Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. (DUUH!)

Reclaimer: I did write this story, though, so I therefore own it, rite?

And a note: In the old version of this, everyone assumed I hated Harry and was making fun of him. THIS ISN'T TRUE! I'm a huge fan of Harry, but I also have a sense of humor and I'm willing to poke a little fun at my favorite fandoms in the name of a good fanfiction!

Chapter 1

Shrek kicked the door to his wooden port-a-potty open, angry about being interrupted while reading his favorite fairy tale.

"Alright, who's playing that annoying music!"

Someone stepped out from behind a tree holding a CD player. He pressed the stop button and dropped the player on the ground before exclaiming, "I'm Harry Potter! I'll be tagging along on the adventure you're about to have!"

Shrek frowned. He didn't approve of anything fun, exciting, or otherwise enjoyable, and adventure was definitely not on his list of things he wanted to do before he died.

"What adventure?"

"The one you'll have!" Harry said dramatically. He dropped to the ground in a pretend faint to increase the drama.

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Later, as Shrek posted up a sign saying "Free Wizard for Sale" in the middle of the woods (where EVERYONE would see it, obviously), and Harry counted flowers, a donkey rammed into Shrek's butt.

"WHAT? Who's come to annoy me NOW?" Shrek yelled angrily.

The donkey let out a squeal and hid behind Shrek's rather enormous frame as a group of guards marched up.

"By order of Lord Farquad, all three of you are under arrest," one of the guards stepped forward and said shakily.

"Oh yea?" Shrek asked.

"YEA!" all the guards yelled together. Then, seeing the look on the ogre's face, they said, "um, no… not really. Can we run away screaming now?"

"Sure," Shrek said, smiling for once in his life.

Before the guards could turn and run, Harry started screaming various incantations and waving his wand at them.

"Crucio! Avada Kedavra! Stupefy! Expelliarmus! Petrificus Totalus!"

By that time there were no guards left, so the trio considered the battle won.

Shrek walked off, and Harry and donkey followed.

"Wow! That was cool! First you were all 'RAWR!' and then you started yelling out those funny words and they all just dropped dead! That was cool! I wish I could do it. We would make a great team, us three. You guys can fight off all the enemies and I can be the brains. I can see it now! We'd be like the Three Musketeers!"

"So what are your names? I'm Donkey. Bet you didn't guess that one."

"Shrek," came the annoyed reply.

Harry responded with an enthusiastic "Harry Potter!" and then begged to ride on Donkey's back. Donkey finally agreed and then turned to Shrek.

"So, can I stay with you guys or what?"

"Sure! Why not? I mean, I already have one annoying tag-along, why not complete the collection, right? And if I'm lucky, you and Harry might become great friends and run off, WITHOUT ME!" Shrek replied sarcastically.

"Onkey donkey!" Donkey replied excitedly, completely oblivious to the sarcasm.

When they got back to Shrek's swamp, Donkey decided to make waffles for all three to celebrate the occasion. After eating them, a blind mouse mistook Shrek's ear for a delicious hunk of cheese and took a bite out of it. This sent Shrek into a rampage and he ran all the way to Duloc to sue Lord Farquad for allowing blind mice in the kingdom. Harry and Donkey faithfully followed, mostly because they had nothing better to do.

In the end, rather than getting to sue Lord Farquad, they were bribed into rescuing a princess from a dragon guarded castle.

So Harry had been right all along. Shrek was going on an adventure.