I stood silently in the rain.

I don't know how long I had been standing still. Did it matter? Did I care?

After today, nothing mattered anymore. Nothing made sense in the world after today. The world was a joke.

My life was full of failures. I thought that maybe good would come out of all my mistakes, and finally... finally I would be rewarded. After the struggle and the pain I would be redeemed in some way.

But here I am. Standing in the rain. Alone.

Failure after failure after failure. Sure, I helped others. I protected their friends and their families. They were happy because I made them happy. I let them live. I gave them meaning to life... like a god.

But I'm no god. If I were, I would have been able to stop his death.

I'm pathetic.

My whole life has been nothing but pain and suffering. The pain of loneliness, the pain of loss. These were my memories of the past. Why does it seem that bad memories outweigh the good ones? Why didn't I learn from these memories? Was I deluding myself? Perhaps the thought of friends and family seemed so precious that I risked everything I ever had, including my sanity. All I ever wanted was welcoming smiles and loyal friends. I didn't have anything else. I had nothing.

I tried so hard for these things. I got them. I had them. They would stand beside me, smile at me with the warmth I longed for, support me when I was in trouble. They were so precious to me. More so then any jewel or gem in the entire world. So much more.

Theres nothing in my life that is welcoming anymore. Somehow, all my friends have died or are dead to me. How could they have forgotten? Was I of that little importance? Am I that detestable?

It was an accident. It wasn't my fault. It was just a fluke, never should have happened. But it did.

"Murderer."

My teammate. My comrade. My rival, my ally. My friend, my fallen friend.

My brother.

What did I do to deserve this? Please tell me. Ask God while you're in heaven. Maybe he knows. Does he even care?

I was supposed to save you. We were supposed to go back home, where we belonged. Where we were loved, Sasuke. We were needed.

But now things are just like before I met any of you. It's like I never existed.

Why am I talking to you in the first place? You're dead.

My brother, my brother... I have failed you.

"It's not your fault."

Then why do I feel this way? Why do you look at me with those eyes? Why don't you talk to me anymore?

Am I what I am. No one can change that. The thing inside of me is a part of me. It's a part of who I am. I can't help it. A cruel twist of fate cursed me with this monstrosity, and somehow, I never excepted it...

until now.

"Then you are a monster."

Yes.

Yes, that's what I am. However badly I desired not to be, I was. I am. I tried so hard to be normal, but how can one be normal when so much has happened that is the exact opposite? It changes people.

But I never needed changing. I was already a monster, even if I was denying myself.

The rain did not let up. It beat down upon me with a type of accusation, like it knew what I had done. Yes, there was no hope for me. I should end it now.

Pained tears fell from my eyes, though I fought against them. Even now I was so adverse to showing weakness. But what was the point of hiding it? I am weak, after all. And the rain hides me.

Still cowardly, even to the end. Like I said, pathetic.

I dropped the backpack off the back and walked over the the bloodied kunai that was gorged inside the gut of a enemy ninja. He might have had a family. He might have had a wife and kids that loved him. Maybe they were waiting for him to return now. But he wouldn't return.

Good.

I yanked the knife out of the now dead man and help it upright.

Sharp. Shiny. Dangerous. Deadly.

How lovely.

I was thinking about how to end myself (the gut was dramatic; the throat, quick. The wrists, slow, painful, depressing. All equally good choices, though I was leaning towards jugular.) when I heard footsteps approaching me from behind. I turned, annoyed.

I didn't figure Konoha would follow me after I left. I was nothing to them now, and they were nothing to me. Besides our hate held for each other, we had no future together.

Whoever was tracking me had stopped approaching me and was lingering in the bushes someways off. They had hesitated, it seemed.

"I know you're there. Show yourself."

after I finished here, I would go on the my own business. It was just a quick delay. I still intended to continue what I was doing before I was interrupted.

The tracker emerged out of the shadows and cover. It was a person I recognized well. I could spot her a mile away.

"Go away," I said. "I'm busy. Run along and pray at Sasuke's grave or something," I added despite Sakura's obvious pain at the slight mention of Uchiha, let alone his own name. She winced at his name.

"Heartless bastard," she replied spitefully.

"I could say the same thing. What do you want?"

she crossed her arms and leaned on the left leg. She used to lean on her right, but it had been hurt in battle. I remember that day. We had all been worried sick, but she had managed to pull through.

"I have orders to return you to Konoha. They can't let their only Jinchuuriki slip through their fingers," she said with plain disdain and an added emphasis on 'jinchuuriki.' "You will come back with me now."

"Really? They're in for a disappointment." Figures. I was a tool to them, if nothing else.

I could tell that she was trying to control her anger, but I could see her facade slipping ever so slightly. A vein popped out on her forehead.

"Leave," I said, turning my back on her before she could reply. "I don't want to talk to you anymore."

I could imagine her rage when I walked away from her. She would attack me now...

I quickly dashed behind her while she charged me with fists tightened. As I knocked her out, she caught a glimpse of me behind her. There was something in her eyes that was not hate, rage or disgust. I didn't want to put a name on it.

I left her in the mud, face down. I stilled for a moment, contemplating, then I tilted her face just so she wouldn't drown.

I stared at her for a while, remembering. Painful memories. Memories of happiness.

Or so I thought.

I raised the kunai yet again, staring at it now with a new kind of wonder. Something was different; and it was because of Sakura.

Was it my cowardliness? No, I had been so determined to end my life it was almost sweet.

It was her eyes... they held pain in them, of a sort. The pain of loss?

Whatever it was, it stopped me from plunging the object into my neck. I dropped it, hand trembling.

I ran. I didn't know where I was going, but it was far from here, far from Konoha. So far, nobody would ever be able to reach me.

No, I wasn't going to kill myself. But in a way, I was already dead.

Uzumaki Naruto was already dead.

It was the begining of exile.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This was just something I typed in bordom. If you want it to continue, then tell me. It all depends on how many views it gets in a month or two.

R&R :)