, so that his breath was brushing Severus' jaw. Snape looked down, only to find himself a few centimeters away from being lip-to-lip with Harry-the-idiot-Potter.
"And second…" Harry kissed him, and although he had been expecting it, the sudden warmth and fierceness in the gesture made his mind reel. For once he acted before thinking, grabbing Harry roughly and smashing their bodies together, forcing contact as Harry groaned into his mouth. Regaining a semblance of thought, Severus moved back into his sitting room. Harry followed, closing the door behind him, looking at the other man with satisfaction.
"What do you think you're doing?" Snape growled, completely thrown off by this rash, changeling boy.
"What I've wanted to do for years, obviously. But I was hoping for a bit more than one kiss." This had gotten out of hand far too quickly, but caution was for the wind and Severus was too aroused by the thought of Harry Potter in his home, his bed…
"What is it you were hoping for, Potter?" he said roughly, closing the distance between the two and catching Harry by the hips. Harry tilted his face up, smiling.
"Should I tell you about the many times you caught me staring—what I was thinking? Do you want to see the images that flashed through my head? You, pushing me against a wall, a table, grabbing me, kissing me, even forcing me? Should I tell you all about my wicked teenage fantasies?" Snape growled, wanting to hear more but at the same time wanting nothing else than to make this fantasies a reality, and take the boy right here.
"What made you think I had any interest in you, Potter?" He asked scathingly, grabbing the boy by the shoulders and pushing him up against the wall. He bit the soft skin of Harrys neck, warm breath ghosting past the boys ear, and Harry lost his breath as he tried to respond.
"I—didn't. I mean, I-I didn't know one…one way or the other. I just wanted. All this time. Wanted you!" His voice rose as Severus found a particularly sensitive spot, and Harrys words dissolved into whimpers as the boy thrust his hips forward helplessly, searching for friction. Snapes own erection was pressed into Harrys stomach, which only intensified his wanting.
"How long, Potter? How long have you been cherishing your little fantasies about your most hated professor?" Severus whispered deviously into his ear, and Harry groaned, arching against him.
"Fifth…fifth year—ah! I just…I didn't want to—you…would have called me a child—I—ah!" Snape had removed Harrys upper clothing, and one of his hands had found its way to the boys erection, stroking it through the taunt fabric.
"You are a child," Snape growled, biting Harrys ear rather hard.
"You…you don't seem to mind," Harry panted, whimpering in turn as Severus teased him.
"Do you want me to take you, Harry?" Severus asked in Harrys ear, making him groan and shudder.
"Yes—please!" he forced out, groaning as the man took his hand away.
"Right here?" Snape asked quietly, digging his fingers into Harrys side.
"Y-yes!" Snape tsked. Harry was far too excited, he would come too quickly. As it was, they stood with Harrys back against a wall, his legs wrapped around Severus' waist. Harry was trying to catch his breath, eyes closed and head to the side.
"I'm not sure…how many men have you had inside you, Potter?" Harrys eyes snapped open and he looked into the other mans eyes before looking back down, a red flush creeping up his neck.
"None." He muttered, and Snape felt even more heat rushing down below his belt. To take Potters virginity…the thought was unspeakable tempting and satisfying.
"None at all? Not even in that nice, handsome mouth?" Severus ran a finger along the boys bottom lip, and Harry shuddered.
"No. I just wanted…" you, was the unspoken word, but Harry refused to make himself so vulnerable. It didn't matter, anyway, Snape was a genius, he could figure it out.
The other man grabbed him and pulled him closer, stroking Harry once more through his trousers.
"You want me inside you, Harry?" he asked quietly, and Harry was only able to groan and thrust forward helplessly. Snapes own erection was pressing painfully into his stomach, but it didn't matter. One wandless spell, and both of them were inhaling sharply at the sudden skin-to-skin contact.
"Oh please," Harry moaned, trying to climb Severus and position the other mans length in the right place. Groaning himself as his member pressed between Harrys ass cheeks, the other man bit Harrys shoulder. When he was finally in place, he grabbed Harrys hips and thrust the boy down, letting out another soft groan as Harry took him fully inside. Harry bit back a scream, but he was too impatient to wait for the lingering pain to subside. After only a moment, he pushed himself back against the wall and up, then down again. Both men groaned and Harrys arm tightened around Severus' shoulders.
"Please…" he whispered, and Severus dug his fingers into Harrys hips and began thrusting slowly, savoring the sensation as Harry moaned in his ear and took sharp breaths. As the older man sped up the pace, Harrys breath came more rapidly, and he gripped the other mans shoulders tighter and tighter.
"I—I can't-!" Harry couldn't say more, but the meaning was obvious and Snape sped up the pace even further. "I—Severus!"
It felt like an eternity before either of them moved, both men panting into one another's necks, completely spent. Finally, Harrys weight became uncomfortable and Severus slowly let him down, careful to keep hold of him when his feet touched the floor. Harry wobbled, but gained his footing quickly, looking up into his professors face with a smile.
"Well, that's two of the many things I want." Harry said, and while Snape glared at him, it wasn't very heated.
"We'll discuss the others tomorrow."
One month.
One month of pure bliss, far greater than Severus had ever known.
Harry in his kitchen, going through his cupboards and telling him he needed to shop more, teasing him over the lack of edible food.
Harry on his couch, both of them reading, one of Harrys legs draped over his lap, his hand resting on Harry's calf.
Chess, and Harrys triumphant shout as he beat Severus once after ten continuous games of losing. Severus hiding a smile at the look of exaltation on the younger man's face.
The two of them acting like children, arguing but not really arguing over something completely trivial.
Too many memories were crowding into his thoughts as he looked down at the boy, now pale and cold…lifeless. No more flashing grin, mischievous looks or steady gazes. No more Harry.
Another memory rose from where he had buried it.
From this moment, anyone you love, and who returns that love, will die.
Severus had dismissed the curse out of hand. Who would love him? Who would Severus Snape ever love?
Harry Potter. And it had killed him.
What would he do, now?