Disclaimer: I just do this because I need the right closure.
I watched this movie the other day and the first thing that crossed my mind was to write something about these two... and it's what I've done. I was trying not to write something angst or sad but it's in my nature write this kind of things even though the film wasn't sad at all.
English is not my mother tongue so I'm really sorry for the mistakes I've made. I'm trying to improve my English skills and this is a good way to do it.
It's a shitty title I know it but I'm awful at that.
The reason
Teddy looks at Peter and suddenly he's not sure if he knows his best friend. He though he knew everything about him. He was so sure about their friendship but now... Does he really know Pete? He didn't know this. And this is important. Maybe this is the most important thing in Pete's life right now.
"So... you are gay" Teddy says and feels like an idiot. He wants to say something else. But no words come to his mind.
"Yes Teddy" Pete replies and his voice sounds unsure. "I am gay..."
"Okeeey... Are you sure?" Teddy knows that is a bad question but he can't stop himself. There are things he doesn't understand. He has seen Pete with girls; he knows Pete has fucked girls... He fucked his girlfriend and he enjoyed that, didn't he? Because if not what was the point?
"Yes, I am sure"
"I mean... you are not confused, right? Because I've never seen you with a boy, or looking at a boy, or doing anything with a boy... However I've seen you with lots of girls" Teddy regrets his words but he has to say them. He needs to know that Pete is sure.
"I've been with boys Teddy" Pete's voice is too soft and Teddy knows why. Pete is trying really hard not to be mad at him. "But I never told you..."
The conversation is weird and tense but Teddy doesn't know what to do. He needs to ask. He wants to understand. Pete was straight some minutes ago for him and suddenly he's gay and he's been with boys... Probably Pete has fucked boys. And Teddy doesn't understand anything. Pete always looked so happy with girls like he was having the time of his life.
"What the fuck man...?" he tries to sound like he's joking. "I mean... you fucked my girlfriend... Why would you have done that if not because you liked her?" Teddy forgave Pete long time ago for that but he needs to bring that up again. He always though Pete did that because he liked her and he forgave him for that reason. But now everything makes no sense.
"It was a mistake" Pete says nervous and his voice sounds like he's been exposed in some way Teddy doesn't understand. "I regret that, I regret what I did that night..."
Teddy looks at him. What is happening? He feels lost. It's the first time he feels that lost.
"Could you please not look at me like that?"
"What do you mean?" Teddy understands perfectly what Pete means but easier make like he doesn't know.
"You are looking at me like you are judging me... and... and..." whatever Pete wants to say it's going to hurt. Teddy recognises that voice, that mumbling. Pete doesn't want to say what he's going to say. "And... I feel... kind of... I feel humiliated..."
"What...?" Pete is right. He is judging him and he's talking about something hurtful for both of them but he's not going to accept that. "What do you mean by that? I'm trying to understand you man." Which is true but it's not all the truth. Teddy wants to understand but he is mad too. To think about what happened... To know that Pete did that when he didn't even liked her... Why?
"I know what I did that night was wrong and I did it for the wrong reasons but I thought we get over this." Pete says without looking at his eyes which means there is something he's not saying.
"Yes, yes! Of course we got over that but I need to understand you now."
"I don't want to talk about that." Pete replies. He doesn't want to explain anything about that night. Pete doesn't want to talk about his feelings of that night. "Teddy I know you are confused... I know I've been with girls and I know I hurt you that night" he accepts because he knows he owes that to Teddy. "But I'm going stop the conversation at this point. I don't want to talk about that."
"Come on man! I'm just trying to figure it out what is happening."
"No Teddy... I thought we were fine..."
"We were fine till you told me you're gay!" Teddy cuts him. That fact changes everything. If Pete was confused he could have chosen any other girl, not his fucking girlfriend. Why would Pete have done that to him? Why did he have to convince himself he's straight with his girlfriend?
"I'm leaving. I don't want to talk about that. I made a mistake for the wrong reasons and I almost lost you. You will never understand how much I regret what I did. But I need to leave now because you are making me feel guilty again. I kind of hate myself again and I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to hate myself more..."
"I'm not... I don't hate you man..."
"I know that. I'm not saying that, ok...? I'm leaving. I'm going to give you some space, ok? You need space... You need to think... I know it's difficult to process this... after everything... so I'm giving you time and space..."
"I don't need time or... space... or whatever the fuck you think I need. Let's talk about this Pete..."
"No!" Pete shouts. "You only want to talk about one thing and I can't talk about that thing. I can't tell you what you need to hear."
Teddy is going to say something but suddenly Pete is running away from him and he doesn't have the strength to go after him. Pete sounded really hurt. And he said he couldn't say what he needed to hear. Teddy is not the most intelligent person on Earth but he knows Pete well enough to see that there is something else that Pete doesn't want to say about what happened. There is an explanation. There is a reason that Pete doesn't want to share with him. Pete's eyes were full of guilt and shame before he left.
He could understand the guilty but where the shame came from? He has never seen Pete that ashamed. He understand that there are several things that he didn't know about Pete and he has doubted about knowing Pete for some seconds but the fact that Pete is gay is irrelevant. It doesn't change anything. Pete is his best friend and he knows him and maybe there are things that are confusing for him but... He is still Pete. And maybe there is a part of himself who is mad at him for fucking his girlfriend but there is another part that is mad at himself for making Pete feels ashamed and guilty.
Teddy loves Pete and he can't stand the fact that he has hurt Pete. He never wanted to hurt Pete. He has to talk with him. He has been an asshole and he knows it. Why has he been talking about his girlfriend? She doesn't matter, that doesn't matter anymore. That shouldn't matter anymore... That didn't matter anymore till Pete said he was gay... Why does that matter again? Why?
He doesn't want his girlfriend back... He forgave Pete for that. He really forgave Pete. So why does that matter that much to him? What does Pete think he needs to hear? What does he need to hear? Teddy doesn't need another apology. But he does need something. Teddy needs an explanation. Teddy needs the truth.
Did Pete know at the moment? He said something about wrong reasons. What are those wrong reasons? That is what he needs. Teddy has known Pete since forever. He can't remember what life was before him. They went to the same university only to be together... Pete has always been loyal and respectful with him. Pete loves him. Teddy knows for sure that Pete would have never done anything that could have cost him their friendship. But he fucked his girlfriend and Teddy forgave him even though he never understood what happened in Pete's mind to do something like that. He though it was because he liked his girlfriend. That was the only possible explanation to his behaviour but now he's gay so he never liked her... So why? Why did he put at risk their friendship?
Teddy needs to understand what happened. Teddy loves Pete and that betrayal... it still hurts but not because he lost a girlfriend but because he almost lost Pete. Pete is the most important person in his life and he almost lost him for... nothing?
Teddy tries to breathe and relax himself. He is going to talk with Pete. He is going to talk with Pete to have what he needs and Pete will understand why that is so important again. This is not about losing a girl but almost losing a friend.
Teddy goes to their house and sees Pete drinking coffee. Pete always drink hot coffee when he needs to think. Teddy sits in front of him and smiles at him. It's a shy smile. He only smiles like that when he's not sure about how to start the conversation. It's a smile that only Pete has seen.
"I'm sorry." Teddy says. It's a good start for a conversation. "I didn't want to make you feel ashamed... It's just..." Teddy doesn't know how to continue. Pete remains silent. It's a virtue he has. Pete always knows when Teddy needs time to talk. "I always assumed you liked her... you hurt me and that was the only reason I could think of... Why would you do something like that if not because you liked her too?"
Teddy doesn't add anything else. The message is clear to Pete.
"I was drunk..." Pete blurts. "I'm not excusing myself... I'm giving you a reason, an explanation..." Pete doesn't want to say anything about what happened that night but Teddy deserves the truth even if that truth can break their friendship. "I was drunk and confused about not wanting girls the way I should." Pete didn't know at the moment he was gay. He was trying to be like the rest of the boys and it was really stressful to try all the time and fail... "And that woman whispered those words... to have a little taste... or some shit like that... and I had it..."
Pete looks at Teddy directly. He doesn't want to continue. He doesn't want to admit his feelings. But Teddy is waiting. Teddy is in silence trying to understand what happened because Pete did something really stupid and they could have lost their friendship and that was sacred to Teddy. Their friendship was his treasure and for some hours he thought he had lost Pete. Pete closes his eyes for some seconds before to continue.
"I thought she was your girlfriend..." Pete doubts about how he should say it. "...yours." Pete decides this is the best option. "I was going to have something yours... I know it's kind of sick but I didn't understand at the moment what..."
Teddy eyes open excessively when he starts to understand what Pete is saying. Teddy opens his mouth but doesn't say anything.
"I wanted you... I... I..."
Teddy observes how Pete stands up in front of him. Teddy knows what he is going to say and he could stop him. Teddy could stop him right now and say something stupid to avoid those words that are going to change everything. He could stop Pete... but he doesn't want to. Teddy wants to hear the words.
"I love you" Pete almost shouts.
Teddy doesn't say anything. For some reason he's happy. Everything has changed between them. Pete could have said 'I loved you' but he used the present. And Teddy is stupidly happy for that. Pete loves him. His happiness makes no sense but he is happy anyway. Pete loves him. And what he did... the reasons were completely wrong and kind of sick but Teddy loves those fucking reasons.
"I love you too." He replies because it feels right. It's what he always does anytime Pete says he loves him.
"Don't... it's not the same... don't make fun of me... please..."
Teddy smiles. He loves Pete. Teddy truly loves Pete. He doesn't understand how it's possible. He's not gay... He can accept that sometimes looks at male bodies and find them attractive but he's not gay. He loves girls. He enjoys having girls around him so he's sure he's not gay. However right now all he wants to do is to kiss Pete. He wants to fuck him even. That's everything he can think about in that moment.
"I'm being serious Teddy. I love you." Pete adds ignoring what is happening in Teddy's mind. He's scared about the consequences of his words.
"I know." Teddy replies. He's smiling like a maniac. "I love you too. And I'm being deadly serious about this."
Pete is confused. He wasn't expecting something like that. He thought Teddy was going to freak out and they were going to be weird around each other for days till they talked and decided that it was better if they just forgot everything because Teddy couldn't love him the way he wanted. So this is confusing and Pete doesn't know what to do.
"I love you." He repeats because that is what he does when he doesn't know what else he can say to Teddy.
"I love you too man." Teddy replays because that's what he does when he heard those words from Pete. And Teddy knows he has to make the next move because Pete is confused. Pete is completely lost in this situation. Pete is the most intelligent person he knows but when things get out of his control he is the most idiot person he knows at the same time.
"I love you." Pete knows he's acting like an idiot but he can't help.
"I love you too." Teddy says and goes to Pete to kiss him.
Pete lips are soft and needy. Teddy guides his hands through Pete's air and enjoys the sensation of possessing his best friend's mouth. This feels like a dream he never knew he had but that it was there all this time just waiting to be real. Teddy guides Pete to the couch between kisses.
They stay in silent for the rest of the day. They will have to talk about this but right now it's not important. There is plenty of time to talk but not at the moment. What they need is to be together like that; in complete silence. Pete needs that moment of peace to believe that this is really happening and Teddy needs time just to be with Pete. He knows Pete will cry eventually because that is what he does when he has been under a lot of pressure and is finally free of it. He cried when he got his diploma and every year after the final exams. It's not a desperate crying but a relaxed one. It's just tears going down his cheeks. Pete smiles at him when Teddy uses his fingers to clean his face. His eyes are bright and happy and Teddy doesn't remember when was the last time Pete was this happy but he's glad because it's because of him. It's a selfish thought but he doesn't care. He's always been a bit selfish towards Pete. He always enjoyed the moment of happiness in Pete's life more when he was the responsible. He took care of Pete since his parents got divorced and always has been very protective over Pete. And this moment feels like that afternoon when Teddy promised him he was going to be with him forever. That is what this moment is: a promise.
They are going to be together.
"I love you." Teddy murmurs against Pete's mouth.
"I love you too." Pete whispers before Teddy kisses again.
Fin
Well reviews are welcome. It's always good to know that people enjoy your work :)
As I said earlier sorry for the mistakes!