Author's note: I said I would post one-shots when they came to me. This one I wrote BY HAND after my English exam today because my teacher was that teacher and wouldn't let us have our phones out. Anyway, this idea has been in my head for a week I'd say and I'm so freakin excited for it. My life has been pretty great since I last posted. Anyway, here's, "The Rainbow Inside of Him" I don't own GMW. (JK it's A&A)
Sure, she was pretty, but he didn't want her. She was exactly like him. Identical personalities, same sense of "fashion", and even similar senses of humor. She was everything he could ever want, yet he couldn't love her. It was some sort of horrible act he was putting on for himself. An identity that he could never be. Sure, his friends would love him no matter what, but could he love himself? No, he couldn't. It's as simple as that. Or is it?
Dez starred up at the ceiling. Thoughts ran through his mind and he didn't know how to stop them. His phone vibrates, it's a text from his girlfriend, Carrie. She was beautiful. Blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. She had this bubbly personality that anyone could fall in love with, but Dez. He can't fall in love with her. He wants to, but he can't seem to appreciate who she is.
"She's amazing. Why can't I love her?" Dez says out loud. He knows why, he just can't seem to admit who he really is. An identity that he's been keeping from everyone, including himself, for a long time.
He grew up knowing it's okay to be different. His parents never once denied that who you loved mattered. Because happiness is all the Wade's cared about. His sister even said to him on countless occasions that she loves him for him. Dez just never understood at the time.
Dez reaches for his water bottle, spilling it in the process, "Damnit!" He yells, "What's the point?" And he comes his weekly existential crisis. Dez always questioned the meaning of human existence. They just come and go. Nothing can stop them. For now anyway. Dez cleans up the water and lays down on his bedroom floor, contemplating his existence. "I just need to clear my mind." He says.
Dez looks in his closet. Endless amounts of crazy tee-shirts and colorful suspenders surround him, "This isn't me." He says. Dez finds his only plain black tee-shirt and black skinny jeans, leaving behind the suspenders. He grabs his phone and headphones, sparing the backpack, but getting a gray beanie instead.
"I'm going out!" He yells into various other rooms.
"Okay!" His mother yells back, never questioning where.
Dez leaves his house, wandering the streets of his neighbourhood. He sees Austin's house, wondering if he should stop in, knowing it'll make things worse. As Dez walks, he notices many people. Some attractive teenage girls with golden skin. Yet, he isn't sexually attracted to them. They are quiet beautiful girls, yet nothing. Dez continues to walk, he sees a family. A mother, father, and a daughter no older than 3, sleeping in a stroller. He smiles at the little girl, wondering if he'll ever have kids. He turns the corner. Someone catches his eye, a teenage boy about 16. He has jet black hair and piercing blue eyes. His skin a shade up from snow and black squared glasses, framing his face perfectly. As if Dez was looking at another version of himself. This made him happy and feel something that Dez hadn't felt in a long time. The boy's hair swooped to the left ever so perfectly. He smiled and Dez smiled back. A real, genuine smile. Another text from Carrie comes through, Dez doesn't respond, only looking at what it says. He loves her but he can't be in love with her. Another teenage boy walks but. This one, different from the last. His skin was a golden tan and bright green eyes, starring right into your soul. This boy also seemed to get Dez's attention. The thing he liked the most about this stranger was the way his brown hair curled at the saw a beauty in both boys, one that is invisible in Carrie.
Dez decides to walk back to his house, "Perfect." He says, realizing that the house is empty. Dez calls Carrie and asks if she can come over in a few hours. She agrees to Dez's offer. Dez stars to pace in his room, repeating the same two words over and over and over again, "I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay." He continues for an hour until he stops to look in the mirror, "I, Dez Hatfield Wade, am gay." Dez starts to break down into tears, finally accepting who he is. In a way, Dez has always known. It wasn't until Carrie that he saw the limelight. Dez loves her so much, but he can't give her the love she deserves. And she deserves a lot of it.
For the next hour, Dez thinks about what to say while lying facedown on his bedroom floor. He can't imagine breaking up with Carrie but, he has to. For him. Dez thinks about his wording. He knows Carrie is an understand human being. But, she's so much more than that. She's Dez's best friend.
The hour passes and Dez starts to have an anxiety attack as the time nears. He hasn't had one in a few months and forgot how bad they can get. He thinks about how good of a person Carrie is who he doesn't deserve. And yet, Dez got her anyway. But, she got a friend in him more than anything. They were both too naive to recognize the friendship given more than a relationship. Dez hears the doorbell before hearing her come in as he gave Carrie a key. A knock on his bedroom door and then it swings open to reveal his beautiful girlfriend.
"Hey." Dez says quietly.
"What's wrong?" Carrie can read Dez like a book.
"Carrie, I'm-" Dez can't seem to say the words in front of her. They've been together for so long, yet he can't speak the words.
Carrie puts her hand on top of his, "You can tell me anything, Dez." Sure, she may seem like a lost puppy but, Carrie can get pretty serious when needed. She's had a lot of pain in her life and uses her personality to coverup that past.
"I'm gay, Carrie." A few tears fall from Dez's face. Carrie wipes them away before wrapping her arm's around Dez, pulling him in. He starts to cry into her shoulder, "They're tears of happiness." He whispers.
"I'm glad." she says back.
Carrie just holds him there for a few moments before he breaks away. The tears have stopped. Dez gives Carrie a little smile, "I love you, Carrie but I'm not in love with you. I never was."
"It's not your fault. It's who you are, Dez. There's nothing I can do about it but love you back. As friends." She smiles.
"I can't imagine it any other way." Dez smiles back.
"I love you too." Carrie says. Dez gives her a hug, smiling like he's never done before.
And that's where our story ends. Dez finally accepting who he is. As the dark sky fades to black, Dez lays on his bedroom floor, thinking about his life and where he wants to take it. He could take it to the highest mountain or the deepest ocean. But wherever life takes him, he'll always know exactly who he was born to be.
So that's my story. Looking back as a 17 year old who watches 2 most likely gay British dudes online everyday, I've developed a pretty decent gaydar. And if A&A wasn't on Disney, Dez would probably be gay. Review it up.