Chapter 1: The Arrival of Megaman Zero
I suppose I'll tell the story from the beginning. It really started before Inafune Cipher arrived in our universe. Geez, that sounds weird! But anyway, I have to tell you this or you won't understand what's going on. I'll repeat it just how he told it to me.
After I explain his story, I'll go on telling the rest of it how it happened to me. A lot of other things happened during the period of time: I learned firsthand about Koizumi's esper powers, I got a visit from Asahina-san from the future, and I learned more about why Haruhi acts the way she does. I can tell you all about that later.
So, on with this story. To be clear, this next scene happened just before Inafune arrived here. I never saw it, but I'll take his word for it.
00000
I slid my beam saber out of the man's belly, allowing him to fall to the ground. He twitched and gasped for breath, the laser rifle slipping from his nerveless hands.
I sheathed my weapon and looked back over my shoulder. The boy ran towards me across the asphalt, the soles of his bare feet black with grime. His older brother ran after him, his face pale.
"Mr. Zero! You did it, you saved us!" the boy embraced my cold metal body.
His brother stopped as though paralyzed, watching me through wide grey eyes. "Don't hurt him!"
I turned from the older brother to the boy, who tugged on my immense blond ponytail. As a robot, I felt no discomfort.
"Here. Take this to your brother." I showed him a device I'd taken from the man before I stabbed him. "It's called a dead man's switch. Keep this button depressed. If you let the button go up before your people find and disable the bomb, it will explode and the colony wall will rupture like the man threatened." I held it out to him.
He took it very carefully, slipping his little thumbs over the button as it left my robotic grip. "But why are you giving it to me, Mr. Zero?"
"I'm leaving. Sorry for the mess." I gestured at the dying man. "Now tell your brother what I told you, and give him the switch."
"You're leaving? But why, Mr. Zero?" he switched his gaze from the device to me, eyes wide.
I blinked, looking around for the last time at the colony. Outside the huge, translucent dome that curved over the colony's gardens, streets and buildings, I could see the sun beating down on the harsh Martian deserts. Inside the dome, machines regulated and preserved an Earthlike atmosphere for its inhabitants. It was only a tiny sample of this universe I'd visited for a few short hours. Behind me, the wounded terrorist's gasps ended in a death rattle.
"I don't know. I used to, but I don't anymore. Goodbye, little human." I stepped away from him.
I don't know what happened after that. I don't know if my body fell, or decomposed into its basic elements, or simply vanished in a puff of hydrogen. For that matter, maybe the boy dropped the device and the terrorist's hidden bomb exploded, putting a hole in the colony's outer wall and letting out the carefully preserved atmosphere. Maybe everyone died. I'd done my duty, but what if the colonists all died anyway? As a robot, I barely even thought about it. Now that I've taken human form, I lie awake at night, wondering.
Regardless of my feelings, the colony disappeared from around me. I
immediately found myself in a new place, a new universe.
A chair hit me in the chest.
00000
I breathed deeply in the silent corridor. Since the classroom windows are all stained, there was no way I'd be able to see what's going on inside, though I could tell that the setting sun had colored the room orange-red. I casually opened the 1-5 classroom door and stuck my head inside.
I wasn't surprised to see someone waiting inside the classroom. I wasn't really surprised that it was a girl. After all, the note's message, "After school when everyone else has left, come to the 1-5 classroom," had been penned in a girl's handwriting.
Still, when I saw who waited for me in that room, my eyes widened in shock. She stood in front of the blackboard, a person who I would not have thought of at all.
"You're late." Asakura Ryoko smiled.
If I'd had any idea at that time of what she was, I would've turned and run for my life.
She flicked her long, silky hair and walked down the aisle. The smooth thighs under her folded skirt distracted me terribly. She stopped in the center of the classroom and waved towards me with a smile. "Come in!"
Drawn in like a fish on a line, I let go of the door handle and walked towards her. "So it's you."
"Yes, surprised?" Asakura smiled happily, the right side of her face red from the sunset's ruddy glow.
I tried to sound rough and distant. "You looking for me?"
"Indeed I was looking for you. I have something to ask you." She giggled, turning her white face in my direction. "Have you heard of the saying, 'It is better to take action and regret it than to take no action at all? Do you think that that makes sense?"
"I'm not really sure who said that, but I guess the meaning makes sense."
"If there exists a situation where staying in the status quo would make things worse, and you have no idea how to improve it, what would you do?"
"Improve on what? The economy?"
Ignoring my question, Asakura smiled and continued. "Wouldn't you have said that you should do it first and face the consequences later? Since nothing is going to change if things continue like this."
"Hmm, I guess so."
"That's what I meant." Asakura, who had her hands behind her back, leaned forward slightly. "However, since those above are incapable of thinking laterally, they are out of touch with the rapid changes in this reality, and I'm compelled to do something in order to make things run smoothly. That's why, being in this reality, I have decided to act on my own and force some changes."
What on Earth are you trying to say? Is this some sort of prank? I looked around the room, wondering whether Taniguchi was hiding in the cabinet holding the sweeping tools behind, or sitting under the teacher's desk.
"I've grown tired of having to observe a changeless environment, that's why…"
I was so busy looking around that I didn't really hear what Asakura was saying.
"I'm going to kill you, and see how Suzumiya Haruhi reacts."
Asakura leapt towards me, and a white metallic flash sliced by where my neck used to be. Smiling pleasantly, she now held an army knife in her right hand.
I was very lucky to have dodged the first strike. Having fallen on my backside, I looked up at her and blanched. If she trapped me, she might really hurt me with that thing! I scuttled backwards on my hands and feet, like a locust.
Why didn't Asakura give chase?
...No, wait! What on Earth's going on? Why is Asakura trying to stab me with a knife? Wait a second, what did she just say? She wants to kill me? Kill me? But, why!
"Stop joking around!" I could only give her my trademark line. "That was really dangerous! Even if that were only a fake knife, I'd still be scared! Put that thing away!"
I was really confounded. If someone knows what's going on, please come out and explain to me!
"You think I'm joking?" Asakura asked cheerfully. Watching her, a high school girl, smiling and threatening me with a knife turned out to be downright terrifying.
"Hmph!" she patted her shoulder with the back of the knife blade. "You don't like dying? You don't want to die? The death of organic entities means nothing to me."
I slowly stood up. It was all too surreal. I kept telling myself it had to be a joke, that I was only scared because I was taking it too seriously. Asakura was the serious, responsible class president, who only talked when necessary in class, and faced problems calmly, even serenely. Why would she try to knife me all of a sudden?
Yet that knife was real. If I wasn't careful I would be bleeding all over the place. "I don't get what you're saying. This isn't funny anymore, OK? Put that scary thing away!"
"I can't do that," Asakura smiled her usual innocent smile, "because I really want you dead."
She held her knife by her waist, and started rushing towards me. She was fast! This time I was prepared, because long before Asakura made her move, I had set myself to escape through the door—yet I ended up hitting a wall.
"Huh?"
Where the heck did the door go? And the windows to the hallway! It was all gone, replaced with a thick grey wall. Impossible!
"It's useless." Asakura's voice grew closer from behind. "I now have control of this area of space, so all exits have been blocked. It's easy actually, all I needed to do was tamper with the molecular structure of the building and now I can change its matter at will. This room is now a sealed room, with no way in or out."
I turned around and noticed that the sunlight had gone as well. Concrete walls surrounded the room, leaving only the white lamps shining coldly on the desks. How could this be happening?
Asakura's silhouette moved slowly towards me. "I advise you to stop resisting; you're going to die, anyway."
"…Who exactly are you?"
No matter how I looked, there were walls around me. There wasn't a single door, a single window, nothing! Could something be wrong with my brain?
I moved frantically between the desks, trying to get as far from Asakura as possible. She walked towards me in a straight line, moving the desks and chairs out of her path at will, but my way was always blocked. This cat and mouse chase didn't last long, and soon Asakura had me cornered.
If that was the case...
I decided to take a risk and throw a chair at her. It seemed like the best option in a bad scenario. Would it have gone differently if I held back instead? I don't know.
Thump! Crash!
That chair I threw never hit Asakura, even though she didn't bother to dodge. Some new person stood between myself and her. He was tall, and blond, and muscled like a martial arts master. He put a hand to his chest where the chair had bounced off. "That was a chair…who are you people?"
I stared at him as he looked from me to Asakura. "It's more like, who are you?"
He didn't bother to answer my question, but stepped out from between myself and Asakura. My fear level rose higher again. Don't let her kill me!
"Do I need to draw my sword or are you two done fighting?"
There was a long pause. Asakura's mouth formed a perfect little "o" of surprise.
"I think we are." She smiled. How dare you smile so innocently!
I realized the new person was staring at me. What do you want from me? "She was trying to kill me! I had no choice!"
"I don't care. Just stop fighting."
"You don't understand—"
I stopped as I looked down the length of the new person's sword. He had drawn it so fast, my eyes couldn't even register the motion. I stared at it for a moment in disbelief.
The guy looked down at his weapon. He looked almost as surprised as me. "Wood? A wooden sword? What kind of universe is this?"
You tell me, buddy. I don't think I know anymore.
As if in answer to the stranger's question, the air started to shake. The ceiling suddenly broke with a tremendous crack. Debris and dust filled the air as chunks of the ceiling fell to the floor, and I couldn't see or breathe. Some of the chunks of ceiling hit me, too! Ouch, that hurts, darn it!
I had crouched down in a little ball on the floor. When I finally looked up through the clouds of white dust, I saw three figures in the classroom.
The stranger.
Asakura Ryoko.
Nagato Yuki.
Boy was I ever glad to see that weird person.
"Your programs are too basic." Nagato looked right at Asakura as she spoke. "The data lockdown around the area was incomplete. That is why I was able to discover it and enter."
"…" the still-unnamed stranger stood off to one side, wooden sword held at the ready. I took a second to look at him more closely.
He wore one of our standard school uniforms, but one big enough to fit his tall, muscled frame. The sheath for his sword hung from his left hip on a leather swordbelt. More impressive than—or at least weirder than—anything else, his blond hair fell all the way to his knees in an enormous samurai-style ponytail. He stood and moved with such complete control and a scary feeling of quiet strength. Can you tell he scared me as much as Asakura? And he hadn't even tried to kill me. Yet.
"You wanted to get in my way?" Asakura sounded calm. She directed her comments towards Nagato. "Well, it's not an issue any more. The situation is very different now."
For the first time, Nagato looked in the stranger's direction. She simply stared at him a moment, then finally blinked. "Who are you?"
The stranger's eyes glazed over a little bit, and he stood up a little stiffer. His voice sounded like a machine recording for a second. "I am Megaman Zero, a fighting robot from another century. This is my friend Megaman X—"
He stopped, a cold expression coming over his face. He shook his head. "No. No. It's just me now. And…I'm not a robot here. Who are you people?"
Meanwhile, I was thinking, Megaman Zero? What kind of name is that?
"I am Asakura Ryoko, a Living Humanoid interface for the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. Pleased to make your acquaintance!" Ignoring Megaman Zero's rudeness, Asakura stepped up and presented herself with a cheerful bow. "I hope to learn more about you soon, Megaman-san."
"Nagato Yuki." Nagato announced herself in a chant-like monotone. There could not have been more of a difference between the two girls. "Your data is very strange."
"Ah, so you can't read him either? How fascinating." The blue-haired fiend spoke again. "Megaman-san, I don't think any of us here want to fight. Would you like to walk home with me? I can explain more of this world on the way, and you can tell me about yourself. Won't that be interesting?"
Zero seemed to think for a long moment. Finally, he sheathed his wooden sword and looked around. His great golden ponytail swished from one side to the other with the motion of his head. "Very well. Do we leave through that?"
He pointed to the hole in the ceiling Nagato had made. Wait, this was happening too fast! Was he really going to leave with Asakura? Well, better him than me, that's all I can say.
"No, I'll restore this space to normal. Here—"
She waved a hand, and the disordered chairs and desks returned to their original positions. The door and windows all reappeared. In short, everything went back to normal, as if nothing had ever happened. Wait, can this possibly be real? This girl has too much power!
I looked to Nagato. From what she had told me the other night…was she as powerful as Asakura? Then a thought struck me. Had she come here to protect me from the psychotic class president? Or maybe from the crazed ponytail guy?
"Asakura Ryoko." Nagato's voice was robotic as usual. "You are supposed to be my backup. You are not supposed to act out in this way without my command."
Asakura just smiled. "Sorry, Nagato-san. Please enjoy the rest of your day."
With that insincere comment, she left. Zero followed her to the door, then looked back at myself and Nagato. Cogwheels turned behind his impassive face; he seemed about to say something, but instead simply nodded to us and left.
That left me and Nagato alone. I looked to her and gulped. I don't know why, but for a moment I thought she might turn on me like Asakura had.
She looked back at me with a face like a stone. For a second, though, I thought I saw the slightest crack in the wall. As she looked at me she said,
"You are undamaged?"
I nodded dumbly. She looked at my chest.
"Your tie…"
I glanced down. "Oh…Asakura-san must have cut it when she was trying to knife me." I broke into a cold sweat thinking of what had nearly happened. "Say, Nagato-san, what happened there? I still don't understand why she tried to kill me! Just to get a response out of Haruhi? Hey, what are you doing?"
Nagato had walked right up to me and put her hand on the knot of my necktie. As I watched, the severed tails of it regenerated like a really good-looking computer graphics effect. "Wow. That's impressive."
"Yo!"
The classroom door suddenly opened.
"I forgot~ I forgot my stuff~"
Darn, there entering the classroom, humming a stupid song, was Taniguchi.
He probably never thought there would still be people in the classroom. When he saw me and Nagato up close, with Nagato's hand on my necktie, I really don't know what he thought we were doing. He stood there with his mouth open.
"I'm so sorry." His tone turned super-serious all of the sudden, and he hurriedly bowed. "Please excuse me for interrupting!"
With that, Taniguchi dashed off. What a doofus. I turned to Nagato, who had released my tie.
"Never mind him. Nagato-san, can you please explain what happened today?"
She gazed up at me like a monument at a gravesite. "At this time, I cannot."
"Why not? Don't you know?"
I felt even more lost, watching her expression. Nagato just shook her head.
"I lack sufficient information. More study is required."
I let out a big sigh and put my head in my hands. If someone knows what happened to my old, sane, peaceful life, I'm offering a 100,000 Yen reward for its return. No I don't have the money on hand, but I'd go without lunch for a year to have a normal universe again.
Whatever. I looked at my watch. Aliens and their threats on my life aside, my parents probably wanted me home in time for dinner. At least that part of my fragile existence hasn't yet been destroyed by supernatural invasion.
"I guess I'll go back to my house now. Assuming I survive to get there."
With that melancholy statement, I turned to leave. I felt the merest touch on the back of my sleeve as I went, like a hamster's tug. I thought this day had run out of surprises, but I turned back to Nagato with raised eyebrows.
By normal standards, the expression she gave me was as emotional as a glacier. But by Nagato's standards, it was like a volcano. She said two words that filled me with foreboding.
"Be careful."
00000
So, like a cannonball blasting through the wall of my house, Megaman Zero arrived in our universe. But didn't I tell you it was Inafune Cipher who arrived? Yeah. Weird things have only started to happen, thanks to Haruhi and her stupid imagination. Now that she'd brought in all four of her supernatural desires—alien, time traveller, esper, and slider—I was in for the adventure of my life, whether I wanted to be or not. Like that old Chinese curse, my life has become a proverb for the foolhardy:
"May you live in interesting times."
Legal disclaimer: I don't own anything but the half-mad idea of Capcom's Zero as a slider.